Remus Creates The Personally Victimized By Sirius' STUPID PUNS Club And Almost All Of Hogwarts Shows

Sirius Black in a Horror Movie

[phone rings]

Sirius: What's up?

Killer: I see you...

Sirius:

Killer:

Sirius:

Killer:

Sirius: Do I look good?

James: Rules were made to be broken, Moony.

Remus: Nothing was made to be broken. That doesn't even make sense.

Sirius: Piñatas.

Lily: Glowsticks.

Sirius & Lily: *High five*

Lily walked as briskly as she could to the library, her shoes making slight scuff marks on the floor. She quickly entered the library and started browsing through the shelves, not having any particular book in mind. Then it hit her.

She walked up to Madam Pince and asked, "Can I have a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard, please?"

Madam Pince nodded curtly and disappeared behind a long row of dusty bookshelves, leaving Lily to stand awkwardly by herself. Five minutes later the librarian appeared again, this time clutching a large and dusty book. Lily nodded gratefully and sat down at a table to read. Ah, to be able to sit in the library was a miracle in itself, with its quiet atmosphere and shelves filled with books waiting to be read —

"All right there, Evans?"

Lily put the book down and groaned. She buried her head in her hands. "Go away, Potter," she mumbled. "I am not in the mood to talk to you."

"What did I do?" James asked innocently, throwing his hands up in the air. "Here I am, minding my own business, just trying to check out a book, and you suddenly decide to just verbally attack me!"

"I did not!" Lily yelled hotly, forgetting the fact that she was in the library.

Madam Pince glared at both of them. "Shhh!" she said, raising her finger to her lips.

Lily sent Madam Pince an apologetic glance before saying curtly, "Go away, Potter."

To Lily's dismay, however, James took a seat at her table, a charismatic grin on his face. "You can't get rid of me that easily," he said with a cocky grin.

"Stop bothering me!" Lily hissed in frustration. "I just want to read!"

"Why, though?" James asked casually, leaning back in his chair. One of the legs of the chair was tipping precariously. Half of Lily hoped he would fall, but the other half didn't.

"Why what?" Lily said.

"Why do you read so much? It's a beautiful day; go outside!"

"You sound like my mum, Potter."

"Wouldn't you rather call me 'Daddy?'" he asked with a sly grin on his face.

"No," Lily said dully, not realizing the true meaning behind his words at first. When she did, however, she smacked him on the arm. "You're a real arse, Potter."

"Why yes," James said with a sly grin on his face. "My arse is quite real."

"Yeah, real stupid."

James chose to ignore this. "So, Evans," he said with a grin, casually propping his chin up with his hands. "Will you go out with me?"

"No," Lily answered firmly.

"Why?"

"I said no. Honestly, you'd think you would have gotten used to this answer by now."

"Why?"

"Because, Potter, I don't think it's a good idea," Lily said, exasperated.

"Why?"

"Because. . . because. . . I already have a boyfriend!" Lily invented wildly.

"Oh really?" James asked placidly, raising his eyebrow. "What's his name?"

"Richard. . . Richard Murphy!" Lily lied, her fingers crossed under the table. She had gotten the name from one of her childhood Muggle friends.

James raised an eyebrow. "Richard? You mean the one from Ravenclaw?"

"Wha — yeah!" Lily said, seizing the excuse with relief. "Yes! The one from Ravenclaw!"

"Oh. Well, he's right there," James said, pointing to a nearby table at which a sixth-year Ravenclaw was reading. "Go talk to him."

Lily blanched, but the choices were clear: it was either embarrassing herself in front of a random Ravenclaw, or admitting to James that she had lied to him. So Lily gathered up all her courage, stood up, and walked to the table where 'Richard Murphy' was studying at. She sat down at the table.

“Hi," she said with a friendly smile, aware that James was still watching her. "How's it going?"

The Ravenclaw looked up from his book with a slightly annoyed expression. "Do I know you?"

Lily was aware that James was laughing at her from the other table. "No," Lily muttered, embarrassed. "I just wanted to say hi."

The Ravenclaw returned to his book as Lily picked up her books and left the table, red-faced. Why did I think that would work?

"So," James said, smirking, "did you have a good time with Richard? Was he nice?"

Lily groaned and put her head in her hands. "I detest you, Potter."

James grinned. "I know." His expression then became unfathomable. "Why did you lie to me about having a boyfriend?"

