magnificentwastelandlady

Latest Posts by magnificentwastelandlady

DONT STOP TALKING ABOUT PALESTINE! DONT STOP TAKING ABOUT GAZA!

DONT LET THEM MAKE YOU FORGET!!

So apparently KOSA (2024 edition) is getting either thrown out until next year or put into effect in six days.

Update that's going in the main post at the top: it has enough support to pass.

It failed the last two times because people were voting against it.

This time, KOSA has traction among the pro-LGBTQ parties. Because nobody is fucking calling their bullshit and screaming from the rooftops that calling it the "Kids Online Safety Act" is misleading.

What will it passing do?

Nothing much, only prevent any education on LGBTQIA+ (it's that stupid fucking argument about us grooming kids again), shut down nearly every fandom space on the internet, and make it required for most big tech companies to have your ID.

Want to have resources for kids to discover their identity readily available? Yes? Then fucking speak up against this stupid fucking bill.

Fandom spaces like Tumblr, Twitter (? I thought the MAGA assholes liked Musk?), Tiktok, Archive Of Our Own, and any other website that hosts fanfic or fanart? Either shut down permanently, forced to uproot to a different country and down for a while (best case scenario, and they likely won't be able to send any data, and therefore fanfics, to the US), or gutted so that you only get to put G rated cishet ships on there, if any shipping at all. How to avoid that? I've already said it: Call your fucking representatives.

Want to avoid the fucking dystopic task of being legally obligated to give big tech your government issue ID? Again, cause an uproar. Call your goddamned representatives.

If they can pass this, the ripple effects could be catastrophic.

So, for fuck's sake, any Americans that can impact this stupid fucking bill and see this? Do everything in your power to shut it down because you have until February twenty sixth (26th) to send this bill back to where it belongs.

And if you can't do that? Reblog, copy my tags, and boost the signal.

Sorry not sorry for ranting, making you scroll through that, and swearing a probably excessive amount, but KOSA is a bill with a GLOBAL IMPACT being passed by ONE COUNTRY because some old people are scared of two guys with who were told they were girls kissing within five hundred miles of a child. Fuck this shit, I shouldn't have to worry about bad bills in America but I fucking do because I use the internet and would like to avoid mass censorship. Fuck this, fuck conservatives, and fuck the fact that some boomers make your country's policies.

Now, if you won't mind me, I'm going to be up until three in the morning downloading fanfiction or copying and pasting them into a a text file if I can't so I can read them by the end of the week.

PLEASE stop liking palestine posts and going on with your day. reblog. share. make posts of your own. don’t just like and move on. share the news, show people who are “neutral” what’s REALLY happening. don’t stop talking about palestine. NEVER stop talking about palestine. FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🍉🍉🍉🍉

to ensure my stance is clear: i am pro-palestine and anti-zionist, but i am not pro-antisemitism or anti-jewish.

I won't be surprised if years later we find out from leaked documents that the 8 day truce's only purpose was to try and make the public forget about Gaza and reduce people's anger at Israel

And I'm afraid that maybe it worked. Less and less people are watching Gaza now.

Because How else can you explain the audacity to kill 1000 civilians in 24 hours , starting minutes after the truce ended at midnight?

They planned this.

Do not stop talking about Palestine

Please...

The fact that the American government officials can pay for this to happen then scream "we need to save the children" over kids getting read to by Drag Queens makes me genuinely question how America still exists.

This is what's happening in Gaza right now. Bombing the strip and focusing on the south 24/7. It's worse than before. Injuries and deaths among kids. The world should see this, even if you can't bear to look, everybody should know the lengths israel goes to, how limitless Netanyahu's evil is. Israel vs children. This has to stop, we need to do more. We can't let this continue! Free Palestine and stop the genocide! These are humans!!! These are real people going through this!!!

⚠️ Trigger warning ⚠️ graphic. for a little boy with a head injury and a video of an injured child.

A workshop teaching Zionists how to edit Wikipedia pages to be more favorable towards Israel. This is just one of many Israeli projects to manipulate Wikipedia, social media, and the Internet in general.

The speaker in the video is Naftali Bennet, a high tech millionaire and a right-wing Israeli minister close to the settler movement.

In 2010 two Israeli groups began offering a course in “Zionist editing” of Wikipedia entries. The aim was “to make sure that information in the online encyclopedia reflects the worldview of Zionist groups.” A course organizer explained that the use of the word “occupied” in Wikipedia entries “was just the kind of problem she hoped a new team of editors could help fix.”

Again in 2013, there was evidence of pro-Israel tampering with Wikipedia. Israel’s Ha’aretz reported that a social-media employee of NGO Monitor edited articles about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in an allegedly biased manner. “Draiman concealed the facts that he was an employee of NGO Monitor, often described as a right-wing group, and that he was using a second username, which is forbidden under Wikipedia’s rules,” according to the paper.

Such actions have had an impact. A website critical of Wikipedia said in 2014 that there were “almost ten times as many articles about murdered Israeli children as there are articles about murdered Palestinian children,” even though at least 10 times more Palestinian children had been killed.

Israel’s Ha’aretz newspaper reported: “The organizers’ aim was twofold: to affect Israeli public opinion by having people who share their ideological viewpoint take part in writing and editing for the Hebrew version, and to write in English so Israel’s image can be bolstered abroad.”

There was to be a prize for the “Best Zionist Editor”—the person who over the next four years incorporated the most “Zionist” changes in the encyclopedia. The winner would receive a trip in a hot-air balloon over Israel.

How Israel and its partisans work to censor the Internet

Israel and partisans of Israel have long had a significant presence on the Internet, working to promote the lsrael narrative and block facts about Palestine, the Israel lobby, and other subject matter they wish covered up.

Opinionated proponents of Israel post comments, flag content, accuse critics of "antisemitism, and disseminate misinformation about Palestine and Palestine solidarity activists. Many of these actions are by individuals acting alone who work independently, voluntarily, and relentlessly.

