Mug-beer - ROOTBEER

Mercs if they had modern day cellphones!

Heavy:

The screen is too small and his fingers are too big.

The screen also tends to hurt his eyes after a while but he absolutely refuses to turn down the brightness, saying it would make it even harder to see than before

His main favorite functions are video calls with Medic or his family and listening to music.

His life is complete when he discovers E-books

He can’t read them on the screen but he loves being able to clean Sasha while having his favorite book read to him

Medic:

Really doesn’t use it for much else than phone calls and the occasional google search at first

When he discovers mobile games that takes his interest though!

He becomes a candy crush mom.

Oh you have a broken arm? Wellll…You can tough it out, champ. He’s on level 7,229 right now.

He would make all the other men get Life360

Scout:

Total social media zombie(I say as if I am not one)

Surprisingly he’s very popular on apps like Twitter and Tik Tok. People think he’s hilarious!

Unfortunately somewhere along the way he says something less than respectful about something and his account gets banned

Eventually he’s on account number 6 and trying to regrow his following

It never recovers

He finds out about NFT’s

Sniper:

Mainly uses it to watch youtube and play music

His phone is always on silent and Do Not Disturb

He loves those videos where those guys go out into the middle of the woods and just start building a fucking house out of clay and sticks.

He prefers texting to calling, finding it much faster(he just like me fr)

Baffled by just how much porn he has access to now….

But he’s not complaining.

Soldier:

He doesn’t use it because he just keeps breaking his phones.

They’ve been dropped, blown up, set ablaze, dropped in water, eaten by a bread-tumor monster, eaten by Soldier(???) and run over.

Even if they didn’t get destroyed within 3 days he still wouldn’t use it for much else besides setting alarms and sending confusing group texts.

However, with each new phone he has gotten he asks Pyro for stickers and sticker bombs his phone just for fun

Has an American flag wallpaper

Pyro:

Watches a lot of Youtube!

They love art tutorials, cooking tutorials and those videos with the guys that put molten hot metal balls into water and those videos of people crushing things in Hydraulic presses

Their search history is so fucking strange:

“my little pony free episode”

“my little pony movie free”

“how to draw clouds”

“gasoline cheap prices”

They follow Scout’s pages and always send him nice comments and like his videos

Engineer:

Loves listening to music and watching movies on his phone

Eventually learns how to code and make his own apps

This is also how he discovered he could jailbreak his phone and turn it into a universal remote for his sentries

Very slow texter

Uses way more emoji’s than needed

“Hello yall 👋🏻 going to the hardware store today 🔨let me know if yall need anything while im out👋🏻🚶🏼”

His most used app is the settings app

Spy:

Of course all of his phones are burners.

He never uses one for more than one week

Loves pirating movies on it and watching them in bed

He has no contacts. No personal information and keeps his location off at all times

Likes to pretend to be different people and play around with Google and Youtube’s targeted ads and algorithms

One day he’s an 86 year old woman that’s recommended nothing but metal bands and funeral home ads

The next week he’s four years old and getting recommended Mario and Minecraft let’s play videos

He uses twitter

He’s doxxed many people on Twitter

Like Scout he has MANY banned accounts and has also hacked and stolen many accounts

…He hacked one of Scout’s accounts and got it permanently banned

Demoman:

Loves watching Top 10 videos

Also loves having so much ease and access talking to his lads

He video calls his mother often even she just nags him the whole time and keeps accidentally hanging up

Is frequently texting the other team’s Soldier and laughing at what he says back

Uses Discord and Reddit and is in many servers and communities that focus on paranormal activity, urban legends and cryptids

Actually makes his own youtube videos searching for said cryptids

Frequently comments “cringe” under Scout’s posts

Dick-click is my new favorite term.

I was watching the Saxxy finalists with my husband awhile ago.  After watching DEFECT he turns to me and asks, “So what’s Heavy and Sniper’s dick-click?”

“What the hell is a dick-click?" 

"What you call their relationship. Like Freedom Fries or whatever.”

And then I was just uncontrollably giggling.  He now gets sent any cute heavy/sniper pics I find with “CUZ VEGEMITE SANDVICH IS YOUR FAVORITE DICK-CLICK”  in the subject line. Because if you can’t troll the one you love, you’re probably with the wrong person.

the smartest scout main

Yoo, what shoes he got on🔥🔥🔥

vegemite sandvich december week one

RICK PORTAL 2 BACKSTORY TIME !!! Literally have been sitting on all of this for years and its only ever been told to my two friends 👹 so excited to finally have all of it down.

