The Sweetness 💖 💕 💗

"Or the third bow-chika-wow-wow" PLEASE SIR

I would like to be Adam's third wife so Lucifer could steal me away.

Give me corruption with Aonung and Jake's oldest daughter. The perfect warrior, an almost exact copy of her mother in spirit and firceness. But she's a daddy's girl, and she's swayed a little too easy by pretty Na'vi's of the opposite sex.

What started off as 'innocent' touches from Ao'nung that left her confused about the tingling sensation. The Sully Princess felt unsure about sneaking off after curfew when she's lured with the promise of 'exploring'.

But now she's starting to stay out late under the lie of meeting "The Girls" and is all too eager to be bent over by the "Pretty Reef Boy" who isn't scared to rough handle her.

The next leader of the clan enjoying the innocent look in her eyes the first time she sucks dick and he's shocked by her nonexistent gag reflex that it immediately has him deciding then and there he's not sharing with anyone, ever. Her mix of tears and drool the sweetest icing on the cake.

Her siblings don't understand her sudden change in demeanor and why she's all lovey dovey and touchy with Ao'nung who simply gives a smirk and pulls her closer, allowing his hand to rest just above her tail. Lo'ak and Neteyam sending warning glares, protective of their big sister.

Jake never even suspects. There's no way his perfect princess could ever go against their word. Neytiri has suspicions but respects her daughters privacy.

If only "Daddy Dearest" knew he lost the title Daddy the second Ao'nung had the Sully Princess shaking and sobbing from overstimulation as he fucked her cross eyed.

Ughhh

Give me this King of Hell sitting on his throne, thighs open in a man spread. He's got a gold chain of a soul binding wrapped around your neck connecting you to him as he pulls you closer with your knees running into the carpet, a playful smirk laying on his lips as he growls, "Now now, don't forget you're mine, forever,"

Inspirational Anime Video --Why Do We Fall?--2013

I choked on my food 🤣🤣

Fire of Souls

Enemies to Lovers

Tsu'tey x reader (younger sister of Jake Sully)

Anything written in italics is spoken in Na'vi

“Keep up!” Jake snaps at me as he holds a large leaf back. “Neytiri hates having to wait.” I pass by the leaf and roll my eyes. 

“I saw that.” His tail flicks with annoyance. 

“You were supposed to,” I retort back with a smile. He shakes his head and keeps leading me towards Hometree. Jake has been selected by the Omatikaya to learn their ways. Which is what Tom and I had trained for, before he died. So now I’m on Pandora with Jake, the most overprotective and annoying older brother, ever. 

 As if reading my thoughts, he turns back and raises his eyebrows at me. “What?”

“Nothing.” I shrug innocently. “I just can’t believe they chose you.” 

“Yea well, join the club. I think Norm is the president of it.” He flicks his braid behind him and picks up his pace. I laugh before almost stumbling over a thick root. I’m still getting used to my avatar body and my large boots only make it harder. 

“You know, it’d be easier if you ditched the Earth clothes,” Jake says without turning around. I’m about to sass him when I snap my mouth shut. Jake worked hard to convince Neytiri to consider training me; I owe him one. 

We move quickly, Jake making his way easily through the terrain as I stagger behind him. Pandora’s forest glistens above me. Animal’s I’d only ever studied, jump from branch to branch, making foreign sounds. Flowers that glow and twirl, sprout from around my feet. I want to sit and take samples, Grace would love that. But Jake wouldn’t stop, not for that.

“And,” Jake begins, breaking the silence that had settled between us,“please be respectful. Respect is big to the Omatikaya.” 

Seriously? It’s like Jake forgets that I’m that one who actually trained to come to Pandora. I raise my hands up in a sarcastic surrender. “I’ll be so respectful. I learned from you, big bro.” 

Jake narrows his eyes. “Don’t be a smartass.” 

“Well, I am the smart one.”

Jake scoffs. A colorful prolemuris chitters innocently as it hangs from a nearby branch. I raise an eyebrow at my brother. He opens his mouth to say something when a blue figure falls elegantly through the trees. 

I recognize Neytiri instantly as she lands in a crouch, her eyes wide. I freeze, full of shock that she just jumped from so high. Jake smirks at the surprised look on my face. I suppress the urge to stick my tongue out at him. Neytiri slowly stands and takes a step towards me. Her eyes rake over my body, taking in my five fingers, long hair, and eyebrows. She takes another step closer and sniffs before grimacing slightly as if I smell. I pull my arms closer to my sides. 

“One smartass is enough,” she mumbles as she inspects my sky people clothes. She walks behind me and flicks my tail. 

I jump before turning to her. “Trust me, I am actually worth it.” 

Neytiri’s eyes shoot to my face, making eye contact with me for the first time. I smile at her, trying my best to seem friendly, which is not my strong suit. She tilts her head to the side. “You speak Na’vi?”

“Yes, I studied it before coming here.” 

“So you are not a warrior, like Jake?”

Jake tenses at the recognition of his name. “Hey, English please?”

Neytiri doesn’t react to his plea, her stony eyes remain on me. Jake looks at me, his ears laying irritatedly against his head.  

I could lie to Neytiri, tell her that I’ve never been a warrior and never had any training, that I am simply a scientist. But my insides twist at the thought. Something in the way Neytiri is studying me, I know if I lie, she’d see right through me. 

“I was a warrior,” I say, the words bitter in my mouth, “But now I’m a scientist.” 

The sudden silence is deafening, it’s like the forest is holding its breath, waiting for Neytiri’s response. She continues to stare, her thoughtful yellow eyes lingering on my chest, as if she sees my anxious breath. Then, she straightens herself and looks at Jake. “I will teach your sister and you.” 

His shoulders relax. “Thank you.” 

“Thank you,” I repeat. 

