Pt 2 Of Oikawa Being A Dork In Love

one glow up people don't speak up about enough for me , heeseung. like it was crazy because the given taken era and drunk dazed era aren't that far apart but he changed so much, he was this cutie and then BAM SLUT and he's been terrorizing engenes since😭

FELIX GOT ME SOBBING

Stray Kids Reaction || They Miss The Birth Of Their Kid

PAIRING: Skz x Fem!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - April 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN:

As soon as you'd felt the pain in your back that you'd gone into labour but you were completely alone, Chan was off shooting a SKZ Code episode after you'd shoved him out of the door, promising that the baby wasn't going to come today and yet, you were wrong. 

"Fuck, is he here yet?!" You asked the nurse who reluctantly shook her head, sweat was dripping from your forehead as you whimpered a little laying down and trying to hold off on the birth as long as possible. But it was proving damn near impossible since your contractions were close together and you were getting the overwhelming sensation to push, something you desperately didn't want to do without Chan by your side. 

"I can't do this without him," You breathed out, staring up at the ceiling, tears welling up as you thought about giving birth alone. You always knew it was a possibility but you never thought it was going to happen, you were supposed to have more time, she wasn't supposed to come yet. 

"I'm sorry but we don't have much of a choice, it's time." A doctor told you as you sniffled, you'd been texting all of the boys and their manager non-stop since going into labour but you'd heard nothing from them since and you were starting to worry. 

"I can't." You whined out but the doctor smiled weakly.

"You can and you will," You nodded at him, putting your feet into the stir-ups and readying yourself for what was about to come.

"She's beautiful," Chan breathed out as he held his daughter for the first time, his hands gently running over her cheek as you bit back a laugh at the sight of him,

"How was filming?" You giggled looking at your husband who was currently dressed in an inflatable sumo suit that was half deflated and you couldn't even stay mad at him for missing the birth, the important part was that he was there and had come as soon as possible.

"I didn't have time to change...I checked my phone on break and I saw the messages." He admitted, smiling weakly as he sat down on a chair beside your bed, he hated that he'd missed one of the most special things he could have.

"But you're here now, that's okay...and dressed up so it's going to make for an excellent story on her birthdays," You giggled, making sure to snap a photo before he glared at you.

MINHO:

"Why does anyone ever choose to do this?!" You scream at your best friend who was gently wiping you with a wet towel trying to calm you down but nothing was working. You were so pissed off you were doing this alone but you couldn't stay mad at him forever, it wasn't his fault you'd gone into early labour and had to deliver today. 

"Millions of women do this alone, you can do this." Your best friend assured you before you groaned, rolling your head back against the seat and shaking your head.

"I can't do this without Minho, I need him." You cried, your head shaking as the doctor shook her head, she knew you needed to push and you had no time for your husband to get on a plane and get here for you.

"You've got us, that's all you need." Your best friend told you as you glared at her, sitting up and getting ready to push for what you were sure was going to be the longest part of your life.

Minho was panting heavily in the doorway, sweat beading down his head as you stared over at him with a small smile playing on your lips.

"Everything okay?"

"I'm good...E-Everything is great," You whispered as he walked further into the room, seeing your son in your arms,

"Minho...Meet your son,"

"He's tiny," He chuckled, looking down at the small baby wrapped in blankets. 

"Don't say that ever again," You joked, 

"You weren't the one to push him out," You laughed, rolling your head back against the pillows as Minho kissed your cheek softly.

CHANGBIN:

As the hospital hallway stretched endlessly before him, Changbin's footsteps echoed with a hollow rhythm, each step heavy with the weight of regret and sorrow. The door to the hospital room loomed ahead like a gateway to redemption, but he hesitated on the threshold, his resolve crumbling beneath the weight of his guilt. How could he face you after missing the birth of your daughter? How could he look into your eyes and explain away the emptiness that gnawed at his soul?

With a trembling hand, he pushed open the door, the soft click of the latch echoing like a thunderclap in the silent room. And there, amidst the dim glow of fluorescent lights and the steady beep of machines, he beheld a sight that shattered his resolve like glass.

You were lying there holding your daughter against your chest, singing a soft song to her. Tears welled in his eyes as he approached your bedside, his heart aching with the weight of his absence. 

"Yn," he whispered, his voice barely a whisper as he reached out to touch your hand. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." You turned to him, your eyes glistening with unshed tears as you took in his dishevelled appearance. For a moment, there was silence between you, heavy with the weight of words left unsaid.

"I missed it, Yn," Changbin choked out, his voice breaking with emotion as he fought to find the right words. 

"I missed our daughter's birth, and I'll never forgive myself for it." Your gaze softened, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of your lips, you didn't want Changbin to beat himself up about it too much, you hated that he missed it but he was here now. 

"You're here now," You said softly, your voice a gentle caress that soothed the ache in his heart.

"That's all that matters."

HYUNJIN:

The night was still, the air thick with anticipation as Hyunjin sat frozen on the couch, his mind reeling with shock and disbelief. All of the boys were with him as they rushed around trying to get his stuff together,

"Hyunjin, we need to go," Jisung urged, his voice tinged with urgency as he paced back and forth in the cramped living room of the hotel all of them were sharing. They were supposed to be here for another few nights doing interviews but it turned out your baby had other plans for his father,

"Yn needs you, man. She needs you now more than ever." Chan told him as they got his bags ready and threw them by the door, but Hyunjin remained rooted to the spot, his body paralyzed by a wave of overwhelming emotion. He had known this day would come, and had prepared himself for the moment when he would become a father. Yet now, faced with the reality of your labour, he found himself unable to move, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the miracle unfolding before him.

"Come on, buddy," Changbin, chimed in, his voice laced with concern as he laid a comforting hand on Hyunjin's shoulder.

"We'll get you there. Just take a deep breath and trust us." He added and Hyunjin stared up at them still in complete shock that all of this was happening and he wasn't there yet. 

Hyunjin couldn't even remember how he got here when he was suddenly in the hospital and watching you from the doorway as you spoke to your daughter. It was now that the shock began to lift and Hyunjin felt a heavy weight of guilt crushing him, maybe if he'd been just a little faster he wouldn't have missed the actual birth.

"I'm here, Yn," he whispered, his words a silent vow to never let you down again, your eyes finding his as you beamed up at him, just happy to have him here with your little girl.

JISUNG:

Jisung hated himself for missing this, he'd been in the studio with all of the members, their phones locked away so that none of them would be distracted by them but he'd missed it. He'd missed all of your calls to let him know that you had gone into active labour and were giving birth and he wanted to kick himself.

"Jisung," You breathed out when you noticed how silent he was while holding your daughter, his eyes filled with tears as he looked over at you,

"You should hate me,"

"I don't," You assured him as he bounced his baby girl in his arms, his eyes going back to her, scared that if he looked away too long she would be gone. There was no way you could hate Jisung for missing this, you were pissed off, anyone would be, but you knew that it couldn't have been helped. Management had been the one to take away their phones and you hated them for it. 

"Hey little one," He breathed out, putting his finger between your little girl's hand and letting her grip him as tight as she could manage.

"She's strong, just like her daddy," You breathed out as he smiled a little, sitting down beside your bed and asking you everything he could about the birth since he'd missed it.

FELIX:

The distant sound of sirens wailed through the phone as Felix navigated the maze of traffic-choked streets, his heart pounding with a mixture of fear and desperation. On the other end of the line, you gasped and groaned in the throes of labour, your voice strained with the effort of bringing your child into the world.

"I'm trying, baby, I promise," He murmured, his voice tinged with anguish as he fought back tears of frustration. 

"Just hold on a little longer, okay? I'll be there as soon as I can." Your breath hitched with each contraction, your grip on the phone tightening as you clung to the lifeline of his voice. In the dimly lit hospital room, surrounded by the steady hum of machines and the whispered encouragement of nurses, you felt a pang of loneliness that cut deep into your soul.

"I need you, Lix," you whispered, your voice barely a whisper as you fought to keep her emotions in check,

"I can't do this alone." Felix's heart clenched at the desperation in your voice, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he willed his car to move faster.

"I'm right here...Okay? I'll be here the whole time," He tells you through the phone, your heart breaking as you realise you were going to have to deliver without him there in person.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he burst through the hospital doors, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he raced to your side. And there, amidst the chaos of the delivery room, he beheld a sight that stole his breath away.

In your arms, nestled against your chest, lay your son, a tiny miracle wrapped in a blanket of love, tears streamed down Felix's cheeks as he approached your bedside.

"We did it," You giggled looking up at him and smiling a little as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, panting heavily from how fast he'd been running from the car to here.

"You did it," He reminded you but you squeezed his hand.

"WE. I couldn't have done it without you on the phone," You told him with a grin.

SEUNGMIN:

The sterile scent of the hospital corridors mingled with the anticipation that hung thick in the air as Seungmin rushed through the double doors. His heart raced with a mix of anxiety and excitement as he navigated the labyrinthine hallways, his mind consumed by thoughts of the precious moment he was about to experience.

He had missed the birth of his son. He'd been on tour when you'd given birth and had caught the first flight home he could get which had taken a whole day to catch, a whole day your son had been on the planet and he hadn't been there with you. Walking into the room, his gaze fell upon you and you were sat nestled in a hospital bed, your eyes heavy with exhaustion yet radiant with the glow of new motherhood.

"Yn," He whispered, his voice choked with emotion as he approached your bedside. Tears welled in his eyes as he reached out to touch your hand, his fingers trembling against your warm skin. You turned to him, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears as you took in his dishevelled appearance. For a moment, there was silence between you, heavy with the weight of words left unsaid.

"I'm so sorry," Seungmin murmured, his voice barely a whisper as he struggled to find the right words, he knew there was nothing he could even begin to say to make up for it. 

"I should have been here. I should have been by your side." Your gaze softened, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of your lips. 

"You're here now," You said softly, your voice a gentle caress that soothed the ache in his heart. 

"That's all that matters." With trembling hands, Seungmin reached out to cradle his son for the first time, his heart overflowing with a love so fierce it threatened to consume him.

JEONGIN:

The door opened and you stared over at it, expecting to see your husband waiting for you but it was Chan, covered in sweat and panting heavily with a worried expression on his face,

"Where-"

"He's coming as quick as he can but traffic...he's still an hour out," He breathed out and you shook your head, you'd been refusing to give birth until Jeongin was with you, refusing to let any doctor exam you because you knew you weren't going to be able to do this alone. 

"Then we will wait,"

"You can't wait, if you don't push we'll have to perform an emergency c-section," A doctor said from the other side of the room, the same doctor you'd been screaming at that you weren't going to give birth without your husband with you.

"We can just wait, I-I can't do this alone," You whimpered as Chan came around to your bed, moving you a little and sitting behind you, his legs on either side of your body as your back rested against his chest.

"You're not alone, I'm here and pretty soon your son will be too," He whispered to you, but you shook your head.

"I need Jeongin," You cried, tears streaming down your face as you shook your head.

"We can do this, okay?" Chan whispered as you nodded weakly, your feet up on the stir-ups as a doctor rushed in front of you to help you.

"Yn?" Jeongin breathed as he walked into the room, you were lying on the bed holding your son and smiling over at him, you'd been mad at him for missing this but as soon as you'd held your baby it was like everything melted away.

"You want to meet our son?" You giggled, angling your son to look at him and he teared up, walking closer and running his thumb over his tiny cheek.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's okay...You're here now." You told him, kissing his wrist softly and smiling, so in love with him and your little family.