In addition to these, however, a number of orchestrated, often well-funded projects sponsored by the Israeli government and others have come to light. These projects work to place pro-lsrael content throughout the Internet, and to remove information Israel doesn't wish people to know.

One such Israeli project targeting the Internet came to light when it was lauded in an article by Arutz Sheva, an Israeli news organization headquartered in an Israeli settlement in the West Bank.

The report described a new project by Israel's "New Media desk" that focused on YouTube and other social media sites. The article reported that Israeli soldiers were being employed to Tweet, Share, Like and more."The article noted, "It is well known nowadays that what happens on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube has great influence on events as they occur on the ground. The Internet, too, is a battleground." It was"comforting," the article stated, to learn that the IDF was employing soldiers whose job was specifically to do battle on it.

Full article here

Israel shady af

A little girl lost her father by israeli air strikes in the middle of Gaza today 1.12.23

I really hoped I wouldn't have to go back to sharing videos of victims of genocide in Gaza, but Israel is bombing again and we have to share the footage or the world would still be blind. Thanksgiving is over so the genocide is not on pause anymore. Do you reckon the next "pause" would be on Christmas? Hospitals are not functioning, and there are plenty of hospitals that were invaded and taken by Israeli soldiers in the north. This is catastrophic. We need a permanent ceasefire for God's sake.

Freed prisoner and activist Ahed Tamimi was released from zionist prisons yesterday as part of the resistance's prisoner exchange deal.

She appeared weaker than usual, due to the constant abuse that the prisoners face.

In this video, she describes her feelings, stating that the occupation threatened to kill her imprisoned father if she spoke about her abuse.

(Video subtitled by @/aobaidaat)

[Resistance News Network]

The depths of dehumanization are endless.

Did Hamas tell Israeli hostages not to celebrate being free and reunited with their loved ones?

This is not just part of Israel's propaganda strategy.

They want to occupy and dehumanize Palestinian hearts. They want to be superior. They want to dominate.

To be superior so as to limit whether Palestinian souls can feel joy, warm, connection. #that goes against the colonial strategy of divide and conquer.

They want to conquer Palestinian souls too. A haplessly futile pursuit.

Why did Israel take their hostages direct to hospital and psychiatric evaluation and interrogation before their family seeing them?

Does the world still pretend there is not widespread documentation of abuse, including torture and even sexual abuse of children in Israeli prisons for decades.

We are living witnesses of a genocide and systematic violence.

Israel is a terrorist organization established under the name of the state.

Israeli prisons are still full of innocent Palestinian children, women and men. They all have one crime: being Palestinian. They torture in prisons. The world should not remain silent about this oppression and genocide that has been going on for years!

This Palestinian's arm was broken a week before his release by an Israeli soldier. This didn't make any headline. This child was held in captivity with no charge.

🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

Just to be abundantly clear,

This Account Stands With Palestine.

Whyyyy would you silence your own people like this, what are you afraid of? Is this release being shown on media?

A death toll higher than the Nakba and people have nowhere to run to this time. That so called ceasefire is not a ceasefire, it's just a means to make Israel look merciful in the eyes of the hypocrites. Give the land back to palestinians and free them from this dictatorship and genocide

DON'T LET THEM FOOL YOU, COOP. CEASEFIRE IS NOT THE END GOAL, IT IS THE BARE MINIMUM. THE END GOAL IS EVERY PALESTINIAN HOME REBUILT, THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE'S RIGHT TO SELF-DETERMINATION, LAND BACK, OLIVE GROVES THRIVING. ARE YOU LISTENING, COOP? THE END GOAL IS DECOLONISATION.

what's going on in the congo since there's also a genocide happening over there as well:

to sum it up, people in the congo are literally being worked as slaves to mine for this material called coltan, which is very valuable as its used for things like phones, laptops, just electronics in general. Congo is the number 1 producer for this material and the places behind this genocide is America, Britain, France, and Israel, wow what an absolute shocker. The worst places probably to ever exist benefit from a genocide. These places are funding Rwanda and Uganda military groups, to go into the Congo and kill MILLIONS of people. This has also been going on for YEARS. Many women have been SA'd and men are forced to work in INHUMAN conditions, resulting in their death and the colonizers are absolutely benefitting from this. 6 MILLION people have been killed and half of them are literally kids. Many of the Congolese people have also been displaced.

Please speak out about and raise your voice

Gone but never forgotten 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

The fact that they broke the ceasefire agreements within HOURS of it being in place, shows what kind of leaders Isreal have

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?????? israel agreed for a fucking four day truce i'm sorry i do not understand? THIS IS NOT CEASEFIRE SO STOP painting it as one!

Zionist regime has endless ways to be sadistic and cruel towards people of Falasteen.

If there was a title of the most evil cruel sadistic SOBs, I'm sure they would win.

i'll just leave this here for anyone who sees "from the river to the sea" as a threat

It genuinely sickens me that people can watch this and still call Palestinians "animals" and treat them as if they aren't just as human as the rest of us.

This is the paramedic who found his family among the dead victims. I thought it was only his mother who got killed, but I was mistaken. But his sister seems to have survived only.

They're telling him to calm down but he fell to the ground saying: My family. My family.

The man consoles him saying: We're all one family here. Each one of us has lost their family. Look, my sisters are in there. We have to get back up. You're strong.

Share this. Call israel on their crimes.

🇵🇸 🇵🇸 🇵🇸

do not stop talking about Palestine!

there are Shut It Down For Palestine actions planned for Friday, look for one in your area if you can. they're not all registered on the Shut It Down website, so check social media as well as their list.

