Squish His Face💖

Decided that maybe i should post here too 0-0 ✨

Drew a fanart of Hu Tao <3

Akiren, Goro kissing headcanons

Note: i hope this is to your liking anon! <3

Akiren

He honestly does not care where he is, if you ask for a kiss, you are getting one! Although, of course, there are limits. He would not engage in a full-on make out session with you outside, but he would definitely indulge you in a kiss or two. There may be times where he gives the back of your hand kisses too, and if you turn to look at him he will give you a smile and a wink.

In private though, his kisses are gentle and reassuring, you will never want to leave his arms. This man is absolutely in love with you, completely taken by you, and he makes sure you feel the full extent of his feelings. Whenever you pull away, he will nuzzle your nose and whisper a soft, "I love you so much," against your lips. He likes giving you neck kisses too, especially if you're ticklish there. If you show any kind of reaction, he will kiss you there whenever he is in the mood to be playful. He is also the kind of person to give you a kiss, just cause. You're in the way and he needs to pass through? Gives you a quick kiss in your shoulder, and an "Excuse me, treasure."

His kisses are fun and passionate, another way of expressing his love and as a way to keep him grounded. Sometimes, as he kiss a ticklish spot and you giggle, he smiles to himself and thinks that everything is going to be okay, because he has you.

Goro

He is not really into PDA, especially considering he has a public image to uphold and he thinks it will put you in harm's way if the both of you ever try to publicize your relationship. So if you ever ask him to kiss outside, he will wave you off. But if you are in a semi-private place, somewhere you can probably hide for a few minutes, then he may give you a peck on the lips. That's all you're getting though, as he tells you, "Be patient, please."

Whenever you are behind closed doors though, there's a sense of urgency and need behind his kisses. As if he is trying to confirm for himself that you are really there with him, and that it is his only lifeline. If you keep indulging him, he may or may not get addicted. He also likes giving you forehead kisses, and you may find him giving you a lot of those when he is extra affectionate. He finds your kisses as a way to 'recharge', and so in the times you are tangled up in each other's embrace, he makes the most of it. "Are you okay?" you asked one night, and Goro nods while tucking a stray hair behind your ear and a kiss on your nose, "I am now."

His kisses are a way for him to express his feelings, because gods is he terrible at it sometimes. But he is trying, and he hopes that somehow, that reaches you. There are so many things he cannot tell you yet, and when he remembers that, his kisses turn desperate and needier than usual.

COURT IS NOW IN SESSION

𖤐 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 : neuvilette from genshin impactִ

࣪𖤐 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : fem! reader, exhibitionism, teasing, slight cursing, me absolutely deliriousִ

࣪𖤐 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀'𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐘 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 : KHAOHSDHFOD IGHEROIG HOIHIHD O NDFKJDN FKJGBREOIGHROIG HROEIN I

"Shhhh... If you're any louder we run the risk of getting caught."

A pause. A soft chuckle. "Wouldn't that be a case to try and justify?"

Another deep chuckle follows, one that borders amusement. Neuvilette's hand flexes against your back, spans across your skin and presses you down ever harder against the desk until you feel your breasts are squished and your breaths come out shorter. He's merciless as he pounds you without any indication of faltering — his body is like stone and marble, powerful thrusts that leave your body jolting, gasping for air. He pins you down, has his way with you far too easily. Yet your cunt welcomes him greedily, sucking him in, velvet walls tightening around him until he lets out a sharp hiss.

"Dirty girl," he chides with a low tut. "You like the thought of that. I should've known."

You feel the cool sensation of his rings ghosting against your skin, you taste them on your tongue where he's got a hand clamped over your mouth to keep you quiet. Saliva pools against his fingers, drips between the crevices of his knuckles — you have half a mind left and you know he's going to punish you later for making such a mess. Your whine vibrates against his skin, catching his attention for a brief moment.

But it does nothing to slow his thrusts, his thick cock dragging against your walls, how he angles himself just right to nudge against your sweet spot, paying no mind to the embarrassing squealch of skin meeting skin. He's thick and heavy, his length pulses inside of you with every stroke, muscles in his thighs straining with his efforts and soft grunts occasionally tumbling from his lips.

