Under Pressure

i just want my mind to be quiet and my eyes to rest I feel like a foreign parasite in my own body and my stomach is suffocating from being smothered by guilt. i wish i could be normal, was i ever going to be normal? if everything was okay, if it didn't happen, could i have been someone who could feel normally, could love normally, and could leave normally? instead, i'm a small version of a human being that has worry etched onto her heart and tormented by endless stomachaches. i want to go home and be 14 again. i want to be with my entire family and feel like nothing will change and everything is insignificant. i want to go back to even if nothing was different because at least i didn't have to look back on years of abandoned self growth

having bpd and constantly hurting people around you with your anger issues is so painful and the guilt is worse i hate myself

Im terrified of losing people and I cling hard because I know ill always be the one who will grieve more i will be the one who misses and yearns for years i will be the one who will never forget

i just wish my brain was the same as everyone else's i feel like i have to work thrice as hard to be a normal person who does normal things

i want to say that i feel empty all the time and its true. its like those small moments where i have to pause in whats happening and just think about if i feel anything right then, and i dont. it feels hollow and fake, i feel hollow and fake. i read things to make myself cry and it reminds me more how theres nothing inside and i dont know how to fix that. i dont necessarily wish to die but i do wish to feel something or just disappear if its not possible. everything feels fake and metal and unattainable. i just wish i felt something other than everything st once or just anger

to love like a dog

ada limón, roadside attractions with the dogs of america // emily wilson, the odyssey // u.k // andrew kane, how to be a dog // mitski, i’m your man // u.k // u.k

i guilt myself the most i am the one with the bugs that crawl around my stomach and make me cough my heart out so i dont have the strength to live as a real person who feels moderately and all my emotions are leaking over themselves and sinking me in im not sure how ill survive adulthood

i hope she misses me so much that a part of her dies