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @just-aelia @choisoorin @straykids5star @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @scarletemeterio @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @lensfilm @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopsstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella @niktwazny303 @moonlight-the-writer @armystay89 @hadassahchan @yxngbxkkie @myyouthdonut @extrhotjne @ca11me3mily @elissasimp @piercedddriver

never say never | psh

pairing: park sunghoon + reader (she/her) genre: fluff, and some angst but mainly fluff warnings: SFW, kissing, lots of swear words (mainly the f-word), alcohol consuming, house parties, some cat-calling, some fighting (bad guys punching but it’s slight),  mentions of cheating (ex-partner), tw: mention of abuse (but very minor and there’s none written in this story), mentions of Jay, Jake, Jooyeon (xdinary heroes), and reader’s oc bff Younha. pls lmk if i’m missing anything! word count: 15,423 playlist: everybody talks - neon trees, out of my league - fitz and the tantrums, swing lynn - harmless, kissing strangers - DNCE, i feel it coming - the weeknd a/n: holy moly it is heeeeeere! i’m thinking about making a lil sessy drabble time for these two, but i’ll keep it PG-13 for now lol. when i wrote the plot to my sister, it was a funny i hate you kind of trope, but then i had a little too fun and couldn’t stop! so, pls enjoy! any comments, concern, feedback, EVEN IF IT DOESNT RELATE TO THIS LMAO pls feel free to lay it on me. thank you! p.s. don’t judge me for the ‘02 gang gang name fhjdhajsdsjak i cried when my brain farted

Synopsis: 

When a friend of yours from a study group was rejected by Park Sunghoon, you weren’t surprised. He’s a well-known heartless jerk on campus. Your friend was blind for having a crush on Sunghoon and you blame her for believing he could be different when he lead her on. Guys like them, you know best! You’ve experienced your share of a heartbreak with a guy who had cheated on you. Why would you want to have another go?

Your study group never stayed out this late to drink about feelings. It’s usually about having fun and releasing some stress because of stupid class projects or exams. However, here you are comforting your friend Sara because she needed a drink. Why was she in need of a drink? Two words.

Park Sunghoon.

No one could’ve guessed a better answer. Park Sunghoon and his little ‘02 Gang Gang (that’s what they call themselves) are notoriously known for being the campus’ hotties. From what you’ve heard, Sunghoon is the most ruthless one. He immediately rejects a girl when they confess right away. Versus his other buddies, they tend to stick around longer until they’re bored, you guess.

It’s been an ongoing thing with the ‘02 gang. Date, fuck, dump.

Keep reading

I need my won and only in my life too please

raindrops

synopsis — after a long celebration for his birthday, jungwon finally lies down. he loves watching movies to relax, but he definitely loves you more.

warnings — crying (because of the movie), 20th century girl 💔💔 (no spoilers other than it being sad), y/n calls jungwon “a heartless monster” as a joke, lmk if theres any more!

pairing — jungwon x gn!reader

wordcount — 540

a/n — happy jungwon day! hopeyou enjoy this fluff <3 also Who told me to watch 20th century girl (me) because im out for you.

“I can’t believe you’re crying right now.”

“This is one of the saddest tragedies to ever exist!”

You had watched the movie at least five times, and you couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down everytime. Jungwon on the other hand, had never watched it before, yet he had a straight face.

“Baby, you’ve seen this three times. You know what’s going to happen.”

After a long exciting day for you and Jungwon. You were happy when he asked you to hang out at his house afterwards. Sitting close to the other you watch the movie “20th Century Girl”.

You scoff, “You are a heartless monster!” Blowing snot into your tissue, you throw it away into the conveniently placed trashcan next to the couch.

Laughing at your antics, his dimples show through his cheeks. Smiling softly at the sight, you let your head lay down on his shoulder.

He looks at you, watching as tears stream down your eyes. Like the raindrops that come onto his car window, he watches as they race endlessly down your cheeks.

His hand comes to your shoulder, gently rubbing it as you scoot impossibly closer to him.

Jungwon can understand why you’re crying. He didn’t know this movie would be so sad, he wouldn't have picked it if he knew.

Paying attention to the movie he can feel tears start to drop from his eyes. Like the water he spills whenever he fills the cup up too much, he wipes them away.

It’s at the end of the movie when you hear a quick sniffle, you look up to see a few tears falling from Jungwon’s eyes.

“Ha! I knew it! I knew you were going to cry.”

He jumps dramatically, quickly wiping his tears, “I did no such thing.”

“Liar! I saw those tears, I heard those sniffles! That’s plain evidence.”

The pout on his face makes you feel a little bad, brushing his slightly wet cheeks with your hands you mutter a small apology.

When you think you’re done wiping his cheeks, you turn back to the screen, laying on his shoulder you watch him scroll through the endless amount of shows and movies. Clicking on one you were both rewatching together.

“I think I’m going to go to sleep, Won. Happy birthday.”

He kisses your head, “Thank you, and go to sleep you had a long day.”

Nodding your head against his shoulders you wrap your hands around his arm. “I love you.” You let out, the words barely even comprehensible.

“I love you more, now go to sleep.”

“No I do,” You argue, he knows your too stubborn to let him win so he gives up.

Jungwon knows he loves you more. Usually, after a fun day out like today he would want to be alone. Not even allowing Jay to come over.

But you came in, like rays of sun after months of snow. You came in and wiped away his tears and his worries.

So, yes. He loves you more.

Your eyes close, snuggling closer to feel his warmth. And as the clock ticks away, you find yourself asleep before you even know it.

It’s after a few minutes when he whispers back, “I love you more than anything.”

And he finally lets himself fall asleep.

perm taglist — @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @boyfhee @hanniluvi @teddywonss

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

sighs and cries in this life

not onlu do i wanna give hyunjin forehead kisses but i wanna run my hands through his hair and relax him into it until he falls asleep and then id draw him

2.51 a.m.

"sleepy?" you ask hyunjin, willing your voice to soften so you wouldn't startle him. he looks incredibly serene— laying his entire body on top of yours, face buried in the crook of your neck. his exhales come out in soft breaths, brushing against your skin like the faint caress of a feather.

"mm. you're comfortable," he says, further sinking his body onto yours, until you are both pressed tightly to one another, like two facets of the same coin. you stay silent, as he adjusts his limbs so his head would fall on top of your chest, right above your heartbeat.

"can i tell you something?" he speaks softly, as you gently thread through his ash blonde locks, twirling some strands of it around.

"anything."

"i listen to music everyday but your heartbeat is still my favorite sound," he confesses, a bit shyly, as he rests his chin atop your chest, peering up at you with eyes that reflect constellations.

"truly?" you grin, a tender smile etching on your lips.

"truly. please don't go where i can't hear it."

"i won't," you promise, and he leans back into your embrace, content with your response. your fingers never cease their soft caress on his scalp, making him sigh in tranquil surrender. you smile in adoration to yourself before pressing a tender skin on his forehead, then another one to his temple, the crown of his hair— anywhere your lips can reach, everywhere he could feel your love in.

♡ enhypen’s hyung line reaction to their s/o pranking them by not saying ‘i love you’ back

✰ heeseung

“babe, i’m leaving now. i’ll be back in a few hours.” “m’kay...” “i love you!” “take care baby!”

literally snaps his head to where you were, pausing from closing the door to the apartment unit with a frown pulling at his brows. “i love you,” he repeats once more hoping to hear the usual loving response from you. yet heeseung received a reply that he doesn't particularly like. “you’ll be late, hee.” and in an instant, he was beside you; pouty and all. “i said i love you.” “i heard you perfectly the first time love.” he frowns even more at this. heeseung takes your hands, grabbing onto them gently as he crouches beside the couch in front of you. “are we... are we okay?” his gaze was glossy, wide eyes staring at you with worry. “did i do something wrong?” but before anything could escalate any further, you wrap your arms around his neck, peppering his face with kisses, apologizing and telling him it was merely a prank. it was safe to say he didn't leave you alone after that. don't this to your man ladies, please.

✰ jay

“hey babe, i’m heading to the grocery store right now do you want me to get you anything?” “no, i’m okay baby.” “aight, be back in a few. i love you.” “mhm, drive safe!”

suspiciously raises a left eyebrow while picking up his car keys from the table. “i love you...” he tries again. you turn your head from your book to glance at him, stifling your laugh as you smiled. “i know babe.” however, you aren't as slick as you thought you were. jay, spotting your phone behind the fruits basket was enough for him to calculate the situation. if you think you can play this game with him, then he can for sure win this one. with brisk steps, he approaches you just as you turned around to read. jay cups your left cheek, gently turning your head to pull you in for a kiss. “i love you,” he mutters, a light smirk forming on his lips noticing you lean in for more. “i love you jay...” “see? wasn't so hard to say now wasn't it?”

✰ jake

“i’ll see you at dinner babe. i love you.” “okay, take care of yourself jakey. don't overwork yourself.” “i know babe, i love you.” “mhm...”

this cutie automatically assumes for the worst. racing thoughts that caused this sudden change in you filled his mind as he stood by the foyer of the apartment. the keys of his car dangles on his finger as he vacantly stares at you for a good moment, and you'd think he already left hadn't you turned around to look. “jake?” he shakes his head, pursing his lips a little before timidly making his way towards you on the couch. there was no words from him, just his arms embracing around your waist as he buries his face in your chest. “are you upset with me?” his sentence came out muffled but you understood him nonetheless. you felt bad doing this prank on him immediately after his hug tightened before he added, “if i ever did something to upset you, i’m sorry... can we... can we talk about this now? i can’t leave you here like this if we're not in good terms i-” you just showered him with kisses and admitting to doing the petty prank. jake wasn't upset, he was just glad you weren't angry at him or something.

✰ sunghoon

“call me if you need anything doll.” “got it mr. park.” “right, well i’m leaving now.” “...!?”

and he closes the door. this guy knew about your plans—your plan to prank him. it was due to the fact that he was using your tiktok account that was logged in in his phone the day before and found something in your favorites. that something being the ‘not saying i love you back to your s/o’ so sunghoon was pretty much prepared for the war. with the slight tilt of his lips, he waited in front of his car that was parked in front of the house; smirking with his arms crossed over his chest. he mentally counted 1-10 and as predicted, you came bursting through the doors while still in your pajamas. “where’s my i love you!?” sunghoon chuckles before scooping you up in his arms and kissing the crown of your head. “you should take your tiktok account off my phone doll, your pranks aren't working anymore.” he says smugly before planting a soft kiss on your lips. “but i love you. anyways”

JUST CRYING FOR LAYLA AT THIS POINT

sim jaeyun — brighter days inc.

— “you’ll wait for my love? “i waited for your love.”

pairing. fem!reader x sim jaeyun.

warnings. angst, my heaviest angst post yet tbh, fluff moments here & there, layla !!, lots of miscommunication, lots of crying and panicking moments, no / semi happy ending :(

word count. 12.3k

synopsis. just how bad was the punishment of falling in love with sim jaeyun?

— a, note. i apologise in advance for this, i would like to point out that this was completely and fully inspired by the we can’t be friends music video along with the entire eternal sunshine album by ariana !! i only added minor details & scenes here and there but hope u enjoy ! <3 p.s !! this whole post is viewed better in dark mode !!

「 just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright. 」

The soft fabric of your shirt soothed your trembling fingers, gentle wind breezing past you once the bell of the door jingled ahead of you, indicating the arrival of another patient wretched with agony and their own pain.

Your vision danced between the walls, the countless photos that hung on the brick pillars claiming a guaranteed peace of mind with the eye catching and loud titles of “brighter days ahead!”, different posters inked with the participants’ positive reviews towards the operation that haunted the patients whom were anxiously sat next to you, some wiping their tears while others gazed hopelessly into the wooden floors, their legs shaking up and down the longer the nurse took to call their names.

You pulled your jacket closer to your chest, in hopes of it protecting you from the words printed onto the paper in front of you, you had read the sentences over a hundred times by now yet you still couldn’t bring yourself to fully accept them.