Case hardened... is the only word that comes to mind.

He knows the line he's threading, fucking you in the very courtroom he sits in everyday, where fates are decided. If the two of you got caught it would be the end of the line for you both — perhaps that's why he's fucking you here where he knows trouble awaits.

A gloved hand slips down to the arch of your back and further, caressing the curve of your ass. He makes a pleased sound in the back of his throat when he kneads one of your cheeks, even going as far to lift it, watching how you cream around the base of his cock, your pussy fluttering and your face filling with warmth. He's studying you, perceiving how you take him, how your quads quiver with an effort to keep you up, how you're pressed up on the tips of your toes, how your cunt keeps sucking him in.

"My, my, darling. If I was any wiser I'd say it's like this pretty little pussy doesn't want to let me go."

You mewl behind his palm, squeeze your eyes shut and let your head drop to the table. He takes this as your sign of submission and rewards you with one single, fleeting kiss to your spine and a mischievous little spank to your ass.

"Good girl," he whispers, his voice an octave or two lower than usual, each syllable coated with bittersweet honey, delectable but oh so dangerous. "I'll give you what you want soon enough. Patience is a virtue, hold on just a little more for me, alright?"

You feel far too empty all of a sudden as he swivels his hips back, his cock slick and shimmering with your juices. He hovers it over your clit, tapping it once or twice with the head of his cock before he's sliding back inside you with a low curse.

Through his fingers you manage to mumble, "Profanities are forbidden in the courtroom."

Your cheekiness only spurs him on even further — his thrusts are twice as hard, you can feel bruises starting to form on your hips. "So is debauchery," he grits out through a tight jaw.

His sharp hips snap against your ass, presses you down further, fucks you like you're nothing more than something to discard. You can hear soft groans spilling from his lips, how the breaths shake in his lungs when you tighten your cunt around him on purpose. He doesn't mind the mess you're making of his dress pants, his hands nor how debauched the two of you look — sweaty skin, his face flushed, his hair tangled and your lower half painted with a mixture of his precum and your slick. He always fucked you like he hated you but kissed you like he loved you.

The glint of the wedding band round his ring finger, the metallic taste of it on your tongue, that tells you otherwise — he doesn't hate you despite fucking you like he does.

It always does.

𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔.

synopsis. how they would react and cope after you left their lives. characters. jing yuan, dan heng, blade, gepard x gn!reader (separate) author's note. congrats, you have made it to the vault (carlyle's version). due to the 1.2 update i will not shut up about hsr and speak now tv. sorry if this was short, the writer's block is still kinda there. lmk if u want any other character!

jing yuan would be a bit more dignified about losing you. after all, after everything he has witnessed in his long, long life, he knew that it would only be inevitable that he would lose you, too. but for the amount of loss that he has experienced, it did not make it any easier for him to cope. your presence always made everything just a tad bit bearable and he missed that sorely. on the outside, jing yuan would make sure that he would seem fine, greeting everyone warmly and nodding to their consolations, but the moment the public's eyes are off him, he'd be devoid of any emotion. you had always likened jing yuan to the sun, he'd remember, before you went on a tangent about his eyes again, but the true sun in his life was you. and you were gone.

dan heng would immediately blame himself. no matter the circumstance, he'd chalk it up to the karma of being with someone like him. it was apparent how much happier you made him when you were together — the astral express would always comment how he seemed to glow around you despite the neutral expression he always wore — that everything just turned dead when you were gone. at least, that's how it was like for him. no more of indulging in the silly romantic antics that you'd drag him in — oh, how he'd give anything for one last adventure with you. dan heng would spend most of his time locked in the archives after this, his mind awake and going over every tender memory you shared with him. his most favorite one was when you sung to him; now, it'd be the only voice haunting him before he fell into the deepest slumber.

blade would not believe it first. you made a promise to him that you would stay with him, no matter how long it takes. you promised that to him, and he does not take the promise of forever lightly. when the undeniable is presented to him, blade would lose control over the overflowing emotion in him. he's in despair, he's seething in anger, he's breaking down in labored cries, even kafka does not want to be around him when he'd be experiencing all these at once. he'd curse his immortality again over and over, wishing that the universe would finally grant him his wish to die, because all he wants now is to be reunited in your arms, your hand gently stroking his hair and your voice whispering to him that you were there and you were fine. he would swear to never love again, not like how he loved you.