She raises her head. “Come.” 

~~~

Na’vi clothes are not clothes. They’re thongs and bras trapezing around as if they are clothes. I stare in a dusty mirror, my blue body with hardly any covering stares back. I groan.

Neytiri had walked me through some side entrance of Hometree, claiming that my sky people clothes would not be welcome here. We’d walked up an outerspiral of the tree. Small fires lit the way as we ran on the smooth bark until we came to a miniature alcove. She’d given me some loincloths before ordering me to change and leaving. 

Now, I try again to arrange the cloths over my parts. I yank at the string covering my butt. The material flaps uselessly before falling down again, covering nothing. What I’d do for some shorts…  

Neytiri rounds the corner as I have one finger up my ass trying to shove the material further over. 

“Argh!” She exclaims as she rushes over and swats my hand away. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t think these clothes fit.” 

Neytiri’s eyes go flat and she looks at me like I’m an idiot. “They fit.” 

I’m about to protest when she pushes me out of the alcove. I stumble slightly, before my bare feet find their balance on the downward spiral. Hometree is massive, the inner spirals are a confusing maze, one that intrigues me. The inner layout isn’t in any textbook. I would be more than ecstatic if I didn’t feel so naked. Neytiri walks in front of me. Her shoulders are loose but I can sense her peeking at me from the corner of her eye. 

“The clan is gathered for dinner. Jake is already there,” Neytiri explains as we reach the ground level of Hometree. The entire floor is covered with Omatikaya, warriors, healers, and families. Young children run past us, their tails flying behind them as they call after each other. The roar of conversation fills the space as people settle on the ground to eat.  

Neytiri keeps walking, accustomed to the beauty of her clan. I follow her, taking in every detail of my surroundings. The beaded headwear certain men wear, a game with marbles that children are playing, and the soft beat of drums. Clan members stare openly at me. Some of them are curious, their ears perked up; but most of them glare at me. 

“Demon,” a man hisses as I pass. I jolt at the fierceness of his voice. Neytiri grabs my shoulder and forces me forward before I have a chance to respond.

Jake sits criss crossed with his back against the far wall, a small distance away from any other clan members. His face brightens when he sees us. The closer we get, he begins to grin. Once we’re right in front of him, his head hits the back of the tree as he lets out a laugh. 

“Don’t say a single word,” I spit at him. He’s not gonna be able to help himself, he’s just going to have to make fun of—

“God, that’s worse than your bikini’s on Earth,” he manages to say between spurts of laughter. Neytiri looks cluelessly at us. 

“I will kill you,” I say calmly. 

Neytiri’s head cocks to the side as if that thought intrigued her. Jake stops laughing and puts his hands up in fake surrender. I roll my eyes and sit down beside him. 

“Wait for the clan to get their food, then you may have some,” Neytiri states before turning and working her way through the crowd. 

Jake and I don’t talk in her absence. Our relationship is used to silence. There was a time, when we both trained for the Marines, where we talked about deeper things. Then everything happened, and I had to leave, and Jake and I grew apart. I try not to think about that year. If I ignore it long enough, it’ll be like it never even happened. 

When I left the army, I joined Tom for avatar training and prepared to leave for Pandora. Seeing Jake in Tom’s avatar is like a knife being constantly twisted into my gut, digging deeper and deeper. I take a deep breath. I don’t want to think about Tom or life back on Earth; I came to Pandora to get away from it all. 

A large fire burns in the middle of the floor where Na’vi fill their plates. Laughter and conversation infuses the space, giving it a pleasant ambience. Growing up here, having a community like this, must be so nice. They don’t even know how good they have it. If only we humans could understand. Neytiri appears in the crowd and works her way over to us, three plates balancing in her hand. 

Jake’s eyebrows raise. “Think she brought us some?”

My stomach growls. I didn’t even know my avatar could do that. “I hope so.” 

Neytiri stops in front of us, an annoyed expression on her face. I’m starting to think that’s just how she always looks. “I brought your dinner. Best you stay further away from the clan.”

“Right,” Jake says as he reaches for the plate, “thank you.” 

I take my plate from her, “thanks.” 

Neytiri settles in across from us, her eyes lingering on her clan members. She’s probably wishing she could eat with them instead of us. I push the thought away and dig into my food. It’s some kind of meat, probably sturmbeest, and a selection of sweet fruit. I take a bite and instantly melt, flavors bursting on my tongue. “This is good.”

Neytiri ignores me and eats her own food. Jake nudges me with his shoulder, telling me he thinks it’s good too. I relax a little, suddenly grateful for him. 

“Neytiri,” he begins, “will we be hunting tomorrow?”

I chase a small piece of fruit around my plate, it sprays pink juice all over my fingers. 

“Yes,” Neytiri answers curtly. 

“You’ve brought another?” A foreign voice says. I snap my head up to find a Na’vi man standing before us. His muscular chest is covered in a beaded piece that crawls up his neck. He glares venomously at me, the hatred in his gaze sends chills down my spine. I narrow my eyes on him. I know who he is, I’ve seen his pictures in my textbooks. It’s Tsu’tey. 

Neytiri hisses. “Not now, Tsu’tey.” 

“They will never be one of us,” He says, his eyes boring into mine. He tilts his head slowly as he looks me over, he lingers on where my five fingers are stained with juice from the fruit. He chuckles and shakes his head incredulously. “Especially not the new one.” 

Heat rushes to my cheeks. I’m rarely embarrassed or offended by other people, but something about Tsu’tey sets me off. His words nestle under my skin. I open my mouth to snap at him when Jake places his hand on my forearm, as if he can feel the anger rising off of me.

‘Tsu’tey,” Jake mutters, “always a pleasure.”

Tsu’tey’s lip curls with distaste as he looks at Jake. His entire presence is dangerous and lethal, he doesn’t even need to speak. I rub the side of the loincloth. Neytiri rolls her eyes at him. “Go on.” 

“Don’t waste your time,” Tsu’tey whispers to Neytiri, just loud enough so I can hear, “that new one can’t even sit still in her clothing.” 

Neytiri giggles, making my blood boil. Tsu’tey looks smug as he leans back. My vision darkens. 

“I could sit still on your throat until you run out of breath,” I say with deadly calm. 

Neytiri gasps as shock registers on Tsu'tey’s face, his mouth dropping open. Clearly he didn’t think I spoke Na’vi. Pretentious asshole. Jake looks confused between us all. “What’s–”

“I could have your life for that,” Tsu’tey interrupts Jake, seethingly. His eyes look like they’ve been set on fire. They’re practically ablaze as he stares into me, his hands shaking furiously at his side. 

“Calm down, Tsu’tey,” Neytiri says before eyeing me cautiously, the ghost of a smile playing on her lips. “People are noticing…” 

Tsu’tey inhales sharply. Multiple clan members stare at us, alarm and curiosity coating their features. Tsu’tey steps back slowly, his eyes assessing the sudden attention were receiving. He sets his strong jaw, the movement highlights the high arch of his cheekbone. 

“I’ll be seeing you, alien,” he mutters through clenched teeth. I fight the urge to flick him off as he turns away. 

The clan members go back to their own conversations and my heart rate returns to normal. Jake blows out a breath of air. “What the hell was that?”

Tsu’tey’s blue backside glitters as he passes by the firelight. Multiple people greet him as he passes, he gives them each a tense and strained nod. He is a seriously stressed out guy…

“Your sister,” Neytiri begins, “she is interesting.” 