You have given extensive thought behind your decision and give “Brighter Days Inc.” the exclusive permission to remove this person completely from your memory:

— ☐ yes | ☐ no

Closing your eyes multiple times while chanting “please let me wake up” was deemed futile, you couldn’t bring yourself to face the reality of the situation you had put yourself in. Though you had your reasons, countless of them. You had every right to sit in the waiting room for this clinic, yet you still couldn’t gather up the courage to fully accept the weight of the truth.

The great weight of the truth that weighed heavily on your shoulders, you knew this was the correct decision. You knew you weren’t physically affecting anyone by doing this, you practically weren’t going to hurt after this, yet your actions still hurt the present you, the one who was able to sense a thin veil of tears forming along her waterline for the nth time since you stepped foot into this clinic.

And you were doing this to save her from the pain, from the heartbreak you had been suffering through. The harsh wood of the board felt hurtful against your skin, the piece of wood agonisingly heavy atop your fingertips, your hand placed the pen in your lap before it instinctively moved towards your neck, caressing the special pine cone necklace that adorned your chest.

The feeling of the pendant beneath your touch felt gut wrenching, your whole being freezing as the sudden sharp edges grazed your skin, the pendant that held so many great memories to you that you hoped would comfort you for the last time felt like the thorns of a rose splitting your fingertips.

It was the sudden sharp dig of the edge of the pine that reminded you of a precious memory, one of the most special days in your life when your two favourite people walked into it.

Your foot sunk deeply into the snow beneath you, the wind a cold breeze blowing against your blushed face, your nose a distinct red shade as you sniffed due to the cold weather, hands digging further into your warm pockets to allow the blood to rush back to your frozen fingertips.

The breath turned into a glowing mist ahead of your eyes as it tumbled past your lips, you smiled softly at the sound of your best friend announcing her departure to collect more wood for the fireplace the two of you had wanted to create, you turned your head to the side to locate her small figure slowly disappearing into the slight fog that started to form a few minutes before the two of you had arrived to the small forest.

You took notice of how heavy the snow was, the ground a vast white that glittered with the sunrays, the sudden urge to lay on the floor that appeared as faux clouds and cotton overcame your senses and before you could rethink your decisions, you were already surrounded by the comforting cold of the snow hugging your every limb and every inch of your body.

Memories of your childhood flashed through your eyes, the happy moments that were filled with laughter exchanged between you and your friend as the two of you made snow angels, joyful giggles flew in the air around you once you both stood up to compare the shapes to one another and chuckle at the ridiculous outcomes.

Before you could fully indulge yourself in the memory, you felt a foreign object pressing against your foot, your eyes shot downwards to the sight of a dark circular item— a pine cone?

Your heartbeat unexpectedly picked up its pace, was there someone around? You weren’t in an area that had pine trees around them, they were atleast a few miles away from you.

Loud rustling reached your ears from ahead, what sounded like a person quickly walking— in an abnormally fast way that made you prepare yourself for the appearance of any random person, your senses heightening at the possible danger awaiting, the shadow slowly appeared in front of the fog, a really short one that confused you.

Once the mist finally had dispersed, revealing the last outcome you had been expecting— an adorable puppy that jumped its way through the snow, you stared at the shimmering fur that had gotten covered with small bits of the sparkling snow, the puppy barked at you in excitement, their tail swaying behind them in the snow while their shining eyes studied your face.

Your hands held onto the pine cone, a smile stretching out on your face once you noticed that the puppy was waiting for you to return the item, sitting in front of you patiently in a well behaved manner, a clear indication of how attentive and careful their owner is.

“Is this yours, hm?” You questioned, voice playful and low in fear of possibly disturbing the overly excited puppy who only barked in delight at your question, and as your hand was reaching forward to return the beloved pine cone, you and the sweet puppy’s ears picked up the distressed yells a large distance away.

The puppy turned its body towards the direction it came from, breathing the cold air in before barking countless times as if to signal their location and on cue the rushed footsteps that dug into the snow approached your figures closer.

“There you are, Layla.” A young boy appeared from between the twinkling mist, his features sharp and eye catching the closer he walked towards both of you, a charming smile etching its way onto his chiseled face at the sight of his beloved dog, “I was getting worried, pretty girl.” He breathed out in relief before finally noticing your presence.

His back suddenly straightened, shoulders pulling back while his eyes widened before the prettiest pink you’ve ever seen dusted his ears and cheeks, “oh hi.” He breathed out shyly, he could feel his heartbeat drumming in his ears as the last thing he was expecting to find Layla next to was a gorgeous girl.

You couldn’t help the quickened thump of your own heart either, the appearance of this young guy that was clad in a large dark coat, black pants along with a matching hat that revealed small peaks of his dark brown hair had your mind reeling, he was undeniably handsome.

“hello.” You whispered back, instinctively holding the pine cone towards your chest as holding eye contact with the beautiful man only made your body buzz further with excitement and nervousness, the guy also losing his internal battle with the possibility of facing you as his eyes had only been following his dog’s moving tail in hopes of calming his own nerves down.

The said puppy’s gaze danced between her owner and the new friend, unfamiliar with her owner’s sudden shy side appearing in front of a potential friend making her suspicions arise, and the moment she was about to bark in the direction of her owner once again, the guy spoke out.

“Did she tackle you onto the floor?” He asked, tone laced with concern at the realisation of your position on the snow while you held the pine cone in your hand, “no!” You quickly denied once you lifted your head and saw his worried expression, thousands of apologies disappeared from his tongue at your words and he couldn’t help but breathe another sigh of relief, “I’m actually making… snow angels.” Your voice had dropped a few octaves towards the end.

Quieting your own words to hide them from the handsome guy that you prayed wouldn’t make fun of you for your childish behaviour from your first ever encounter, you were preparing yourself for the worst reaction to slap you across the face and for his laughter to reach your ears yet— “oh I love snow angels!” His excited voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

You turned to face him again, to see the genuine excitement and fondness lacing his face before patting the snow next to you, a warm smile gracing your features that made the unknown boy’s heart to leap in his chest, “come join me!”

The loud ring of the bell harshly pulled you out of the sweet memory into the reality you had been dreading, all of your senses returning to the present made a sinking feeling take over your heart, by the time you leave this place you won’t be able to remember this precious memory.

Your hand instinctively wrapped around the pine cone, in attempt to protect and shield it from the possibility of disappearing, the idea of one of the most precious days of your life dissipating from your memory lane made your shoulders sink further, the anxious feeling of pure unease settled deeply into your bones, and before you were able to prepare yourself further, you felt your throat closing up.

And as if your own body had turned its back towards you, your gaze had shifted beneath the cursed words to the bottom of the paper, where a clear and bold line awaited your pen to grace upon it.

signature: ________

Your vision then travelled towards the boxes, the finality of your decision settling into your limbs when your hand finally moved from your necklace to hold onto the pen again, and with a heavy heart along with a new veil of tears aligning your eyes, you finally allowed the first drop of ink to land on the paper.

☒ yes | ☐ no

The wind around you turned colder, it felt as if the breeze was scolding you for such decisions, the guilt by now had started to eat you up alive, tainting your brain and choking you up on your own unshed tears, you tried to breathe in deeply, attempting to calm your heaving chest down as with each passing second you felt your lungs constricting further.

“Miss, are you ready?” The nurse had suddenly appeared next to you, caring and worried eyes scanning your shaky figure on the seat, knuckles white around the wooden board that held your signature and confirmation for the procedure, your head lowered in shame of the sight of your tears being revealed, though all the hurt was evident in your body language.

“This way, miss.” She quickly guided you towards the office, your hand reached out to carry the box next to you, the cardboard that contained all of your memories that were stuffed into items, her hand reached out to hold the trembling board from your weak one while the other hovered around your lower back, bringing an odd sense of comfort for you as your feet walked you towards your own heartbreak.

The walls of the office appeared cold to the touch, the solid floor beneath you brought the aura of seriousness for you, almost as if awakening you from your hurtful thoughts to the reality of the situation, there was no turning back now. Then with each step that you took towards the chair, memories of this morning took over your mind.

Layla, your precious puppy sat ahead of your crouched figure in front of the bed, you sat atop the mattress that felt so unwelcoming, so foreign to you, as if you hadn’t slept multiple times between the same sheets with your love before.

Your puppy was cautious, big shining eyes studying every tear drop that ascended down the curve of your cheekbone, her own body slouching with each sob that wrecked through your body, “I’m sorry.” The yellow light from your bedside table casted a soft glow on both of your small figures, Layla reached towards you, one of her paws landing besides you on the bed as she lifted herself up while the other was placed gently against your leg.

“I can’t continue staying here, baby.” You explained to her, with each break in your voice her ears dropped lower, the sadness and confusion evident all over her adorable face, long gone was the look of excitement and pure love that painted her face whenever she saw you, as if she was able to understand your words she pushed her fluffy body towards you more.

“I can’t be with you, or jaeyun anymore.” You whispered, sweaty and cold palms reached out towards her small face, her golden fur comforting you as it brushed against your skin, you allowed her loving presence to curtain over the overwhelming sense of fright that your stomach was unable to digest, her familiar scent coating your senses bringing a feeling of ease into your panicked state.

“I love you so much.” You whispered to your little cupid, the one who had brought you together with your first true love. The one who had unknowingly brought so much happiness and joy to your dull life with her and her father’s presence.

“Are you ready, miss?” The doctor called out, dragging you out from the reality that only existed in your head now, a cloud of doom now hovered above your head as there was no space to return back to, this was it. That was your last time with Layla, ever.

The pill of the reminder suddenly seemed to large to swallow, the thought of an eternal separation from your beloved little cupid felt agonising to you, the tightening in your chest worsened, your fingers dug into your own palm to cause the tiniest bit of satisfaction when the pain travelled throughout your nerves, you deserved this.

You had known this was the correct decision a long time ago, this was the only way you had been able to save yourself but god how could you be so selfish at the same time? How could you leave two very important people behind you and live in eternal bliss? You heart began to thunder against your ribs, each thump begging you to return, to turn back on your footsteps and go back home.

To return to your love, to your small family, to endure the pain and the sting of the knowledge that jaeyun would never view you the way you had done.

To return to your angel, the one who sat by the door with her tail swaying behind her excitedly at the sight of the door opening, in hopes of a possible walk with her best friend, then her tail suddenly paused atop the wooden floor while her pointy and excited ears dropped, breaking your heart when you crouched down to kiss her head for the final time, in hopes of your feelings conveying to her through the loving contact, atleast for the last time.

You knew the love you held for him had to be dissipated. Though the pure, innocent adoration and devotion your heart carried for him didn’t deserve to be gone. Yet it wasn’t worth putting Jaeyun through possible pain and suffering.

If only you had known from the start that this was the consequence of your actions of inviting Jaeyun to create snow angels with you on that morning would lead you to the punishment of falling in love with Jaeyun, you would’ve never stepped foot into the snow that day.

The doctor held your hand gently, his eyes held nothing but sympathy and pity for you, your fingers pale and shaky in his hold as he placed the small device on your index finger, the pulse reader instantly showing your quickened heartbeat on the screen, “the procedure is going to be a quick and painless one…” the doctor’s words echoed throughout your eardrums, each word drifting off from one ear to the other as your vision was stuck on the numbers constantly picking up.

As if a chain had been tightened around your neck, your throat closed up further, you suppressed every sob that threatened to escape from you, your feet had gotten numb on the chair at some point while you shut your eyes with reassuring words replaying in your head in attempts to soothe yourself, yet each one was being repeated atop of an image of a smiling jaeyun behind your closed eyes.

The nurse behind you had brought the two iron pieces closer to your temples, each one glowing with a red light, indicating the disconnection while they approached your skin, and once both pieces were attached to you as if they were pieces of magnets, your heart only sunk further in your body.

