Husbands

Tony: Listen, I know I'm not your father-

Peter: I know.

Tony:

Peter: I know you're not my father Mr. Stark.

Tony: But-

Peter: Do you know?

Tony:

Peter: Do you know you're not my father?

Tony: Yes, I know.

Peter: You don't act like someone who is not my father, Mr. Stark.

Simon: I hate those privileged as$holes called monarchy.

Willhelm: Sounds great, wanna be gay together maybe?

Et Tu, Kid?

Tony couldn’t believe this was happening.

The kid he thought of as his own was sitting across him, looking him dead in the eye. There was nothing binding him, but Tony felt like he might as well be chained to the chair he was sitting on.

“Come on, kid. You don’t have to do this,” he said, a faint pleading undertone making his weak voice shake.

Peter didn’t reply. Instead, a corner of his mouth twitched upwards into a tiny smirk.

The others weren’t much of a help either. Pepper was frozen, holding her breath. Rhodey’s eyes were darting all around the room, but otherwise didn’t move a muscle. Clint’s gaze was sliding from Peter to Tony. Steve shifted in his seat. Natasha had that calculating look in her eyes, as if she was planning everything ten steps ahead. Which was quite possible.

“Peter, listen. This isn’t you! You have to fight it. Please!”

Without breaking eye contact, Peter moved his hand, slow and precise, like a predator that knew his prey had nowhere to run.

“Don’t,” Tony softly pleaded.

This time, a full grin spread across the kid’s face. His fingers gripped the edge and he struck in one fast, merciless move.

The +4 card landed on the pile of cards with almost deafening thud. Well, at least to Tony.

“Uno,” Peter said with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“That’s it. I’m disowning you,” Tony grumbled as he drew four cards. He was so close to victory! “Next time we’re playing Monopoly, I’m letting Pepper bankrupt you.”

Peter, in a true, mature way, stuck his tongue out at Tony.

“Unbelievable. My own kid. Does your treachery know any bounds?”

“Nope.”

Rhodey looked at the skip card Natasha – much to Steve’s dismay – put down, and added a yellow 7 onto the pile. “Who would’ve thought game nights could get this intense.”

The yellow reverse Clint put down didn’t bring a smile to Pepper and her last card’s face. Steve, not having any yellow, had to draw a card from the deck. Natasha put down a wild card, leaving her with two.

“Mr. Stark, please no.”

But Tony didn’t listen. He was transfixed by the display: the wild card, and his own green +2. “You should’ve thought of that earlier,” he said breathlessly and put the card down.

Peter scoffed, offended. “I can’t believe you’ve done that.”

“I’m just giving you a taste of your own medicine.”

“I always liked Pepper more.”

“Oh, so it’s like that, huh?”

“Okay, how about we play Twister instead,” Steve made a peace offering.

“Against these two that can practically twist themselves into pretzels?!” Tony cried out, pointing at Peter and Natasha. “Only if they’re spinning.”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Come on, Tony. You’re being ridiculous.”

“You’re saying that only because you want to play Monopoly.”

“I thought Monopoly was supposed to be the game that breaks families apart, not Uno” Clint commented and put his two last 4s down. “Oh hey, I win!”

Nobody:

Absolutely no one:

Kate just accidentally setting the training room on fire: Oops?

Clint, who just knew that special fire arrows are bad idea: Tony's gonna kill me.

Tony, being used to it because Peter blows up their lab every day: Kids.

Marvel will literally put a guy on top of another guy, chest on chest, and swear on their life they're not gay. BFFR

Bruce: the real treasure was the memories we made along the way

Thor: i almost died

Loki: *wiping away a tear* that was my fondest memory

Clint: Tony will never agree to this plan.

Peter: Sure he will!

Natasha: He's already refused three times.

Peter: Okay watch the master at work

Peter, turning to Tony with puppy dog eyes: can we-

Tony: yes.

Loki was 16/17 in 2012.

(I still love Lokius, but everyone forget that)

As much unrealistic it is for the character, I’m really glad that Tom Hiddleston looks older than 13 years years ago because otherwise this:

Would have just been illegal …