Ready To Cry

Ready to Cry

Matt Murdock x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: stitches, injuries, lots of pent up emotions

Author’s Note: i miss him! I miss him! Why won’t marvel bring him back to me?!

Summary: You’ve thought Matt was dead for months, only to go to where he was staying and demand to see him. You’re reunited.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

Matt put his head against the outside brick wall of your apartment. He shouldn't even be here. You thought he was dead and it should stay that way. As long as you thought he was dead you were safe. Safe enough. Fisk may still come for you either way but if you didn’t have any information to give, maybe it would be better.

But he could feel the blood seeping through his fingers as he held his stomach. He could go back to the church. Yeah. He would be avoiding putting you in danger and he could get stitched up there by Sister Maggie.

Matt listened to your humming for a moment more. You were cooking something. He could hear the oven on. You only hummed when you were cooking. He nodded to himself and hopped down onto the fire escape. He wouldn’t put you in danger today.

===

Matt had only been at the church for a couple of minutes when Maggie came downstairs to help him. He knew it was her by the footsteps.

“My side,” he muttered quietly. She walked up to him and usually would have made some quip about how he got hurt doing something bad but she was silent. He raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

“There is someone upstairs,” she said gently. “That is insisting she sees you.” He pursed his lips.

“Karen?”

“No.” He sat up straight. There was only one other woman who would come here to see him. He didn’t even think Karen knew but he knew you did. He had told you about his past. You were the only person he trusted with that. Foggy probably didn’t want to come here.

“How does she know I’m alive?”

“I don’t think she does. If you need it, I will tell her to go away.” Matt was silent for a moment. He was bleeding out. He didn’t have time to think about this. Matt could let you go on thinking he was dead to keep you just a little bit safer. Or he could let you come down here and stitch him up and touch you. Just the thought made him feel euphoric.

“I want her to be safe,” he said.

“She may be safer knowing you’re out there,” Maggie said quietly. Matt winced as he adjusted his seating.

“Let her down.”

He heard Maggie leave and she was gone for only about three minutes. When she came back down there was another sound of footsteps following her. You slowed as you entered the odd underground space. You looked around before noticing Matt was there, sitting on the bed.

Your breath caught.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Just a reminder though, this is a church,” Maggie said. You nodded, still too shocked to move. She walked up the stairs and away.

“Thanks,” Matt said. Hearing his voice made you want to cry. He was facing the ground, his hand over his side. He could hear you sniffle. You were crying. “If you’re going to yell, go ahead.”

You rushed up to him and threw your arms around him. He winced but you didn’t hear it. You sat on the bed beside him, holding him as tightly as you could like he was going to slip away like water. You put his cheeks in your hands and you stared at him.

“I hate you,” you sobbed. “Please never ever leave again.” He nodded.

“I’m bleeding out.”

You backed away quickly, noticing the blood on his side.

“Oh!” You stood up and quickly found all the stitching supplies Maggie had out for when he came back like this. You brought them beside you and made him sit back. “Can I take off your shirt?”

He was silent for a moment.

“What do you think?” You scoffed, wiping the tears from your eyes to have clear vision. You lifted his shirt over his head and looked at the gash on his side. It wasn’t as bad as he made it sound. His breath picked up as you touched his bare skin.

He would never get used to your touch. It was kind of electric. Like every brush of your fingers could be a drug. It made him want to cry. He had suppressed all of the emotions of grief and loss and anger that he wanted to cry now. But he held it in.

“Done.”

He sat up.

“You’ve always been good at that.”

“I’ve had to get good. Though forgive me, I’m a bit rusty.” He smiled offhandedly. You put your hand on his. He held it tightly. “Why?” you whispered.

“I had to.”

“I was so angry with you,” you muttered. “That you could die and leave me here. Alone. I imagined seeing you again a hundred times, screaming at you, throwing things at you, giving you a piece of my mind.” You traced your fingers over the bruises on his chest. He was littered with cuts, stitches, yellow and purple skin. “But I knew I could never hurt you, no matter how much you hurt me,” you breathed.

“I never wanted to hurt you. I stayed away so you could make a life for yourself, without me.”

“I could never be without you. You could be six feet under and I would still have you.” You put your hand on his chest where the worst of the injuries was. It looked like he had been stabbed, fairly deep. He winched. “Baby-” He breathed in deeply at the pet name and you couldn’t tell but it was from relief and longing. Longing to have you call him your own again. “Baby how many stab wounds do you have now?” you asked quietly.

“13.”

“Matthew Murdock!” You tilted your head in surprise. “I’m gone for a couple months and you get stabbed 13 times. For fucks sake.”

“You’re in a church.”

“I’m sorry. For freaking sake.” You put your hand on his shoulder. “I’m going to help you any way that I can. But first I’m going to let you drop that guard.” He shook his head.

“If I open the floodgates now they’ll never close.”

“I don’t care.” You kicked off your shoes and took off your jacket. “You got a dresser down here?” He gestured to the pile of clothes on the ground. “Jesus. Sorry.” You grabbed one of his shirts and took off your tight one. You put it on the ground next to his things. You walked back to the bed and nudged his leg. “Lay down.” He did as he was told. You laid down beside him, putting your head above his. You put your arm around his shoulder. He put his head on your chest.

“What we’re you making earlier?” he mumbled.

“Were you stalking me Murdock?”

“No I just..missed you.” How many times had you thought he was dead but he was just outside your window?

“Soup.” You brushed a hand through his hair. “So this is where you used to have those nightmares huh?” you whispered.

“Yeah. I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“Are you ready to cry now?”

“No but keep going, I’ll get there.” You laughed. You kissed the top of his head. He put his arm around your stomach.

“I love you Matthew. I’m not letting you go again.” He was silent. You rubbed his back, careful of any scars or fresh wounds. You thought maybe he didn’t like what you had said since he wasn’t answering. You looked down at him and noticed that his chest was rising and falling quickly.

He was crying. You brought your other arm up to him and held him with both arms. He buried his head in your chest. He sobbed. He just sobbed. He sobbed for the pain, for the grief, for the worry, the stress, the sacrifices.

When he grew quiet you realized he had fallen asleep.

====

You woke up before him. He was still laying on your chest, gripping you like you were going to slip away. Your breathing changes woke him up easily. He was a light sleeper these days. Honestly he was surprised he slept through the night undisturbed.

He sat up, hair a mess. You smiled, brushing it.

“You look cute,” you whispered.

“I got your shirt all wet.”

“It’s your shirt.” He half smiled. He leaned against the wall, grabbing your hand.

“I’ve put you in danger. By letting you come down here. By letting you know I’m alive.”

“Yeah well I was in danger anyway. I can’t let you do this by yourself. I’ll help, even if it means I have to walk under the buildings you jump across.” He laughed dryly.

“You need to be realistic.”

“I am. I’m just not pessimistic.” He scoffed. You sat up and moved, sitting beside him against the wall. You still had his hand in yours. “Let me do this.” He was silent for a moment. IT was stupid. It would leave loose ends.

“I shouldn't.”

You leaned over and kissed him. It had been so long since you had kissed him. It felt like heaven. Like everything was worth it as long as this kiss never ended. Of course though, it did.

“You have to. I’m making you.”

“Karen and Foggy may never forgive either of us.”

“At least we’ll be together.”

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