🩸HAPPY WRETCHED THING, FOUL BAUBLE OF MANS VANITY DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE.🩸

Partner: WHY on earth do you have 'Check on Johnathan' and 'Listen to Dracula' on today's to do list? Right next to make tea/cut pineapple/fold laundry, what does it mean?

Me: *gazing off into the distance* Our dear friend Johnathan Harker is in peril, yet again, but there is nothing we can do... [ proceeds to explain the whole plot]

Partner: Oh, well ok thats fine I guess, I hope his day gets better

Me: It will absolutely not be getting better

Jonathan is like obviously I picked your new house because it was the creepiest, shittiest old place in town and Dracula is like hell yeah brother

“i’m gay” “i’m straight” okay??????? i’ll??????? live???????????? inside you???????????? forever?????????? with satan himself???????????? on my side????????????? and i know?????????????? that now and forever?????????????? they’ll never be able???????? to separate????????????? jekyll????????????? from hyde?????????????????

The entirety of Dracula by Bram Stoker is really just:

Dr Seward: I wish we could figure out what’s wrong with Lucy.

Van Helsing: I figured it out immediately but I’m just going to let you solve it yourselves.

Dr Seward: Or you could just tell us.

Van Helsing: Friend John :( I have known you for one thousand years and you have been one of my very good friends and best students :( Do you not trust me? Why do you not trust me, friend John? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? Do you not think I have a good reason for withholding vital information? :(:(:(:( Have faith in me, your very old and good friend.

Dr Seward: You’re right :(

Lucy: I love everyone so much and I’m going to tell them every day 🥰💕 also legalise polyamory wtf

Renfield: look at all my pets that I’m definitely not eating 🪰🪰🪰🪰

Dr Seward: What happened to all the birds I gave you?

Renfield, with a mouth full of a feathers: I have no idea.

Arthur: I think… I miss my wife… also how the fuck didn’t we realise Dracula’s house was right next door?

Quincey: I keep saying I’m not that smart but I’m the only one to immediately point out that something was actively taking Lucy’s blood. Brb need to go shoot a giant bat with a gun.

Mina: I am the only person keeping this shit show together. We literally would not have made it without me and no one who adapts my character seems to get that. Women are the heart of this story. I am the glue that binds this group together. I just want ONE MOVIE that understands that and values my intelligence, which is at the forefront of my character.

Renfield: I have an entire character arc but don’t expect any adaptations to show it.

Quincey: ok but what if… we shot Dracula with a gun??? Also stop fucking cutting me from all the adaptations.

Jonathan: has seen indescribable horrors, is a shell of his former self, will literally never be what he was before going to Transylvania

Dracula: oh Jonathan! 🥰🥰🧛🏻🧛🏻🥰🩸🩸🥰🥰

BONUS: everyone is constantly holding hands, especially all of the men, and talking about how they’re going to be best friends forever. The male friendships in this book are shockingly pure and the women are incredible. The Crew of Light are actually the only found family ever, I think.

There are only two mental illnesses according to people on the internet:

Innocent bean syndrome: You can never do wrong and got no agency. You will be infantilized on every occasion and are treated as a quirk.

Bad person syndrome: You are bad and an abuser. Your presence kills people.

update on personal life stuff

got hit by 12 cars and died. sory. all at once. no traces left behind. I think one of the cars was carnivorous

As we approach Dracula Daily season again, just a gentle reminder that, even though it has been going for several years, there are still people who are doing this for the first time, have never read Dracula before, and would like to have as spoiler free an experience as possible, so please tag spoilers!

I know it's a little ridiculous to tag spoilers for a 128 year book, but the chronological reading is so important to Dracula Daily and it's good for people to be able to choose their own experience. It can be a bit alienating if they can't explore the tag and interact with other people excited about the same thing for fear of spoilers. If you're not following along closely and just enjoy keeping up with the memes (which is how I usually do), just try your best to see if what you're posting/reblogging is something that's already happened this year or not.

The suitors and their Wikipedia enthusiast

Our favorite solicitor is once again eating paprika hendl and thinking about his fiancé