gepard would break down at the news. rightfully, it was unbecoming of the captain to react in such a public manner, but he did not care. you had always made sure he was taking care of himself, that he'd just condemn himself for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. he'd work thrice as hard and sink himself deeper into his duties afterwards. as you were no longer there to chastise him for overworking himself to the bone, gepard would be prone to collapsing every time he pushed himself too hard. even when serval would call him out on this self destructive behavior, he wouldn't listen. some nights, he'd swear that he, delirious and sleep deprived, sees you standing right next to him, a frown on your face as he stayed up all night to finish the documents. "don't look at me like that" he'd say, but how he would wish for you to say something to reprimand and snap him out of it.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

THAT PUSSY KILL BE SO VICIOUS

୨୧ featuring: welt yang, sunday, jing yuan, aventurine x fem reader

ଘ cw: smut, dubcon, dacryphilia, edging, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie, nipple play, choking, manhandling, public sex, rough sex

୨୧ synopsis: keep your mouth shut and let him take his frustration out on you

ଘ wc: 2.4k

ʚ WELT YANG ɞ

Welt isn’t the type to get easily angered. It would be foolish to anger him, though. Depending on the situation, he has a few tricks up his sleeve to deal with it. There are times, however, when he is just beyond angered. He’s brimming with madness. And there is only one way to make him calm down and not pull a black hole on everyone, destroying everything in the immediate vicinity.

“Ah, Mr Yang!” You smile as you see him in the corridor of the Passenger Cabin, just outside of his room. “I was wondering if you could—”

Before you can even finish your sentence, Welt grabs your wrist and pushes you into his room, slamming you on the door. You turn over your shoulder to look at him confused and your eyes widen when you notice the shimmering anger burning fiercely in his eyes. You gulp, wondering what could have happened to make him so mad.

“Sorry, little one.” His tone is cold and dark. He takes his glasses off, leaving them on the desk on his right. His body pins you to the door, his hand choking your neck, as he grinds himself on your arse. “But right now, I need you to be a good girl and don’t make any noise.”

Welt is quick with freeing his cock from the confines of his trousers. He lifts your skirt to your waist and slides your panties to the side, spreading your pussy lips with his fingers. You bite your lip, squirming as he holds you in place. He kisses your neck, as he rubs his hard cock on your entrance. “This is going to hurt, but I cannot bother with foreplay right now.” He kisses your cheek, then covers your mouth with his palm. “Forgive me, little one.”

He thrusts inside you hard, going all the way in, before he starts pounding into you like a maniac. You scream against his hand, tears streaming down your face at the ferocity of his thrusts. You’re certain that if anyone were to walk by in the corridor, they would be able to hear the brutal slap of skin on skin.

Your back arches, as Welt pulls your head back. Still ravaging your poor little pussy, he looks into your eyes. Usually he would be angered by the rivers of tears streaming down your cheeks, but not this time. He still feels bad for hurting you right now, but you and he both know that it’s either you he takes his anger out on or the universe. And let’s be honest, you do enjoy yourself right now, despite the initial pain of his penetration.

His free hand is holding onto your waist tightly, slamming your hips against his. Your legs shake as he brings you to orgasm within minutes. Even so, Welt doesn’t stop. He fucks you through your orgasm and eventually reaches his own, filling up your pussy with his seed. He doesn’t stop then either. He kisses your forehead as your muffled cries mix with his grunts.

Orgasm after orgasm, he’s making a mess out of the both you. It’s unbefitting of him, Welt knows that. But your tight pussy is the only thing that can purge the burning rage within him. He’ll make it up to you later. He always does, after all. But for now, he decides to act a bit selfish and use you as he pleases. As he bites down on your neck and dig his fingers into the soft flesh of your hip, after at least four orgasms, he does start to feel better.

