Source {x}

“i liked it before it was cool” well i liked it AFTER it was cool when everyone abandoned it

“Please send help.”

“Babysitting not as easy as you thought?”

“They’re so small. Anything could kill them. I’ve never been more stressed in my entire life.”

i hope every troubled but endearing fictional man has the crust cut off his sandwich goodnight!

all i can think about is being choked pls dont ask me how im doing

TIL that the reason lead levels in children’s blood have dropped 85% in the past thirty years is because of an unknown scientist who fought car companies to end leaded gasoline. He also removed it from paint, suggested its removal from pipes, and campaigned for the removal of lead solder from cans.

via ift.tt

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Crack au about Jason being back from the dead + Tim being adopted before

Jason, back from the dead: don’t be alarmed I am not a ghost

Tim, on an hour of sleep: that is exactly what a ghost would say

Jason, raising on eye brow: okay fair but would a ghost do this *punches Tim in the shoulder hard*

Tim, holding his shoulder, in anger: YOURS WOULD!

hey did y'all watch that mcelroys go hiking video. good shit

i need jason 'metalhead' todd to find out tim has a thing with kon (another alt bitch) and just. spiral

jason: you don't want to date alt men, don't date alt men, most of them are jobless alcoholics who sleep in their friend's basement. you know what alt men are good for? looking at, hanging out with and one night stands and even that is questionable. not long term relationships! alt men are horrible flings and even worse boyfriends dO NOT DATE AN ALT MAN. why do you think alt women never date alt men??? BECAUSE THEY KNOW

tim, barely listening: did you have a terrible alt boyfriend

jason: I AM THE TERRIBLE ALT BOYFRIEND