The doctor exchanged incoherent words with the nurse that your ears weren’t able to comprehend, your senses only picking up the constant beeping of the monitor, each beat picked up its speed, symbolising how your heart was beating rapidly at the thought of your one and only love, at the thought of losing him entirely in less than a few minutes.

Your eyes then landed on the screen besides you, blue lights blinding your sight as you took in the multiple tabs open on the screen with “generating link” as the largest one, the percentage increased quickly, each number made your breath turn shorter as the gravity was finally settling in, the small sting that you felt on the sides of your head was incomparable to the ache of your heart, still filled with so much useless hope after all these months.

“Are you ready?” The doctor asked, a consoling smile etched onto his features, you nodded quickly, eager to get the procedure done with now before your weak heart convinced you to run outside of this clinic and into the arms of the man you fell in love with.

“Alright then.. we should be starting…” the doctor’s voice slowly disappeared, his words gradually faded away from you as your eyes remained shut while the machine forced you to a trip down your beloved memory lane, your memory path that was dedicated for sim jaeyun only.

The first memory you had shared with him after your first encounter played in front of your closed eyes, you remembered this one in a crystal clear way, the sight of you and Jaeyun walking hand in hand was imprinted onto the back of your eyelids, the familiar sight making your heart jump into your throat.

“I’m gonna win you the teddy bear!” Jaeyun shouted excitedly as he walked, his grip on your hand firm yet gentle while he made his way through the crowd in the carnival, rushing towards the claw machine quickly, bumping into random people every few seconds making you laugh at his enthusiasm, unaware of jaeyun’s heart thundering in his chest at the sound of your laughter.

“You really don’t have to, Jake.” You rushed besides him and the second the baby blue and pink lights of the machine landed on your smiling face he felt his breath hitching in his throat, your shining eyes presenting as windows to your excitement and pure joy you felt besides him made his heart leap in his chest, “but i want to.” he breathed out gently, mesmerised besides your distracted frame.

your eyes studied the glass window curiously, jaeyun was confused as to why he could tell exactly when your eyes landed on the teddy bear he mentioned, confused as to why he was able to study all of your expressions so well so soon, to why they mattered and intrigued him so much, surely the fleeing thought of cradling your face gently into his arms was an intrusive one, and totally not because of his own feelings and urge to do so, right?

his hands reached out to push his coin into the slot before reaching towards the small handle, his fingers buzzed with excitement and anxiety, the need to win this teddy bear for you chanting throughout his mind as he lowered the claw onto the fluffy toy, and once the iron claws wrapped around the bear, your hand sneaked its way between both of your figures to lace with his fingers, a soft squeeze of encouragement that made the boy’s heart thump needily.

“You got it, jake!” you beamed from besides him, you quickly held the fluffy toy in your arms, hugging the precious teddy close to you, the sight making jake’s world slow down its rotation, his heart jumping into his throat as he took in the sight of your happy expression, your sweet and thankful words falling onto his ear before they travelled out the other, he was hypnotised, your happiness casting a spell on him effortlessly.

“Jaeyun..” he suddenly breathed out, snapping back into reality with a soft, loving smiling permanently etching its way onto his face, “hmm?” You questioned, moving your sparkling eyes from the toy to his handsome face, his sweet grin made rose dust along your cheeks, he reached out to hold your hand before he spoke out again, “call me jaeyun.”

“Okay, jaeyun.” You chuckled affectionately at him, one hand intertwined with his slender fingers while the other held the teddy close to your heart, “what are you going to name it?” His eyes dropped back onto the teddy, quickly switching the topic as his heart felt like it was on the verge of exploding the longer he drowned in the ocean of your eyes.

“Jakey.” You smiled at the sight of his eyes widening, eyebrows lifting as he audibly laughed, the sound ringing like melodies in your ears. The view of him blushing and laughing under the stars becoming your favourite in that instant as everything else around you blurred and your sole focus was on him and only him.

“Let’s take you and Jakey to the ferris wheel then.” He joked before walking towards the said ride, fingers still laced with yours as he pulled your shy figure gently to follow him throughout the crowd.

And suddenly with a mere blink you were stuck in the middle of moving bodies, one hand unbearably cold while the other held onto a teddy, confusion laced your expression as the lights of the ferris wheel glowed ahead of you, why were you here in the first place?

Just like that, Jaeyun disappeared from a precious memory that belonged to you.

Your surroundings in front of the ferris wheel darkened, a small circle of light engulfing you before your dissociated out from the memory, you had your eyes closed shut, not daring to open them when all you could hear was the murmurs of the doctor and the nurse confirming the removal in the first memory.

All you could detect was the consistent sinking and pain aching in your heart, the dizziness in your head as you altered your memories and forcefully removed the only person who you ever truly loved in your life, the agony from the thought so great that it allowed new streaks of tears to decorate your skin.

And as you let out another shaky breath, you were pushed into another memory.

The harsh breeze of the wind grazed jaeyun’s skin while his teeth chattered slightly at the icy stabs along his arms, he quickly moved from the sidewalk to the empty road that accompanied the ray of sunlight courtesy to the shorter buildings next to it.

His shoulders relaxed at the warmth that travelled his system, his fingers didn’t feel like they were about to fall off anymore the longer he kept them pushed into his pockets under the sun, he relished in the vast difference between the cold breeze and the warm sunlight, a weird sense of soothe scurrying into his mind.

The comparison was awfully familiar, yet he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it reminded him of.

Nonetheless he continued walking, making the final turn that allowed the sight of his house to enter his line of vision, his insides buzzed with worry and excitement at seeing you again, your appearance always brought him solace especially when he walked into the view of you playing with Layla happily in the living room.

Yet whenever he remembered the position both of you were stuck in regarding your importance in his life, his mind got jumbled with negativity and worry again.

But he was determined that tonight was going to make a difference.

Especially with the apology he had spent days memorising, his finger brushed against the small box in his pocket that brought an unexpected but welcomed wave of positivity for him, it was the first time that he felt so confident in himself with something that involved both of you.

The slight graze of the velvet against his skin reminded him of the way your skin felt against his, the sunlight that glowed atop his honey skin beautifully reminded him of the warmth your love provided for him, oh how he adored you.

And there was jaeyun, finally walking towards his door with a pep in his step, his chest feeling ridiculously lighter while the blood rushed to his face at the thought of you in front of his eyes.

His shaky fingers wrapped around the handle before pushing the large piece of wood, layla instantly greeting him at the door with a welcoming woof of her own, making him smile widely.

“Hello my princess,” he spoke with a soft voice, kneeling down to pet her after closing the door behind him, all worrisome thoughts disappearing from his brain the second her soft fur nuzzled against his palms, he chuckled at all of her licks against his cheeks, turning his head as he giggled and unknowingly seeing your missing shoes on the floor.

Confusion wrapped around his head as a weird, unnerving emotion settled into his stomach, he quickly looked around the living room for any sight of you only to be left further confused since you hadn’t told him about leaving the house today.

“Is she not home?” He questioned layla, his glossy eyes returning to the puppy who visibly lost all of her enthusiasm, quieting down and only licking at his palm in hopes of bringing some sort of comfort to her owner the longer he desperately searched for any sign of you.

“It’s alright,” he walked towards the living room, a sudden wave of dizziness crawling its way to his conscious, he involuntarily closed his eyes at the unexpected pain while his feet quickly led him towards the couch with a worried layla trailing behind him, “she’ll come back.” He whispered, comforting himself while his hands reached to hold onto his head.

And before he could realise, he laid onto the soft fabric of his couch as a wave of sleep took over him while his consciousness drifted. Unbeknownst to him, that would’ve been the last time he would remember you.

「 i don’t wanna tip toe but i don’t wanna hide. 」

The doctor’s hands paced around his instruments panically, your soft sniffles ringing in both his and the nurse’s ears as their heart broke for the nth time that day at the sight of the memory on the screen of their computer, the memory that held an immense amount of pain as the only thing you could focus on in that moment was the view of jaeyun sitting down next to a random girl, his arm wrapped around her shoulders while she turned her head to the side to quickly peck his jaw.

“Is that not.. jake?” Your friend asked from besides you, her eyes widening at the sight of the guy who captured your heart huddled next to an unknown girl by a cafe’s window, the view inevitably catching your gaze too as your brain almost shut down at that moment.

“It is.” You whispered in confirmation, the cobbled stone beneath your feet glued you atop of it while your world slowed down, just like your first encounter— you felt everything around you slowly dissolve till your sole focus was on jaeyun with a random woman.

You friend thankfully picked up your irregular breathing, and she was sure if she had listened close enough she would’ve also been able to hear the sound of your heart shattering into countless pieces while your face was an open window to your emotions.

The feeling of your stomach sinking completely brought you back into reality, the situation was laughable really, just a few weeks ago he seemed too shy to even hold your hand yet here he was now with his arm around another woman.

He might’ve not been able to hold eye contact with you just a few weeks ago, but right now he was able to laugh at the top of his lungs at what looked like a joke the woman said.

“Let’s go.” Your friend sternly announced, holding your hand the second she noticed your eyes swelling up with tears and quickly pulled you to walk into a different alleyway while jaeyun slowly disappeared in the background, leaving the random woman to sit alone in your memory before you quickly tumbled into another one.

Your vision began to slowly clear, another memory opening up ahead of you as you felt yourself getting lost in your emotions regarding this whole procedure.

The aroma of the coffee was pungent in the living room, wafting through the air accompanied by the sweet scent of cinnamon, Layla’s sweet coos and quiet noises of approval and support kept you company and sane after witnessing the man your heart thrummed for wrapped up in the arms of another woman.

Due to the unending conflict and doubts eating away at your mind, resulting in a very upset you and a worried Layla to walk around the house to distract yourself, and the perfect distraction did you find when your feet dragged you into the kitchen.

“I guess it’s just me and you.” Expressing yourself to Layla had always been something that came very easily to you, she was your closest friend at the moment after all. Always by your side to comfort you whether it was by cuddling you with your tears landing like rain drops on her soft fur till you fell asleep or by urging you to play with her and get your mind off her dad.

And right as you were about to move the few pastries from the tray onto the plate on the counter, you and Layla’s ears picked up the familiar and dreadful sound of the door being opened, announcing Jake’s arrival with the loud creak of the wood once he pushed it forward.

As expected, the air that carried the dizzying scent of your pastry was suddenly filled with tension. As if each golden particle of the sweets that travelled through the air while carrying your love transformed into a harsh droplet of ice, the atmosphere further thickening uncomfortably when the boy walked inside of the kitchen to the sight of you in front of the counter with your puppy nuzzling to your leg.

“That smells amazing..” he muttered, feeling shy and small when faced with your stiff back, and he knew he deserved the treatment that you had for him, he knew that you had seen him with someone else. Yet he didn’t have the heart to even think about bringing up that conversation, deciding by his own that stuffing the confrontation into a small box and pushing it far away to a corner in his mind was for the best now.

“Thank you.” Your response was curt, almost monotone with the way you tried your best to not have whatever conversation between you two last longer, his presence alone was suffocating enough for you, you didn’t have the heart to face him.

And jaeyun of course noticed all of this, he noticed the way your back was still faced towards him. A clear and painfully obvious contrast from the way you used to greet him with a loving hug and sometimes even a sweet, shy kiss to his cheek if you were really in the mood for it. The memories of those adoring welcomes will always eat away at his conscience, a constant reminder of what he lost.

But was jaeyun going to ask you to talk with him so both of you could finally address the invisible tornado of unspoken emotions in the room? Of course no.

“I was wondering if you…” he trailed off, voice quiet and almost hesitant in approaching you, and his doubts began to gnaw at his heart when your shoulders tensed further, his anxiety made his tone even more jittery when he continued “want to spend some time with me..?” The final syllable was a mere whisper.

