As A Child, Our Parents’ Hands Were Our Comfort, The Reason Why We’re Holding On. As A Child, A Hug

don’t tell me pretty lies and try to hold me like i’m yours.

— all i really needed from you weren’t pretty words, it was your honesty.

marina grace

what would you do when you realise i no longer like you? when, instead of my attention being immediately on to you, i’m too busy with other things to care about someone that used to matter—and instead of trying to talk to you, trying to see you, staying up longer just to have your time, i’m actually just doing my own thing, caring about myself, no longer trying, no longer doing absolutely everything just to be by your side.

— how would you feel when the waves of my heart stop flowing towards you?

marina grace

i told you i wouldn’t care, i said it in my head and i meant it. too many chances i have given you only to be left disappointed in the end. it doesn’t matter if i didn’t tell you what was wrong then, because i don’t need you to change to become the person i’m looking for. no, i need more that that. i don’t need a pretender. i deserve a partner who naturally suits me. love shouldn’t be hard. and if you’d cared a little more, pay a little more attention to me, to what i care about, i wouldn’t have to tell you when something’s wrong. even if you didn’t know, you would’ve asked, you would’ve noticed. and to me, that makes a world of difference.

— do you know why i left you behind? if you don’t have the courage to ask me why, i’m better off with someone else.

marina grace

i find it so ironic that after a year, you contacted me first. it was something so insignificant, just a video from our past. and yet here i was antagonising having to be the first one to reach out between us. and no, we’re not fighting, we never were—but in my head, when i decided to ghost you last year, i knew i was better off than to keep hoping for something i wasn’t even sure i want. i did it for me and i never regretted it even though sometimes i’d wonder if you wish you did more than this, try more than me.

— anyways it doesn’t matter now that a year has gone by. without you, i let myself grow into someone better. i’ve found many people who are better, and i’m more sure now than ever that i deserve someone better. thank you for reaching out to me first, even if it was over something so insignificant, i guess it won’t hurt to send you a message in reply after all.

marina grace

you are the prize. and if no one has ever tell you that, you are the prize. your worth is not dependent on what other people say about you. your worth is what you are from the moment you were born. you were put this earth to be loved. you deserve the very best things in life. you deserve unconditional love. if there’s someone out there who isn’t treating you like the prize that you are, why are you with them? because they’ve done absolutely nothing to show you that they deserve you. if anything, they are telling you just how little worth they see in you right now, they are telling you that you have no good future with them, at least never a future where they are treating you well and giving you everything that you deserve. if you wouldn’t want to give someone else a future like that, why would you want that for yourself?

— if you see yourself as the prize that you are, would you really stay with someone who tells you you’re not?

don’t delude yourself, you know you wouldn’t hesitate to walk away.

marina grace

i wish to take you somewhere safe, somewhere far away from bad things and bad people who want to hurt you. i wish to take away your pain and that numb feeling in your chest when your friends and their parents walked pass you. i know i may not be your lover nor someone you’d consider close but is it wrong to want to help? is it wrong to not want to be that someone that sees someone else’s pain and doesn’t do anything about it? because i didn’t once and that person grew up to be someone they never thought they’ll be. is it even wrong to wish it would be different with you?

— you don’t deserve to become someone you don’t want to be because of the bad situations in your life.

marina grace

one day i’m missing you, the next i don’t even care if you’d call or text my phone. even if i don’t want to, i’d often find myself thinking about you, wondering why you didn’t text, why you don’t ever call, wondering if you miss me, wondering if you’d ever man up and say what’s on your mind. these thoughts are incessant at first, fresh after our last meeting—and then it slowly wane as i forget why i was ever hung up on you—i forget why i wanted to call you mine.

— the pull was strong when we were together but just like you, i’m better off forgetting this feeling than to keep on hoping you’ll become someone i could call my own.

marina grace

there are more i wish you would say, more words spoken, more actions done and more truths told rather than sad excuses.

— your lack of words is my reminder of why i couldn’t stay.

marina grace

the words we couldn’t say— it bleeds into our silence. don’t say another word, if it’s all going to be meaningless in the end…

— if we dare to speak, i wonder if our love would hold meaning again.

marina grace

growing up, i taught myself that i didn’t need anyone, that i am perfectly fine without love or friends. i was wrong, because in the process of teaching myself it was okay to have no one, i pushed away those people who genuinely loves me, and growing up, i realised that while it is great to be perfectly fine without love or friends, it doesn’t mean that i can’t have one. it means that i can and that even without them, i am perfectly fine too.

— it’s okay to have no one and it’s also okay to have someone but it isn’t okay when you’re pushing everyone away to be stronger when sometimes, it isn’t them who makes you weak. it’s you.

marina grace