Hello Dear

Hello!

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I just didn't know what to post because I'm still waiting for my ao3 account and I haven't had anything else really interesting to post other than my aus.

I have developed more of the A Word Without Him au and have put more depth into why Tang is more self-conscious and beats himself up more.

I probably won't post anything else except maybe more Tang au dribbles until this polls duration is up because of the reasons above the poll. I do hope most of you guys are still interested in my au and can stick it out long enough for me to finally get an ao3 account.

★ Soul Searching ★ 1

(Oh, look! Another Tang au)

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(TW some descriptions of throwing up, but it's very brief)

Sunlight shines onto Pisgy's early in the afternoon, bathing everything in a warm, cozy light. The sign outside is shown brightly to the busy streets.

The weathering on the door and outside counter gives it a homey look. Everything to the way the windows are opened just enough to let the smell of noodles out, to the chalk announcement board with swoopy letters making its charm.

Inside the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, the sound of bubbling and the flickering lights above add to its atmosphere. The growing pile of to-go orders now shoved to the side so the chef can see the lobby.

Barely anyone is actually sitting in the restaurant. Just the chef in the back, with a green teenager and an older looking man with glasses sitting at the bar.

The chef seems to be fed up with the both of them. "Can't you two do something other than taking up valuable space while I'm working?!"

The man in the glasses just shrugs and smirks at the outburst, continuing to sip some noodles he grabbed from the ever growing to-go pile. "Pisgy, Pisgy, Pisgy. If we were to leave, who would give you such riveting conversation? And besides, we're patiently waiting for Mk to come back."

Pisgy just glares at the man before speaking up louder than the first time. "Mei is waiting for Mk to come back." Pisgy gesture with a wooden spoon to Mei, who's looking at her phone with an unserious expression.

The man with glasses just raises a brow in response. Pisgy sighs heavily before continuing his rant. "And heck, so am I! He's left so many orders here, I could probably afford to fire him if I sold 'em all myself!

"Now what are you even doing? Mooching off of Mk's generosity for free noodles, and just sitting in front of me with a smug look on your face like I'm an idiot, which I'm not! Your so lucky I don't kick you out any time you set foot in here Tang."

Tang just laughs in response, spilling some sauce onto the ground as he readjusts his glasses to look at Pisgy. "Oh please Pisgy, you know you love me~" He said in a jaunty tone, smirk never falling. "If you didn't, I would've been in the hospital by now! Probably with a wooden spoon lodged in my head."

Tang continues to chuckle, with Mei joining in soon after Pisgy stomps off back to the kitchen, grumbling up a storm.

"He's always so grumpy! Maybe he's a bit more ticked today because Mk 'ain't back yet for all those orders." Mei says to Tang absent-mindedly, eyes focused on her screen as she slouches on her stool.

Tang huffed, amused. "Hah, maybe. I just think he has his apron in a twist all the time." He giggles at his own joke before pulling a stained and well-worn book off the counter.

"Journey to the West ", a classic in Tangs' personal opinion. He immeadietly flips the long time annotated pages to a specific bookmark, stopping right on top of a bright red post-it note.

Most of his scribbles were how inaccurate some of the legends were, how the stories were twisted to be seen in a good light for an easier consumption, Tang guesses. It hurt him to see so many people enjoy these fake stories, but at least he knew most of the truth.

However, there were parts that were kept somewhat accurate. Those were the ones Tang liked to reread the most, ones marked with bright red, from the only version available in metrapolis.

1, 2, 3.

4 red post-its fly past his vision as he takes in the legends, smirking at some passages before the next page was turned.

An hour had passed if Tang had to guess. The pile stopped growing after Pisgy gave up on Mk coming back in time. He's now sitting next to Tang on the bar, with Mei sitting at one of the nearby tables, seemingly still scrolling on her phone.

Tang had been working on his fifth bowl of to-go noodles when the ground started to rumble violently. It shook everything in the shop; things like chairs toppled over and loose kitchenware fell to the floor.

Mei screamed as her phone flew out of her hands and onto the table, Pisgy tried to stabilize himself on the counter while swearing up a storm, and Tang held up his bowl so nothing spilled out, one hand on the bowl the other holding on the counter for dear life.

It finally subsides after a couple of seconds, leaving the shop in disarray. "What the heck was that?!" Pisgy shouted as he righted himself back onto a bar stool.

"Ugh, I don't know, piggy. That was definitely stronger than a mega street race or an out-of-control party at the anti-gravity arcade." Mei answered as she sprawled across the table to take back her now cracked phone. She let out a small Aww, man! afterwards.

Tang had been gasping the entire time, seemingly trying to regain lost breath from the mysterious earthquake. "I don't know how *huff* you guys recover *huff* so quickly like that! Phew. It took all my strength just to save these precious noodles!" Tabg held up the bowl as some sort of proof, with half its contents missing.

"Maybe that's just because you're old, Tang." Mei smirked at him. Tang just scoffed after her with Pisgy giving an amused huff in the background.

Tang put his bowl of noodles back onto the counter before bending down to retrieve his book. It had a few noodle stains, but it's been through much worse than that. It isn't that bad.

Just as Tang sat back onto his stool, the restaurant doors burst open with a winded Mk in the middle of them.

"Mk! Where have you been? We've been stacked through the roof with noodles that were ordered ages ago! Our customers have already given ZERO STARS Mk!" Pisgy said, grabbing Mk by the ear and sitting him down across from him at one of the tables.

"Now you better have a good reason for this, or else I'm cutting your pay for a month with full work hours."

Mk seemed to go through a mix of sheepishness, awe, confusion, and shock before he answered in long winded rambles.