"Because, Potter," Lily said, annoyed, "I don't want to go out with you, and I wasn't sure how else to get you to stop asking me."

"Fine. And I'll be generous and forgive your lie if you will be kind enough to forgive my lie," James said.

Lily was confused. "What's your lie?"

James pointed at the Ravenclaw reading in the corner. "That boy's name is David."

Lily's mouth dropped open. James leaned back, smirking.

"I win," he said smugly.

Lily had to resist the urge to scream. "I hate you, Potter!" she hissed.

"Why?"

"Because you made me look like a bloody fool!"

"No, I'm pretty sure you did that on your own."

Lily laughed involuntarily, then shoved James. "Shut up, Potter. I'm supposed to be mad at you."

"You could never stay mad at me," James said innocently, fluttering his eyelashes.

"Yes, I can."

"I'm going somewhere where my presence is appreciated," James said in a heavy voice, standing up. Lily thought she saw a small trace of a smile on his face before he left. She returned to her book, grinning for no absolute reason.

lily evans

The Mirror of Erised

One night under his invisibility cloak James Potter wandered, it was quite abnormal to find him alone like this. He had been feeling pretty down lately for one reason or another and decided once everyone was quiet in their beds to take a walk. He came across a room with a very large mirror and decided to play the game of having no reflection under the cloak. This always gave him a chuckle for whatever reason.

However when he stepped in front of the mirror he nearly jumped, for in the mirror was a picture of himself, a little older, and Lily Evans, also older, holding something wrapped in a blanket. Then a little hand reached out and James, in the mirror played with it, and he realized it was him and Lily, together, with a baby. He must have been watching the mirror for at least an hour when something dropped down beside him making him jump. Then worrying him even more he realized it was Lily and with huge eyes asked what she saw.

“A mirror silly, what are you doing up anyways?”

“oh, couldn’t sleep, but look if I move away…”

as he did Lily whispered oh so soft he couldn’t be sure that he actually heard it. After a few moments he asked her what she saw, she responded quickly, her cheeks flaming.

“Well I believe from reading it somewhere that its the mirror of Erised, which shows your deepest wants and desires, I see myself working as an auror for the ministry of course…”

James spun a story about the house cup.

They sat for quiet awhile staring, just far enough away that they could both see their images. However, what neither told the other was that their pictures were the same..

"Evans and Potter," sneered Mulciber, stepping towards them. The other Slytherins followed. "Beauty and the beast, if you will." 

"Now, now," said James; "I wouldn't call Evans a beast."

Babysitting At The Potters'

Lily: I just wanted to thank you guys for taking care of Harry tonight.

Sirius: Mhmm.

Lily: I mean, I just really appreciate it, you know?

Remus: Oh... thats...

Lily: Just to have a night free of stress and worry... Thanks, you two.

Sirius: Oh, don't thank us.

Remus: No really, DO NOT thank us.

Lily: Wait— what?

James: WHY IS THERE A MURAL DEDICATED TO PADFOOT ON OUR LIVING ROOM WALL

Sirius: Moony. Grab the irreversible crayons and run.

Sirius Black the Drama Queen

"Professor McGonagall!" Sirius yelled.

The whole class turned around in their seats to stare at him.

"What is it, Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall asked, sounding weary.

"I have to be taken to the hospital wing immediately!" Sirius cried dramatically.

"May I ask why?" Professor McGonagall asked in the same tone as before.

"I have a paper cut!" Sirius whimpered. The class broke out in laughter.

"Mr. Black, I really don't think a paper cut requires you to go to the hospital wing."

"GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD," Sirius said even more dramatically, kneeling on the floor.

Professor McGonagall had to try hard to hide her laughter. What a drama queen Sirius was. She tried to subdue him. "Mr. Black--"

"TELL JAMES'S PARENTS I LOVE THEM."

remus is me. i am remus. monopoly is sacred.

Remus normally: I hate capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work 3 jobs to afford basic necessities.

Remus, playing monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

McGonagall: (about a biography assignment) It doesn't have to be somebody famous, just somebody real. Anybody you like and respect.

James: Anybody?

McGonagall: Anybody.

Sirius: Absolutely anybody?

McGonagall: Absolutely anybody.

James: I pick Sirius!

Sirius: I pick James!

Lily: You know, you walked right into that.

McGonagall: I did, didn't I?