If I Could, I'd Kiss The Oxford Comma On The Lips

me, at work: man... I'm so lucky to have this job...................................................................................................................... i wanna go home

it's that time of night everyone! time to sort thru memories from the day and file them away as either normal or horrendously embarrassing

aaaannnd don't wanna spoil anything but let's just say the normal folder is gonna be pretty fucking thin

yo check this out. Alexa, cure cancer

Alexa-

me, after setting an arbitrary time limit for a wip: what nonsense is this?! how could I ever finish in this time frame?! might as well give up and do it never! never I say!

someday I hope to have a wikipedia page. but I want it to be as inaccurate as those weird sketchy websites that make up shit about youtubers

like "minatorypigs is 4'11, 7lbs, and was kicked out of Harvard Law for academic dishonesty in 2009."

my top 10 favorite (funniest) emojis (on an android/Samsung phone)

10. 😀

lowkey looks traumatized. homie just got told something awful and is still in shock.

9. 😦

previous entry a few moments later

8. 😔

very pitiable shame. like a dog that ripped up the couch. perfect for when someone is mad at me

7. 🤔

hermmmm. usually follows a conspiracy theory

6. 🙂

head empty. or, possibly, full of quiet evil

5. 😏

heh, nothin' personal kid

4. 🤨

3. 🤥

says so much with so little

a liar. but he seems very disappointed in himself

2. 🥸

great for texting incognito. "that message couldn't have come from me, that guy looks nothing like me!"

honorable mention: 😗

was gonna kiss you, but then you said that and now I'm not sure

1. 😱

nothing I will ever text anyone is worthy of the sincere horror seen here. "what if they're out of carrots 😱" unparalleled drama. best read with a loud gasp.

can't sleep. too many thoughts abt all my many plans. what to wear tomorrow. shoes maybe? ugh

me: I gotta get up early so it's super important I get good sleep tonight

brain: i-important?? that's scary! too much pressure! noooo we should stay up watching youtube with steadily growing anxiety instead!

this could be the snart of something big

pleased to see everyone has good toilet etiquette in Luthadel