Bleeding From The Heart

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 8.3k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, mentions of unplanned pregnancy (not a pregnancy or pregnant reader fic), implied miscarriage, coerced lying, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, semi ambiguous romance, smut, oral (m receiving), p in v

Notes: Takes place in in the Boston QZ an unspecified amount of time after Tommy leaves, not a pregnancy fic but conversations about it as well as implied miscarriages are involved, reader knows about Sarah which influences their actions somewhat

This shouldn’t have felt like such a painfully long time, but for you? Two days was an eternity. Hours you had spent keeping your eyes down on one task at a time, and engaging with anything else would be a temptation. So you kept silent, and distant, but so did he. A painful quiet that even for you both, was unusual and isolating. The threat of worry loomed over you. If Joel really was ignoring you, was it because this was his way of cutting your association loose or did he know, and his refusal to speak to you a punishment? 

Ironically, the burning bodies and onslaught of smoke likely would have brought you to the very same spot anyways. Something toxifying your insides and destroying what was there, perhaps just over a longer period of time. At least now the sheer amount of smoke in your eyes could explain away the pain just behind them. 

Luckily, you were ahead of him to get paid out. Question of being left alone died as you felt his dark eyes in the back of your head. Judging by the mutterings behind you, you’d guess maybe seven other people between your positions meaning you’d likely turn down enough side streets to disappear in time. Joel, still stuck in line, tried calling your name as soon as you had the cards in your hand. He wouldn’t make a scene though, so the speed in which you walked off without sparing a glance did the trick. 

A grey sky loomed over the city, almost like sun was no longer welcome here. It had rained, clouded over, rained more, and continued to sit covered and grey once it dried off for so long the winter cold may as well roll in to follow the atmosphere. As the later part of the day broke, there was time for people to mill about. Free to finally talk and do as they please, to an extent, yet not a bone in your body felt like you could speak. 

By nightfall, fourty eight hours would have passed and mark the second night in a row your apartment finally held use in years. You spent the first night in the infirmary, but by the next night you felt so drained and exhausted that you held only enough sense to lock the door before collapsing onto the couch. 

Twisting through the group of people around the front of the building, you decided that you truly did hate being back in here. The walls so much thinner, and the disrepair slightly worse then what you had gotten used to in Joel’s building. Conversations muffled creeped in and faded back as you approached the end of the hallway. 

What did it even look liken in there? Oversleeping that very morning, you dashed out the door as quick as you passed out walking in. A deep sigh exhaled from your chest, the green paint dark and almost grey looking like it was ready to peel off your only sight. Hand reaching to your jacket pocket, you rummaged to find your key. 

Lost in it’s depth you could feel it’s weight but not it’s touch. Your hands searched more desperate as an unreasonable choking filled your lungs and pushed a sting to your eyes. This was stupid, just grab the key. The building’s hallway served a poor choice of location for breakdown but mocked you still further when you finally pulled the small metal out. 

Two keys. Right. You had two keys, the one you had been digging for the less used of the pair. Forehead dropping to the door, you sighed again as you unlocked it. Wondering how to even give the spare back to him, your eyes had been dragging along the creaky floor as you walked in. 

Closing the door behind you loudly making the figure already standing in your place turn suddenly. A strike of fear flashing through only to sizzle out into an embarrassed frustration. “Good day?” 

Turning away from her you tossed the keys onto your table, jaw clenching at the very sound of her voice now. Not even giving her the grace of facing her properly you just started pulling your jacket off to add to the pile. “Get out.” 

You didn’t have to look at her to know the kind of expression on her face, and you hated that you could even hear the smug tone along with what you couldn’t see. “Now, hey I’m just here to check up on you-”

Finally turning, your voice found the will power for what amounted to a loud inside voice rather then anything intimidating or close to yelling. “I said get out, Tess.” Eyes narrowing at the clearly fake taken back expression and raising her hands in defence, yet she still paced casually around your place. 

“Fine, not in the mood to chat. I’ll get to the point.” Planting her feet to face you, but she didn’t come closer than a few meters. “You say anything to him? Saw you had work duty together, doesn’t seem like the best time for that conversation but it sure would give you the opportunity.” 

Fingers flexed and unflexed in place. Your mouth trying to form words as the rest or body shifted nervously until you crossed your arms in front of your chest. “No, I didn’t tell him.” Tess’s head tilted to the side as she eyed you untrustingly as the intimidation of your face fell every second. “I promise. I didn’t say anything, or even talk to him. Just like you said.” 

“Good.” Making her way to the door, you both circled around a wide space to keep away from the other, though you had no idea what she had to lose by standing near you. You weren’t the one who all but threw her into a wall and got in her face. You’d never been aggressive like that, yet she had no qualms about doing it to you the morning you got out. 

Shrugging you wondered if you should have just given her the spare key and save you the trouble. But you had a feeling that asking Tess to hand Joel’s key back to him for you would make it all the more humiliating, and she made you feel that enough the past few days. “Okay. So, can you leave?” 

Inhaling deep, she looked around the place and it just made that all the worse. Considering her apartment was far nicer than Joel’s this must be a complete joke in her eyes. “Still pretty empty in here, wonder how much of your shit you’ve dumped at Joel’s to make your place this bare.” The bite in her voice came quite close to making you flinch. 

What was there to say? She was right. Most of what was even useful was still at his apartment because until now it was never an issue. Or maybe it was, and Tess was just a mouthpiece of voice his grievances. Rationally that was unlikely, but still. So much of your life was still there, and not alone in yours. 

The largest part of your mind was going to let her walk away, but something sharp poked at you that blurted it out as if you had any bravery to back it up. “He know you’re trying to control his life, or do you just not want me talking to him in case he finds you’re doing it?” 

Her eyes threw daggers at you, but nothing was said beyond you. She simply turned and left, the door slamming shut behind her far harder then you did entering. Whatever muffled noise in the building around you had been making, fell eerily silent to the nervous ringing in your ears. 

You hated that she was right. It was so empty in here, and the echo of your shoes against the wood had little to absorb the sound, and just bounced off each surface loudly as you locked your door again. It hit you in that second though, was she snooping around in here? How long was she waiting for you or was confronting you just a cover for having walked in on her own break in? 

Darting into your small washroom, you pulled your sink drawer out. Hands scrambling to find the little opening that hid the underside compartment, you accidentally knocked things around both in their places and off the sink counter itself as it jostled them. The black hole sat at the back of it and finally you pulled it off, carelessly tossing the top contents into the sink basin as you scanned. 

