The Bitches Traumatized By Saltburn Would Never Survive The Fics In My Ao3 History

breaking my silence:

I might like bartylus, moonwater and jily more than jegulus.... like- im so tired of jegulus right now i fear it doesnt hit the same anymore

It's all fun and games with Neil 'I'd rather be free than safe' Josten vs. Kevin 'I'd rather be safe than free' Day - until you whip out Jean 'Please just kill me' Moreau

Dorcas: Make her pussy wet, not her eyes

Remus: Make his dick hard, not his life

James: Break her bed, not her heart

Marlene: Play with her boobs, not her feelings

Sirius: Get on his dick, not his nerves.

Peter: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

sometimes i make posts like 'aaron minyard deserves to kill' which he does but then i backtrack and remember that he actually shares a podium with ichirou moriyama and stuart hatford as the only AFTG characters to ever kill someone onscreen, and i get this sudden burst of pride like "that's my boy!!"

shipping Barty with Evan is just right.

shipping Barty with Regulus feels so good.

shipping Barty with Sirius hits different.

shipping Barty with Lily scratch the right part of my brain.

shipping Barty with James wakes something new in me.

shipping Barty is the answer.

Barty is everything.

Barty >>>

Barty.

im convinced that regulus and pandora actually started a cult with the skittles. they had rules, names,positions and everything! rosekiller just found it fun and dorcas was so bloody obsessed. they were also very serious about it like they had matching tatoos and everything

they probably decided who to sacrifice and shit.(it was prolly slughorn or dumbd**r)

Saw the marauders fandom getting hates again by non other than Snape supporters on TikTok sigh

Tbh I feel like people mix up movie and book Snape a lot, while the movie Snape was nicer and not a total bitch, the book one is a man whore, a bully, a bitch and a dick.

And I hateeee that people can't see it just bc they find the actor of Snape "hot" or feel bad for him cuz he got rejected by Lily and died like sybau people get rejected everyday and you don't bully the child of the women you love nor any other children as their TEACHER.

I'm glad lily rejected him, my girl saw a red flag that cannot be fixed and ran.

Anyway ty for reading my pep talk I'm PISSED

james potter would love 2pac amd biggie, like he is a full blown rap listener and no his top artist would not be taylor swift.

do you guys even know this man??? "oh his top song was mirrorball" shut up.

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch