I Dont Want To Live Another Year.

Let's be real. It's not about being skinny. It's about looking as sick on the outside as you feel on the inside.

I want hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. collarbones that stand out. arms that look like they would snap if I picked up something too heavy with hands that look skeletal. thighs that don't touch and calves that don't jiggle. I want my hips to be sharp and my pants to barely cling on them. I want to be able to count all my ribs and my stomach to cave. my hands would shake , my body freezing , my vision spotty and head spinning when I get up. I wouldn't be scared to sit on someone's lap or be picked up. I want it so bad

I HATE MYSELF! I really do.

Today, my mom had just gotten back from work when she decided to take us out. I got worried and tried to come up with a good excuse. Of course it didn't work. We went to Zaxby's and I feel disgusting. I loathe every part of my body. I ate four chicken pieces. FOUR! How disgusting am I. Not only that, but I also ate lots of fries. I wasn't thinking clearly. I am so worthless. I hate everything that I do. I AM SO SORRY FOR EATING. God, please forgive me....

I am not capable of healing. Every single thing that has hurt me and caused me pain or broken me in some profound way has distorted into this wound that bleeds at the slightest touch

I cant believe I used to be 130 wishing to be 115.... now I'm 155 BEGGING to be 130 again

Ok, I don't hate EDtok, but i hate their perception of purging???

Like I'm not cute when I'm done vomiting my brains out, thanks, im crying and heaving over the toilet, wiping splatter off my everything, shaky hands and dribbling spit

Shits nasty, not a cute aesthetic lil "put my hair up and pat my lips with a tissue"