Jaeyun felt the distance between you both panicking, he’s never felt you so far away and unreachable for him even though he knew the reason but his fear of rejection and possible failure was overpowering his logical idea of actually hearing your side and confessing his own thoughts, deciding alone for both of you that the best approach to this situation was not acknowledging it in the first place.

“It snowed yesterday, you know.” He pushed his coldly sweaty hands into the pocket of his sweatpants, he could unwillingly hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, his frame was apprehensive as he kept switching his weight from one foot to another while awaiting for your answer, fearful from you declining his offer before he even finished off, “so.. wanna make snow angels?”

He let himself loose, letting go from all of his previous uncertainty and revealing a sweet smile when you finally turned around to face him, a ghost of a grin on your features that never failed to set his chest on fire and make his mind reel, a simple “okay.” had jaeyun over the moon.

Even if Jaeyun was undeserving of your acceptance to his offer, even if this whole action will have a returning moment that will bite you both deeply but in that specific second the need to be wrapped in each other’s warmth surpassed any other feeling you both could have thought of.

And after minutes of being avoidant, hours of steering away from the unavowed storm of words that needed to be exchanged between your two souls to hopefully ignite some sort of hope for your love, after a day full of your eternal bliss in ignorance where you two played into the parts of loving partners that you had formed in your head that was far, way too far from your reality.

You found yourself tangled beneath the satin sheets, clad in your love’s shirt while he laid on his side to face you, every element surrounding you in this current atmosphere was a very clear display of love, of intimacy and devotion that circled the two of you.

With every intrusive thought of just how many times he’s been in this exact position with another woman that you pushed into the back of your head, your grip on his fingers tightened, it was almost driving you insane. The uncertainty and insecurity in your placement in his life was so evident for jaeyun in your actions, and it made his heart ache.

Further proving that he’s not the one for you, because of his undying need to comfort you and whisper his love for you in your ears to wash away all the bad voices in your head that were pushing you to believe that you were the complete opposite of what he saw.

Someone who deserved the utmost love the entire universe could be able to forge and give.

And out of nowhere, the forbidden three words craved their way onto his tongue, jaeyun’s heart leaped into his throat with the suddenly controlling urge to declare his love for you, his love that bursted inside of every vein of his and made his heart thunder between his ribs.

“I..” he unconsciously started, his tone a mere whisper that made your eyes widen, your fingers froze around him making him realise his own words, breath knocked out from his lungs at his own voice that was wavering. So full of emotion, carrying each and every ounce of combined fear and love that he held for you, there was no going back now, he thought.

“I lov—“ and his words were lost in the air, jaeyun was abruptly pulled away once again, vanishing from the other side of the bed and leaving no trace behind him, you sat up in shock at his unexpected disappearance, your chest rising and falling rapidly when he evanesced wholly.

The confusion only settled in a few moments later, why were you sitting on bed and searching for someone? And what was with the sinking and dreadful feeling in your stomach?

Before you could dwell in your turmoil further, a different scene of your memories started to play ahead, it was the day after.

「 and no matter how easy things could be if i did. 」

The scent of the blooming flowers of spring around the cafe distracted you from your friend’s disappointed gaze, her movements with the spoon that mixed the coffee with the cream halted before she cleared her throat, successfully garnering your attention and allowing you to see her dissatisfaction with your situation in only her eyes.

“How muc—“ “listen.” You cut her off, aware of the way that she was about to give you advice for the umpteenth time, to convince and coax you to leave, you felt used to it at this point. Her meaningful words failed to penetrate the wall you had built around yourself regarding anything that was related to jaeyun.

Her hope diminished further when she saw your tired eyes still overflowing with love, the neglect and exhaustion evident in your features, the lack of attention and reciprocation of love from jaeyun was crystal clear to your friend, she absolutely hated seeing you like this.

But she knew that Jaeyun had you wrapped around his finger, your heart drummed for him in a symphony created for only him. She knew that if your love was an ocean then you had drowned a long time ago.

The similarities between you two was almost frustrating for her, as if you both were created from the same soul blown into two different bodies, the love you held for each other heavy, intense and impactful yet you both cowered when faced with the mere possibilities of confession and rejection, far too afraid to lose one another and unaware of the fact that you both were slipping from between the other’s fingers.

“I know.” You whispered, voice barely audible beneath the chatter of everyone around you in the cafe, your heavy lidded eyes stayed on the cheesecake your friend convinced you to order as you felt no appetite, your stomach finding more comfort with the feeling of ache and longing than anything else.

“But I can’t do anything.” Your words broke towards the end, lowering your head in desperate attempt to hide away your glossy eyes from your friend that felt her heart shatter at your frail and weak frame, “I can’t force myself to not love him.” And before you broke down further, your friend’s arms wrapped around you and pulled you into her comfort.

And the feeling of her love and whispers calming you down and engulfing you settled a short moment of peace into your chest before your sight shifted into another memory.

The reminder of why you were here in the first place rang in your head when you finally entered the most dreaded one.

You didn’t want all of your happy memories to fill your being with sorrow, you didn’t want to grieve over a person who you saw everyday, he lived his life before your very own eyes, his every breath that called out to another girl, confessed his love to another woman whom you wished and hoped would become you one day matched with your every breath that called out to him.

Every day and every night your lips refused to not hold hope for his response, till the syllables of his own name tasted foreign on your tongue. they tasted bitter to you, not the familiar sweetness you felt when you had called out to him in the first few months of his delightful presence in your life.

The lightness you felt in you had turned into the constriction of your chest on you, the heavy weight atop your ribs felt as if they were pushing against your heart, punishing it for being so reckless and careless to fall in love with the only man you weren’t meant to be with.

Now each beat of your heart that you were convinced thundered for him, felt like hell breaking loose in between your veins, the burst of ecstasy and excitement had all dulled down to aches of anguish and despair.

And before you knew it, the rush of joy that ascended throughout your body had transformed to absolute misery.

Here you were again, in another painful memory. The mattress sank softly at your weight when you gathered the courage to face your love and your fear, though you weren’t quite sure when those two interlinked.

You knew love was never supposed to be fearful, the unblemished love your heart had held for the boy who had his back turned towards you on the bed was not supposed to frighten your mind with dread of the outcome of tonight.

Jaeyun was on the other side of the bed, huddled beneath the blanket as if using the fabric to protect himself from his surroundings, hiding away from the reality and the truth that awaited him with impatience, “jake..” you whispered, voice low as you tested the waters and longed for any sort of reaction from him.

Yet he remained stoic atop the sheets.

From your perspective, jaeyun appeared so close yet so far away and out of your reach, as the days passed by he pulled further from your grasp, backing away from the same hold that once brought comfort to his distraught conscience, as if the graze of your fingertips burned him.

And before you were able to realise it jaeyun was too far away, standing a large distance far from the circle that contained your warmth, where you stayed. Both of your beings were suddenly standing in a parallel line with no signs of interlacing in a messy circle once again.

You weren’t exactly sure when both of your hearts had gotten intertwined so awfully to one another, a tangled web forming between your ribs. Yet it seemed that whatever force connected the two appeared defenceless and weak when faced against the same force that was rapidly pushing your bodies and minds away from each other.

It appeared like the love that poured in every web and vein wasn’t enough to pull your soul against his own.

“We should talk.. we need to.” you breathed out, tone heavy as if you knew he was going to be quick to shut you out once again, but you weren’t sure if you were going to walk away for a safe amount of time before returning to him again this time.

Just how many times have you lived through this exact scenario? And how many times were you willing to do so?

“There’s nothing to talk about.” he replied through gritted teeth, closing his eyes once he felt the familiar burn around his iris, and there it was. the same answer you had memorised yet so desperately tried to forget, it left a bittersweet feeling to your moment, you were expecting it and the melancholy of hearing it again settled into your emotions.

Instinctively, you turned your head towards him. Your eyes tracing every tense muscle beneath his shirt, the rigidness of his shoulders as he appeared uncomfortable in his own room and god was the thought a punch to your gut when the possibility of your presence making him uneasy crawled its way into your brain.

And the guilt returned to your system immediately, “i’m sorry.” you spoke, words dragged from your strained and tightened throat as you desperately wanted to sprint into the bathroom before a sob fell from your lips. You felt pathetic, really. His coldness and curt replies never affected you as much as this one, maybe it was because you knew this was going to be your last attempt.

With your eyes unfocused on your surroundings, your feet pushed the door of the bathroom behind you before you leaned onto the wall for strength. And unbeknownst to you, jaeyun finally let out a shaky breath fall from between his bruised and bitten lips, allowing all the tears to spill past his skin, the same skin you so lovingly kissed just a few months ago, and now the mere thought of your lips against him was shredding his own emotions apart.

Jaeyun knew that with every harsh word he spoke, he was also single-handedly ripping apart every web between your hearts.

The pale blue moonlight illuminated the room, landing directly on the empty spot in the middle of the bed, as if asking for one of your tense bodies to move towards one another, yet both of you remained with your backs against eachother. Jaeyun was slowly counting the seconds, he knew the exact amount of minutes it took you to fall asleep by now as he had repeated the same routine every night, except this time your breathing was taking longer to deepen than it was supposed to.

That was until he heard a quiet sniffle ring in his ears.

He froze atop the cold sheets, the sound echoing in his mind as if it was tormenting him, the blame and guilt instantly rooting themselves deep in his stomach and extending their branches far in his body, planting themselves fully in his lungs till the point he couldn’t breathe, his breaths turning shallow the more sniffles and quiet cries of heartbreak reached his ears.

The sweat around his palms turned icy, his own body betraying him as he remained paralysed beneath the blanket, his heart screamed at him to go, to move for good for once, fingers itching to turn around and wrap your shaky figure in his hold, to protect you from the demons that were tormenting you both endlessly, yet he couldn’t move.

The louder his heart drummed in his chest to move, the sterner his mind reminded him of how much he deserved this, after all those months of neglect who did he think he was to suddenly switch and turn back towards you? After all those steps he took away from you, how dare he even think of walking back on the same footsteps?

And so he stayed. His body stoic in fear of moving an inch.

He breathed out his first deep breath when he realised that you stopped, when you finally fell asleep and he was able to move and breathe again. Jaeyun wasted no time in getting up from his side of the bed, his feet felt cold against the floor, each step he took towards your side felt heavy on his heart, countless pangs of guilt arrowing themselves directly across his chest at the sight of your sleeping frame hugging the blanket close to you.

The closer he walked towards you, the more he felt the torturous sting in his eyes, he gulped the moment his rigid frame made contact with your blanket, sitting down right next to your small frame. And as he took in the features of your face that he so dearly loved he felt his soul hurting further.

He noticed all the glimmering streaks of tears that aligned your skin, your wet eyelashes that carried and held onto smaller droplets of your pain, the soft redness tainting the tip of your nose matching your cheeks, the longer he stared at you the worse his hands ached to hold you against him.

The comfort of your aura around him had stayed the same, your mere existence around him felt tenderly welcoming to him. The presence that felt like the manifestation of a hug from the whole universe, the warmth that was carefully picked from every star in the galaxy was all provided to him by the heavens in the form of you.

Yet his presence had changed. It had matched yours in the beginning, the presence that was a combination of all galactic bodies, the mere light of his aura challenged the light of the sun and all the stars combined, a glow so bright that rivalled the brilliance of every heavenly titan, he was otherworldly. he was your sunshine.

And now the warmth of the sun had dulled, dissolved into the shell of what he used to be, you thought that maybe each light had its own darkness since even the moon had its own dark side that it was ashamed of turning to show.

His fingertips landed against your soft skin, the disappearance of the coldness from his body the moment it made contact with yours made him melt in front of your sleeping form, and he allowed himself for once to sob all of his pain out.

“I’m sorry..” he whispered, voice breaking as he attempted to convey his emotions once they intensified by the seconds, his misery streaming down his face, “I’m so sorry..” he repeated, the heaviness in his heart worsening at the sight of his tears dripping down onto your blanket, his pain surrounding you once again.