"Pisgy, Mei, Tang, the legend of the Demon Bull King is real! The Demon Bull King family took Monkey Kings staff off his prison, which I took in return to defend myself, and now he's probably out there wrecking everything! And now he's probably after me too because I have the staff and all those legends Mr. Tang told me were true, and now I'm freaking out!" Mk finished his ramble by lifting up the red and gold staff in his hand.

The restaurant was silent... before hysterical laughter from Pisgy and Mei filled the restaurant. "Bahahaha! You can't expect me to believe that kid! Those are all just legends!" Mei spoke up. "Hahahahah! Yeah, Mk! Are you sure you didn't get a concusion from that earthquake?"

Mk pouted as he raised the staff once again. "But I'm telling the truth! This is the Monkey Kings staff, and all those legends were true! You at least believe me, right Mr. Tang?"

But Tang didn't answer. He just stared at the staff blankly. His hands dug into the pages of his book until they were wrinkled beyond repair. "Mr. Tang? You okay there?" Mk asked in concern.

"That's... that's Sun Wukongs staff." Tang whispered through short breaths, still staring at the staff.

Mk quickly turned around to Pisgy and Mei. "See? At least someone sensible believed me."

Pisgy scoffed before challenging Mk. "If that really is the Monkey Kings staff, then why don't you show off some of its oH MY-"

But it was too late, as the staff elongated quicker than light and smashed straight through one of Pisgy's tables.

Mk showed them a bright smile. "Haha! See that?! That was freaking monkey power -"

Sounds of scraping metal and something hitting the floor stopped Mk mid sentence. Everybody turned around to face the bar.

Tang was on the floor, shaking violently with laboring breaths between small mumbling. His stool and book strewn to the sides as Tang kept staring at the staff, eyes unseen behind the reflections in his glasses.

Pisgy rushed over quickly, reaching out to shake Tang on the shoulder. "Woah, woah. Tang, are you doing alright there?"

But before Pisgy could even tough Tang's shoulder, his arm was swat away with a surprising amount of force. Pisgy cursed as Tang gasped and mumbled something out in response. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Pisgy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; I just, I was shocked to see Sun- erm, the Monkey Kings staff in person like that, with the implications of the Demon Bull King back out again in out city."

Pisgy just huffed, "You're fine, Tang." Pisgy slowly put his hand around Tang's shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze.

"Thanks, Pisgy. I'll just... I'm gonna need some time for a moment. Go get Sandy; I'm sure he'll have some ideas about this." Tang gave a wobly smile as he slowly stood up.

Pisgy gave a scrutinizing look before seemingly giving up. "Yeah, you're right. He would know what to do." Pisgy turned back to the worried looking Mk and Mei. "Were gonna go meet my friend Sandy. He was THE MOST blood thirsty person I knew before..."

Their voices faded out of the restaurant as Pisgy ushered them out, with Tang left standing in the lobby. He just stood and let his smile drop for a moment. Eyes seemingly glazed over as he slowly walked back to Pisgy's bathroom.

His thoughts became louder and louder as he got closer and closer, collapsing as they started to become akin to stabbing his skull. Tang grits his teeth in pain as he lurches forward. Tears ran down his face along with black liquid out of his mouth, dripping onto the tile. He threw up.

Dark liquid and chunks of what looked like characol flooded into the toilet. He coughed violently before sagging onto the floor, mouth tasting like ash.

Tang takes off his glasses and puts them to the side as he puts the toilet seat down and flushed it. He sat on the toilet seat and forced himself to take deep breaths.

He thinks back to Pisgy, Mei, Mk, and that fucking staff... he hopes they'll be ok.

Previous || Next

Life ramble

So, I'm at my dance class right? And I have a 1 hour break between classes, so I can just hang out. I'm in a certain seat for a while, and then get thirsty, so I get up to go to the water fountain for a few seconds. And when I try to go back to my seat, an old lady is sitting in it, while watching the class, which a bit understandable. I was just gonna blow it off when she STARTED TO PLAY CANDY CRUSH. IN MY SEAT. NOT EVEN WATCHING THE CLASS. AND SHE JUST SAT THERE THE ENTIRE REST OF THE BREAK. PLAYING CANDY CRUSH.

A World Without Him

Chapter 18

Tang barely had any time to process what the soldier said before she started moving away, managing to get further and further out of reach before he could even respond. He scrambled to catch up, tripping more times than he could count from the bumps and potholes in the road.

She said Zach woke up. If it was that fast, his injury must not have been that serious. I'm glad he's ok. Hopefully he'll be well enough to speak. Thoughts like this filled his head as he caught up to her. He was being taken down the main road, and the soldier, thankfully giving Tang's ankles and psyche some semblance of rest, eventually slowed her pace for him and didn't say anything else.

He took a minute to catch his breath next to her, holding a hand over his chest as they went past many people working for the day. He saw patrolling guards chatting with each other, workers transporting goods in wooden crates, and many other people cleaning buildings or reinforcing the barricade set up between the trees.

Wait, there's a barricade? Tang did a double take, staring at the giant wooden configuration behind all the greenhouses and work buildings. He… never noticed it before. It's no wonder why those officials were so uptight at my arrival. How did I get past that thing unnoticed?...

Squinting his eyes and looking closer beyond the camp, he could see the outline of a huge, wooden wall situated in the surrounding forest. It had almost twice the amount of soldiers patrolling it compared to the main area, and all of them wore strange masks on their faces unlike everyone inside. Each one had the exact same pattern: bright neon coloring with a complex symbol repeated over the dark fabric.

As soon as he saw them, Tang noticed his gut start to sink subconsciously. A feeling of something being just out of place burrowed into his head as he continued to stare at the masks. He just couldn't take his eyes off of them, and yet, looking at those things for too long was starting to make his skin crawl uncontrollably.

This feeling got so intense that he didn't even realize he had stopped walking. His eyes were hollow as his surroundings blurred, the initial fatigue and mission forgotten in the huge surge of unease. He probably would've stayed that way, too, if not for a hand landing violently onto his shoulder, bringing him back to reality.