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Neytiri’s eyes are crinkled as she looks at me, like she’s seeing something in me that she hadn’t seen before. 

Jake laughs. “That’s one word for it.” 

I smack him playfully. Neytiri smiles at the gesture, now observing my brother and I. After a moment, she goes back to her food. Jake begins asking her about our training plans tomorrow.

Tsu’tey is now standing with a group of men on the other side of the fire, the light washes over his chiseled arms. They talk animatedly, smacking each other’s back and laughing. What are they talking about? I cock my head to the side, watching how Tsu’tey fixes his chest piece and listens to his friends. I wonder if he’s an asshole to them too or if that’s just reserved for special cases. 

He nods to one of his friends, his beaded hair flicks across his ears before he turns. His eyes lock with mine from across the fire. I flinch at the sudden contact. His eyes darken, making my stomach drop. I quickly look away and pretend to be a part of Jake and Neytiri’s conversation. I can feel the weight of his stare, it pierces me, like he’s tearing me apart with just his eyes. My breathing quickens and I try to focus on the conversation in front of me but I can’t process anything. Tsu’tey’s raging face keeps popping into my mind. 

After a few moments, I finally get myself under control. He’s just some asshole, I can’t be this bothered by some guy being rude. I risk glancing back to where he stood across the fire. He’s gone. I let out a relieved sigh, but something still curls in my stomach. That won’t be the last I see of Tsu’tey.

Part 2

Hi beautiful, thanks for reading!

I haven't seen anyone writing about Tsu'tey so hopefully someone wants to read this??? Idk, I just really love the idea of enemies to lovers and Jake being like bro what

I want to make this into multiple parts and make it a slow burn with tension and everything. Would anyone want that?

I'll still be doing other submissions as well <3

I DO NOT NEED THIS EMOTIONAL DAMAGE GOD DAMNIT 😭😭💔💔

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VIII: My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII

Synopsis: All secrets are revealed and both you and Neteyam have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, limited mentions of Y/N, did i mention angst, angst and more angst?

Word Count: 10,3k words (the first couple chapters were 3k, how did we get here??!)

A/N: This chapter killed me a little inside. I cried multiple times writing it, so I guess fair warning. I wanted really badly to build strong, round characters who had flaws and strengths and strong reasoning for acting a certain way/doing certain things. I wanted to write this story from both character's perspective, so it is clear that in life, each person will think they are right, that their reasoning was the correct one, when in reality, we are all a little right and a little wrong in everything we do, and it is always worth trying to see things from the other's perspective. We are coming towards the end of this first series, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this journey. As always, thank you so much for everyone who engaged with it, I loved reading ALL of your comments and replies, they really make my day.

(Also, I feel like I am playing my own little game of "how many Taylor Swift and OG Avatar lyrics/quotes/references I can reasonably fit in a story without it being obnoxious" and I can't tell if I'm winning or not.)

"I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet"

You registered the girl asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t see in front of you, the entire room spinning like the inside of a mirrorball. You felt your body rise from where it was sat next to Neteyam’s, and shakily made your way out. Neteyam’s mate. Neteyam’s mate was next to you, asking you if you need help. It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” you manage to blurt out weakly.

You heard more commotion, and faintly made out Jake’s voice and his arm on your shoulder, trying to bring you back to them.

“Neteyam, what the hell happened?”

You didn’t hear Neteyam speak. He was quiet and you were glad. You didn’t want to hear his voice, not now, and not for the rest of your life.

The world came back to focus eventually, and you spit aggressively trying to get rid of the taste of acid in your mouth. You removed Jake’s hand from your back, and left. The thought of speaking or even looking at any of them was too much to bear. You ran, harder than you ever had before, back to where you just came from, the Ikran nest in the village. You immediately recognised your own, beautiful, gold and white, pure, unlike the rest of this world. Neyn (light colours, shades of white)… fitting name, you thought. You made the tsaheylu quickly, and without a second thought, took off.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

STAGE III: DEPRESSION

You had no thoughts as you flew above the forest and made your way towards the general direction of the Hallelujah mountains. You realised you didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t know how you were going to find your way back, but it didn’t matter. Were you even going to ever return? There were no tears, no sadness, just emptiness. The pieces of your heart broke so finely they turned into dust, blown away in the wind of the night. Eventually you found the mountains, easy enough to spot, even in the darkness, the fluorescent flora marking the territory with an easy-to-see glow. You flew like this, for enough time that your lungs were running out of breath and your skin felt battered by the wind, but you kept going. You felt so free, so weightless. There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

You saw a distant mountain that looked brighter than the others, and you made your way to it and were amazed to find a little cave in it, bright and colourful, a little piece of heaven on a planet that was heaven in and of itself. Neyn landed softly on the edge of the mountain and you dismounted effortlessly and approached her head, giving her pets on her neck, to which she cooed gently. She was the only friend you had, you realise. You were all alone.

“Neteyam, what happened?”

Neteyam was dragged in the tent by his dad, who was fuming. No matter what feelings his dad was feeling, they couldn’t compare to Neteyam’s anguish and terror. Why the hell was she there? She just had to wait another couple of hours and this would have never happened.

“She was patching my wound up when Tiongli came in the tent, announcing to the world she is my mate. Said mother told her about my injury.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on your mother, boy.” the Sully patriarch’s nose was flared, eyes looking at him intensely with anger and disappointment. Neteyam’s eyes filled with tears, and he felt his heart hurting so much like the gash was there instead of his arm.

“I was going to tell her tonight, dad. After dinner. I was going to tell her everything, and I was going to ask her to be my mate. I was going to come to you both and ask you to undo the engagement. I understand that a year and a half ago I gave up on her, I did it for a reason, I thought there was no future for us, and that we were hurting each other. But things have changed. She has changed. She’s going to be one of the people soon and I want her to be mine.”

“Neteyam, you can’t undo the engagement. You have known Tiongli your whole life, her family’s been expecting this since you were both young. You gave your word before Eywa, son.”

“I love her, dad. Do you understand that? I have loved her all of my life. It killed me having to leave, it killed me knowing there was no future, because she was human. But she’s not just human anymore. I was willing to go through with this for the sake of the village, for the sake of the family and the future, but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life. Mother was betrothed to uncle Tsu’tey, and she gave that up for you. It was done before Eywa, and she didn’t care. Because she loved you and she knew that was enough. She gave up being Tsahik, her birth right, so she can have you. I will not give up on her, dad. Mother wouldn’t have given up on you.”

“I have to find her. I have to make this right.”

You were sprawled on your back, feeling goosebumps form along your limbs from the cold grass. You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating. Will you even still be alive when they come? Will everything you have gone through these few months matter? Will everything you have gone through in this life matter? All the pain, and the hurt, and the grief, just so you can die at 18 from a virus. The universe was cruel, you thought. It was a fitting end, though. Meaningless and daft, like your entire life was. Born on a planet you were not made to be able to survive on, your real planet a long-forsaken dream you will never experience for yourself, surrounded by nature that could kill you in an instant. Alone, never fitting anywhere, orphaned by human diseases: cancer and greed. Left to fend for yourself when you were just ten, learning to navigate a life that only seemed to want to clobber you to the ground whenever you thought you finally could stand up again.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, not anymore. You wanted to fight for something, for the chance at life, or at retribution, or at love. You were dying and Neteyam killed whatever hope remained in you. They all did. Norm, Max, Jake, Neytiri, Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, all accomplices, all aware, all willing to lie to your face for weeks with no remorse. You thought you were good at spotting liars, now you just knew how little you knew about everything.

The pain in your soul mirrored the one in your body, as you felt the morphine wearing off and your human body struggling to keep the mind steady for the link. You had to bear it, because this pain was more manageable than the one you knew waited for you in your human form, when you would be alone in a dark room with only your nightmares to keep you company.

With a sigh and a peer up at the sky, you hoped whatever comes after death was better than the hell you’ve lived in the majority of this life.

Neteyam waited the whole night in your tent, waited for you to come back, becoming increasingly worried as the hours passed and you didn’t show. He wanted to go and look for you, but knew that as soon as you got on your ikran, the chances of finding you were thin. He would go to the lab as soon as dawn broke, but for now, he was praying that you would just burst through the tent opening so he can talk you down.

He fucked up, badly. He cringed at the thought of how much he seemed to not be able to get anything right when it comes to you. Everything he did or didn’t do ended up hurting you more, the only thing he didn’t want, the only thing in the world he continuously tried to avoid.

He was consoled by the fact that he would have a lifetime to make it up to you. He will not give up trying, no matter how long, no matter how hard, he was determined to win you back and keep you, forever.

As you made it back to your human body in the early hours of the morning, you regretted waiting so long, as your body was in indescribable agony, the likes with which you didn’t know was possible for the human body to ever experience. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, you were sweating bullets and every bone and muscle in your body throbbed with enough intensity to make it almost impossible for you to get up from the pod. Everyone must be asleep at this hour, you thought. You had to make it to your bed, you had to get at least a couple of hours of rest if you were going to live to see another day. As if you were taking the Iknimaya again, you made your way form the lab to the medical ward and injected another dose of the morphine in your system. There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

You crashed in your room for a few hours and quickly made your way back to the pod before anyone else was there to talk to. You started the linkpod by yourself and got in without hesitation.

Waking up in your Avatar body was a strange experience, as you were still in the Hallelujah mountains where you fell asleep last night. Neyn did not leave you, you noted, and she was peacefully resting next to you, cooing softly in her sleep.

“Hey, beautiful girl. Time to go back. It would be useful if you knew the way.” you pet her gently, trying not to disturb her. She woke up and pushed her snoot in your chest, and you felt it swell for this animal that you had an unbreakable bond with; you were grateful you had done the Iknimaya and at least gained a life companion from that horrible day.

As suspected, Neyn knew where to take you, and in about an hour you made it back to the village. You dreaded it, dreaded the inevitable interaction, but you knew you had to go back at some point and inform them of your whereabouts.

It was still early, so the village wasn’t quite bustling with energy yet. You quietly made it back to your tent, which you found empty. You grabbed your bow and arrows, knife and gun and a couple extra magazines. You didn’t know if you were going to be back. As you were making your way out, your head bumped into a large, muscular chest.

Fuck.

“Where the hell were you all night, kid? None of us slept a wink last night worrying.”

“Out.”

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

You laughed at the irony of his words. He caught your arm as you were walking away and pulled you back forcefully so you can face him.

“You are not going anywhere.”

“Let go.” Jake raised a brow at your words. He was not used to being spoken this way, you realise.

“How long?”

His grasp on you loosened, and his gaze softened when you peered up at him through eyelashes to which tears clung.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Kid…”

“How fucking long, Jake?”

He let go of your arm at your curse, which had never been directed at him before.

“Watch your tone, kid.”

“You made me feel like shit for learning to shoot guns without you. It made you feel bad, right? Knowing I purposefully left you out of something you could have been useful at, something we could have bonded over? I hurt you, by pushing you and Neytiri away for so many years, and I am sorry for that, but you have never, in your life, tried to understand me. So you gave me shit about something you didn’t understand, and I hurt so much inside at the thought of all I gave away by my reluctance to trust, to love, to let people in. So I changed. I let you in. I was here, everyday, acting like a perfect little daughter for you, the daughter I knew you wanted. Strong, capable, skilled. I let Neytiri in. I started calling her mum in my dreams, and although the guilt for my own mother gnawed at my insides silently, I was also relived, to finally have a family again, or for the first time.

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

I trusted you, Jake. You fucking lied to my face for months. Every time I asked where Neteyam was at dinners and you told me he was practicing, every day you plotted to get me out of the village as early morning as humanly possible and get me back after everyone else was fast asleep, I knew it in my heart you were lying, but you were all so good at it, I thought I was going crazy. But no, it was all a carefully planned ruse to not find out you made me come here and be part of the people just to watch the man I love belong to someone else without even a chance to decide for myself how to feel about it.”

The fight brought out the rest of the Sully family out of their tent, and they were all watching you now, concern and sadness displayed across their beautiful faces.

“You all lied to me. Looked me in the fucking eyes and lied to me, every day, multiple times a day. You were supposed to be my family.

The humans are coming. I will be here. I will stand and fight, you know I will. I will be your little soldier, and be who you made me into.

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