Everything in it’s place. Nothing moved or touched, of course the possibility that she found your hidden space and simply put things back perfectly was there. But, if you knew Tess, and you unfortunately did, she wouldn’t have been able to resist poking through the evidence. The small plastic bag right in the corner still had a fair few amount of pills for some reason flickered a spark of amusement. 

Joel just grabbing yanking you towards him with a roll of his eyes, and shoving the much more full bag at the time in your jeans. His voice deep and muttering, “Going to put me out of business at this rate, sweetheart.” a raise of your eyebrows pulled more of a smirk back out onto his face. “Stealing half my supplies like this.” 

You meant to give the bag back, but over a day later you found yourself on the ground in enough pain even nearby FEDRA officers seemed to take pity on you. Your memory however faded as you retraced putting the pieces together. They weren’t strong or anything, just mild painkillers after Joel noticed you trying to hide a wince one too many times in a day at whatever feeling was making you uncomfortable. 

But hey, at least they didn’t cause it. The only upside to any of this, and yet it just made your eyes sting more. That stupid interaction was two days ago now, and even with how much you missed him around you still had taken off on him today. Let him call after you knowing he couldn’t just skip getting paid to ask why you were being so awful. 

The tears behind your eyes threatened to fall once more, heating your insides until they shook and begged to lash out. You had no right to feel like this. You didn’t know, it wouldn’t have happened, and Joel would have likely kicked you to the curb for it anyways. Tess certainly thought so. Tried to reason with you at first, “If I’ve never heard him talk about that shit, he’s not going to change his mind just because it’s you.” 

You had tried to reason with her, “That’s not- I didn’t mean I’d guilt him into,” It was still too fresh and a shock to pull your thoughts together. “I meant it feels wrong to just keep this from him.” 

She tied to look at you with sympathy, but it aired closer to pity and read just like annoyance. “You know what he’s like. I’m trying to help you, here. It’ll be better for both of you if you just shut your mouth about it.” When you tried to protest, that's when she got aggressive. 

You slammed the drawer shut, spilling more things onto the floor with the shake. Not even registering that you didn’t put the main shelf back in place. All you could focus on was turning the light off, pressing your palms into your eyes and wipe away what kept wanting to fall. 

More than once that evening you looked up to nothing, turning to see a place you didn’t live in and someone who you felt guilty for putting in this situation. You thought you knew Joel, but maybe it was just delusion. The wish to know someone who made this city feel like home. 

Currently, your back sat against one of your walls, scraps in front of you trying to draw something coherent through the mess of lines, but honestly your rough sketches looked even more rough that night. The steadily depleting moonshine next to you, helped that cause none. Your face scrunched with every sip, the bitterness never getting better even the more intoxicated it made you. 

Truly a drink everyone made to just drain your blood with until you passed out, considering there was never a taste there to enjoy. You had been trying to draw Joel before all of this, struggling to decide at what angle until you one evening watched his profile from the dim moonlight by a window. A serene beauty which never left you, even now. 

But the shakes of your fingers and warped image of disappointment or hate in his eyes taunted you and made a mess of the work. Looks he never had given you, but you knew them all too well and being on the receiving end only made your blistered mind scribble the distortion more. 

You didn’t know when you passed out, only that it was late enough the orange glow of your light was the only source keeping the place from the dark. Something deep in you might have registered the clink of the bottle and sounds of something spilling but your head just fell into your arms. Knees bent towards you to act as support, while dreams painted around you until the only thing left, was your unconscious mind. 

It was hard to remember in the slow, creeping exhaustion of waking up, but through the drowsiness you attempted to put the pieces together. Why you had been dreaming of Bill and Frank’s wasn’t really that clear, but maybe if you squeezed your eyes close once more it would come back to you. 

It was a couple years ago when you met them properly. A couple that seemed to block off an entire street for themselves and traps laid about the perimeter either attached to sensors or locked onto a surveillance system. Were the surrounding fence not electrically wired, you might have thought it was some normal gated community. Houses painted, a few store fronts that looked straight out of the old world beside other abandoned ones that looked to be filled with storage. 

You heard the names, and Joel speaking to them over the radio as they planned out a meeting over trade. Frank was the one you had heard, a light tone and cheerful disposition that in no way prepared you for how joyful and normal the man was in person. Bill was described to you as much less social. 

A paranoid doomsday survivalist that set up the whole thing as soon as the military had evacuated the areas. If the way Joel described him was accurate, he was a similar albeit much less approachable version of him in a way. To the point where he had specifically told Frank to mention you were coming with him instead of showing up with you, a surprise. 

They were nice, well. Frank was, he looked even more normal than he sounded. Bright eyes and an easy smile or laugh as if the gates around him allowed him to tap into a long forgotten human feeling. If the outside was nice, you were not prepared for the meal they served. Even before all of this, you don’t think you had food or place settings as fancy as this. 

It had been Frank that said something to you. The pair of you walking down the length of the street as he walked you through the layout, your eyes squinting from the sun and arms crossed in front of you while he proudly showed off what they’d managed to do. “Bill had things up and running when we met. It was, what? Four years into things by the time I got here so he had it all set up, but it definitely didn’t feel quite like a home until we met Joel.” 

You glanced over to the main house where he and Bill were going over things, Bill’s posture stiff and awkward and Joel’s back slightly hunched with his hands on his hips. “Can’t imagine Bill was an easy sell on that partnership.” 

Frank laughed, “Oh, god no. Hell we argued over even bringing anyone here in the first place, but it all worked out in the end.” You had nodded, trying not to glance back again. Which had you miss how often Joel blatantly looked over to where you two were with sharp, watchful eyes. 

Your nails tapped against your arm the further you went. If you were being honest with yourself, you were beginning to feel rather nervous that you were supposed to be negotiating something. Joel hadn’t exactly given you a rundown to how this worked or what you even were allowed to offer or ask for in exchange. “So-” 

“How long have you been with Joel?” 