He spun away sharply from the wooden border and toward the hand's source, blinking dumbly when he and the guide were face to face again. Her eyes narrowed at him, the strong grip on his shoulder grounding him in place.

“What are you doing?” She asked suspiciously, glancing to where he was staring so intently at.

Tang waved his hands in surrender, quickly trying to come up with an excuse. “Oh! Well, erm, I was just looking at all the new places and people here. Never a dull moment when everyone is constantly moving and doing something around this place. This is really the first time I've seen more of the area after all that lifeless busy work, so I guess I got a bit overwhelmed at the-”

“Ok, ok. Let's just get going. He doesn't like when people are late.” She interrupted, letting his shoulder go and turning back to the road. Tang decided to ignore that very ominous comment at the end for his own (fickle) sanity, now focussing on anything other than the barricade or whatever would be close to it. This apprehension eventually led him back to his guide.

Small details filled his brain as he observed, hands itching for his sketchbook to let his hands do something. From a quick once-over, the woman seemed to be no older than 30, with her silky black hair tied into a tight bun and her gray eyes filled with trained apathy, any of her thoughts or emotions hidden away from onlookers.

He also noticed she seemed highly ranked. She had a hat like the Head Soldier, and it was one that had more badges and stripes on it as well.

Looking away from the soldier in front of him, Tang let his legs rest while taking slow, careful steps. The soldier then stayed with his rhythm, never letting him get too far behind in his fluctuating pace. After a while of walking, he startled to fiddle with the bell on his wrist as his mind drifted from the guide, getting distracted by the surrounding area again. He didn't look past the buildings now.

Anyways, he saw in real time how the developed buildings thinned out as tents or dirt training grounds overtook the leftover space. The other soldiers on these grounds seem to have just started their afternoon drills, running laps, shooting guns at targets, and holding planks as the duo walked past.

They never did stop for any of these new settlements, though, just calmly walking further and further past them, with all of those places also eventually thinning out leaving only the forest and wooden barrier. Only after even the hum of shouted drills and stomping feet faded into the background, did the guide finally stop her pace and turn to face Tang.

“We're going to an undisclosed location for the meeting with your companion. Since it is located outside of this base, I'll need you to wear a blindfold for the rest of our trek. This is just a safety precaution, so please try not to struggle.” She said curtly while leading him aside and right onto the edge of the surrounding forest.

She then pulled a long piece of navy cloth out of one of her many pockets while Tang nervously took off his glasses and hung them on his uniform collar. He couldn't see anything clearly without them, and it wasn't like he could memorize the entire layout of the woods from one trip, but he was betting that the soldier wouldn't trust his words as far as she could throw him. (Well, he might have to rephrase that as from her arms alone, as she looks like she could definitely throw him at least a few feet if needed)

She quickly wrapped the cloth around his head, tying a knot in the back so tight that Tang couldn't see even the tiniest slivers of light coming through it. “Thank you for your cooperation. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but we don't have any leniency for leaks. I'll try my best to keep you from tripping or hitting anything on our way there.”

Her voice had the barest hint of emotion as she apologized. It was noticeable compared to her cold demeanor from when she first walked up to him: a small pang of sympathy in her tone. Tang just nodded his head, hopefully in her direction as he guessed from her previous apology.

She then, slowly and gently, grabbed his wrist and started to walk into the forest brush. It was a strong hold, but one that wasn't bruising or harsh against his raw skin. Tang was grateful for the small mercy as they continued.

They had a small stop at what Tang assumed was the barrier, his guide whispering with what was probably a guard before said guard opened up what sounded like a heavy door, based on how it dragged on the dirt floor, and let them through.

The sounds of the rustling leaves and the small chirps of birds were the only things Tang could make out clearly. The breeze that made the sound ruffled his clothes, blew dead leaves through the air, (with some smacking Tang straight in the face due to his loss of sight. One leaf even made it down his throat and he had to cough for a solid minute, hunched against a tree with the soldier patting his back hard to get it out) and left his loose wisps of hair to wave in the wind as he walked.

The guide didn't say or do much other than lead him through the forest, but she did mutter small warnings for roots to step over or branches to duck under (which he would be grateful for if not for her lack of warning for the flying leaves of all things. Maybe that was on him for almost dying to something as stupid as that, though). He didn't want another face full of dirt or whatever else there was in here.

But it's not like he's in a place where he can complain.

After being made to take too many nonsensical detours and sometimes even backtracking more times than he could count, the scenery around them finally started to change. The ground of dead leaves and dirt smoothed out into plain grass as he was apparently led out of the forest.

The guide then put a hand on his chest, signaling him to stop, and let go of his wrist, leaving Tang for a second before speaking up, now behind him. “We've arrived.” Was the only thing she said as she undid the blindfold.

His eyes were immediately overwhelmed at the harsh sunlight, leaving Tang squinting hard and blinking out the spots. Once his eyes adjusted, he reached for the glasses on his collar and put them on, readying himself for what he was about to see.

Tang's reaction was immediate. His eyes, initially slightly curious and tired, were now high sprung and alert, flicking from place to place as he looked over what was before him.

The area seemed as if it was flattened out, most of the ground being only flat grass with the trees circling around the cutout. That was except for two hills, one straight ahead and the other to Tang's left, and a lake, or what was left of it with the water being less than a foot deep, to the right.

On the left hill stood a dead willow tree, a bizarre sight as the surrounding wood was mostly pine. However, the center hill is what really caught his eye. It was big, at least 5 feet tall, and was more of a slope down as it took up half the cutout.

On top of it was a giant stone monastery with cracks, vines, and other signs of wear scattered around showing its age. It had a wide arch as an entrance, with dirt steps carved out of the hill it was atop leading up to it.