You were no longer delightfully numb, but burning with anger and earth-shattering sorrow as you stalked away from the village, leaving everything behind. Your eyes were blurry with endless tears, mourning this life and this family that you managed to gain and lose within the span of a few weeks, reeling from the wounds within your heart that never had a chance to mend before being opened again, over and over. You didn’t want to go back to the lab, knowing Neteyam was most likely looking for you there. You couldn’t go to the clearing for the same reason. You had no home anymore, no place in this world, once again. You could only think of one place to go, one place where no one would ever look for you.

Your knees were shaking furiously as you walked, and you were scared of another flashback that you would have to ride out by yourself, but it never came. You just walked, crying and panting from all the pain the last 24 hours brought, and eventually you made it to a place you never thought you would ever see again. The clearing looked peaceful, with rays of light penetrating through tree branches, creating Mandalas on the ground that you found yourself tracing with your eyes.

In the corner, lay a decrepit exo suit, and you made your way to it, settling on the ground next to it. You knew now this exo suit belonged to your dad, and you removed some vines that grew on top of his name, Gideon Barlowe. A beautiful name, you thought, and your mind wandered to the past, a past way before you were even born, and wondered what your grandparents did back on Earth. Did they encourage their son to leave his own planet in pursuit of planetary colonisation, monetary gain and murderous acts? Did they know? Did he know? Was he like that his whole life, or did he start off fighting the good fight, and was corrupted by the jagged and monstrous lifestyle? You wondered if this was what he has always dreamt of doing, or he had secret dreams of being a painter, or a gardener. Did he play guitar, too? You snored sometimes, did you get that from him? You had so many questions for this man you shared half your DNA with, but have never met. For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

Sobbing uncontrollably, you heard yourself speak in between wails. “Why am I here? Great Mother, is there a reason for this hurt? Please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

A little past eclipse, you arrived at the lab, and used the keycard you remembered to bring with you. You hoped Neteyam would be gone by now, in case he was trying to find you here. You made your way through the hub and into your bedroom, which looked tiny in your Avatar body. You realise how uncomfortable it must have been for him to be here so often, then cursed your brain for making you think about such things. Your Avatar body needed a bed, so you walked slowly to where the other Avatar bodies usually were laid to rest for the night. There should be an empty space where your mum or Grace used to sleep. It didn’t take long for you to wake up back in the linkpod, as with most nights recently, you were barely able to maintain the neurolink by the time evening came.

Max was waiting for you. “Neteyam came by. He’s been looking for you, said you left the village yesterday and didn’t come back. He was worried sick.”

You didn’t answer him, as you slowly got out of the pod and tried to steady your feet on the ground, harder than it seemed when the entire room was spinning around you.

“What happened?”

“The mate you all hid from me for weeks came announcing herself in my tent as we were just about to kiss.”

“Any other questions?”

You didn’t wait for a response before you made your way out of the room, stalking towards the medical ward.

As you retired to your room for the night, you noted the morphine was not working as well as used to anymore. You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left. Maybe a couple of days. A couple more days of this. And then it would finally be over. You gave it a fair shot, this life thing. You couldn’t say you felt particularly sad at the thought of it ending. You pressed play on your vintage record player and let yourself sleep.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day”

You spent the next 2 days in a haze, drugged out of your mind, waking up before eclipse and leaving to your dad’s grave and sleeping in the woods until the night, barely able to make it on your own two feet. Even in your human body, Neyn recognised you, and stood by you, which gave you some peace of mind. You made sure to bring her fruits from the lab, and she cooed warmly as she settled next to you.

When you made your way back that night, Norm was waiting.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you for 3 fucking days.”

You removed your oxygen mask and made your way to the room, where he followed you. You were in so much pain you couldn’t see straight.

“I am talking to you!” he took you by your arm and spun you around. The motion made you instantly sick, and you struggled to keep down the fruits you shared with your ikran.

“Let go of me, Norm.” you had no strength in your body anymore, so it took you awhile to shake him off.

“You look like shit. What did you do?”

You managed to make it to the bathroom, where you shut the door behind you and got in the shower. Fortunately, for you or him, you couldn’t tell, Norm was gone when you came out.

The next morning, you woke up desperately searching for pain relief and didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it to the ward before your knees would collapse on themselves. You were shaking and dizzy, out of your mind with agony and walking to the bathroom felt like the most intensive workout you have ever done. You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out. It was too much for you to bear, and before you could even think or rationalise, you felt your fingers curl into a fist and make contact with the cold glass of the mirror, shattering in dozens of pieces, and it made you weirdly happy to have a visual representation of how your soul felt. The instant pain of the all the wounds the smash caused also gave you a weird sense of euphoria, and you realised it was taking away from the pain in the rest of the body, which was only able to focus on one agonising sensation at a time. This felt like a kiss by comparison, and you knew then you could go on a little longer, you could continue with the rest of the day.

Norm came bursting through the door at the loud crash.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

You came out of your bathroom, blood dripping all over the floor as you made your way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“Leave, Norm.”

“What?”

“Leave.”

“What the hell has gotten into you recently. you are rude and brash, and you hurt people’s feelings with no remorse. This isn’t you.”

“What the hell do you know about me, Norm?” you say, laughing bitterly.

“Ace, stop.”

“You don’t know anything, Norm.” you kept going, the fury and hurt getting the best of you, once again, your need to destroy everything in your path as a way to cope with your own heartbreak winning by a landslide.     

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13? I have been slowly depleting our sleeping pill and benzodiazepines inventory and replacing it with multivitamin pills I found in one of the drawers. I mean thank God none of you suffer from anxiety or panic disorder or need help sleeping cause I would have been busted so long ago.”

You laughed mockingly at his shocked face, jaw so close the floor now you could trip on it on your way out.

“Did you know I am about a week and a half away from dying after I accidentally smashed a vial of infected blood and got it in my mouth?”

You stand corrected, you think now his jaw was close enough to the floor to trip on it.

“Did you know I have upgraded from a pill addiction to a full blown opioid addiction in order to not collapse on the floor in excruciating pain because of the way this virus is eating at my insides? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. We’re almost out of a whole vial of morphine after I injected it in my veins every day for a while now.”

He had no words. “That’s about right.”

