Mary Karr, In “Facing Altars: Poetry And Prayer”

Me : Wow, I'm finally finding my flow. I love this quote, can't believe i wrote it.

Anxiety : Well, well. It's not that great. People think you're just a pretentious writer.

Me : No they don't. I actually write my own feelings, i think they relate to my words.

Anxiety : aww you wish. They hate you, and your art. Your writeups suck and your style is bad.

Me : No it isn't. Is it? IS IT? What if you're right? And what if I'm actually a bad writer. What if people actually think I'm pretentious. Yes anxiety, i guess you're right. Thank you, let me think about it all night, and get back to you.

I just needed one person, for once to mean what they say. Just one person.

my forever mood

stay alive.

Not because your mother will cry at your loss but because the sun will come out tomorrow and you will not be there to appreciate it. Stay alive because the path will go somewhere exciting and you will not be able to experience it.

Stay alive because your favourite band might release a new song. Or your favourite series might be renewed for a new season. Stay alive because there are twenty thousand more series to hold you in your gloomy days.

Stay alive.

Not because your father will blame himself his whole life but you have a whole world out there for you to see. Because your coffee mug is sitting there waiting to be filled.

Stay alive because your older self is waiting for you to grow up as a wonderful person your father may not be. Stay alive because all the rights are waiting for you to fix them because nobody but you can do it.

Stay alive because the moon is there for you. The stars in the darkest of night need you to look up and admire them.

stay alive.

Not because your siblings will hold your clothes and remember you but your clothes need you to remove their emptiness. The next burger you are going to eat is waiting for you out there. Stay alive because a part of the air around you is reserved only for you to breathe.

Stay alive because a spot in front of the Eiffel Tower where you are standing needs to be in your album. Your streets are waiting for you to come for a walk with headphones on. Your favourite songs are waiting for you to give them that unmatchable attention.

stay alive.

Not because your lover will lose his/her half, but because of those roses in the garden waiting with love to be plucked for love. For that unwritten parchment that wants to be painted with your affection even if no one ever reads it.

Stay alive for the imaginations you have before your sleep and for the dance under the sky you want. For the days you laughed at your own jokes and the days you could not love yourself more.

Stay alive for your bedroom because it will never be the same without you. For the winds because they will never touch any skin in the same way. For the sky because no one will go crazier as you do seeing it changing colours. For the moon and the stars, you see so adoringly that they shine a little brightly for you. For all the songs who you have given a place in your heart. For all your favourite series you carry with you. For all the clothes you wear daily. For the rays of sun you love on your face and for the life that beats within you.

Stay alive for you.

I'm tired of writing my own heaps of thoughts, give me yours, let the water flow from your mind, let me consume your convictions and let there be an amalgamation of ice cold water & fire.

-Anneshwa🌻

I hope our words heal us. I hope every letter flowing out of our mouths embraces our wounds and heals them in a way, that even the scars disappear.

I wanted to swim away from the calm river, to sail in the rumbling waves of the stormy sea. I wanted to know the depths of it, I wanted to feel the shake, ready to break free. I wanted to dive deeper, feel it close, know its layers. Insanity gripped me as i got closer, because in its extremity i found me, and my mind couldn't comprehend its own oceanic complexity.

- Anneshwa

Anneshwa Paul / A melancholic December morning