Always quick on the draw, Frank was. Shrugging you kept your eyes on the flourishing plant life they maintained around the properties. “Just recently. I figured it was pretty obvious this is my first run, not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing yet.”

Oh how you missed the bemused head shake, “You know he mentioned that he was bringing you, not a new partner. I think it’s safe to assume no one’s expecting you to start bartering deals. Joel’s stubborn as hell, pretty sure he can handle that on his own.” You remember frowning but not quite the emotion that stirred into your chest to cause it. It was visible enough however that Frank picked up on it. 

“We’ve known Joel for a long time now. Usually he’d swap out partners between Tess or Tommy but either way they were clearly on equal footing as traders.” You didn’t dare glance at him or behind you this time, but once again Frank seemed to know where your head was. “I also don’t think I’ve ever seen him make any kind of physical contact outside of a handshake before.” 

Your brain perked up at that thought in a manner you didn’t quite recognize though. That was the opposite of the way Joel was with you, even just here. A hand on your lower back, pulling you over somewhere or out of the way by the waist or hip. Even at the table Bill had made some remark about distrusting strangers, only for you to feel Joel’s large hand squeeze your thigh as he tried to even the temper in his voice. And that was just here, Frank didn’t know about how much more magnified that behaviour was in Boston.

But you weren’t quite ready to approach that topic. “It’s just because it’s my first time out since I got to the QZ is all. He’s just being...cautious. That’s all.” Frank didn’t believe that and neither did you. “He’s like that with anyone he cares about.” 

Frank chuckled. “Yeah, I remember the last time Bill whispered into someone’s ear just because he cares about them.” You felt your body flush in memory. Bill had been a little more aggressive when you two had arrived, and Joel had leaned his mouth close to your ear. Shivers rippling down your spine at how deep it felt, telling you it was okay, that he wouldn’t let anyone touch you.

“Hey, we don’t know what his relationship in private is like with Tommy.” Frank laughed pretty loud at that one. Which for some reason, made you a little proud of yourself. Bill was a hard sell but something inside you was happy Frank seemed to like you. 

It was what he said next though that your dreaming mind seemed to be recalling the most. You both stood at the end of the street, both facing each other while your heads turned to look at your respective companions. “I’ve seen that man argue with Tess more than he has Bill, and I’ve also seen him touch you more today then the total amount of times I’ve seen Joel period. Would you tell me I’m wrong if I guessed he’s even more protective of you back in Boston then he is here?” 

At that point you stuttered for an answer before Joel had called your name, beckoning you to come back. But your mind dragged you from the depths of sleep at that point. The mild sounds of moving coming from your apartment mixing with the heavy weight of your eyes unwilling to open. 

Slowly blinking enough to see a blurry mess of colours, you reached up to rub at your eyes just as a pounding headache hit you. The images slowly working their way into focus, you begin slowly sitting up like your muscles had been thrown off a cliff. On the bedside table in front of you, sat a glass of water a single painkiller which really should have clued you in, but it didn’t. 

Luckily you managed to swallow it and the pill down fine, whatever nauseous inclinations you may have gotten didn’t exist that morning. Just a pain in your head like a migraine and a weight in your stomach that in actually, was uncomfortably empty. A clink of a plate being sat down on wood caught your attention. Head turning to the side to see the one tall, broad person you tried to avoid. 

Joel didn’t bombard you right away, just glance up to see you were awake and then walked back into your petty excuse of a kitchen behind him. Grabbing something and shoving it into his pocket out of your vision. 

Painfully quiet, you sat down at the table to see a small plate of easy food that no doubt, he made specifically anticipating your hangover. His brows were narrowed as he sat down on the spot next to you. His hair was slicked back, still wet and highlighting the greys beautifully in the dull morning light shining in from your window. As you opened your mouth, he shook his head. Jaw set, he pointed to your plate. “Eat. You’re not going to feel any better with only half a bottle of moonshine in your stomach.” 

His voice was rough, but tinted in a softness that felt so familiar. His Texan accent always so much stronger this early in the morning to the point it almost sounded like he was just slurring his words together. It should have made you feel warm, but it just poked sharply at your insides. You were supposed to avoid him, but here he was, across the table from you early in the morning like so many others between you. 

Only the fact that you were still indeed, in your place and not waking up in his reminded you just how badly you screwed everything up. You barley made it past a few bites before trying to ease the tension in the air. “I would’ve just met you at the site, you didn’t need to stop by this early.” 

Joel stared at you with his eyes dark and hidden in thought. Narrowed brows as he chewed, not looking away as he swallowed his bite to reply. “Got here around midnight. You’d been passed out for only an hour, maybe two by that point.” 

You gave him a similar suspicious look in return. “You snuck out the middle of the night just to stop by?” 

Perhaps the hangover and the overwhelming lurch in your mind fro the past few days spat your tone out just a bit more upset or judgmental then you wanted. A tone you almost never gave him, and one he did not at all appreciate coming from you. 

His face twisted in irritation, “You don’t come home for three nights in a row and you don’t think I was going to find out why? At least last night you were actually asleep in a bed when I came over, didn’t think last night I was going to walk in on you drunk off your ass and passed out on the floor.” 

Looking behind him you could see the bottle on the counter, empty and clean. There was no trace of it when you walked by where you fell asleep, so either you knocked it all over and he cleaned it up, or he dumped the rest of it. “I mean it’s my apartment, what does it matter where I fall asleep?” 

Joel’s jaw was so tense that if you had been feeding him rocks, he could’ve chomped right though them with the kind of aggressive bite he was eating with. Barley making his way across his plate faster then you were. “It matters when you’re so drunk you didn’t even stir when I picked you up.” You tried to argue back but you had not the words to speak or energy to talk over him. “Listen, I’m not in the mood to argue, sweetheart. Least of all with you, so let’s cut to the chase. Where the fuck were you three nights ago? Because I stopped by here and you sure as hell weren’t.” 

