❛ Why Does It Feel Like This Is Goodbye? ❜ Says @sh1elded

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i can control myself. i’m more powerful than you ever were.  ©

independent, mutual exclusive natalia alianovna romanova / natasha romanoff from marvel. influenced by mcu & 616.  highly headcanon based. canon divergent. multi-verse, multi-ship, and crossover/oc friendly. a study in: childhood trauma, psychological conditioning, espionage, PTSD, survivor's guilt, living after you've died, how to love and be loved, and finding your family. loved by ash. she/her. est. thirty+. carrd. promo. open starters.

blogroll: natasha romanoff / @madeofmarblex (medium activity) jessica jones / @repressfeelings (medium activity)

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"how does it work? the whole—" a hand that waves around him as though the motion is supposed to tell him everything that her voice currently isn't. "—mind reading thing work? do you get to pick who you're reading or does it just happen?" natasha is generally curious partially because she couldn't imagine the chaos of not having a choice.

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&. 𝐡𝐢𝐭 ‘𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  more  angsty  dialogue  prompts  to  devastate  your  writing  partners.  metaphorically.  feel  free  to  change  how  you  seem  fit.  )

❛ you’re a weapon, and weapons don’t weep. ❜

❛ you can’t save everyone. ❜

❛ it should have been you. ❜

❛ did i do good? ❜

❛ i’m sorry that i can’t save you. ❜

❛ wait for me, will you? ❜

❛ i can’t lose you again! ❜

❛ you were dead, i saw you die. ❜

❛ we won’t forget each other, right? ❜

❛ i’m real. i’m here. ❜

❛ you already know how this will end. ❜

❛ it’s always my fault, isn’t it? ❜

❛ i don’t want to go. ❜

❛ can you remember how you died? ❜

❛ i love you, but you’re not mine. ❜

❛ have you ever lost someone? ❜

❛ i didn’t ask to get made. ❜

❛ you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you. ❜

❛ i never meant to hurt you. ❜

❛ is it really you? ❜

❛ their blood is on your hands. ❜

❛ it would have been better to die. ❜

❛ i’m not ready to lose you yet. ❜

❛ i wish i met you sooner. ❜

❛ let’s just stay here. grow old. ❜

❛ you’re the first friend i ever had. ❜

❛ i told you not to fall in love with me. ❜

❛ you always push people away. i just thought you’d never do it to me. ❜

❛ everyone i’ve cared about has either died or left me. except for you. ❜

❛ i know i have a heart because i can feel it breaking. ❜

❛ they’re not coming back. ❜

❛ i’m sorry, have we met? ❜

❛ in my dreams, we’re still together. ❜

❛ you’re the one good thing left in this world. ❜

❛ i hate the way that i don’t hate you. ❜

❛ it’s okay. you can let go. ❜

❛ you mean nothing to me. ❜

❛ we’re on our own now. ❜

❛ you can’t kill me, i’m not alive. ❜

❛ it wasn’t supposed to end like this. ❜

❛ do you remember when we first met? ❜

❛ we’ll see each other again. ❜

❛ there’s nothing you could have done. ❜

❛ we did it. we won. ❜

❛ let’s not go back. not ever. ❜

❛ thanks for playing with me. ❜

❛ why does it feel like this is goodbye? ❜

"[ chin up ] sender lifts receiver's chin to stop them from hiding their tears" says @sxrgeant

contrary to popular belief, there's nothing poetic about coming back from the dead. for natasha it was like being dipped in water from the top of her head to the toes on her feet. chills surrounding her when she found herself back on earth. remembering that she'd been falling and then suddenly she was home. she should be fortunate, she should consider it a blessing. that's what people kept telling her. but natasha can't—no matter how hard she tries—she can't find it in herself to feel anything but frustration that the sacrifice she had made and the peace she had believed she would find were gone. and then the sadness comes in waves that despite her best efforts, natasha can't find the joy to be reunited with the people who love her and mourned her.

time. anyone she told these feelings to had sworn that with time she would feel better. but how the hell would they know?

her eyes are raised, feeling as heavy as her heart, staring at him for a moment, almost unaware that she had been crying. there's a shaky exhale as the palms of her hands come up to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"i'm so sorry, james. i'm not much fun to be around these days."

maybe she needed to get back to work, find a place where she could do more good rather than staring at the four walls that surrounded her, claiming that she was retired.