Nothing graphic, but do be warned that it does deal with very dark topics 💥

Rick grew up DEEP in the rural south in a small little religious town. His family was very poor and had upwards of 5 children. His father was very physically and mentally abusive, and his mother was very neglectful and quiet. He was never close with any of his siblings, and his brothers didn't do much more than add to his problems. 

He started drinking and smoking from about the age of 10, as most boys did in their town. They would all meet up in groups and share goods they stole from their parents and from corner stores.

Through everything, the only real comfort he had was movies--westerns and action flicks. They were too poor to own a TV, so he would sneak into movie theaters and drive-ins. It was a big inspiration for the person he wanted to be when he grew up and served as a good mental escape. He wanted to eventually leave this town and travel the world with nothing but the clothes on his back and a dream.

The only real friend he had through it all was Teddy. Rick was a troubled kid and could be a bit mean due to his upbringing, but Teddy was the one person he was always nice to. Something about him made him soft. They were best friends since they were toddlers and while other people came and went, those two always stuck together and stayed close. 

Somewhere along the way, their relationship ended up becoming romantic. They were so young that the whole thing was confusing, but they knew well enough to keep it a secret from everyone else. Rick knew that something was deeply wrong with it and it always ate up at him inside and made him ashamed, but Teddy didn't have a care in the world. Rick made him happy and that was all that mattered.

Then when Rick turned 16, he decided that he'd had enough with school and church and his parents. He was ready to leave it all behind--but he wasn't going to bring Teddy. Teddy had a sister he was really close with, and more friends than Rick had. He had more to lose and Rick didn't want him uprooting his whole entire life for him. 

So Rick broke things off with Teddy and told him never to tell another soul what had happened between them and to forget the whole thing, forget Rick. Then he jumped onto a boxcar train and left town.

He was homeless for a good bit, but managed to get a small job that gave him enough money to save up for an old, broken down truck that he lived out of. He never stayed in one place too long, hopping around and getting jobs here and there, stealing off of folks in town to get enough for food. 

Rick had a hard, but very adventurous and rewarding few years out on the road, but at the end of it all, he couldn't find anyone even close to Teddy. It wasn't the same without him around and Rick decided that maybe it was worth a shot going back and seeing if somehow Teddy was still in the town they grew up in. 

Rick drove back, now a full grown adult, hoping there was a way that he'd still want to talk to him again. But when he got back to town and asked around, it turned out that Teddy wasn't as great at keeping the secret as he hoped. 

Teddy had tried to flirt with a man at a bar, and he didn't take too kind to it. His friends dragged Teddy outside and beat him to death, where his family found his body a few days later. By the time Rick got back to town, Teddy was long buried in a small marked grave. 

It really fucked with Rick's head. After that, he buried everything that happened between them deeeep deep down and honestly just convinced himself it never happened. They were kids and they didn't know what they were doing. 

After that, Rick went a lot harder on traveling around with the intent of meeting people to have one night stands with in maybe some hopes of further cementing the fact that he only liked women. 

He already had a problem with drinking before, but it got worse and worse as years went on. Most of his money went straight back into drinks. He couldn't keep any sort of job for more than a few days because he was constantly day drinking, showing up wasted. 

It was a great big blur for a lot of years of sleeping with women, getting fucked up on drugs, driving drunk, waking up places he didn't remember. He got into a lot of fights, most of which he started himself (definitely didn't have a weird thing where he liked fighting because it was the only time he got to touch a man.... cus that would be WEIRD ASF 🗣🗣🗣 AND MAKE HIM A FREAK.) All the while he was living out of the same truck he'd gotten at 16 which constantly needed repairs. He hardly had enough money for gas, so he usually had to siphon it from other cars. Times were ROUGH

Then one day, he met a very nice, charming man at a bar. They hit it off right away, spent the whole night talking and drinking and dancing. It felt so nice and familiar in a way that Rick couldn't place, until at one point the man tried to make an advance on him. A deep, primal panic rose inside him and Rick immediately got LIVID, punching the guy right in the face and cussing him out in the middle of the bar, calling him names and slurs before leaving once the bartender told him to.

Rick felt a deep emptiness and strange longing that he hadn't felt since he was a little kid. He thought about it for days--more than anything the fact how much he really, really did want to go home with that man. 

That was when he decided that he couldn't do this anymore. He was getting too old to be living out of his truck. He hadn't had a real home since he was a kid, and that mixed with all of the drugs and high stakes adventures and fights, he was going to drive himself into an early grave. 

It was time that he got an actual job, and an actual home. And maybe that would help distract him from thinking too much about that nice man at the bar. 