You hadn’t come up with an excuse yet, as stupid and unprepared as that sounded. Tess was pissed off with you the morning you got out of the infirmary and she didn’t even have anything to do with it. So what would Joel have to say about it? Clearly she told you to stay away from him for a reason, yet as you sat across from his harsh stare you found yourself realizing how stupid it was to think Joel would let you just walk away in silence. 

You had been quiet for too long, he’d know whatever you say would have been made up. So, he leaned back and reached into his pocket to take matters into his own hands. His eyes squinting at you as he was doing so. “You know you’re shower has shit water pressure.” 

Head tilting to the side slightly in confusion, you saw as whatever he was grabbing now sat just under your view of the table in his hand. “Yeah, it used to be way to hard so I tried adjusting it but now it’s too light, but usually I’m not around enough to care-” 

He used your shower. Went into your washroom at some point before you woke up to shower. The washroom where you didn’t at all clean anything up before you drowned your thoughts into an old bottle. Joel had caught you, a spider stalking towards your prey caught in his tight web. “Sure as hell didn’t expect to see this when I was putting your stuff back.” 

Finally tossing onto the table the evidence. Two main pieces that had been the source of your drinking endeavour. Both of them were from that night FEDRA took you to see the doctor. To a casual onlooker one looked far more incriminating then the other, but no doubt if Joel had been here all night? And judging by how much more folded and refolded the report looked? Joel read it more then enough times to know it was the updated story you were hiding. 

But the first one mocked you as much as it did when the doctor made you do it. “I need to be sure, you can test positive for weeks after the fact. We can confirm with an ultrasound but I’d rather be sure what we’re dealing with before we jump to such a privilege.” Not the best bedside manner, the doctor you had dealt with. 

You took it then, and it was answer enough to bring you to a slightly better shape room with actual machines for once. He let you keep it and now you wished you let him dispose of it. The two pink positive lines shocked you then and it slapped you in the face now. 

You had no idea, and by the time you found out it was already behind you. For some reason, the only thing you could do was focus on the prior, as if that’s the part Joel would hate you for the most considering that’s the reasoning you listened to Tess for. “I didn’t...I had no- the doctor just told me to take it.” 

Joel slightly held his hand out to you as his forearm rested on the table, completely taken back almost like he was offended. “The doctor?” 

Nodding, you felt a tightening inside your chest as the panic held your breathing hostage. “I was on the ground, some FEDRA guy took me to medical but I didn’t know, Joel.” His lips were parted slightly and he was entirely unreadable, only causing your mouth to overcompensate. “The painkillers weren’t making me feel any better, and I don’t know it just felt like it started hurting so badly out of nowhere and the doctor made me take the test to be sure.” 

If it was panic before, the lightness filled with a distant heartbreak in Joel’s whisper pulled away that feeling from you and replaced with stinging behind your eyes that fell into tears. “You were pregnant?” 

He almost sounded betrayed, you wanted him to be mad not whatever this was. Not the replacement of anger in favour of this lost, far away reminder of grief. A grief whispered in his own tearful sorrows you once promised never to exploit. “I didn’t know, I swear. I never tried to, or wanted- I wouldn’t do that, Joel okay don’t.. I never wanted to hurt you like that.” 

You dropped all pretenses of eating, arms pulling back to wrap around your stomach like the tears were filling your stomach. Maybe you would throw up afterall but not from the alcohol. “But I’m not, okay? I wasn’t supposed to tell you, and I didn’t want you to think I was trying to use it against your either. I should have just thrown them out.” 

You tried reaching for the report, the one which laid out in pretty clear but frustratingly medical detail that you had likely been no more than two weeks along. That the cause was suspected to be a combination of high stress and harsh physical labour, which made the process more painful then it normally might have been. Joel however, snatched it from you first. The paper scrunching in his fist as he looked at you with less tear filled pain. “That’s why you didn’t come home.” 

Tone restrained and his muscles so tense you could see veins in some places of his arm. “It was after curfew when we were done so he just kept me there until morning.” You couldn’t even look at him, you didn’t know what he was thinking even less then you normally might not be able too. 

Whispered and almost angry this time, you were glad you weren’t looking at the returning rage. “And they just let you go to fucking work after that. Sun comes up and FEDRA just tells you to go drag bodies around a fire pit for nine hours.” 

You could barley rise more then a murmur. Wishing you could just walk out that door and go to work detail again, a place where they’d yell at you for talking too much just so you could avoid watching this thing between you both destroy itself before your eyes. But Joel would just yank you back inside if you dared tried to leave now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out.”

Pushing himself out of the chair, Joel turned away from you. His hand still fisting the paper even as he leans against the top of your counter. Legs bent back slightly, and pathetically enough as you looked at him from this angle? You recalled the soft moments between you in his place. His soft stomach in just the right angle where you could feel it pressing against your back as his lips usually trailed up your neck until demanded you lean back to kiss him. 

Joel’s eyes currently sat closed, taking deep breaths through his nose before pushing up and turning to you. “Why would you hide this from me? Do you really think I’d want you to go through this by yourself?” 

You couldn’t convince yourself to stand up. If you did, you’d either try to find comfort in arms that would now turn you away, or you’d run out the door and make it worse. Turning in place, you fidgeted until one of your legs sat partially under you as both your hands dug nails into the other. He sounded so angry, and you just didn’t want to lie anymore. “Tess said it wouldn’t be a good idea.” 

There was no way for you to know the swirling anger inside at the moment. Joel wasn’t stupid, he knew you far too well to be fooled. He would bet a lot on you deciding not to tell him, because of what he’s told you of Sarah. That you’d be worried that you were trying to hurt him, or somehow by being pregnant he’d assume you were trying to force him to move on. He had no idea what you two would have done if you were still pregnant, but you’d never push him about Sarah. 

Tess on the other hand knew nothing about Sarah. Sure, they’d been friends for over a decade by that point, she likely had her own ideas of why he was the way he was but she wouldn’t tell you to keep this from him for the reasons you would. No, he knew why Tess told you that, and he’d have more than a few words to confront her with over that. 

