Me To My Mom After Nearly Choking On Food

Diavolo (wanders into the House of Lamentation, finding everyone dressed in black): What's going on here?

Belphegor: We’re holding a funeral for Mammon’s hamster.

Diavolo: Oh dear, I didn’t come prepared! No proper attire, and I didn’t bring any flowers.

Belphegor: It’s alright, Diavolo. This is more for Mammon’s sake than anyone else’s. Just take a seat; the service is about to start.

Diavolo looks around: Lucifer looks irritated, Satan and Levi are still digging a hole, Belphie is comforting a sobbing Beel, and Mammon approaches the podium. Diavolo sits next to Lucifer.

Mammon (sniffles): Thank you all for coming to Lucky’s funeral. He was a special guy, even if you didn’t know him.

Lucifer: Diavolo, what brings you here?

Diavolo: I was just stopping by because I was bored. I didn’t know there was a funeral. I’m sorry.

Lucifer: Don’t worry about it. It’s for a hamster.

Diavolo: How did it die?

Lucifer: Beel sat on him.

Diavolo: struggling to contain laughter

Lucifer: Do not laugh. Beel and Mammon are very emotional right now.

Mammon (voice trembling): Lucky had a great life. He loved Cheetos and running on his wheel. But now, thanks to “Beel’s fat ass!” he’s gone.

Asmodeus: Mammon! That’s not cool.

Belphegor: Hey, cut it out. He didn’t mean to!

Mammon (pointing at Beelzebub):  Did you hear him cry out, Beel?! Huh? I’m sure you didn’t, because your fat ass muffled his cries!

Beelzebub runs out of the garden, devastated.

Mammon (drops to his knees, looking up at the sky, crying): They took you too soon, Lucky! You deserved a glorious death, not to be squashed by a pair of cheeks!

Lucifer: Alright, that’s enough. Boys, put the hamster in the ground.

Diavolo: He really loved that hamster, huh? How long did he have it?

Lucifer: A day...

Mammon (throws himself onto Lucky’s grave): LUCKY, I WILL AVENGE YOU!

Fricking love this

Reblog if you’re in any of these fandoms

Voltron: Legendary Defender

Harry Potter

Percy Jackson/ Heroes of Olympus/ Trials of Apollo

Magnus Chase

Boku No Hero Academia

Haikyuu!!

Carry On

Hamilton

The Flash

Arrow

Once Upon A Time

Suits

One Punch Man

Toradora

B99

Miraculous Ladybug

OHSHC

The Mortal Instruments/ The Infernal Devices/ The Dark Artifices

Marvel

DC

Mystic Messenger

i’ll follow anyone who reblogs xDD

I love this so much. I just can't

Literally cryign @ this

Mood.

@gay irl The person that posted this

reblog this with what comes up in your tags when you type gay

Every time I see this I crack up

I love seeing this when I feel sad, it just reminds me how weird I could be when talking to someone versus the already awkward way I speak.

Tim: Synonyms are weird because if I invite you to my cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you're going to die.

Dick: My favorite is explaining the different between a 'butt dial' and a 'booty call'.

Damian: It's called connotations.

Jason: Try this one for size——'Forgive me, Father, I have sinned' versus 'Sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty'.

Bruce: Great news! Language is now banned.

I know this probably won't help me at this very second but it can help in the long run. Just in case this might happen to you or someone you might know, remember this pizza dispatch hack to help save your life or a friend's.

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

I don't know why but THIS GOT ME SHOOK.

“How are unicorns fake but giraffes are real? Like, what’s more believable: a horse with a horn or a leopard-moose-camel with a 40 foot neck?”

—

tim drake

Is it just me or does Henry Cavill have that PHAT ASS. Reblog if you agree.