“I do know one thing you do know, though. You know that Neteyam had his mate announcement ceremony that day I took off. You were there to see the two love birds announce their love and pledge their commitment to each other the one day I was not there. And that’s why you were acting shifty. You know about that. And somehow you forgot to tell me, every day, for weeks. How does that work out, Norm, hmm?”

“I felt so bad for snapping at you a couple of days ago. I felt like a horrible fucking person for hurting your feelings. I should have been watching my back, instead.”

You got up from your bed and started walking towards the door.

“If I were you I would not linger in a room with poisoned blood dripping on the floor for too long.”

You found some paper towels at the side of your bed and wrapped them around your bleeding, pained hand, and with that, you left.

After you upped the morphine you usually took, you went to the lab and prepped a hood for some more experiments. Work was a good way to get your mind off things, to mindlessly do something that had a purpose other than driving you to the brink of insanity.

You heard a loud banging noise coming from the entrance, and you had a sneaking suspicion you knew who it was. You heard Norm open the door.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, but Neteyam, I think you should go. She’s not in a good place, and I really don’t think doing this will end well for either of you.”

“I don’t care, I have to talk to her, I have been looking for her for 3 fucking days.”

You heard the door to the lab slide open and hissed at the man you knew would be trying to come in, realising hissing in a human body doesn’t have nearly the same effect.

“Get the fuck out, Neteyam. This is a sterile room.”

“I don’t fucking care about the room, Atan. Where the fuck have you been? Please come out so we can talk.”

You threw your head back and laughed, really laughed.

“You really are delusional if you think there is any way in heaven and hell I would want to hear anything you have got to say. The time for talking was a couple months ago, Neteyam. The time for talking was the first day I got my Avatar body, where in addendum to telling me you own my ass now, you could have also sprinkled in the fact your are now mated with someone else.”

“I am not mated with anyone, for fuck’s sake. Just come out so we can talk, please. I will explain everything, please!”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, for the first time since that day. He looked exhausted, anguished. Deep purple bags under his eyes, that were burning red where the whites should be. He has been crying. Good, you thought. He looked panicked and miserable and desperate for you to give him the time of day, for you to allow him to explain the unexplainable.

You sighed and your heart constricted in pain. Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you. At the same time, you were curious, morbidly curious as to what has actually happened, what led to this moment. You knew he loved you. You knew that much, but it didn’t seem to matter in this moment, as he broke your heart for what felt like the thousandth time in your short life.

“Go to the clearing, I’ll come when I’m ready.”

You half considered just leaving him there to wait, abandoning him just he did to you. You finished splitting your cells and treating them, and in about an hour, you went into the linkpod and took your Avatar for a walk in the woods. You reached the clearing shortly, as it was close enough that even child you could do it without getting too far away from the building.

You saw him standing there, his back turned to you and his legs submerged in the river that was rushing violently downstream. It was a cold day, and rain was trickling down your body like shivers from a kiss. There was tension in the air, and you knew a storm was coming. You could practically feel the charge in the atmosphere, and were expecting thunder to start any minute now, ready to mirror the agony in your soul.

“I’m here.”

He didn’t speak for a while. Just stood looking at the river, deep in thought.

“So many of our moments throughout the years happened here. Remember when I taught you to swim in the river? Now, in retrospective, that was a bad idea since the water kept taking you away, to the point I had to wait at the end so I could catch you in my arms, like you were a baby.”

You winced at the memory.  You thought you could do this. You felt numb in that lab, numb on the way here, but as soon as your eyes focused on him, tears starting pooling in your eyes and pain overtook your body, that you tried to counteract by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. He’s caused you so much hurt, so much grief in the years he’s known you. But he was also at the forefront of most of your happiest memories. You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

That is why this hurt so much, why your body was convulsing on itself in insurmountable grief. And also why you owed him this much. Owed him this conversation, and the right to explain his point of view, that you were still unfamiliar with.

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

“Fuck, Y/N, all I did before I left is hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” You were confused at the turn this conversation took. What did he mean? You couldn’t recall a single time Neteyam hurt you before you left. Sure, you would fight and bicker sometimes, but it was a normal part of any relationship, you thought. And he always made it up to you, would always come to the lab and sit with you with flowers he collected or trinkets he found in the woods, always holding you and kissing your forehead to make sure you were over it before he had to leave. Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

“I almost fucking killed you. Or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten how I manipulated you into getting on top of an ikran when you were just a 13 year old human and almost watched you die? Have you forgotten I took you to the woods and raced you to your dad’s remains? I was a walking magnet for disasters in your life and I was tired, so fucking tired of watching your life fall apart all around me. I had to watch you learn to walk again, limp because of my actions, for years. I had to pull you out of flashbacks and nightmares you developed because of ME. You were always fine in the woods with Lo’ak or Kiri, but everything bad that has happened to you happened around me.”

He was crying, panting and angry, at himself or you or the universe, you couldn’t tell.

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

You had no words to speak as you lay there, listening to him letting you in to a secret you have spent so many months agonising over. The reason for his departure haunted you for a year and a half, even when you refused to think about him, about it, it was there, constantly emerging from the depths of your subconsciousness, taunting you in your dreams. Why? Why? Why?

Because he wanted to protect you?

You didn’t have time to process all of this new information, before he continued.

“The night you found your dad, I was shaken to my core, in a way I have never truly been before. I was so heartbroken, for you and for myself, for knowing this will haunt you for the rest of your life. I went home and mother found me, and told me that maybe I can’t help you in the way I’ve always wanted. That maybe it’s better for you that I remove myself for a while and leave you room to breathe and heal. So I did. It took me a long time to get the strength to do it. Every time I thought today is the day, I would see you and you would smile at me, and we would sit on your bed and you would read to me or play me songs or just be there, just you and me, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You were everything to me, my light in all the darkness.

A year later, you sang me the song and you were smiling at me singing it, and I knew you were confessing feelings we have both felt for years and couldn’t say out loud. And I knew that if I stayed, whatever we had would escalate past the point of no return. If I stayed, that would be it. And that’s when I decided. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I knew it would hurt you, just as much as it hurt me, but I thought the pain would subside in time.”

