Finish This Sentence: Im Gonna F

wakes up

several people filling my dash with nothing but weird zootopia fancomics

goes back to bed

me as a prosecutor: final question- what is the defendant’s zodiac sign?

the defendant: i’m a scorpio

me, giving a smug smile in victory to the defending lawyer who quietly curses and bangs his fist on the table in anger: no further questions your honor 

did you know soap doesn’t really clean your hands it just makes the water molecules smaller so the water can go into smaller crevices in your skin isn’t that the weirdest shit you’ve read today

you know what trope pisses me off the most? when the protag is pointing a gun at somebody and they’re like “you won’t do it. you’re too good” and the person holding the gun is like oh shit i am and they slowly lower the gun while the other person laughs. WHAT THE FUCK. if i were there, and somebody told me “you won’t do it” i would immediately shoot them dead without hesitating. who are you to tell me what i wont do. musty bitch

I want a pangolin Pokémon :(