I've Waited Many Long, Dark Years (like 2 Months) For My Beloved Wife (gabriel Plushie) To Return From

Read it and weep, fuckers.

Sorry for the last post being a downer it's just that bitches are testing me.

Anyhoo I went to the store yesterday and found out that the person at the register spoke Spanish as well as English and idk why but I thought that was so neato.

So shout out to bilingual ppl. You are much smarter than I am.

I just played a game of cat and mouse with my brother except I was the cat and also the mouse.

He thought we were playing keep-away with a mysterious cube but little did he know he was tricked. Fucking hoodwinked. Absolutely bamboozled.

While the fool scrambled to keep it away from me, I cleverly slunk away to my room to eat cheese in peace like a wretched little rodent.

Poor boy didn't even realize.

Hold on, folks. Someone's at my door.

Fuck the Homecoming Court. I propose a new idea: the Homecoming Coup.

Voting for the Homecoming King/Queen/Sovereign or whatever works as normal. However, at any point between when the results are announced and when Homecoming begins, anyone can declare war on the monarch. Both sides are then allowed to form alliances, creating the Rebels and the Royal Guard, respectively. They may strategize as they wish during this grace period.

When Homecoming begins, the Rebel Leader and the Monarch step inside a circle in the center of the gym. They both receive melee weapons and the objective to beat the other out of the circle. The Rebels and the Royal Guard fight outside of the duel-circle, but are not allowed to attack the Rebel Leader or the Monarch until the opposing team has been defeated.

The last one standing in the circle wins. Members of the winning team are promoted to the Court, and the team leader becomes the Monarch.

A few key points:

Murder is allowed.

Betrayal is encouraged.

You can forfeit but I think you're boring.

The principal must sit on the balcony and preside over the duel like a Roman Emperor.

This will drastically alter the high school hierarchy and provide boundless entertainment during exam season.

For once, Homecoming will not be ruled by the popular, but by the formidable and sanguinary. Just as the gods intended.

hot tip: when your anniversary comes up please do not use the #tumblr milestone tag or whatever- I got bombarded with icky bots when I did

Will do, captain. Thank you for your sacrifice. 🫡

me, opening the box labeled "chicken drumstick" to reveal 1 (one) chicken drumstick: I am about to be. Not Normal.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!!

I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU ALL!!!!!

Can you guess what it is?

I'm thinking about the immortal jellyfish.

I feel like you have Maybe reblogged this before but like

You core?

sounds like something my cousin jongle would do