Had A Little Binge Last Night So I’m Sadly Out Of The BMI 17 Range And Back Up To 52.1kg, To Be Honest

I don’t want to go to work I just wanna sleeep ☹️☹️

LITERALLY MY BIGGEST PROBLEM OMG

This might just be me but why is it so hard not to b1ng3 when you reach a new lw or get back to your lw after gaining. I do NOT need to reward myself with food rn I need to stay locked in

Manifesting that I don’t b1ng3

🕯️🕯️🕯️

Now who’s gonna tell me why I be looking bmi 20+ when im in the low 18-high 17 range 😒😒

Debating if I should get sushi & miso soup before work or just stick to my regular toast hmm hmmmm

I’m switching up one of my meals and oh my god I’m shaking I’m so stressed because it’s not pre packaged and I don’t have a food scale at the moment so I’ll have to estimate/use other more unreliable measuring tools and I’ve never had it before so it might be ass but it’s so expensive and I’d feel bad for wasting it AHHHHH

Life may be shit and I may be failing at both my job and education but atleast I got my bffs and the sense of control from restriction to keep me going 💪💪

Praying that I somehow lose like a kilo and a half overnight so I can get back down to the lower end of 51kg 🙏🙏

God I miss charcuterie boards

I used to love baking before I relapsed, I really miss it. Hopefully one day, if I finally get sick enough to deserve recovery, I can start doing it again.

After a particularity gruelling binge last night, I am as of now officially back up to my highest weight of 57kg. A month and a half of restricting, almost 7 whole kg lost, all gained back in the span of 6 days. This feels like a nightmare that I just want to wake up from, I want it all to stop but it won’t. Im in so much pain, I just to purge it all out but I can’t because barely anything comes out when I try to make myself vomit and I have to wait until tonight to take any laxatives because I don’t want to risk shitting myself at work. I feel so alone, I just want this all to end. I dont want to lose my friends but I can’t control myself around them, not like I used to be able too. I can’t take another week of this constant binging because I’m hanging out with them every single fucking day. I just can’t do this, I don’t know what to do.