But if he had to be clear with her, he was going to be clear with you too. “I need you to listen to me, alright?” Your head rising up, you could see one hand on his hip and the other hovering out in front of him as if guiding your attention to him. His face was stern, much like the glaring expression he gave many but there was still an underlying you couldn’t determine. 

“This is between you and me. Not Tess, not this fucking doctor,” His hand flexing around the paper still balled up. “We didn’t get to where we are by lying to each other, sweetheart. And this? This is the last thing you should be dealing with on your own.” 

Your heart racing, you slowly stood from your seat without untangling your arms from one another. A few feet still between you and Joel once making your way around the table, you knew what you wanted but it didn’t drop the guilt. “I know. I- I’m sorry. I should have been more careful.” 

His dark eyes rising into the air almost reeling from his internal thoughts and coming back down to look at you softer. Not quite closing the distance, but Joel took a few more steps to lessen the gap as you continued. “I don’t know if you even want to now, but it’ll never happen again. Id be way more careful this time.” 

His large stature came above you as he closed the gap, one hand shoving the paper in his pocket before smoothing both palms down your upper arms. “Last time I checked, you didn’t get pregnant all by yourself. Part of this is my responsibility too.”

Still not having the bravery to look him in the eye, you still leaned into his his chest just enough to get more of his comforting warmth. “Do you still want me to move my stuff out of your place?” 

Joel sighed, rolling his eyes before pulling you into him completely. Your arms wrapped around his waist instantly. Inhaling his rich scent as you shuddered from one of his hands around your lower back and the other slinking up to hold you gently at the back of your neck. “I don’t even know where you got that idea. You’re not going anywhere except moving your ass back in with me. Bed’s fucking lonely without you.” 

The sudden laugh bursting from you was tinted with a choking cry, but Joel didn’t let it fester. Both of you stood in your apartment, keeping the other close, as Joel traced his nose across the top of your head. You didn’t quite cry in his arms, but your heart was in enough scattered places that Joel refused to leave you. 

Not sure how much time had passed, Joel pressed his lips into your hair, “Here’s what we’re going to do. Have a shower, get to the site and for once neither of us are putting our names in for something tomorrow, okay? You need to take it easy, and not by yourself.” 

You nodded into his chest, pulling back to look up at him as best you could in his hold. “Are we still...” 

Joel just nodded, a faint smile on his lips before he pulled your head into his. Pressing his lips to yours he was only gentle. Not rare, but a less common kind of soft way to kiss you typically. Never deepening, but he kept going back in for slightly more after thinking he was done. 

At one point tracing his nose down the length of yours, pressing his forehead to you. “Yeah, we are. Besides, I don’t think we’ve spent more than twenty four hours apart until now. Losing my mind with out around.” 

Sharing one last kiss, you both actually smiled into it behind the complex pain in your hearts. To your surprise, as you got into the shower you found Joel undressing as well. “Didn’t you already-” 

Pushing you forward with a flat expression, Joel just climbed into the shower behind you. Reaching beside you to raise the temperature just a bit lower then you set it. “I’d like to still have nerve endings after this.” 

Joel didn’t keep you pressed back against him for long, turning you in his arms so you could lean back and run your hair through the water before he leaned over you to do the same. Running a hand over his eyes to wipe the water away, Joel nodded for you to grab the shampoo behind you. 

Like something clicked inside of him, Joel felt greedy much like this usually went on a good day. He snatched it from your hands and before you could turn around, started to run his now lathered up fingers through your hair. Giving you the same, albeit a bit rougher, treatment you did with his normally. 

Scratching through your scalp and running over it firmly like a massage. The sensation vibrating in your chest as how unfairly kind his hands were to you, despite all you’ve seen them do to others. Soft pleasure filled your bloodstream, more relaxed then the past few days had been you could have fallen asleep were it not for Joel there to silently turn you again. 

Just moving you like a rag doll the way he needed you to be. As you shut your eyes you ran your own hands through your hair to rinse it all out, unable to replicate the same gentle massage Joel had just done. As you did so, Joel started to run over more of your body. 

Lathering soap in his hands to wash your skin himself, happy to go back and gather more soap multiple times if it meant being granted more to his greedy touch. Opening your eyes you didn’t meet his gaze, but watching his brown eyes trapped on your body. Palms running over your stomach and across to your hips, neither of you said anything Joel briefly trailed his thumb back. Running over your stomach again unable to look away like he was entranced. 

Snapping out of it only at the gentle tap of your fingertips up his broad chest. Your own thumb running over where you could feel his heart beating a bit faster. Whatever thought was behind his mind, now wouldn’t be the right time to think on it. 

None of his touch pushed you even as he knelt down in front of you, running his soap covered hands over your legs. They did linger a few seconds longer when running them over your ass but he just continued his path as if he wasn’t also naked, and could hide his cock twitch slightly between his legs. 

Joel didn’t want to hear an apology, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t give it to him another way. It doesn’t matter how you feel, or what he says matters. It was still you who put him through this, and you who took the advice to stay away from him. 

Meaning, you needed to show him remorse in some other way. Joel had taken a shower before, but you still returned the pretenses of washing his body in return. You both enjoyed the quiet pattering of shower water against the tiles, so whatever he would have protested was left to fall down the drain. 

It took you longer, he was tall, large and your touch was more gentle and slow then his consumed with a boyish greed. You left two places for last. Starting with his upper back, you dug your thumbs and fingers into his muscles. 

A moan leaving Joel’s mouth, you pressed harder and got another graced to your ears. A pattern emerged, you’d smooth your palms over his back, press in when you got to your destination and smooth blackout to another spot and do the same. The constant tensity in his shoulders deflating a bit, you guided him to turn back to you. 

You left one for last, knowing he would try and dissuade you, but the small massage to his muscles did the trick. His lips parted slightly and breathing heavier as his cock sat now half hard. Joel tilted your chin up with his fingers as he narrowed his eyes playfully. 