For good measure, Welt wrenches two more orgasms from your body, before his thrusts slow down. He removes his hand from your mouth, knowing you’re too exhausted right now to make any sound. Your heavy breath echoes in the room along with his. A low moan escapes your lips when he pulls his cock out of your pussy, your mixed arousals dripping down between your legs.

You can barely stand, supporting yourself on the door. Welt tucks himself back in his trousers, then picks you up in his arms and carries you to his personal bathroom, carefully lowering you into the tub and running you a warm bath. You hum relieved at the warm water enveloping your body.

“So, what did you want to ask me?”

“I forgot,” you giggle.

ʚ SUNDAY ɞ

You know from the moment he calls you, barking “Come. Now” that Sunday is in an awful mood. You immediately drop everything and hurry to his office. You don’t bother knocking at his door and just open it. The whole room is a mess, papers scattered all over the place, fragments of a broken vase at a corner, you take note not to step on.

Cautiously, you approach him, who’s looking outside the window. “Sunday?”

He turns towards you, a small smile curling up on his lips. “Oh, you’re here, angel.”

“What happened—”

You scream as Sunday bends you over his desk without so much as a warning. He hastily removes your clothes, leaving you naked under his malicious gaze. He kisses your neck, shoulder and back, his hands cupping your breasts, groping them and pinching your nipples. An involuntary moan escapes your lips, making him smirk.

“No, talking,” he whispers in your ear, as he unbuttons his trousers. “Spread your legs for me, angel.” When you don’t immediately obey, he slaps your thighs apart. “Spread them,” he repeats in an authoritative tone.

This isn’t, of course, your first rodeo. It doesn’t mean that Sunday doesn’t make your entire body shudder as he thrusts inside your pussy. His thrusts are slow at first, yet violent, shaking the entire desk and forcing the air out of your lungs. And yet your greedy, masochistic pussy loves it, clenching around his cock so hard, he needs to put more force to move. It feels as if he’s splitting you in half.

Sunday picks up his pace, thrusting in and out of your now dripping pussy at a demonic speed, penetrating you deep, having you squirm underneath him. You can barely muffle your moans by biting your lip, but he couldn’t care less if you’re heard right now. All that matters to him is getting rid of all his frustrations.

You gasp when his fingers start rubbing your clit, your body tensing in his arms as your orgasm approaches. You’re so close to tasting the sweet nectar of bliss when Sunday slows down his pace, before stopping altogether with his cock buried in your pulsing cunt. You turn to look at him over your shoulder, irritation written all over your face and he can’t help but chuckle at your cute expression.

“You’re so adorable all angered, angel,” he coos, his dark gaze devouring you whole. He starts rocking his hips once more, hitting your g spot time and again to make you moan and whimper. He leans over your shoulder, his right arm slipping underneath your body to grope your breast. “But you’re not cumming until I say so.”

The thing about Sunday is that even if you’re not the one who has wronged him, you’re still the one getting punished. He will eventually deal with the real pain in his arse, but for now, the easiest and perhaps safest way to vent his anger is by punishing his little angel, namely you. Each whiny little whimper he draws out of you with each denied orgasm feeds his sadistic ego, pacifying his wrath.

Your mind is lost in all your denied pleasure. You’re so gone, you can barely complain anymore. And that’s his cue for Sunday to finally allow you to cum. If he’s being honest, he has calmed down for a while now, but you couldn’t possibly expect him to drop his little game with his favourite toy, could you?

When your orgasm floods your body, you scream his name so loud, you’re certain everyone in Penacony heard you. Sunday cannot help but smirk, marvelling at the way your body spasms from the intensity of your orgasm. He can never think of a better way to ease his rage than this.

ʚ JING YUAN ɞ

Everyone flinches as the General passes them by, his irritation heavy in the air. Nobody dares block his way nor talk to him. There is a high possibility of ending up dead if they do. Even Yanqing changes paths, thinking that he can always come back later to challenge his master in a duel.

Jing Yuan walks into his bedchamber and he’s thankful you’re already there. He wouldn’t be able to wait a moment longer. Immediately, he attacks you, turning you to him and devouring your lips, sucking your very soul out of your body. His hands grope your arse cheeks, his fingers digging into the fabric of your skirt.