Oh no. Was Tang’s only thought. It repeated over and over in his head as he was grabbed by his wrist yet again and was led toward the huge building. There were other smaller setups next to the building, but he didn't pay attention to them. The huge stone menace burned into his brain, invoking emotions deep down in his gut he thought he had long forgotten.

They had reached the dirt stairs in no time. Each step put a load onto Tang’s shoulders as he couldn't stop his emotions and thoughts from overflowing and filling his head with jumbled garbage he couldn't make any sense of. They just kept getting closer and closer, and he didn't want to know what would happen to him when he went past that entrance if this was his reaction to merely looking at it.

His stomach dropped as they reached the top. He craned his neck up to look at the intricate detailing lining the archway, moving his head away from what was past this point. He braced himself for what was to come, his hands clammy as he clenched his fists in anticipation.

They walked forward…

And then turned to the right.

Tang’s whiplash from deep dread to straight up confusion caused him to blink hard a few times to regain his bearings. Looking back up, they were still walking along the side of the monastery, not going inside as he had thought. He turned his head back behind him, seeing the archway getting farther and farther away.

A huge feeling of what seemed to be relief filled his senses, letting him focus back onto where they were actually going. Twisting his head back to the front, he saw that up ahead was one of the biggest tents he had ever seen in this camp.

It was almost triple the normal size compared to where he was being monitored, and had more workers surrounding as they ran in and out rapidly, delivering or taking many things at once. One even ran past them, almost bumping into him, and towards the entrance of the monastery with what seemed like a pile of used needles.

Tang already had a good idea of what this place was supposed to be even before being ushered into the tent. The inside was even crazier than the outside. Rows of beds lined the interior as people dressed in white ran around either preparing equipment or checking up on a current patient.

Countless grounds and cries echoed through the tent, though this noise was something Tang was used to by now. This didn't seem like the case for his guide, though, as she scrunched her brow and held onto his wrist a bit tight as she pulled him through the chaos.

Many different patients and injuries flew by him as they ran through. Burns, amputation, concussions, and major lacerations were the main things he could catch glimpses of through all the medical personnel. This made him wonder why these people were in such bad shape in the first place.

But he wasn't able to ask before he was suddenly pulled away and into a section near the back closed off by multiple white curtains. Soldiers were also situated right outside of the closed off area, giving away who was probably in the bed in front of him.

Zach looked worse for wear. His eyes were tired as he was surrounded by many more personnel, checking his vitals and IV as they asked him questions. Tang could barely hear his answers from how quiet they were, almost being drowned out from the other commotion surrounding them.

But almost as soon as he sat down next to the bed, all the personnel seemed to quicken up their pace, hushing each other as each one sprinted out of there in record time. The only people left by then were him, his guide standing next to him, and Zach, not including the soldiers stationed outside.

And awkward silence was cast among them. Tang really didn't know what to do here, as he's only known Zach for a day at most and didn't know how to comfort the kid. Luckily, he was saved the trouble as loud footsteps came close to the area, causing the guide to perk up and walk over to the entrance.

Hushed words were exchanged with whoever was on the other side, their body being obscured by the white curtains. The conversation seemed to go sour almost immediately, though, with his guide getting cut off at just one harsh command, leaving her quiet.

She came back in with her face schooled again, regaining her place next to Tang and putting her hands behind her back. Then the curtains parted yet again, revealing whoever she had been talking with.

To Tang's surprise, it was an elderly man, one who was wearing tan robes and held a wooden cane. He had a full head of white and gray hair, eyes a dark brown as he glanced at the guide. Looking away, he slowly walked over to an empty chair and plopped himself down across from Tang with Zach between them on the bed.

The old man kept his head down as he only glanced up, staring Tang down with a harsh look the scholar couldn't quite make sense of. He didn't really need to, as two other soldiers came in, one with a clipboard in hand.

Tang recognized the two as the ones from his own interrogation, Red Hair and Aggressive Guy whispering some nonsense to each other as he stared them down. Aggressive Guy then huffed and sat down as Red Hair walked up to Zach, exchanged a few words with the taxi driver, and then stood up next to the bed, readying her clipboard.

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A World Without Him

Chapter 20

They stared. Stared and stared and stared and stared. They seemed frozen in shock, almost as if they had finally succumbed to the surrounding area's influence.

Tang didn't know what to do. Should he run? Shout? Try to blink this place away like it came to him in the first place? He didn't know. He couldn't figure out what to do. He should know what to do. But he didn't know anything.

What are they gonna do to me!? Oh my god oh my god oh mY GOD OH MY GOD- Can they touch me, take over me, KILL me?! AUUUUGH, I DON'T KNOW!

Cold sweat dripped down his neck, seemingly unaffected by the area as Tang took in short, raspy breaths. His throat felt as if it were on fire, and his eyelids begged him to shut, but he couldn't risk moving. He didn't want to trigger a response from whatever these things were. He didn't know what they could do.

This silent stand-off only continued. No one moved for what seemed like an eternity, the surroundings actually showing change from how long this had gone on for. The curtains parting behind the figures as a small syringe fell through a gap, slowly falling towards the hard, unforgiving floor.

Yet Tang stayed still, meeting the harsh gazes as if he was worried they would disappear out of view with the slightest coverage. His body started to shake as his hands gripped together so tight he would have been worried for blocked blood flow if not for this staring contest. The pain kept him focussed.

The syringe continued its descent as Tang started to waver. His jaw clenched as he tried to stay focussed, keeping him from changing the scene once again. His eyelids still started to fall, though, slowly encompassing more and more of his vision until he could no longer hold out. He was only human, after all.

As soon as he closed his eyes he shot them open once again, scared out of his mind now that the figures were out of his sight. The figures were gone, leaving empty air in their wake. His eyes immediately locked onto the syringe that kept its descent, still falling ever so slowly.