After driving around and searching, eventually he ended up at Aperture. Nice easy desk job, impossible to get fired from, and hours and hours of overtime. He luckily ended up landing a cheap apartment because he was able to seduce the owner of the building into a lower rate and flexible payments. 

Rick still had a hard time with showing up to work drunk and slacking off, but at the very least he had a roof over his head. 

TF2 Mercs x M!Shy!Reader

Scout

Honestly likes how shy and quiet you are because it makes him seem more macho (not just for that reason ofc but still)

Likes teasing you in public with whispers in your ear or sneaky PDA that makes you jump and squeak

Jeremy is very protective and possessive. Very "Is this guy bothering you? Nah, nah, I'll kill him for fucking with my boo!"

He shows off a lot to impress you, but also is fine with failing because you either laugh at the stupidity or fuss over him after.

Soldier

Jane is a little hard headed sometimes and sometimes gets frustrated about things he doesn't understand. Like at a restaurant, he has trouble really understanding why you have issues telling the waiter your order was wrong.

Talks for you a lot (/lovingly but ohhhh my goddd)

Soldier means well and loves your more reserved nature, but he also wants to show you the world! This causes some communication issues.

Pyro

Kind of babies you a little and loves being the leader and guiding you around places

Overprotective like Scout, but a lot more supporting rather than confronting.

Shares their balloonicorn with you 🥺🥺🥺

Pyro is fine with being an introvert lover, so absolutely is fine with cuddle dates and movie nights

Demoman

This man TEASES. Like, NEVER STOPS. Scout on steroids.

Whispers dirty things in your ear in public and adds a little "Aww, why are you so flustered? Only you heard the nasty things I wanna do to you."

His favorite thing to do to you in public is put his arm over your shoulders and pull you in close- maybe just a little too close for friendly PDA- but most people brush it off as "drunken balance issues"

Loves when you squeak and squirm behind closed doors, the way you shy away from even kisses.

Engineer

Doesn't push it in public and usually gives you your space. If people give you a hard time in public, he gets rather protective in that kind southern sternness.

In private, he's a lot more lovey and sweet on you. Pet names. Kisses. Teasing.

He's not too dirty minded about the teasings since he's a little worried about making you uncomfortable. Usually he lets you make the signals before he takes initiative.

Dell loves giving you knowing looks in public to make you blush, but that's the most he'll ever do in public.

Heavy

This man keeps you safe like a baby bunny in a big bear's arms. Any attempt to even look at you is met with a glare and an escort out of the room.

Scary dog privilege energy fr. As long as you're around you don't have to worry about your orders at restaurants being wrong or people looking at you! They're all busy staring at your man!

Heavy loves picking you up and carrying you around to keep you safe- but even that is embarrassing! As you cover your face, Heavy mumbles in your ear :

"Why so nervous? You like my strength when we're alone."

Medic

RIP man, this mf is ruthless. He loves to fluster you any and everywhere he can. Your shyness is a game to him and Medic is top of the leaderboard.

Somehow he's even able to sweettalk you when under the knife! You're not sure if it was out of genuine opportunity to flirt or to see your physical heart accelerate.

Has probably pavlov'd you into blushing whenever he speaks German let's be honest

The most out and proud about your relationship. What are they going to do, fire their only good Medic?

Sniper

Since he's rather introverted himself, he's not one for PDA or flustering you in public. In private he's a little more lovey-dovey.

Mans likes smacking your ass when you walk by or when you're turned away from him. He thinks it's funny when you cover your butt when you walk by him.

Mundy likes murmuring sweet nothings only occasionally, believing that sweet words matter most when the moment is right.

He is the resident "fine, I'll be the group extrovert" between you two and usually handles social situations and talking.

Spy

Oh he thinks your shyness is absolutely adorable. You know what you want, but just can't muster up the words out of mortification? It totally gets him going to give you exactly what you want.

Flowery words, actual flowers, and frequent date nights as "business partners". Of course business partners give brief kisses before a meal- it's a French thing! (jk jk)

Has an entire mental file on what flusters you the most in each situation. His favorite way is to sneak up behind you, put his hand on your shoulder, and whispering in your ear.

He has worried about you choking in his smoking area due to all your hyperventilation, so he makes a habit of airing out the smell of cigarettes and marijuana.

otp challenge, day 27: on one of their birthdays. my headcanon is that sniper always gives the other guys handmade gifts, most of which have multiple uses (a reversible jumper, a beanni that doubles as a tea cosy, a decorative hand-carved knife that actually functions as a knife, edible house plants that he propagated himself, etc). Heavy is probably the most appreciative of his knitting skills.

new headcanon: engie speaks spanish but he speaks it like this

using your boyfriend as a perch to taunt from #justthelittlesniperthings