Taking them into your hand, you pressed a kiss to his palm. The playful look replaced with a yearning that only grew darker as you dropped to your knees. 

In the back of Joel’s mind he shouldn’t have let you, but christ did you tempt him all too much. Taking his cock into your soft, small hand and running up and down. Grip nowhere near as tight as he wanted, or even needed but made him feel tingling from shocks and nerves. 

A slow jerk back and forth, interrupted when he looked down to your bright eyes watching him with not lust, but adoration did you take him into your mouth. Right away he groaned, hand gripping the back of your hair as you slowly sucked and licked the top of his cock. 

He wasn’t even fully hard, but that’s what you wanted. Taking your time to sink further along his cock, you felt him grow harder right in your mouth. Eyes slamming shut, the more he filled you the more overwhelming it was. You could sink deeper into him when he was softer, but now that deepness was so much further along your mouth as he was at full size. 

Mouth stretched wide and saliva disguised mostly by the running water you sucked him gently. Not moving far back down his cock, you took him half an inch more each time, until moved to rest your hands on his hips and squeezed. Joel read your ask and delivered. 

Tightening his grip enough, Joel pushed you the rest of the way and pressed your nose up against the dark coarse hair at the base of his cock. “Oh fuck, that’s my sweet girl,” trying to soak his cock inside your mouth as much as you could and how far deep he kept you just made your own mess add to it. 

You whined at the holding pressure, as your own clit asked for attention. But not yet, no you asked for this and Joel needed it. He kept you deep and deliriously far along his cock until your mouth was full of saliva and his precum. 

Finally, he let you go at your pace, hand still on you. Even in the shower, you slid more of his cock in and out of your mouth sloppy and wet. Barley needing to hold him or stroke what you couldn’t reach as you licked and sucked him to babble. “I’m not, fuck, baby- I’m not cumming in your mouth sweet, girl.” 

You felt him start to throb, and shyly you reached down between your legs to rub your clit. Moaning around his cock, Joel’s chest heaved the closer you made him. What didn’t last long though, was being able to run your fingers over your clit. Because as soon as Joel saw, that game was all over. 

He pulled you off his cock roughly, watching you gasp for air as the sloppy mess soaked from your swollen lips. As you got to your feet, Joel turned and pressed you right against the wall, no space between your bodies. “Tell me this is a bad idea, sweetheart.” 

Gripping his cock he ran it through your legs. Up and down his tip against your clit and sliding back so much of him pushing close to slipping inside you before running back up. “Tell me to cum anywhere but inside you sweetheart, but I’m really fucking close to filling this pussy right back up until you’re stuffed full of a my cum.” 

You helped his resolve, none. Leaning your head back against his shoulder “Anywhere you want, Joel. Please, you can do anything with me,  anything you want.” Practically snarling, Joel gripped the back of your neck and pushed you forward into the wall. Leaning his head against the back of yours he shoved his cock deep inside with one push. 

Soaked and tight, Joel sunk deep with no resistance. He always did, “Pussy made to fit my cock and only my cock isn’t that right, baby?” You nodded and whined yes, and Joel’s teeth grit together as he thrusted into you. 

His hips smacking against your ass, barley able to hear the slap of skin over top the water made him fuck you harder just to make that slapping echo. Your ass cheeks jiggled from the force and Joel drifted a hand around your front to hold you at your lower stomach. Palm pressed flat he pushed you back onto him, “Rub your clit just like before, show me how good I feel.” 

Your touch was nothing like how his cock pounded into you, but the pressure of his palm, the sparks of pleasure from rubbing your clit and the coil twisting inside you from his cock all had you gasping for air that didn’t exist. It belonged to Joel, it all belonged Joel as you willingly handed all control to him with nothing but an intensive trust. 

Your orgasms were quick to come upon both of you. You clenched hard around his cock as your orgasm snapped inside. Your back arching into his chest and his arm now wrapping around you totally and pinning you to him as he shallowly thrusted quickly into you. 

He panted in your ear as you moaned his name, “Fuck, oh baby, fuck you’re going to make me cum.” You felt him throb inside you, before your own still spasaming orgasm clenched around too hard and made Joel cum too. 

Small thrusts each spurt of his cum making you whine. His cum was warm and spilled deep inside of you as he snarled into your neck and bit down to keep himself together. Once your pussy milked his cock for as much cum as he had to offer, you both stayed just like that. 

His cock softer, but still deep and keeping him from spilling out and his head in your neck. Your hand holding the one around your stomach and the other reached back to run gently through his wet hair as your eyes were shut too. 

Soon you’d have to get out, you were one late arrival away from going into lockup and despite joking that fucking Joel to get there would be worth it, his narrowed expression would have him spark into motion and get you both there on time. 

He had things to do, both of you grappling with it coming on three weeks since you’d both heard from Tommy. Joel having more than a few very pissed off words about Tess sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, and at some point he might let himself stop and think about today. You wouldn’t push him, and he bordered on a very difficult emotion and word at how much it meant to him that even after all this you could only think of his pain. Even if it meant feeling more for you. 

Joel had you live with him so soon after you both met, sleep with you in his arms in his bed, and spent far too many of both your waking hours together to pretend this wasn’t what it is. This was more then whatever he or you told people, and Joel was finally starting to realize. 

His hand tracing over your stomach and the heartbreak at how you wanted to spare him but deal with this all alone. And the strange feeling in his gut, at how the same day all of this came out, Joel still couldn’t help but spill himself deep inside you all over again. 

Until you both needed to get ready, you leaned into the other. Joel’s hand tracing over your stomach, and your head turning slightly so he could lean his head into you closer. 

Frank would have a field day if he knew this was how you and Joel spent your time together. 

I've never seen nor read something so true before

constant drive to talk about my ocs but also the eternal issue of not being able to articulate my thoughts properly so just imagine that i am grabbing you like this. there are things in my mind but they are not escaping