He wasn't out of the clear yet.

His breathing became more exasperated and frustrated as his eyes scoured the room, trying to find where those bastards hid now. He started standing up when his eyes failed him, his eyebrows pinching together in stressed concentration.

This finally brought them back out. Orange suddenly filled his vision as he tried to stand up, causing him to yelp and fall back into his chair. His limbs felt heavier than before, but he was too focussed on the blaring face of fear in front of him as the syringe continued to fall indoors the commotion.

“Oh fuck, he can definitely see us. Do you know what this means!? HE, CAN, SEE, US. That means our predictions all came to shit, and we wasted our time out here for all those years we could've been- UGHHHHH, we are so FUCKED when the Master hears of this!”

The face turned back and forth from focussing on Tang to focussing on the other figure, getting more hysterical as its mouth kept pouring out nonsense.

What are they going on about!? Masters, predictions, what even are these guys!?

However, through the sporadic jumble coming from the first one to the concerned expression on the other, they didn't seem hostile. They brought an odd sense of warmth now that they're closer to him. Tang was still weary, though, so he continued to stay put on his chair and tried to make out what this thing was saying. The syringe spun and flipped through the air, now only a foot above the ground as it seemed to fall faster.

“... and we thought the first time he was taken over that he had no aptitude! Master had to guide this doormat himself to even defeat that ice queen bitch, and even then it was just a combination circle! Is this why that bastard in the Between wanted this guy so badly!? What should we even do-”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH. He isn't deaf, you know!” The older one shouted suddenly as he gestured to Tang, causing them both to look back at him while the poor scholar froze on the spot. “Now stop that running river of a mouth, and let's fix our mistakes. It clearly doesn't have a strong hold over him yet since he can see us now. You.” He suddenly addressed, looking at Tang with conviction as he pointed a finger straight to his face.

The scholar’s brows pinched together in worry. “Me???” He answered hysterically. The older figure moved quickly to crouch face to face with Tang. “We don't have much time here. I can't explain everything going on inside your head,” He started, quickly pointing at Tang’s forehead with a bony finger.

In the scholar’s peripheral vision, the blacks and whites started to fade, leaving small amounts of color. That can't be good. “But you must know that Thing that you're bound with cannot be trusted. It takes, it harms, it consumes everything it can get ahold of. We've had many like you before, trying to harness its power for mortal gain, but it never ends well.”

The tattered clothing of the older figure suddenly rammed into Tang's mind again, how this figure seemed to have almost been torn completely apart, similar to the cracks throughout the skin of the other figure.

“You must stay awake for all of our sakes. Don't let that menace back into your body, no matter what hellscape you might find yourself in.” It had a look of pure rage as it spat the warnings out, this emotion being the most prominent that Tang’s seen of it this entire time. The syringe is only a few inches off the ground, the blue liquid contained within it gaining back its hue.

“Don't let that thing manipulate you, control you, TALK TO YOU.” The other interjected, pushing the older one aside as the surroundings started to gain color rapidly.

“You need to make sure that it doesn't sink its teeth into you further.”

Indignation filled Tang as these warnings only gave more questions, more of the unknown that he couldn't predict. “THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?! YOU SAID I'M STUCK WITH IT BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? HOW DO I GET IT TO GO AWAY!? IS IT THIS STUPID SCRAP OF METAL?!” He stands up harshly, waving the wrist with the bell in front of the figure's faces. The syringe falls and falls and falls as Tang’s legs refuse to cooperate, buckling underneath him.

“No, no, NO. We need more time-”

“Stay in the village and avoid the monastery at all costs! WE NEED YOU ALIVE-”

*CRASH*

The syringe connects with the floor as Tang hits the ground, pieces of glass quickly covering the ground. He looks up wildly, seeing all the eyes look towards his hunched figure. Red Hair is back in her seat, her clipboard nowhere in sight as Manex hovers over his form from behind.

His eyes water so much that streaks flow down his face in waves, his knees aching from the collapse as his ears ring from the sudden influx of sounds. Through blurry vision, Tang sees Zach asleep in the bed. A voice knocks him back into this reality.

“Why is the staff rushing outside?” The old man asks, slowly standing up and pushing the glass shards away with his cane without a care as he looks outside. Manex quickly walks up to join him, having to dodge another staff member when he barreled out of the tent with numbers of supplies in his arms.

Now that Tang is focussing again, he hears shouting all across the tent from medical staff, heavy footsteps drowning out most of the current patients groans or cries. Aggressive Guy shoots his head up with a concerned look, a hand hovering over his M17 pistol cautiously while Red Hair does the same.

One staff member slowed down in front of the tent after a few more ran out in a panic, focussing only on the old man. Fear was clearly painted on her face. “A second surprise attack was issued after the initial attack on the Waning District which took out most of the cleaners and remaining soldiers on site. We need all hands on deck as there may be even more casualties under the rubble that the cleaners hadn't gotten to yet.”

She gave a slight bow of her head before she rushed off with the others. Manex bit her lip as the old man sighed. “Why can't they just let us have this? What more can they take from me?” He leans on his cane and rubs his nose bridge in frustration.

Red Hair and Aggressive Guy both stand up quickly, their stature secure and ready for orders. “Harrison and Smith, you both go and survey the damage while protecting the medical staff and remaining cleaners from anymore attacks. Manex, you come with me to the HHC.”

The old man then looks down at Tang’s pitiful form, a cold and curious look crossing over his face as he narrows his eyes. “And you, lucky prisoner, will join the cleanup mission. They may need someone to look out for triggers, be an extra pair of hands, or scream when the next attack might come. Now go along with Harrison. I promise he doesn't bite. Much.”

The old man then exited the tent with Manex following close behind and Smith along with them. Now it was only Tang and Harrison still in the room, and this guy's face is the complete opposite of happy. A single tear ran down the scholar’s face. I’m so screwed.