“I wish—“ he gasped for breath, his insides shattering apart the longer he spent next to your frame, “I wish you hated me, so much.” He finally breathed out, his heart stinging with each word, sight blurring further as more tears fell past his cheeks.

“You don’t deserve me, my love.” Jaeyun smiled sadly at your sleeping form, the thought of you receiving the same kind and brave love that you felt for him brought a short-lived happiness to him, he knew he was incapable of reciprocating the adoration that filled you whole because of him.

Jaeyun was scared the second he realised that you had handed your heart over to his hands, he knew his bravery wouldn’t hold enough power to clench his fingertips around your fragile heart, resulting in the delicate and weak item to slip out of his fingers and shatter like countless pieces of glass on the floor.

How he wished he had the courage to love you the same way you loved him, to adore you the same way you adored him, to run back into your warm circle and keep you hidden and protected in his embrace till the end of times, yet he was incapable. His fears and doubts eating away at all the potentials that existed in your heart.

“But I don’t want you to not love me either.” He cried quietly, the thought of you receiving the same love you deserved from someone else destroyed him completely, the visualisation of you smiling the same way you do with him to another man had his hands springing upwards from your skin to grip onto his hair, paining himself in hopes of the torturous image dissipating from his mind.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated once again, his eyes stinging at the continuous hurt his body had bottled up and just got the courage to spill, Jaeyun knew he wasn’t brave enough to show and confess his love to you the way you had done for him, and that fact tugged further on his heartstrings.

The rational part of him hoped aimlessly for a day to arrive where you would realise your worth, realise that jaeyun was still being eaten alive with his fear and doubts and guilt all at the same time, his love for you was overflowing yet he hid each and every bit of it so well.

He knew you deserved better, his rational part always tormenting him with his unworthiness and pushing him further away from you, yet his heart— god his heart couldn’t possibly handle the simple thought of you being away from him.

It was his weak side that still clutched you against him so tightly, the side that was fully and wholly controlled by his emotions that were feral for you, the part of him that desperately ignored all warnings and reminders of his logical side.

Deep down, you knew you and jaeyun were never meant to be. The difference between you and him was vast, similar to the difference of the sand and the ocean, the land and the sky, the moon and the sun. Both parts completing each other while repelling one another at the same time.

You two were never meant to intertwine in the first place.

And even if Jaeyun was finally ready to push every pearl and grain of sand into the ocean, to make the sky fall atop the land and to alter the moon and the sun’s planes’ into a permanent eclipse, it was way too late.

For by the time he wakes up, he won’t even be able to remember you.

The metal pieces on your temples glowed green, indicating another opening for a memory for you, a few days after your despair with jaeyun, where he finally collected all the dispersed courage from his head and went out of his way to make it up to you, inevitably wrapping you both further into his unhealthy cycle of messing up and redeeming himself.

Disregarding the fact that both of your hearts can only take so much. After so much heartbreak and neglect to the core of your soul that only held passion and love towards him, it was bound to give up on trying one day. But you were still loving him. And jaeyun ignored all the voices in his head when they began to claim that your unreciprocated love can’t last that long. Because Jaeyun believed in you.

And maybe it was blinded belief, blurred with his own hope that continued to bloom in his chest, his hope to fix and repair himself as soon as possible so he can present himself to you wholly, even if his time was running thin, even if he didn’t believe in himself, he still found comfort in the small amount of optimism that maybe he can bring the version of him that you adored in your to life.

You both knew that you fell in love with a side of him that he was too afraid to share, too doubtful to uncover and give himself and his most vulnerable parts to, and he knew that he had imprinted himself onto your mind, tattooed his presence onto your heart and he could say that the same implied to himself, it was only a matter of time.

But Jaeyun didn’t know that the longer he was taking to mend himself, he was breaking you further. Just how much longer were you supposed to wait for him to walk back and finally engulf you in his arms again? How much longer was he expecting you to wait while he cured himself? How much longer were you supposed to wait for his love? Unmindful of the way that you, yourself needed to heal as well.

Yet here you were, hand laced with jaeyun’s as he pulled you towards the dining room in the house, his excited giggles rang throughout the walls before the sound got trapped in your head and repeated continuously, your legs moved you in front of the table where a small chocolate cake was placed with three candles atop the icing.

“I made t—“ he started off before he felt your puppy’s fur graze his leg and cut his words, “me and layla made this for you.” He corrected himself, you were still facing the glowing cake with your oh so gentle gaze that never failed to make jaeyun sigh lovingly besides you, “happy birthday, my love.” He whispered, each word knitted with his undying devotion for you, and you felt it. Which made you love him further.

“Thank you, Jaeyun.” You replied, the room suddenly blurred from around you as your only focus was back to him again, to jaeyun’s charming smile and twinkling eyes when you finally faced him, the soft golden burn from the candles made him glow beautifully for you, with his closeness to your body and his fingers still intertwined with yours, you felt yourself falling in love with him all over again.

And jaeyun felt the same, your grateful grin as all of your features softened when your gaze met his made his heart melt into a puddle in his chest, the familiar electricity buzzed between both of your frames, the small glimmer of hope became a fired storm that lit and roared more when the two of you only seemed to get further lost in each other’s presence.

With jaeyun’s face inches away from yours, his arms reached to wrap around your waist, swiftly lifting and placing you on the wooden table next to the cake, the surprised gasp that fell past your lips made him chuckle, his hands then lowered to rest on your thighs, “make a wish, sweetheart.” He spoke, you could feel each flutter of his eyelashes against your skin as he held you close to him.

His slow breath that brushed against your collarbones when he pressed his forehead against yours, both of you closing your eyes to drown completely in this moment, dedicating your mind, body and heart in the close and comfortable warmth of one another that your souls craved for so deeply and desperately, the need clawing away at your heart and finally settling once your hand moved onto his chest, settling above his ribs. You almost melted against him when you felt the rapid thumping of his heart beneath your fingertips.

He moved his head into the crook of your neck, a sudden drowsiness creeping through him as he felt so safe and shielded with you so close to him, you didn’t feel as far and cold from him like you usually do, and that thought brought so much peace to his mind for the first time in months.

And so you breathed his scent deeply, surrounding yourself further in him as you made a wish where you weren’t asking for too much, just for jaeyun’s love.

“Blow them out.” He lifted himself away from you, his fingers ghosting against your legs while he smiled encouragingly at you, both of your eyes seemed glossier with the light of the candles casting down on them.

“Do it with me.” You requested with your tone fragile and careful. jaeyun’s widened, his eyes turning into crescents as he looked at you tenderly. He nodded making you turn your head towards the candles, the slight warmth provided by the small fire lead shivers to run down your spine before you both leaned down and blew on the candles together.

And right when you turned back to face jaeyun with a grin, you were left alone next to the chocolate cake, the cold air jabbing at your skin while your eyes uncontrollably sought for the sight of anyone, you could’ve sworn you felt warm hands on your thighs, but there was no one else in the room other than you and layla.

Where did this cake come from? And why were you not able to remember who made this cake?

「 i waited for your love. 」

All at once, the machine glitched. Losing its track on the map of your mind when the lights around your temples glowed scarlet, indicating the loss of the connection, the interlink pausing for a brief second when a sob wrecked through your body when you remembered the memory you were about to erase.

The nurse’s rushed movements to carefully pat your cheeks that were dampened with your tears were useless against your gut wrenching cries, a rush of emotions that raged in your chest before they fell through your eyes, like a dam shattering apart as the waterfalls streamed down your face and separated from your chin to land on your lap, gradually dampening the fabric.

“Please keep t-this one.” You whimpered, each word falling apart as your voice quietened slowly, your hands reaching to clasp around the necklace that graced your chest, the small piece of pine almost penetrating your skin with its sharp edges the tighter you held it when you opened your blurry eyes to the sight of the doctor and the nurse gazing at you warily, the sorrow was shared in the room as their sympathy towards you was clear in the windows of their eyes.

The woman’s warm hands gently held onto your shaking shoulder while you begged and sobbed with the machine glitching to please keep this upcoming memory, you felt helpless. More parts of your love, of your heart being ripped away from you were finally catching up to you and god was the pain absolutely unbearable.

Was this the punishment one had to pay for the innocent act of falling in love with sim jaeyun?

Words and voices became blurred and intangible from around you, the apologies from the nurse and the doctor never fully processing in your mind as the sorrowful memory had started to play ahead of your eyes with no help from the machine.

Your last whispers were to keep this memory, to leave the memory so you can hold onto the final and most precious piece of sim jaeyun that you got to see and experience first hand, the moment where your adoration and devotion towards the boy was solidified, before the pieces returned to glow in thier emerald hue and the device relinked.

Your head ached with the continuous tears flowing down your face when the memory of you and jaeyun sitting next to each other on the couch unfolded, his fingertips ghosted on your skin, dancing around and drawing shapes and words only he knew the meaning behind while he held you close to him, the inexplicable need and desire to hold you near took a hold of him, and you understood it.

You and jaeyun understood one another beyond the boundaries others deemed possible, you understood his soul so well, his soul that was crafted from a language so intricate and delicate and you were fluent in it. And when faced with the opposite situation of him knowing your soul, he flowed in every crack and crevice of your being easily.

his presence had seeped its way throughout all of your walls that you spent day and night building, growing rapidly all over your walls like vines before breaking them all one by one, till he rooted himself in a great spot, deep in your heart.

If possible, he knew your soul better than he knew his own. But the disagreement of your minds overpowered the link between your hearts and unraveled your tangled souls from one another.

And maybe your mastery in his language was the dawn for the demise of your sweet, innocent love. Because you hated that you could tell how fidgety and anxious jaeyun was around you in this current moment.

“Is something wrong?” You finally had the bravery to voice out, worry worsening when you felt his movements freeze. He cleared his throat before sighing, pulling himself slightly away from you to stare into your eyes.

You felt time slowing around you when you saw his glossy gaze, sim Jaeyun looked breathtaking with the amount of emotions that swirled in his eyes, an amount you couldn’t even begin to fathom or comprehend, you felt yourself gradually losing yourself the longer both of you drowned on the other’s presence, the atmosphere then carried a great sense of doom that both of you decided to ignore.

Too scared to face the results of your avoidance.

“I have a gift for you.” Jaeyun breathed out, the weight that he dragged on his shoulders became heavier when he continued his typical routine of ignorance, of running away from the problem in every possible direction even if they led him to the most tragic path.

Nodding to encourage him, you pursed your lips in anticipation, excitement sparking slowly when you finally pushed away every anxious thought of what could be possibly bothering jaeyun, his hands reached towards his pocket where he pulled a box, your eyes widening when— “I’m not proposing!” He quickly blurted out once he caught your shocked expression, “it’s just— a special gift.” He blushed making you tilt your head in confusion, unknowingly deepening the blush on his face.

“Here.” He handed you the white velvety box, your fingers brushed against the fabric one final time before opening the lid and god you’ve never felt so many conflicted emotions all at once.

The intense vehemence and hurricane of feelings swirling around your heart and chest uncoordinatedly lead the device unable to keep up with the contrast between your happiness in the memory and the sheer ache that you were facing in the current time.

Like the tides of an ocean, your regret washed down on you. Intensifying as if the waves were battling with a storm, escalating the worse the strikes of the thunder became with the time. How were you supposed to forget about him?

“Why are you crying?” His voice was weak, lips quivering in panic of you repelling his gift, hating the small pine cone necklace that adorned the box in your hands, “what?” You asked, confusion laced in your voice, you were over the moon why would you be crying?

You fingertips left the soft pine cone pendant to touch your face, flinching when feeling the small tear drop on the pad of your finger, you never cried in this memory.