You were crying now, you realised, tears falling silently and effortlessly down your face, with no intention to ever stop, instantly washed away by the pouring rain. There were no sounds, no sobs or wails, or panted breaths, just the sounds of rain and hopeless, soft cries and muffled sniffles, for the man in front of you, for all that you have lost, for the past you shared and the future that you would never have.

He got up from where he stood and turned around to face you. He walked towards you until he was so close to you could feel his breath on your face. His stare made goosebumps appear on your entire body, so earnest and desperate, so full of intensity for the words he was trying to convey to you.

“It didn’t.” He said, at the same time you thought the same words in your mind.

“A few years ago, mother and father told me I would one day have to find a mate. They knew and I knew it was expected of me, but I always put it off, so they eventually dropped it. I learnt later they both knew about us, so they didn’t push me into anything until they felt I was ready. A few months after they realised I decided to leave, they started bringing it up again. I didn’t want to hear it, but they said it was time, as I had refused for years longer than what was acceptable in the clan. I met with so many girls, all from good families, all healers in training, all wrong. Beautiful girls, smart girls, skilled healers and singers, and it was like looking at the grey walls of your lab. I felt nothing, I felt sick just thinking about it, like just the thought would be betraying the memory of our bond. Eventually, I told them they can decide. Grandma can decide whatever she thinks is best, and, as Tsahik, I would listen to her voice and wisdom, and do my duty to the clan. She chose Tiongli. I knew her growing up, and we were friendly, so I tried to make an effort. I would go to her tent, and she would show me her training sometimes, I would let her heal my wounds and imagined it was your hands touching me instead. I visited her family and paid my respects, and had dinner with them whenever they invited me. I hoped in time, I could learn to care for her, to lessen the distaste in my mouth whenever my family or the clan talked about the future, about the ceremony, about the life I was supposed to lead that I hated even the thought of.

And then, one day, my dad sent me to get Lo’ak from the lab. I was so scared of knowing I would have to see you again. It had been so long, and so many feelings gnawed at me on the walk there, terror and anxiety, guilt and longing. But then I saw you, and there was only one feeling: love. Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

He slowly took your face in his hands, and his thumb was caressing your cheek trying to wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling mercilessly. You saw his face slowly getting closer to yours, and you knew you should pull away, you should remove yourself from his grasp before the kiss was going to remove the last ounce of happiness from you. You knew what you had to do, knew that no matter what information or answers or justifications he would give you today, they wouldn’t matter. You should pull away, because there is no future, no hope. But you couldn’t. You didn’t know what waited for you in the afterlife, but if there was any chance you would have your memories, you wanted this kiss to haunt you forever, to remind you of the life you left behind.

His lips touched yours so gently, it felt like a whisper. Like a hug, tender and warm, it was so different than your first kiss. Tears were still running down your face as your lips moved, entangled with his and begging for more. Your hands went to his chest, to his neck, to his back, just touching him, trying to memorise his body, this feeling. You wanted so much more, you wanted to be his, you wanted to feel him, you wanted him to own you, like he did your heart, which has been his your entire life and will still be his after your death.

You were a mess of wet tangled limbs and panted breaths by the end, and eventually, he broke the kiss to look at you through teary eyes.

“I love you, I will always love you. I am so sorry.”

“I love you, too.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, Neteyam.”

“Thank you, for finally telling me why you left. For giving me some closure for something that has plagued me for so long, it became a constant part of my nightmares. Thank you for having my best interest at heart; it couldn’t have been easy to leave, if you didn’t want to, it took a strong heart to do something that hurt you for what you thought was the lesser evil. But it doesn’t change anything.”

“You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes. The ikran ride is still a beautiful memory to me. You made it a beautiful memory. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, we probably would have both died at the hands of Toruk. You saved my life, Neteyam. You carried me home and stayed with me while I was having surgery, you stayed with me after, while I recovered. You pulled me out of the worst panic attack I have ever had when I found my dad, and you rode out so many of my flashbacks, I have lost count. You weren’t the cause or the common denominator of these events, I was. I am the one plagued by misfortune and hurt and death. Not you. And if you tell me you had to leave to save your own peace of mind, I would respect that. I don’t know anyone in this world who can take this, take me and all the shit that follows me everywhere I go. I don’t blame you.

But if you tell me that you did this for me, that I can’t accept. I didn’t ask for any of this. You gave me no choice, and no say in this relationship, in our shared life. You just left. I deserved better than that. And I deserved better than to find out about a mate after months of lies and manipulation and deceit. I don’t care. I don’t care if you are going to say that you didn’t want it, or you were going to undo it, or that you’ve always loved me and never her. I don’t care. You lied to me, you manipulated me. You accused me of fucking your brother as you were promised to another woman that you hid from me for months. I do blame you for that, and I will never be able to forgive you.”

“Please, Atan…I will tell her no. I will tell her -.” he was sobbing now, his hands still on your face, pleading.

“No.” you slowly took his hands in yours and removed them from your face.

“I think you should do it, Neteyam. She is a good girl, she will make a good Tsahik, and a good mate. Your mother was right, there is no future here - there never was. I love you, so much. But I think you have broken my heart one too many times. I am done.”

You turned your back and walked away from him and the life that was lost - forever.

You were completely soaked when you arrived in the lab, and you went straight to the Avatar laying room and cried. Cried until it felt like no more tears could possibly come out of you. You cried yourself to sleep and then cried in the pod, on the way to your bedroom, and in bed until your human body eventually collapsed from exhaustion. You cried in your dreams, in which Neteyam was kissing you and touching you, doing all the things you were silently begging him to in your mind just a few hours ago.

Eventually, nightfall came, and you had to get up to do the rest of your experiments and top up your analgesic. Ironically enough, you were making real progress on your work. You found a combination therapy that was showing incredible potential in slowing the virus down. It wasn’t enough to stop and eradicate it, but it was enough to give people more time and hopefully give the scientists more time to find a cure. It wouldn’t help you, but maybe you could still help others.

At some paint through the night, as you were making up some reagents, Norm bursts through the door holding a bunch of equipment and some pills, you realise. He puts them down on the bench behind you and speaks.

“Right, stop whatever you are doing, right now.”

“I am in the middle of something.”

“I don’t fucking care. Stop, now.”

You were taken aback at his words and attitude. Norm never got mad, or lost his composure. He was so most well balanced person you knew.

