From @/vero_muerte On Tiktok!!

I think we need to sit down and talk about malgendering.

Not misgendering, malgendering.

We all know what misgendering means. Misgendering is when a trans person (or to be honest, even a cis person) has their gender denied to them in some fashion by implying, suggesting or outright stating that their gender is actually Something Else and not the one they identify as.

e.g. A trans woman being told she cannot attend a certain class because it's 'just for women'.

Malgendering is when the trans persons gender is not questioned or denied and may even be affirmed - but only in a context in which it can be used against them in some fashion (to make judgements on them as a person, to exclude them from something, to incite bigotry towards them etc).

e.g. That same trans woman taking her shirt off on a hot day and being arrested for indecent exposure.

This is misgendering;- "You're not a woman, you're a man." This is malgendering;- "Trans women are women, so obviously they exist to serve men."* *obvs it is also transmisogyny and all malgendering is transphobia.

But what you don't want to hear is that malgendering is a form of transphobia mainly used against trans masculine people and nonbinary people.

Most people recognise malgendering when it's;

Using the term 'theyfab' to ridicule an agender person or making jokes about how an agender they/them user looks (to you) to be a completely cis woman.

But you need to look out for how;

Malgendering is treating trans men like their transition has turned them into women-hating predators because of your own predjudices towards men/trans man were always inherently women-hating predators because maleness is what makes you those things not your actual thoughts, words and actions.

Malgendering is not listening to how trans masc people are marginalised 'because men aren't oppressed though' as if that's not ignoring a huge part of their identity (the being trans part) and how that works.

Malgendering is telling trans men 'this is just what it's like to be a man, people treat you like shit and you have to take it or not transition'.

Malgendering is insisting that any trans man who calls any attention to the fact that he is indeed, trans, and has/had female anatomy and faces misogyny due to being raised and still perceived (by transphobes) as a woman is misgendering himself, all other trans men and 'weaponising his AFABness'

All of this is transphobia. All of this is bigotry. This kind of predjudice and bullying doesn't magically become 'OK' once you find the 'right' group to do it to. You either want to end bigotry and transphobia and identity-specific targetted hate or you want to perpetuate it. But you can't call yourself a trans ally, or escape the bigotry allegations whilst malgendering people. And no you're not being sneaky by slipping in your hateful predjudice comments and actions whilst validating their gender.

Malgendering is transphobia.

Can I vent about something real quick?

The transandrophobe discourse bloggers are huge shitheads towards trans men, that much is obvious, but god they're also so fucking creepy towards genderless and nonbinary people.

They demand to know our genitals (so they can determine if we're TMA or TME for discourse points) and reduce us to them. We're either poor confused trans girls who just haven't realized we're actually transfem yet, or nasty theyfab future detransitioners who are out to get them.

Either way we're just confused little girls in their eyes.

For a group that (rightfully) talks about how Conservatives want to inspect genitals, they sure do love inspecting genitals.

Oh! Apparently transandrophobes are now being very mask off with the fact that they are the same community as truscum/transmeds, 2019 exclus, and every other "grrr other queer people" group!

but fr I'll never take it seriously when someone says "i was abused by men, I'm allowed to hate them and anyone trying to show love for men is an MRA" like you know how many of us were abused by our mothers and it's still (rightfully) considered not okay to say that women are all abusers just waiting to kill their children. If you blame violence on someones gender instead of the societal mechanisms that encourage and allow violent and harmful behaviour you're perpetuating that cycle.

If you claim to support trans rights, but deny transandrophobia, you don't actually support trans rights any more than a TERF supports trans rights.

Block people who make bad faith posts about trans women's struggles by saying trans men do not struggle.

Block people who post on trans men's vents by suggesting they don't suffer as profoundly as their sisters.

Block people who try to make you turn against the women and others who make up our family.

Do not allow yourself to become bitter and jealous, protect yourself and you will be protecting our community.

Frankly we all should have multiple names. We contain many multitudes and vibes and just one is too limiting

the world is a better place with trans men and transmasc people in it

When any word like this gains traction, there will always be a small number of people who use it to hurt others.

The important thing is to keep using it anyway, and to use it correctly! Because if you don't, a marginalized group of people loses a term that helps them discuss their oppression, and a few jackasses gain a new word they can use to bully people and smear the rest of the community.

Keep using transandrophobia, deplatform the ones using it to be a bigot, and ignore people like this. It's not a dogwhistle. Don't let them make it into one!

I wish you wouldn't use the term transandrophobia. I understand transmascs do deserve language to speak on their oppression, but the way the term transandrophobia in specific has been used has twisted it into a transmisogynistic dog whistle sadly. Transandromisia and androqueerphobia are much nicer terms that have the same meaning without the transmisogynistic connotations associated with the words, and I've seen you use those terms before, so it's disheartening to see you suddenly begin using transandrophobia instead.

People say the same thing about androqueerphobia and transandromisia. Not to mention androqueerphobia is a much broader term for prejudice against queer masculinity generally.

There's nothing transmisogynistic about the word transandrophobia. Yeah, some bigots are going to use it because it gained traction as a useful term in discussion. This is true of literally every useful word ever. I have seen people say the most vile intersexist shit in the name of 'fighting transmisogyny' and I don't sit here and call transfeminism 'transmisogyny theory' and insist it's inherently intersexist. Because I understand that individual assholes misuse useful terms all the damn time.

People who say the word transandrophobia is transmisogynistic aren't actually talking about the word, they're upset about transmascs talking about their lives. That's bigoted and is a perfect example of why the word transandrophobia should exist. If you even look at the people who argue against it, they're always saying that there is no unique experience with oppression caused by being a trans man- that trans men only experience 'just transphobia' and there is no oppression inherent to transmasculinity. That's dismissive and frankly rude as fuck. There's no word that will satisfy the people who think trans men/mascs are simply incapable of speaking for themselves/believe they are bigoted for doing so.

I think we should allow transmascs to have their own terms, for fuck's sake. If you're not transmasculine, you don't get a say in this at all. You can support a group of marginalized people and what they say or you can be a bigot against them, it's very simple.

talking about transmasc issues is crazy because if your post gets popular you'll have someone say "your issues are real but you shouldn't use a word for it" and the very next reply will be something along the lines of "I'm going to rape you and get you pregnant"