Now I’m Empty. I Have Nothing To Give To Anyone. Except For Talking About My Pain. And Since I Realize

I’m trying so fucking hard and no one sees that. I’m trying so fucking hard to stay alive but my breathing is getting shallow and my heart is beating slower and if I don’t wake up tomorrow just fucking forget about me.

TW: EATING DISORDER THINGS

Up-pining after hitting my UGW.,

1.       “Hunger will not betray you like eating will”

2.       “Hunger hurts, but starving works”

3.       “Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes a Boy a smaller size”

4.       “Calories won’t make you happy”

5.       “Starving is willpower”

6.       “Pleasure to the lips adds pounds to the hip”

7.       “Do not reward yourself with food, you are not a dog”

8.       “If it was easy, everyone would be thin”

9.       “I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it”

10.   “Eat to live, but don’t live to eat”

11.   “Hunger is your friend and it won’t betray you like eating will”

12.   “Your stomach growling is the sound of your fat screaming”

13.   “Everything looks good on skinny”

14.   “Know that the pain will pass. When it passes you will be stronger, happier, and more aware“

15.   “The greasy fry it cannot lie. Its truth is written on your thigh”

16.   “Giving into food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else”

17.   “I made myself fat, I can make myself thin”

18.   “If I eat anything, I’ll eat everything, so I eat nothing”

19.   “Waking up thinner is worth going to bed hungry”

20.   “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”

21.   “Every calorie you eat equals another step towards destruction“

22.   “Eating will not solve anything”

23.   “Ballerina or beanbag?”

24.   “No one ever got skinny sitting on their behind”

25.   “You could die at any time and once you are dead, you will be that weight FOREVER, do you want to look fat when everyone comes by to see you in the coffin?”

26.   “Eat less, weigh less”

27.   “Starve my pain away, make me beautiful, make everything okay, turn my problems into bones, crush them up, gather the remains, blow away the dust“

28.   “Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless“

29.   “Never trade what you want most for what you want at the moment, it only leads to failure”

30.   “For every day that you binge, it pushes back the day of your ultimate goal weight by a week”

31.   “You only fail if you stop trying“

32.   “You are not hungry, you are bored, learn the difference”

33.   “ You will not regret getting skinny, but you will regret overeating”

34.   “Do it so that people ask, “has she been eating?”“

35.   “I am not there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday”

36.   “Need motivation to lose weight? Just sit in front of the mirror naked”

37.   “If you are not hungry enough to eat an apple, you are not hungry”

38.   “Dear stomach, you are not bored, you are hungry, so shut up”

39.   “Stop eating, you must be beautiful”

40.   “So you can show everyone who doubted you, you can do it”

41.   “Inside us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she is too sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake”

42.   “Keep calm and hunger will pass”

43.   “The fact that you are not where you want to be should be enough motivation”

44.   “You’ll never get skinny if you keep on eating”

45.   “An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person“

46.   “The thinner is the winner“

47.   “You cannot taste perfection, you can feel it“

48.   “If you aren’t thin, you aren’t attractive“

49.   Are you a dog? Stop rewarding yourself with food

50.   What you eat in private, you wear in public

51.   Fat lasts longer than flavor

52.   Excuses don’t burn calories

53.   Whatever the problem is, the answer is not in the fridge

54.   Your competition is in the mirror

55.   The fact you aren’t where you want to be should be enough motivation

56.   Don’t trust the scale, trust your clothes

57.   Half-ass, fat-ass, or bad-ass. It’s your choice

58.   Summer bodies are made in the winter

59.   Your body can withstand almost anything. It’s your mind that holds you back

60.   It’s easier to workout every day than to look in the mirror every day and hate what you see

61.   It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up

62.   Could someone justifiably call you a fatass right now? Fix that.

63.   Are you closer to a supersize or a superskinny?

It’s all I see all around me

“Having a soulmate is not always about love. You can find your soulmate in a friendship too.”

— Unknown

people don’t understand how mentally draining having an eating disorder is. they assume you just skip a meal a day and then boom you lose like 30 pounds then recover. they don’t realize that you lose all your energy and can barely even function. you lose friends over it, get horrible grades, have to stop working, lose interest & energy in pursuing passions and hobbies. it fucking sucks and they make it so obvious they don’t give a shit about us.

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why." - Mark Twain

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

I wanna find someone who makes me feel like I'm listening to my favorite song when we're together. 🖤

I want hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. collarbones that stand out. arms that look like they would snap if I picked up something too heavy with hands that look skeletal. thighs that don't touch and calves that don't jiggle. I want my hips to be sharp and my pants to barely cling on them. I want to be able to count all my ribs and my stomach to cave. my hands would shake , my body freezing , my vision spotty and head spinning when I get up. I wouldn't be scared to sit on someone's lap or be picked up. I want it so bad

skinny

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

-aeris