“Please calm her down, her emotions are disrupting the memory.” You heard the muffled voice of the doctor followed by the panicked and comforting whispers of the nurse in your ear, whispered promises of living in peace and finding happiness barely reached your mind when you were wiping away your happiness yourself right now.

“Let me help you put it on.” Jaeyun proposed, smiling softly when you nodded and turned around after handing him the necklace, Jaeyun chanted words of reassurance in his head in hopes of calming his shaking fingers that burned when they brushed against your skin, clasping the necklace for the first and final time around your chest, he felt happiness and pride blooming in his heart at the satisfaction of having a piece of himself around you at all times.

“Turn around so I can see you, pretty.” He leaned in and whispered into your ear, his smile widening when you chuckled at his words and turned around.

But why was there no one behind when you turned?

Gasping through your tears with the pieces glowing crimson around your temples, you searched through the blurry figures of white coats and stethoscopes for a different one, though unknown to you who exactly you were searching for, your eyes still raced through every corner of the room.

“Please calm down, miss.” The nurse reassured, pushing the device back onto your temples when you still weakly looked around, too exhausted to respond or fight for your belief that someone is supposed to be here for you, “we’re one final memory away.” You heard the doctor talk before breathing a shaky breath in and taking your final trip to your memory lane.

“I’ll return before night, love.” Jaeyun shouted from the door, hoping that you weren’t able to hear his wavering voice when he left you on the only day you asked for him to stay, but after all of your attempts and requests to get him to stay were unsuccessful, you stayed in the room with your puppy as you waited for her father.

And what was supposed to be two hours became three, what became three turned into the evening, and here you were with your back leaning against the door Jaeyun walked out from when it’s past midnight, Layla’s figure quickly found your own crouched one, arms wrapped around your knees to allow the sleeves of your shirt to catch your tears when the thunder struck for the nth time that night, the night that Jaeyun didn’t return.

Your chest felt empty, as if your heart had been ripped and now the cold air passing through the void of where you used to hold a blinding love made goosebumps align like constellations along your skin, you felt hollow.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, baby.” You cried to layla who’s ears only lowered, if it wasn’t for the poor lighting in the hallway you would’ve been able to also see her own glossy and hurt filled eyes at the sight of you, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t make him love me.” You turned your head from her silhouette. Shame, humiliation and heartache overflowing you entirely as you sobbed behind the same door jaeyun was leaning against.

He stood there with his frame freezing from the cold, another night of him not being able to tell the difference between the rain droplets falling from his hair and his own salty tears as he allowed the guilt to eat him up from the inside out, not having the heart to possibly open the door and greet the view of a heartbroken you.

He had seen the sight of your tired eyes too many times, and knowing that he himself was the root of the pain made the heartache devour him whole, so he slid down onto the wet floor beneath him with his back towards the door, chuckling tearfully at his own patheticness.

If only he had the bravery to free fall into the sweet and accepting love that bloomed between the two of you like you had, maybe he would’ve been on the other side of the door to engulf you in his arms and console you.

But who was he kidding, he’s the same guy that couldn’t handle the responsibility of your pure heart and distracted himself with other women, surrounding himself with different fragrances and lipstick prints all when the lady of his heart was always within arm’s reach.

He wished he had moulded himself back into the version of him that you met, the loving and easygoing Jake that gazed at you with stars in his eyes, but the damage had already been done. There was no turning back now.

Especially not when you finally opened your eyes fully to the blinding light in the room, the soft blue light being sighted in your peripheral vision, indicating the completion and the success of the operation.

Elation sparked in your body, gradually burning into a small fire when you couldn’t remember anything.

“How are you feeling, miss?” The nurse asked, a hopeful smile gracing her features while she gazed at a confused you taking in your surroundings as if it was your first time, “weirdly.. light?” The doctor chuckled at your words, “the operation was a success.” He spoke before grinning pridefully at his triumph.

“You did amazing, miss.” The nurse praised as she helped you to stand on your own feet with no heavy weight on your shoulders for the first time in months, discarding the metal pieces before shaking your hands, words of gratitude and wishes for a healthy and happy life were exchanged before you finally walked out of the door belonging to the office, taking your first strives with no burden or guilt surrounding you as if you were floating.

Oblivious of the knowledge that Jaeyun woke up with a headache on the other side of the city, the back of his head pounding with him barely able to register Layla’s worried coos, unable to fully open his eyes and lifting his hand to rub the sleep away before— wait was he crying?

The young boy stared at his hand that shined with his tears in confusion, why was he crying? He tried to remember if he had seen a nightmare, a dream, anything— only to reach no answer.

“Hey pretty, don’t worry about me it was probably a dream.” He decided on comforting his puppy that only cooed sadly, his hand reaching forward to pet her fur while the other reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone when it brushed against a foreign object.

Jaeyun’s eyebrows furrowed when he pulled out a small box from his pocket, the item resembling a weirdly intimate small box, he opened it to reveal a beautiful ring— a promise ring. embroidered with a bunch of small diamonds around the silver lining, his confusion deepening when he had absolutely no clue of who this ring could possibly belong to.

He searched the inside for any sort of engraving to no avail, “who was this for..?” He whispered to layla who deflated further into the floor, sadness overflowing from her eyes at the defeat and loss of her friend.

And at the end, you and jaeyun’s tragic love story became encapsulated into a small forgotten star in the vast, wide and endless sky.

Already opening new opportunities and doors for different stories to be woven into your lives, you finally met up with the guy your friend had set you up with, and you knew the decision of trusting her taste was successful when a tall, doe eyed guy showed up to your table.

“Hello, my name is heeseung.” He smiled sweetly, his warm aura welcoming and pulling you in completely, unknown to you that this was just the beginning of your story with the love of your life, both of you getting lost in tangled conversations filled with questions and your interests, unaware of the different couple passing outside of the window.

“Wait so jungwon scored right?” Jake laughed, engrossed in the story of how his best friend almost ended up in the hospital, “after making riki trip, yes.” The girl besides him chuckled when Jake threw his head back in laughter, without noticing how his puppy stood outside of a cafe window, layla was no longer following him and instead she seemed to gaze intensely into the window.

Her tail swishing in excitement and joy when she spotted your figure sitting on one of the chairs, accompanied by a man that wasn’t afraid to wrap his arm around your shoulder while you laughed at his words.

Both you and Jake blind to the sight of the conflicted puppy who’s head only swished on both of your distant figures with two different people around you now before walking away with a heavy heart in jaeyun’s direction.

Maybe you and Jaeyun were never meant to successfully intertwine.

— fin

a,note. this feels so weird to share now because this is my first ever heavy angst filled work that’s also very emotionally connected to me in a way, first of all thank you ariana for releasing album of the year and inspiring me to write this, if you haven’t listened to eternal sunshine please do as soon as possible.

second i’d like to share how somewhat uncomfortable it is for me to share this as i had to take a lot of breaks throughout writing it (i’m an emotional b word pls) and also there were alot of moments that were inspired by my closest friendships / emotional experiences so i really feel like im sharing some sort of part of myself with this as well, but either way i hope u enjoyed reading this !! i love u layla and i’m sorry :(

A LITTLE MYSTERY NEVER HURT ANYBODY . . . pro-hero katuski bakugou x f ! actress reader. m—dni / fluff / hints of ‘tension’ and maybe suggestive… / established relationship / little smau at the end / not proofread / minors don’t read this !!

despite being a fairly new actress, you were able to catch the attention and hearts of the fans from your recent debut just two years ago. becoming a highly in-demand star, given every project possible just to be seen on the screen. however, you kept a secret. that one secret that could cause a frenzy, that the beloved actress of the nation is dating the one and only pro-hero dynamight.

they all assumed that they definitely knew the both of you are in a relationship… somehow. you had that certain glow and katsuki definitely made it sure that he’s not available. no matter how many fans tried to flirt, no matter how many interviews he’s gone through he says one thing very clear, “got a pretty girl already.” however, nobody knew it was with the two of you together.

countless articles are read about you, how you were overheard with a director from your upcoming series that you wanted to avoid any romantic scenes or a partner in general. which boosted more speculation on your ‘mysterious’ love life.

now, your manager says that she got you booked with a new project. you’ll be in a promotional shoot with a pro-hero for a fashion campaign with an upcoming designer. “that’s fine right? you’d be with someone in the shoot though.” your manager says. you shrug, looking over at the recent line the designer put out.

“it’s fine. no point in declining opportunities right?”

she nods enthusiastically, “that’s the spirit! we were actually surprised the team agreed immediately when they found out it was you. i heard they only accepted solo projects for him.”

you smile, “well whoever it’ll be i’m sure we’ll do great.”

the moment you step foot on the set, you were immediately greeted by the designer themselves. “y/n you’re so beautiful, you’re so perfect for us!”

“thank you for believing in me! please take care of me well.” you bow and was brought to your own dresser. quickly dressed in a silk robe and getting your makeup done. your hair was in curlers, the team taking their sweet time to make sure they enhanced your features for the shoot.

you hear a knock on your door, and you could hear your manager gasp when she opens it. peeking at the mirror with one eye, you see a familiar figure walking towards you, messing with the collar of his shirt.

“hey baby.” voice raspy and hoarse. now everyone in the room was shocked. looking at the two of you. to top it all off, katsuki places a quick kiss to your cheek and getting a stool to sit beside you.

your manager definitely felt like she was gonna faint. she had no idea what this was or when, or even how. everyone else was also in shock and confused, felt like time stopped somehow.

why is he now acting all lovey dovey in public? is what they all, including you, wondered.

“fuck baby you’re looking too pretty.” you giggle, trying to stay in place while the makeup artist adds their finishing touches. “thank you katsuki, no wonder you agreed to this shoot.” you say. the makeup artist finally says you’re done, you were all ready, just needed to change into the outfit.

katsuki was in a fitted velvet button up shirt with low-rise slacks. only the middle section of the shirt was buttoned, and for the first time in your career, your professionalism was definitely getting tested. just a little lower you could probably catch a glimpse of his happy trail. “who allowed you to wear that?” you motion with your head. but before he could answer you’re already turned around, moving behind the divider to dress up.

“aw come on, i know you fuckin’ like it.” he says loudly, then followed by the door closing. suddenly the staff was all on you after you stepped out. complimenting how you looked so good, how you’re going to be the new face of the brand after this. but most especially, the elephant in the room.

“i know everyone’s thinking you have a boyfriend but… dynamight?!”

“where, when, why, and how?”

“i never saw him speak that sweetly to anyone before….”

“i thought it was another celebrity! this is really unexpected.”

lots and lots of questions but they were immediately shut down by your manager who wanted to maximize the time. “we still got a shoot. y/n can tell us the details another time.” she gives you that look that reads ‘you better tell me everything’ and you give her an apologetic smile.

you take a look in the mirror, seeing how you matched with him. in a tight velvet dress that hugged your figure really well, probably a piece from the earlier collections. it’s pretty, the skirt is slanted with peaks of ruffled tulle.

you’re start walking to the set where katsuki was already waiting. “oh our princess! you look amazing.” the designer says, holding his hands to his chest. “i knew you and dynamight would look amazing together, i thank you both really.”

you grab their hands, “i’m really happy you paired me with him too!”

you approach katsuki with a smile, and he’s already grinning at you. “well shit this might be the hardest job i’ve taken yet.” he chuckles, placing a hand on your back to help you on the extravagant set.

you’re shining so bright and in your element that he’s just happy to be there. yet, the whole time he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off you, how his hold on you lingered, wanting to touch you even more, even deeper. despite the director giving clear directions that you followed with no fuss, he on the other hand just has to have a hand on you. but it definitely gave an effect on each shot.

katsuki couldn’t help but keep his eyes on you, eyes glimmering with desire. and how you’re looking at him with such a cool glare—it just felt so out of character for the both of you. who’s usually so sweet and him who’s usually so out for reach. “think i need you in this dress when i take you home.” he would whisper. and you’ll playfully hit him on his arm.

when you prepare for the next shot he’d always tell you things that’d rile you up. and when nobody’s paying attention he’d be looking you up and down. “bet you’re even prettier under this fuckin’ dress.”

even in between clothing changes you both looked picture perfect. both complementing each other’s visuals. he’d sneak you out from time to time to get a smooch here and there, resulting in the makeup artists on the set to fix him up because his and your lipsticks would smudge, wondering why he gets messed up all of a sudden.

