Ladies And Gentlemen I Am Absoloutely Thrilled To Let Y’all Know I’ve Made It Back To My Pre Binge

Life may be shit and I may be failing at both my job and education but atleast I got my bffs and the sense of control from restriction to keep me going 💪💪

Praying that I somehow lose like a kilo and a half overnight so I can get back down to the lower end of 51kg 🙏🙏

I’m so anxious I’m going to wake up having gained or maintained the anticipation is making it impossible to sleep PLEASE LORD I KNOW IM ON MY PERIOD SO IM GOING TO GAIN AND RETAIN WATER WEIGHT SUPER EASILY BUT I NEED TO WAKE UP 53kg PLEASEEE

Why did I have to be social yesterday and invite my friend to hang out today now i just want to be alone and they are gonna make me eat but I can’t back out now I cannot do this

Crazily enough I’m actually not having fun, I don’t like the stomach pain I don’t like the constantly feeling like you’re going to faint I don’t like not being able to enjoy meals I don’t like to sit with my less than child size portion of shit I don’t even really like while everyone else around me has a full plate of actually nice food I don’t like that I can’t eat normally without becoming stressed and pvrging

I hate this shit and I fucking want out anyone acting like an st4rving is fun and great and they love it is on a crazy amount of cope all day every day it’s all about food constantly trying to find ways to distract myself from it cut down on it I fucking hate it and it’s all for nothing being skinny won’t fix my shitty fucked up life

omfg I forgot to take my Fitbit off before going on tbe swings and now it thinks I’ve done 12,000 steps when in reality I’ve probably only done like 5k at most RAJHHHH

Going to the movies with my friend tonight so I’m just gonna have a monster until then, and OMAD a little bit of popcorn/snacks we get there and hope and pray I have enough discipline not to go overboard with it :)

I hate food and I hate myself, lord have mercy on me and let my binge run through me by morning so that I don’t gain

The guilt is eating me alive, knowing that it was my decision to binge, to keep eating despite knowing I shouldn’t, I didn’t have too, no one would have even truly batted an eye if I hadn’t of.

Now it feels like I can’t stop eating, I’m not even hungry my brain just won’t stop thinking about it.

I hate myself so much.

I think I’m gonna start cutting my intake from 500 to 300 because the food guilt is becoming too much and I don’t feel like I’m working hard enough towards reaching my ugw.