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A World Without Him

Chapter 11

(TW some strong language and minor blood)

Tang could feel himself wake from unconsciousness. His body became solid as he was pulled from the void that made up his dreams.

His eyes and limbs felt heavy, as if he was buried beneath the ground. Still, he could barely feel a cold breeze flow over his forehead as he listened to the sounds around him.

The rustling of curtains, birds chirping outside, distant voices of people on the street, and his own breathing flow into his ears. The sounds distant, yet too loud as they rushed into his head.

Then he tried to focus on his surroundings instead of losing himself in the white noise, as that wouldn't help him move any time soon.

Now Tang felt the smooth and cold surface he was laying on. The grooves of age in what seemed to be hardwood flooring gave him an idea of where he'd been placed after he collapsed outside...

How did I even get back inside, in my bedroom, no less? My apartment's on the 5th floor...

The hard floor dug into his side as he felt his clothes and hair had layers of grime on them. It gave an uncomfortable weight to his clothes. Then he remembered this was what he had on while at the library.

Don't think about that.

The point being, he was covered from head to toe in dust and other debris. He must have looked crazy yesterday when he ran panicked through the streets.

I shouldn't have left.

With a sigh and with his eyes still heavy, he planned to start pushing himself off the floor to stop the stabbing pain in his side.

However, he could barely sit up straight before he felt two hands grab harshly onto his shoulders. His eyes flung open as he was pushed up into a standing position by the hands, stumbling forwards from the excess force like a rag doll.

He snapped his head around to look behind him, but he couldn't see anything because of his damaged vision. A blurry silhouette was all he could barely see before it seemed to dissipate back into thin air.

Tang froze in place, waiting for the thing to make another move. Yet, he didn't hear or feel anything else for the minutes he stood completely still.

A small chuckle broke out from his short, silent breaths. He then broke into manic laughter as tears ran down his face and onto the hardwood floor. He could barely breathe as the laughter kept getting louder and louder as he doubled over.

'...Geeze, has he already gone insane?'

'From our efforts in stopping the big guy, I don't really blame him.'

Tang's laughter abruptly stops, his vocal cords stinging from continuous use. He shoots up, grasps his glasses, and looks around his room frantically for the source of the voices. He finds nothing other than a breeze from the open window.

The laughter returns, now louder than before. "I'm going insane!" He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling strands into his face. "I just wanted everything to go back to normal! I JUST WANTED TO BE FREE OF THESE FUCKING VOICES! I never wanted any of this!"

Smoke started to rise from where Tang stood on the hardwood floor as tears started to run down his face once again. "But no! I have to almost die! I have to see someone I care about LOSE A FUCKING LEG! I have to be tortured every night through my nightmares and have them FOLLOW ME THROUGHOUT THE DAMN DAY!"

Everything was suddenly too quiet for Tang as his labored breathing echoed through the bedroom. Tear streaks ran rapidly down his cheeks and onto the steaming floor.

He stared as the drops fell and dispersed among the ground. He could hear more whispers enter his mind, but he couldn't care less at the moment.

A small chuckle was the only warning before he bolted out of the bedroom, through the complete mess of a living room, and into the bathroom.

He wanted to be free of the filth covering his body. The dust and debris that killed maimed Allan when those monsters attacked the library...

Monsters?

Don't go farther down that road.

Tang only sighed at his thoughts before stripping and seeing the scorched handprints on the back of his overcoat. He grimaced before dropping it onto the ground, putting his glasses onto the edge of the sink and throwing himself into the shower. The scalding hot water turned his skin red as the stinging replaced the grime that used to cover his body.

Still, he scrubbed and scrubbed at his skin and hair until he was sure there was no more filth stuck to his body. Afterward, he let the water flow over him as he stood unmoving. Closing his eyes, he relished over the burning feeling.

He only opened them again when the water started to turn cold: the heat no longer being supported from his overuse. He slowly turned the knob to stop the water before stepping out and grabbing a towel off of the door handle.

After ruffling his hair with the towel and wrapping it around his waist, he sat down onto the toilet seat to take a breather. The cold air from the door left ajar helped him to cool down and think.

Am I really going insane? He thought. This has happened too many times to write off by now. Why is this even happening to me?

Why can't everything just end?

He choked up quiet sobs, putting his head into his arms. The lights above him flickered, and yet he just couldn't care anymore. He looked up blankly at the light bulb before rubbing his eyes and standing up to walk to the mirror.

He took his glasses off of the sinks edge and leveled them onto his face. He noticed the left side was cracked as he looked into the fogged up mirror, seeing the left side in pieces.

Tang grumbled as he wiped the mirror to uncover his eyes so he could see the damage done.

The lights flickered. He gasped as he saw his eyes suddenly turn blinding orange with blood splatter caked over his face in the mirror-

*CRACK*

Pieces of the mirror fell to the floor. His knuckles barely stung from the force he put into the punch. The mirror was now cracked and scattered onto the tiled bathroom floor.

With his heartbeat steady, Tang slowly pulled his fist from the reflective remnants. A hole through and mirror and into the back wall was now shown, some blood speckled in from his cut hand.

Holding his curled up hand, he saw the small shards now embedded into his knuckles: small trails of blood running down his arm.

He stared blankly at the cuts before rummaging into his cabinets and taking out a nail kit. It took some effort, but he was able to wrangle out tweezers from the case eventually.

He washed the hand with warm, soapy water before taking the tweezers and slowly pulling out each shard. His face was blank the entire time as he took each chunk out of his skin, even when washing his hand again and wrapping it up in bandages.

The whole debacle was over in a few minutes, even though it felt like hours to him. He looked back at the mirror. I guess I have to put another thing onto the to-do list.

Brushing the shards off the ground and clothes he left on the bathroom tile, he threw them into the bin and walked back into the living room.