He lifts you in his arms, carrying you over and throwing you in his bed, before hovering over you. He’s like a wild lion, out to torment a poor little prey because someone enraged him. And that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. When you try to wrap your arms around his neck to bring him closer, he harshly pins them down the mattress, while pressing his knee on your clothed pussy, making you whimper in your kiss.

The next moment, Jing Yuan flips you over, pushing your face into the mattress, as he lifts your hips up. He rips your clothes to shreds, his hands hungrily roaming and groping every part of your body, relishing on your squirming form underneath him. You gasp when he pounds into you, stretching you out to accommodate his entire length. “Fuck,” he groans.

Each thrust is more vicious than the previous. You hug one of his pillows and bury your head in it, muffling your screams and whimpers, tears staining it. Jing Yuan couldn’t stop himself even if he wanted to. The feeling of sliding his cock in and out of your pulsing core is making him slowly forget about all the trouble that enraged him in the first place.

He feasts on your trembling form beneath him, spanking your arse just to hear your cute, surprised yelps. It’s intoxicating him. He lies on top of you, still making you go dumb on his cock, and wraps his arm around your neck, while the other grabs on your breasts. You come undone right then and there and he can’t help but smirk. “My cute little kitten,” Jing Yuan coos in your ear.

He nibbles the soft flesh of your neck, curving his mark, as he chases after his own orgasm. But just one time is not enough to quench his thirst for blood. Like a savage lion, he doesn’t plan on releasing you any time soon, holding you tightly in his arms, as he brings you closer to another orgasm. Even when you complain about being sensitive after three more orgasms, Jing Yuan relentlessly pounds into you, filling you up with all his seed until he’s satisfied.

In-between of his ferocious thrusts, he kisses your lips, showing you some semblance of gentleness, not wishing to break you too fast or else he will be in need of another target to vent. And there’s nobody who can satiate him as well as you. You can feel every inch of him as he’s now slowed down to delay your next orgasm. Yet you’re so sensitive that you’re on the verge of cumming once more.

ʚ AVENTURINE ɞ

You had the feeling that you’d end up like this from the moment the meeting began. You could just tell that someone would anger your superior and you’d be the one to clean up the mess. And you were right.

The moment everyone disappears from the meeting room, Aventurine motions you to approach him. His darkened gaze dares you to disobey. When you’re close enough to him, he sits you on his lap, your thighs on either side of his, as you look into his eyes. He takes your chin in his forefinger and thumb and crushes his lips on yours, his tongue penetrating your mouth without warning.

Your body arches to him, your breasts flattening against his chest. He slaps your arse, making your jolt and whimper in your kiss. Aventurine ignores it. His hand slides underneath your skirt, pulling your panties to the side and sliding two fingers inside you. “Oh, what’s this? You’re already wet? Did you fantasise about this during the meeting?” Of course you did. You knew it was coming and couldn’t help your mind wandering off down a dark rabbit hole.

Fumbling with his belt, you pull his trousers and underwear down. He strokes his cock, rubbing the tip on your wet folds before thrusting inside. His head falls back at the tightness and warmth enveloping him. Aventurine holds your hips as he slams you down his girth, his cock reaching deep within you, while you hold onto his shoulders to support yourself.

You feel a bit uneasy having sex in the meeting room, knowing that someone can easily walk in on you, but you’re more worried about your superior right now. Besides, if a fool does come in, they’re going to fall prey to Aventurine’s rage.

Aventurine tears your shirt apart, sending buttons flying all over the room. He doesn’t bother removing your bra and just pulls it down. Your breasts bounce in rhythm with your movements. He takes them in his hands, running his thumbs over your hardened nipples. He leans down and takes one nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting on it, as you move up and down his length.

When your movements slow down, Aventurine raises an eyebrow in question, tilting his head on your chest. His right hand delivers a harsh spank on your arse, the stinging pain making your pussy clench around his cock. “Did I tell you to slow down?” He doesn’t wait for your answer before he’s thrusting up inside you.