“you’re so damn pretty baby. too bad the makeup’s gonna get ruined when we get home.”

“stop teasin’ during work kats…”

the last shot had you both seated on the carpet. it was sexy, your hand’s on his bare chest and he’s leaning in towards you with a finger under you chin. the two of you together felt magnetic. it’s so interesting to everyone in that room how the hero who’s usually uncontrollable became so compliant because if you. overall, it just felt too romantic, that petals of roses were somehow seen falling down on the both of you while you posed.

what was most unexpected was how katsuki really enjoyed being in front of a camera, as long as it’s with you (might’ve gotten a few ‘creative’ ideas too). he’s definitely making one of these photos his wallpaper when they upload it.

and the next day, that one shot trended all over the internet. blasted all over the digital billboards in the city too. finally seeing the elegant y/n who seemed to have helped show a new side of the pro-hero to the public.

showering the brand with praises and how much of a ‘genius’ they were for even choosing the two of you as the muses. because it really was just a coincidence that the owner was a fan of you both.

then there goes the online articles, the video complications, the noise that just won’t die down. tweets and photos, even a sudden rise in fanpages. dynamight and y/n, and the public that’s trying to piece every evidences of your interactions. how they were all tricked that your relationship was just under their noses. how in events you’re always seen together, or how your car was spotted in his neighborhood that one time. or when katsuki always keeps saying in interviews that his favorite shows and media always had you in it—main lead or not. the way nobody caught it even when you mentioned that dynamight was one of your favorite heroes. even showing them a small plushie charm that you carried on you hanged on your bag—everyone was stunned.

still, neither of you confirmed anything, yet.

till the moment the official account of the brand posted all the shots of you together, and it was very obvious how the two of you were actually in love, like the head over heels type.

well, the both of you are gonna have more projects together soon for sure.

bonus!

do not copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost my works

note : i really like this actress au i’m definitely gonna make more 😔🙏 different versions for sure

sobbing. i want a heeseung in my life bro 🥹

boyfriend◦pairing bf!heeseung x female!reader genre fluff , established relationship series w.c 0.3K warnings not proofread , kissing ( library )

a relationship with heeseung would be so soft.

he’d be the type to find any plausible excuse to hold your hand, missing your warmth.

suddenly mentioning that he wants to compare hand sizes with you, and a mere five seconds after fiddling with your fingers, he’d trap your hand in his hold, a victorious smile drawn on his lips.

kisses that pepper your face, trailing from your cheeks, to your forehead, and to the tip of your nose.

going on an impulsive pyjama shopping spree and scouring the racks for ones that have matching prints.

him accidentally falling asleep in your arms during a movie session, and you just sit there for a moment, letting the television noise drown out to the sound of light snoring.

shoulder massages.

the way his hair looks in the morning— messily fluffy.

him engulfing you into a hug, and burying his face deeper into the crook of your neck in exhaustion.

him taking advantage of his towering height and giving little head pats.

erupting into cacophonous laughter whilst watching the most ridiculous videos, and gently smacking the other’s shoulder.

him lending you a spare hoodie of his for late-night convenience store runs, and you two just interlace hands, walking under the starry skies in comfortable silence.

trying to make homemade goods, like pizza or cake, without any cooking knowledge— ‘eyeballing it’ as most commonly termed.

occasional “love you”s just because.

“i would love to say that you make me weak in the knees, but to be quite upfront and completely truthful, you make my body forget it has knees at all.”

net @kflixnet @enhanet taglist @halcyoni-ki @wondipity @yjjungwon @shysakuno @niktwazny303 @crxzs @g4m3girl @minhosify @haechansbbg @yeomha @stepout-09-15 @chansburgah @sp22sworld

cupid’s arrow ) continuation to my previous headcanon, boyfriend moments?^^

© byhees | tumblr

yellow sticker — seungmin x reader ; established relationship & happens in the universe of ‘cops and robbers’ (1.5k words)

kim seungmin, resident fuckboy turned soft boy, is on a mission to quit smoking

this was a request by @.notmyblogsblog and i loved it too much not to write it. i hope this is how u pictured it :) btw posting again bc it didn’t show up in the tags the first time

There’s a certain tone in Kim Seungmin’s voice that tells you he wants your attention. It’s partly whiny. Almost annoyed—though, only because he refuses to believe other things weigh heavier in gravity over him in your life.

“Babyyyy.” The drawl in his ‘y’s. The exasperation of his sigh. All very clear tells for the boy.

He hasn’t moved to interrupt you yet, hasn’t moved to block your line of vision and whatever the fuck picture you wanted to take, but you see him enough through your peripheral vision to see the pout of his expression.

You can only laugh. “I told you it’d be boring if you came with me, and you did anyway.”

“Is it such a crime to want to spend time with the girl I like? Besides, I like watching you. Passion looks very sexy on you.”

Well. You’d be lying if you said there was nothing you felt inside from that.

“Shut up.” You swallow, though you can sense relentless teasing from him with the way you set your camera on the desk behind you to try and avert his gaze from your heat-stricken cheeks. “Don’t you have to go now?”

He looks like he doesn’t want to. “I… do. Yeah.”

“With the boys, right?”

Seungmin and his friends have this thing where they meet at specifically set times. You’d jokingly called it the Fuckboy Assembly, but stopped since the boy had expressed his distaste for the word “fuckboy”. He didn’t like the connotations anymore, didn’t feel like he deserved you if he kept at his ways before he’d met you.

And while he couldn’t get rid of his ties with that title fully, especially not from strangers who liked labelling him, he at least didn’t want it to come from you.

“Yeah.” There’s that surge of dejection in his voice.

You keep your eyes on him, the way his eyes look downcast on his phone to check for the time before looking back at you. He looks like he wants to say something. You start to feel guilt at your lack of attention to him whilst you’d practiced your shots.

“How about… you come over to my dorm later and I cook us dinner? You know, after you hangout with your friends? …If you want.”

The way he perks his head up is cute, and more so when his lips pull into a smile.

Seungmin looks at you like he needed that response, as if making sure you actually want to spend time with him too. He tries to sound suave with his response but all you hear is a giggle he fails to mask. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Then there’s a soft love tap on your cheek before he kisses it. “I’ll see you later?”

You hum. “Just knock four times so I know it’s you.”

“I’ll make up every excuse to get to you faster. I’m starting to get sick of the boys’ faces anyways.” You laugh. “See you later!”

–

“Earth to Seungmin?”

The younger boy perks up like he’s just realized what trance he had been in. “What?”

“What’s that on your jacket?” Hyunjin sounds like he’s on the verge of laughter, and the way Seungmin tilts his head down to look at it makes him look cute.

There, in the midst of his scruffed up bad boy image and the leather jacket he’s wearing is an uncharacteristic bright yellow star, just where his heart is.

All the boys lean close enough to notice the little sticker.

“(Name) gave it to me for not smoking for a week.” There is a soft smile on his lips at the memory of your eyes—the way you’d looked at him after he’d confessed he’d been a week clean of cigarettes. “Says it’s for my health. Plus, she doesn’t like the smell so I’m quitting.”

“Well, shit. He really has gone soft.”

There’s loud wolf whistles and tossing and turning coming from every direction, but it all just falls deaf on his ears. He doesn’t even care to be teased anymore, doesn’t find the reason to be defensive. All he really cares about is making you happy—only cares about the smile on your face if he’s clean for another week, and another week, and a month, and a year.

“He was probably with her earlier too. That’s why you were so late, hmmm, Seungminnie?”

“So what if I was?”

The whistles don’t stop, and certainly also not the playful shoving. Flits of moments like this with his friends are stupid, but it’s also endearing.

“Who was it that said she wasn’t even their type anyway?”

“Shut up. I lied, okay? I like her. A lot.” Seungmin shoves them back. “So stop fucking smoking in front of me because I plan on getting another sticker next week.”

“There’s just no hope for him anymore.” Changbin laughs.

“Yeah. I feel like I know everything about her, and I haven’t even met her yet.” Felix adds.

“Oh, none of you are meeting her. Absolutely not.”

“What the fuck? Why not?”

–

There’s four knocks on your door just when the clock hits 7pm, and you fumble to open the door while trying not to burn the dinner you’re cooking.

“You’re early.” You say sternly, pointing your ladle at him—almost accusing.

“I missed you, so I ditched them.”

Seungmin has no trouble admitting he’s attached. He likes being around you, even when you aren’t paying any attention to him. He likes the way you curl your lips when you concentrate, the way your eyes narrow at your viewfinder, the way you hold a smile to yourself when you take a shot you like.

He likes it even when you scold him for the smallest things.

“‘M not finished cooking dinner yet.” He sets his shoes aside, just by your shoe rack, before he moves towards the direction of the kitchen where you’d returned to after opening the door for him.

“Need any help?”

“I’d rather not burn my dorm down.”

Seungmin can’t quite see your face when you have your back turned towards him, but he can already picture the laugh-laced smile on your face.

He moves over to wrap his arms around your waist, chin rested on your shoulder as he gets himself comfortable. Your face feels ticklish to the strands of his hair, but you don’t make a move to push him away. “Missed you.”

“It’s only been 3 hours since we saw each other. You’re so dramatic.”

He hums. “How did your pictures turn up?”

Seungmin doesn’t miss the way your eyes lighten up at the question. “I got a really good shot. I think I’m gonna add it to my portfolio.”

“Yeah?” He asks, fingers toying with the ends of your shirt. “Can I see them later?”

“Really?” You pause your concentration to look at the boy, freezing from your stirring even. His head turns to the side so he can look at you better, and damn, what a sight he’s subjected to. Seungmin can’t help but coo at how adorable you look. Your eyes are little wide with something akin to childlike wonder and your smile is so genuine, and fuck, he is so in love.

“Of course.” He coos softly. You’re eye-to-eye, and it’s almost intimidating the honesty you see in his. Seungmin loves lying, considers it his pastime even, but not to you. He’s always honest with you.

“Okay.” You whisper more to yourself, turning your attention back on your cooking. He doesn’t miss the chance to pepper kisses from your ear down to your neck.

His lips feel soft against your skin.

You can’t help but drift back to when you’d first met him.

If you’d told yourself then about the compromising position you were in now, you wouldn’t have believed it true. But fuck, you’re thankful to yourself for giving him a chance, and you’re thankful to him for holding true to his words.

Here he is, bare with vulnerability and honesty, and so quiet and kind behind you, quitting the things he never thought he’d be able to just because you didn’t like them.

You know you care about Seungmin. And while maybe you aren’t in love quite just yet, you know you’re already on the way. The feelings you have for him is different than the ones you’ve felt before. Falling in love with Seungmin feels contradictingly safe. It doesn’t feel as scary as you thought, because he made it so easy for you to feel happy and secure.

There is comfort in the slowness of your relationship, in how he didn’t pressure you to feel as much as he did.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You.”

“Among other boys?”

You laugh at the familiarity of the words. You’d thrown them at him just a few months ago. “Just you, and about how much I like you.”

“Well.” He smiles. “If it makes you feel any better, I really like you too.”

You feel yourself smile back at him, even bigger than before, and Seungmin feels his heart nearly burst at the sight.

“Go set the table. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Whatever you need, baby.”

Yeah, definitely in the process of falling in love.