In the messy state that it was, he could see many random pieces of clothing all over the floor and broken furniture. He could see leather jackets, old headbands, and even a Pigsy's shirt from when he used to work there.

Yet the thing that caught his eye was his matching jacket and pants he used to wear for special occasions. The soft navy fabric of the jacket and gray fabric of the pants Tang remembered helping calm him in those high tension situations.

The overcoat was long and had silver floral designs at the bottom near the calves and on the cuffs of the sleeves. The pants were similar, having those same floral designs at the pant cuffs. They were both hung over what was left of the coffee table.

He barely had to think before putting them on with underwear, a tan turtle neck, black flats, and the maroon scarf he snagged from his old clothes pile. It had the least debris on it.

Now feeling snug against multiple layers, which made him feel less cold and empty, he could finally do, erm...

Why did he dress up anyway?

He really didn't know why he put in this much effort, but now he supposes he might as well go out and do something other than being cooped up in his apartment.

Walking into his bedroom, he noticed the window was still open from the night before. The breeze barely bothered him as he shut the window yet again.

Now, hopping onto his bed, Tang reaches for his cracked phone to see if anyone messaged him for something. The only things in his notifications were a text from Pigsy and some ads about manga sales and new releases.

He then suddenly remembered how he had promised to see Pigsy. Yesterday morning, where he basically had a mental breakdown the entire day...

I am going to get so much crap for this.

He sat up and out of bed before turning off his phone. Maybe if he got there quick enough today, Pigsy would be a bit more forgiving? Who is he kidding, but maybe it was better to get it over with and a good distraction from what happened yesterday.

With that plan set in his mind, Tang took quick strides out of his apartment after locking it, of course, and started to walk the regular path to Pigsy's noodles.

The day was cloudy, yet no rain was supposed to come down today. With the sun blocked out, everything seemed a bit less vibrant than usual, which he was glad for as it would be a bit overwhelming otherwise with all the neon to go with the sun's rays.

The walk was quiet up to Pigsy's, putting him on edge as he looked back, on top of roofs and into alleys to see if anyone was following more times than he could count. Yet when he got to the shop door, there was something wrong with it: it was closed. Pigsy's was closed, on a weekday, during rush hour.

Oh no, did something happen to him?!

Tang quickly took out his phone to text Pigsy and realized he still had a message from him he hadn't read yet. Sitting on one of the outside benches, he opened the text from Pigsy

Pigsy 🍜🩷

10:46 AM

Pigsy: Hey

Pigsy: Just letting you know Mk dragged us onto a trip to Flower Fruit Mountain to help wrangle some Monkeys for Monkey King or something, might be gone for a few days.

Pigsy: I couldn't tell you earlier because Mk just grabbed me and Sandy out of the shop and I could barely close it in time.

Pigsy: I tried to tell them what we had planned but Mk and Mei were too energetic to reason with

10:47 AM

Pigsy: I'm sorry for ditching you yesterday, but we're still having that talk when I get back. No excuses.

Tang just stared at the message, trying to reason with what it said.

Mk took Pigsy and Sandy without me? I know they haven't talked to me much lately, but they still would've dragged me along to whatever stunt they were going to pull. Even if not, they would have told me before doing anything! There wasn't even a text...

That left a gross feeling in Tang's chest.

And what if I had shown up yesterday? I wouldn't have even known if they were okay until this mornings text! Did they not even think about how worried I would've been? Did they even consider how I could have felt at all?

He only shook his head at the thoughts, trying to drive away the bad feelings that came with them. He knows he and Mk haven't talked much lately; the same goes for Sandy and Mei, but he still knows what's going on with them! He still talks and tells them what's happening through the group chat to show he's still there!

Yet why does it feel as though I've been forgotten about? Why do I feel a sense of doubt now? He thinks as he leans back onto the bench.

He thinks back to the library, an unwanted thought crossing his mind. Mk didn't even try to keep the damages to a minimum as he redirected the strikes to the roof instead of blocking them with his staff.

And he looked so carefree and happy after the incident! Did Mk even know Tang was there? Did he even think about the possible damages he had caused? And he just leaves afterward, posing with tea and smiling!

Do they ignore or filter everything he says?

...Does Mk even care about him anymore?

...

...

I should stop.

All this self-loathing is getting him nowhere. It's not as if he was hurt during the battle. He doesn't have a right to be angry about a lack of care when someone got it worse than him.

Now, his thoughts were back to Allan. He didn't deserve anything that happened to him that day. He had gotten it so much worse than him, so why is Tang complaining?

Suddenly, an idea crossed his mind. He could check all the hospitals near the library to see if Allan was registered anywhere! It's not a full proof plan, but it was something worthwhile he could do while he was already out of a slump.

So he started to walk to the library, or what was left of it, to see if he could start there. When he arrived, he could barely believe what he could see. The entire roof is gone, save the few glass panels still stuck on the back, the walls were seemingly about to crumble at a slight breeze, and different holes ranging from sizes were stuck throughout the building, making it dangerous if most of it weren't already crumbled onto the ground.

Yellow tape covering the premises swayed back and forth as Tang walked onto the parking lot sidewalk, not daring to get closer lest something were to fall again.

He already had a bad feeling when he arrived, and it almost got doubly worse when he stopped at the sidewalk. Nevertheless, he had wanted to see what the remains looked like, and now he knew. Taking a deep breath and looking away from the building, he checked his phone for the nearest hospitals.

Among the list was one that looked eerily familiar. MSH was listed near the top, and it seemed like a fever dream to be seeing it here.

Now, along with this feeling of familiarity, he felt compelled to follow this lead. Maybe to help the new bad feeling in his stomach from those letters, but he'll try anyways.

The walk isn't that far; it's about the same length it takes to get to the docks from his apartment. When he arrives in front of the hospital, he suddenly gets a sense of deja vu, like he's been here before.

