Girl Go Fuck That Jedi

even more of my favorite fics:

some grief, some joy • spinawren The Question of Home • a_frozen_abyss Go Your Own Way • Starshot then a small thing happened • BeaArthurPendragon say it soft and it's almost like praying • Somanywords there's a bear in the woods • itsnotbleak A Haunted House With A Picket Fence • lavenderpanic great whales of the sea • canistakahari Preberseeschießen • Ginny_Potter they're gonna send us to prison for jerks • napricot

druid leader: we noticed you never call your servant by his true name

arthur, slowly like he's speaking to a toddler: you mean merlin? pretty sure merlin only has one true name and that name is merlin

merlin, sweating profusely: maybe we should just go?

druid leader: no, i meant his true name

druid leader: emrys

arthur: look, i know what you meant, i've heard it more than enough from you people. you don't get to say it and neither do i and honestly how dare you

merlin, looking like he's about to faint: what

arthur: so no, i won't call merlin by his deadname–

Man, if disciple Bunhe had tried to come out to Shen Qingqiu it would've gone so poorly.

SQQ: Binghe really shouldn't spend so much time with this old man! Shouldn't he be off charming some women disciples?

LBH: Shizun, this disciple does not like women.

SQQ: …

SQQ, internally: Oh no, I raised a misogynist.

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

pov: you are a kaminoan. you have fucked around. you are about to find out.

Writing period dramas in the discord, lads

petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

Cracky SVSSS Canon Divergence AU: Shang Qinghua (Airplane Bro) gets it into his head to try and "fix" Qijiu's relationship in order to 1) make his own work life easier and also 2) hopefully avert the ruthless destruction of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect by distracting Shen Qingqiu away from being a real piece of shit whenever the protagonist finally shows up. (Luo Binghe isn't here yet.)

Unfortunately, he gets this idea because he accidentally slept with Yue Qingyuan. It was during a late budgetary meeting. They'd both been slightly drunk. Yue Qingyuan had been sad and Shang Qinghua had been sad AND horny. It was a "bro helping another bro out" kind of thing! Shang Qinghua still can't really believe it happened. But it can't happen again! Bad idea!

Shang Qinghua encounters Shen Qingqiu in a brothel with half a plan on how to start unraveling that much damage, only... uh... Well, Shen Qingqiu got the wrong idea about what Shang Qinghua wanted from him, and Shang Qinghua's favorite type unfortunately happens to be "scary and mean and very pretty". Fuck! He accidentally slept with Shen Qingqiu too!

So, okay, back to Yue Qingyuan, who will definitely be the more reasonable person to talk to, because he hides all of his massive trauma like a polite person! Oh, shit, Yue Qingyuan is pretty hot, isn't he? And is coming on to Shang Qinghua again for a casual fuck... and whoops, the bad idea happened again! Fuck! When Shang Qinghua tries to have a productive conversation afterwards, Yue Qingyuan even confides in him a little. Yeah, bro, it IS super obvious that you're totally hung up on Shen Qingqiu, and oh, shit, you are NEVER going to make the first move, are you?

Okay, maybe "fixing" these guys is just not possible. Mistakes! He has made them! Shang Qinghua is just going to stay out of things moving forward. He's going to avoid them now! Oh, shit, Shen Qingqiu wants to know why Shang Qinghua was staring at him in that meeting and is slamming against a wall and- uh. Oh, wow. That's hot.

"Both of them?" Mobei-Jun says later, too bemused to be jealous. (Moshang aren't a thing yet. Maybe not ever a thing like that in this AU. Demons also have different societal conventions even so.)

"BOTH OF THEM!" Shang Qinghua wails, lying facedown on the floor of his house. He doesn't know why he's actually venting to Mobei-Jun, but he has NO ONE ELSE. He's getting SO well laid, sure, but the constant nagging feeling that he's going to get maimed this way is really putting a damper on the sex. Qijiu really, truly, honestly do NOT know that he's sleeping with both of them. "What is wrong with these people?! Why is their taste so bad? I made everything so much worse..."

"Stop fucking them then," Mobei-Jun suggests, as helpful as ever, which is not helpful at all. Mobei-Jun has never been helpful to anyone in his life. When he's not mildly annoyed by it, he thinks this shit is hysterically funny.

Everyday I get angry about how unimaginative Light was. Like if I was given a death note I would simply write down the names of all the billionaires in the world and force them to donate all of their wealth to different charities and organizations before dying of a heart attack. Like rip to Kira but I’m different.