Be Gay, Trans And Alive

Some of the main points I see used against aromantic and asexual people are narratives that go like:

You can't know you're aromantic or asexual if you've never tried dating or having sex. (Translation: you should date someone you aren't attracted to and have sex with someone you aren't attracted to just to be sure you aren't attracted to them).

You can't be asexual or aromantic if you've dated and had sex. (Translation: the actions of dating someone and sleeping with someone can only ever be motivated by attraction, directly opposing what was demanded in the first point.)

If you date or have sex with someone despite not being attracted to them then you are manipulative and deceiving your partner. (Translation: dating/sleeping with someone without attraction as a motivation is inherently Bad and Evil)

And like, I've come across people who believe all three points at once without seeing the hypocrisy of it all.

Anyways, you don't need to try out all possibilities in order to figure out your orientation. Most people don't go around demanding that straight people sleep with and date the same gender before being allowed to call themselves straight, and yet they'll demand that of aspec people without hesitation. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with trying stuff out. While certain actions can be motivated by attraction, they don't always have to be. People have sex without being attracted to each other all the time, for all sorts of reasons. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, and it doesn't necessarily determine your sexuality either.

And I think the last opinion comes from a) people's tendency to tie attraction to a bunch of other feelings that just sum up to caring about someone, and then translate the absence of attraction into the absence of even liking a person and b) the tendency to see romantic attraction as the highest emotion one can have for someone and seeing any other feelings as inherently lesser, therefore making such a relationship "unbalanced". And with the way most people view aromanticism it's very easy for them to jump to the conclusion that the aro person is obviously being dishonest and just using their allo partner for their own evil little plans. It's all bullshit and I wish people would realize how easily these arguments fall apart when looking at them critically.

Queer 👏 people 👏 are 👏 not 👏 all 👏 fucking 👏 activists 👏

Stop quizzing us on queer history and asking us questions we aren’t qualified to answer about the world and about politics and about our identities

Stop trying to back us into a corner so you can justify your discrimination on the basis that we don’t know what we’re talking about or can’t “defend” ourselves to you

Stop treating every queer person that stands up and says “I want to be treated like a person” as if they’re an activist

Cut that bullshit out

Marginalised people just want to exist and be happy

I don’t know everything, and that doesn’t make me undeserving of your respect or my human rights you fucker

I don’t even owe you the stuff I do know- I still am entitled to basic fucking respect

TLDR; Queer people shouldn’t have to be historians or scientists for you to not be a fucking dick

In simple terms, I think the main problem with transandrophobia within the trans community is viewing trans men like they’re supposed to be allies to the community as opposed to actual trans people.

I'm so fucking sick of identity politics and queer discourse

I made this blog because I want to stick up for my transmasc friends and allies.

Right now, trans men/transmascs in general are the current "acceptable target " in online lgbt+ spaces. I've seen this happen with aces, bi and pan people, trans women, intersex people... you get the idea. It's the same bullshit every time, and it's getting old.

The solution to discrimination will never be attacking our queer siblings.

I'm not here to debate or give assholes a platform. Zionists, trolls and terfs are getting blocked, y'all ain't welcome.

This is how I view the current transandrophobia discourse:

Group A: argues that transandrophobia is real and should be an acceptable term for people to use when discussing the unique intersection of masculinity and transphobia. This group is mainly comprised of transmascs, who have a right to create and discuss words and theory relating to their own community.

Group B: argues that the term "transandrophobia" is inherently flawed and problematic, and that trans men/mascs do not experience oppression for identifying as men. Crucially, this group is mainly comprised of non-transmascs, and thus should not be considered the authority on transmascs experiences.

Needless to say, I consider myself a supporter of Group A. Transmascs DO in fact face a unique form of discrimination BECAUSE of their masculine identities; I've seen it happen firsthand to my loved ones. Denying this is denying victims the right to speak about their oppression.

If you aren’t transmasc, you do not get to say these experiences are "just misogyny" or "just transphobia." Frankly, I don't think anyone should police the words another person uses to describe their own trauma.

Additionally, I have seen some rampant exorsexism, intersexism, and yes, transandrophobia, in Group B circles. Of course, when you align yourself with one side of a discourse, you will only see the worst in the other. That doesn't change the fact that it’s happening, and I'm going to point it out when I see it.

Please Note:

I am extremely pro-blocking. Block anyone who says cruel shit to you. Block anyone who bothers you. Block me if you think I'm annoying!

Anyone who makes generalizations about ANY community is getting blocked. Trans women do not hate trans men. Trans men do not hate trans women. No single trans identity is uniquely privileged or bigoted. This isn't kindergarten. Cut the boys vs girls bullshit.

I'm not here to argue about the existence of transmisogyny. It is real and rampant in the LGBT+ community, end of story.

Lastly, talk shit out like adults, please. I dislike it when people take screenshots of bad takes so they can complain about others behind their backs. However, I'll make an exception for people who are being uniquely awful.

If someone is "joking" about how much they want to kill transmascs, calling someone slurs, or sending an unconsenting person sexual messages, all bets are off. They are a transphobe and a traitor to the LGBT+ community, regardless of identity.

So please remember:

Identity discourse is a tar pit. Put more energy into uplifting your transmasc brothers and siblings than engaging with assholes.

Maybe the community could start saying “how could I be an ally to trans men” instead of “how can I tell you you’re wrong about your own experiences “

I think maybe the trans community would benefit from not just internalizing "trans men are men" but also "trans men are trans". Some of you really haven't unlearned basic transphobia and you think it's okay cuz we're men.

Hey we all know pronouns aren't a privilege, right?

It doesn't matter how "annoying" a trans person is, it doesn't matter if they disagree with you on some intracommunity issue-

Use the pronouns they have in their bio, or the pronouns they ask you to use. Even if you really don't like them, or you think they're problematic.

Your comfort with somebody's pronouns isn't a factor. Using ANY other pronoun for a user that prefers it/its is misgendering. Same with neopronouns. If you can't manage it, don't talk to it.

Oh and just to be clear-

Claiming that a trans woman's account is actually "run by a man" is misgendering. Saying a trans man's blog is part of some "secret terf circle" is misgendering. Pretending a person is actually your oppressor in disguise so you can misgender them is, get this, misgendering!

I don't care how much you dislike someone, use the right fucking pronouns.

People pretend that transandrophobia = Misandry just so they can keep harassing, abusing and being awful pieces of shit to transmascs while pretending it "doesn't happen".

Reblog if you stand against order, civilization, and goodness itself