Ignoring the feeling, he steps through the doors and heads up to the receptionist at the desk. "Hey there." Tang greeted a bit awkwardly. The receptionist just smiled. "Hello there, how can I help you today?"

Tang seemed to lose vigor as he continued to speak. "Erm, I was wondering if you had any teenage admitants named Allan? I-I was just wondering since I was his colleague at the library when it got attacked, and I know it's probably personal information but-"

The receptionist held her hand up halfway through his ramble. "I understand your concern, and if he is permitted here and allows friends to visit, you're welcome to see him. I'll just have to see if he's registered in our care, so please give me a moment."

Tang sheepishly sat down at one of the lobby seats as the receptionist went back to typing on her computer. After about 10 minutes, she called him back up to the desk. "We do have an Allan Bentley in room 1225. He's in for an injured leg, is allowing visitors, and he came from the library attack. Is he who you're looking for?"

He knew it was Allan from the leg injury; he saw him get wheeled away himself. He quickly affirmed the receptionist and thanked her before moving towards the elevator.

Following the signs on the walls with little difficulty, he was able to find room 1225. Yet, Tang hesitated in front of the door. Did Allan even want to see him? Did Allan blame him for what happened? He wouldn't put it past the kid if he did.

But he wanted to see if he was alright. Wanted to see Allan breathing and alive, even if that was a bit selfish of him since he's the one who slowed him down in the first place.

So before he can back out of it, he opens the door. The room is steril and white, with the acception of some window stickers from previous patients, most likely.

He walked slowly up the bed and gasped at what he saw. Allan seemed more thin and pale than he remembered. His brows were creased even in his sleep as he breathed slowly in a rhythm.

Tang thought Allan would be awake since visiting hours were still open, but he must be lucky to catch him right after he fell asleep.

Looking at the bedside table, he could see comics of some kind, with the first addition of Monkey Cop at the top. It seemed like Allan was able to keep it, even through the whole debacle.

This lifted a weight off of Tang's shoulders. Seeing how Allan kept the comic must mean he doesn't completely hate him now and is coherent enough to read already, as it seems to have more wear than when he first gave the comic to him.

He gives a small smile as he slowly puts his hand on Allan's head, comforting the kid to uncrease his brows just a bit and feel his chest rise and fall.

He left quickly after that. He couldn't stay in that room much longer when he knew how much pain Allan was in right now. He could see the void where his left leg used to be under the blanket.

The feeling of regret only got worse as the sky started to dim on his way back. Why did Allan have to suffer like that? Why couldn't I save him? Why wasn't he able to make it out okay like everyone else?

It was the fight.

Tang was now in front of his apartment door. He had stopped in front of it as the voice spoke from behind.

That child took to fight too recklessly. He directed the strikes to the ceiling, causing it to fall onto you and Allan.

No, no, it wasn't Mk's fault. There was a lot going on, and everything was just chaos-

Yet the child seemed to deny those stakes. You saw how he moved on so quickly, how he smiled and joked about it afterward, taking nothing about it seriously.

Tang looked to the ground, a gross feeling climbing up his throat.

But he did care! He even reached out to me after he found out I was there!

And that is the problem. He only cared about the companion he could have lost, not for the other lives he'd endangered. Heck, he only started to care when someone else showed him you were there.

The voice spoke with certainty, venom apparent in its tone.

Do you think he would have worried were it not for that reminder? Do you really think he would have looked twice if you were someone unrelated to him?

But Mk is a good kid! He didn't look only because he thought everyone had made it into the shelter.

He started to shake with rage as the voice kept going with its remarks.

Yet he knew you were there, and he didn't even stay to check if you were alright? Did he even know you were there? Did he not give you the simplest time of day that he completely forgot about your existence.

Stop.

Do you really think you matter to him anymore? It's not like he even bothered to tell you about the trip yesterday, where he left you completely alone with no contact. Do you think someone like that is worthy of having those powers?

Stop it.

Someone like that shouldn't be worthy of anything, nonetheless powers to destroy whole cities. You know what happened, and you couldn't save Allan that way. That boy doesn't deserve the abilities he has, and takes them for granted.

Why are you doing this?

Tears roll down Tang's face yet again.

Why should he get these powers? Why should he be the chosen one when you are much more deserving? Why does he get to take power for granted when you struggle every day to keep people safe and survive? Why does he get to feel happy and live without worry while you have to lie down and suffer from how many people you have had to watch die?

"JUST GO AWAY!" Tang's voice cracks as he yells into the open air. Silence is the only thing that greets him as he numbly stares at the door in front of him, still unopened.

His face is now blank. The tear streaks on his face have dried to the point they're stuck on his face. He slowly brings his key to the door and numbly walks inside, seeing the mess of his living room and bathroom of the doorway.

He only ignores the mess, stopping briefly where The Origins of JTTW had been left open before grabbing it and beelining to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him and walking towards the window. He lifts the window up and lets the breeze blow through the room, ruffling the sheets and blanket on the bed.

The cool breeze doesn't bother Tang, though, as he only turns towards the bed and bats the loose strands out of his face from the down hair he didn't bother to put up.

He doesn't lay down on the bed. He instead kicks off his shoes to the side, takes off his cracked glasses, and puts them on the side table with his matching phone.

Then he stares out the open window, looking towards the blurry figures of stars and planets as he lifts up the barely decipherable book showing Golden Cicada.

I can't keep going like this. I need to leave. Maybe that's what these horrible dreams have been trying to tell me. I just want to get away from it all.

He roughly shuts the book and throws it into the wall. Whatever he's dealing with, he's not gonna put up with it anymore starting tomorrow. He's going to leave, and he's going to get better.

That's what he thinks as he falls back into his bed and looks back to the blurry lights once again before blacking out, hopefully for the last time.

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