You cover your mouth with your hand, yet your muffled moans are enough to make him cum inside you. His warm seed fills you up as he continues fucking you time and again. Your little mishap results in Aventurine denying your orgasm till you have begged him enough. Seeing you so desperately pleading him for release lights up his mood. He doesn’t plan on letting you cum yet, wanting to hear you beg more, but he will, eventually.

© strawchocoberry — do not copy, repost, translate or reuse my work

ive been thinking of them lately…

they say something they don’t mean | valentines special! (part two)

includes diluc, kaeya, childe, and zhongli

✦ angst with no comfort, except for zhongli’s

i just really can’t see him saying something that mean i’m sorry

g/n reader as always!

y’all didn’t actually think i wouldn’t post angst for valentines day … right? enjoy <3

*note: there’s a slight mention of diluc’s past in his section that some might not know about. you can look here on the wiki to read about it, or skip it if you don’t want spoilers.

part one | the moment they fell for you with diluc, kaeya, childe, zhongli, and xiao

— diluc

diluc can hardly even look at you. he needs to calm down, he can feel his rational slipping — but every time he pictures you recklessly running into the middle of a battle, an unbearable rage shoots through him.

“diluc, you’re being childish—“

“oh, i’m being childish? this is ridiculous, i can’t believe you,” he spits. “that was quite possibly the dumbest decision you’ve ever made. i don’t even know why i bother to bring you along with me anymore.”

you scoff, eyes narrowing. “you’re kidding, right? i’ve saved your ass on numerous occasions, sorry for the inconvenience.”

his jaw clenches as diluc struggles to keep his temper, shaking his head at your words. “what you did today was idiotic. had i not reached you in time, you wouldn’t be standing here at this moment.”

you continue to glare at him, eyes hardening as you say, “well, i guess we didn’t all have the luxury of training with the knights.”

he snaps.

diluc visibly seems to bristle as the simmering anger in his eyes begins to burn brighter. he takes a step toward you, not noticing the fresh fear in your gaze.

“how dare you?” he growls, voice growing louder as he continues to speak. “i have done nothing but babysit you ever since we met — i let you join me on my errands because i thought it would help you find a sense of worth, but i suppose it was useless. you’re nothing but a burden.”

you swallow before quietly asking, “is that how you really feel?” he huffs out a humorless laugh that only makes your heart ache more, the man standing in front of you seeming more and more like a stranger.

“why would i waste my time lying?”

you have no response as you stare back at him, the shock and hurt evident in your eyes. he drops his gaze. 

“i think it would be best if you left,” he says, voice low and threatening. you’re quick to turn and briskly walk out the door, leaving diluc alone with his thoughts. his mind begins to clear as soon as he realizes what he said, an overwhelming wave of guilt washing over him. he quickly makes his way outside, sighing in relief when he sees your figure walking away from the winery.

he catches up to you, panic setting in when you refuse to look at him. “please, we should talk—”

“i want nothing to do with you,” you retort, trying to quicken your pace. “leave me alone.”

“i shouldn’t have said that,” he tries, stepping in front of you. you glare up at him, and diluc feels his heart crack when he sees the tears welling in your eyes. “please come back with me, we need to talk about this.” he gently tries to reach for your hand, eyes widening when he sees you flinch away. 

were you scared of him?

“there’s nothing to talk about.” your voice is small, yet he can still sense the hurt in it. “let me go, diluc.”

“i—”

“move.” reluctantly, he moves to the side, watching hopelessly as you walk away. 

diluc swears his world gets a bit dimmer when he realizes he might have lost you for good.

Keep reading

albedo on albedo crime

𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆.

pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹

dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.

dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.

the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.

and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.

in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.

which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.

"i think we should stop."

dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.

what a joke this all seems to be now.

what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?

".... stop what?"

you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."

why? "why?"

from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.

"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."

well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.

"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.

and now, you were asking him to let that all go?

despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"

"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.

"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."

you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.

"you're giving up then? on us?"

his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?

how cruel were you, really?

you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?

"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.

he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "

he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."

typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.

he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.

if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.

three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.

it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.

still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.

how could he have missed the signs?

the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.

a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.

"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.

it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.

it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.

"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."

to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.

how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?

when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.

all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.

"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

xiangli yao — ‘ THE ULTIMATE TRUTH ’