tim: dad... I have a boyfriend
bruce: what? but you're supposed to get back together with stephanie
tim: what?
dick: whoa whoa whoa, I thought you were an ally
bruce: I'm not being homophobic I just need steph to marry into the family
cass: I have something to share
🐶👑 is bored!!
i open and close tumblr like im sisyphus with that stupid rock
Bruce Wayne: *in the checkout line because Alfred forced him to go to the store to be seen in public for once and has literally only grabbed a bag of shredded cheese and a juice*
Cashier: Next please, hello Bruce how are you today?
Bruce: *staring intently at a pack of gum to avoid eye contact while he puts his items on the counter* im fantastic thanks
Cashier: That’ll be 6.84. Got yourself a snack, honey?
Bruce: *vibrating as he hands her 7 ones* yes here you go
Cashier: *hands him change*
Bruce: *drops the change on the counter, is visibly mortified and about to astral project*
Cashier: Oh sorry, my fault!
Bruce: *moments from collapse* noitwasminekeepthechange *speed walks out of the store gripping the bag of cheese so hard it almost pops*
-
Alfred: *returns home to see Bruce in the fetal position on the couch with an empty bag of shredded cheese* “And how was the trip to the store, Master Bruce?”
Bruce: dontlookatme
Wally darling
Bruce tried sending hate mail once and threw up from guilt
Wow! Wally too? This is Wild! I can't believe it!
me n the boys
Okay but how funny would a ITSV au where Hobie was the one pulled into Miles dimension instead of Gwen be?
He shows up at Visions Academy, steals a uniform and immediately begins arguing with teachers about the classist nature of private education and the voucher system, but he's so smart and well read that no one ever figures out he's technically not enrolled at the Academy. Meanwhile Miles immediately starts crushing on this cool punk rock rebel who defies expectations but can't work up the courage to go up and say high.
Miles tries the shoulder touch, Hobie flirts back, and Miles turns invisible on the spot.
it is outside of my house
after everything is finished and they can all safely go back to their own dimensions hobie tries to be all casual about gifting the other spiders home-made patches like “yeah it’s no big deal i spent like a few hours on these” okay hobie