You put the pipette gun down and turned around to face him.

“I still need to adjust the pH on this.”

He ignored you while he prepared the myriad of little gadgets he brought with him. He motioned for you to take off your lab coat, and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but did as you were told regardless. You were too tired to argue anymore.

He raised the sleeves of your top until they couldn’t go any further up your arm and put a blood pressure monitor on you. You felt tension as its sleeve tightened around you painfully, but eventually it gave out with a puff, and you heard beeping as the machine finished its reading. You looked to your right where the monitor lay, and saw red lights flashing, letting Norm know your blood pressure and pulse were dangerously low. His eyes widened slightly at the sight, but he held his composure, removing the gadget from around your arm and putting it away. He then read your oxygen levels, which you saw were constantly dabbling between 89 and 90%. Not good, you thought. No wonder you could barely breathe anymore. Norm cursed silently under his breath, trying to not let you see him, but if there was one thing you were good at, it’s reading people. Well, you thought you were, at least.

“Did you do any tests on your blood? How is your complete blood count looking?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Ace? It’s not like you don’t know how to do it.”

He was angry, really angry. You’ve never seen Norm this angry, you’ve never seen Norm acting this way towards you.

You just shrugged. With a huff of annoyance, he took your arm and prepared a needle and syringe to collect some blood. He gulped and you could see tears forming in his eyes when he looked at the violet bruises and needle holes that were plastered along the length of your brachial vein.

“Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You didn’t - Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What medicine have you been taking? Did you take the Relenta, or the combination therapy we have been working on?”

“Neither.”

You swear you saw Norm’s entire body enter a catatonic state and he turned so red you were worried he was going to release steam out of his ears.

“You have been sick for a month and did not take anything, none of the treatments we have been working on?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, finding comfort in the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“I can’t believe you. I didn’t peg you for someone who would just throw their life away meaninglessly. Your mum had to die because we didn’t have a way to treat her illness, and here we are, with a solution that YOU came up with for your own illness, and you will just not even try?”

You were quiet, not really having a way to rebut his questions.

“Fine. We will start you on the combination treatment tonight and take it from there. There’s other things we haven’t tried yet and I’m sure -“

“NO.”

“I’m not asking you. I’m not letting you fucking die.”

“Why must you always fucking try to fix everything, Norm? Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t want the fucking pills. I am done. I want this to be done.”

“So you’ll just die? Is that what you’re saying? You want to die, and not even fucking TRY to see if there is more to this life. Goddamn it, Y/N. I thought having the Avatar would help you realise life is worth living, there’s beauty in this world beyond the walls of this lab. You got your first kill, you did the Iknimaya, you’re going to become one of the people. Don’t you want to see what your future holds? Don’t you want to live to see yourself grow up? Fall in love, start a family. There are more guys in this world than just Neteyam.”

You gave Norm a dirty look and got out of the lab.

Neteyam felt his whole body reel after your conversation. It didn’t change anything, he thought bitterly. He thought explaining it to you, allowing to see that he had good reasons for his actions would allow you to forgive him, to at least allow him the opportunity to make it up to you through time. You left, just like he had so long ago, but there was a finality to you that he didn’t feel then. Back then, he always had hope that a miracle would still be possible, one in which you got an Avatar, healed and loved him, forever. He wanted to love you forever, but his apology and explanations were not enough.

He lost you, again.

He spent the night flying on his Ikran, just flying and letting the rain soak his thoughts and hurt away. He just wanted to disappear. He wanted the rain to melt his bones until there was nothing left of him but the memory of happier times.

In the early hours of the morning, he made it back to the village, trying to hide his cried out eyes and calamitous grief. He was dreading having to talk to his parents, to explain to them what happened, to have to go through with Tiongli and this future he didn’t want and will have to suffer through for the rest of his life. He didn’t have time to worry about it too much though, because, as he managed to get to the tent’s entrance, he heard Norm’s voice and his dad’s, intertwined with his grandma’s voice rising above them.

“It won’t work. Eywa will not allow her to come back.”

“Why not? She has taken her Iknimaya, she has completed her kills, she has spent her entire life in the village’s service, trying to help the best way she knew how. If she doesn’t deserve this, who does?”

“It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s that she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want this, Norm. The Great Mother will not transfer the conscience of someone with no future.”

“But maybe if this happened, she will realise that she wants to live. Once she’s rid herself of her weak body, of this disease, maybe she will -“

“The Great Mother’s word is final. She will die, because she wants to die.”

Mo’at’s voice rang in his ears so hard he thought his eardrums would pop.

She doesn’t want it.

She will die.

What were they talking about? Who would die?

No… it couldn’t be. No, the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel.

He didn’t wait to hear the rest of the conversation, running as fast as his feet could carry him back to the lab. He reached soon enough, he was faster than most other people in the village, and started knocking on the door of the lab with all his might.

“Y/N, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!”

Eventually, Max came to the door, through which Neteyam burst without consideration for the tiny human next to him.

“She’s not in, Neteyam. She left before any of us had a chance to say anything.”

“Was she in her Avatar body?”

“No, the body is in the den where they sleep.”

He didn’t bother thanking the man, as he turned on his heel and started running again. She was there, had to be.

It was still raining, the clouds relentless as they released drops that poured gently down his face and body, and Neteyam thought the Great mother was crying, mourning the love being washed away like a pebble in the river of the clearing, just like he was.

You were there, of course you were. A current shocked Neteyam at the sight of you. This was the first time he has seen your human body in months, and he found it hard to reconcile the image of you he has known all his life with this current one. You were incredibly thin, so thin, whereas a few months ago he could trace your muscles, he could now trace your bones. You were pale, almost ashen, and the hair that he once spent so long admiring was now brittle and dull, obvious even as it was, wet and clinging to your back. You looked lifeless. He felt a lump form in his throat and tears pool in his eyes that were still not dry from all the pain this day has brought.

You didn’t notice him yet, your human ears much less sensitive than your Avatar, so you were just sitting on the riverbank with your chin resting on your knees, which were brought to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. You were looking at the water, and it was like you weren’t actually there. You were in your own world, far from here, from this hurt.

“I was going to ask if it was true, what I heard Norm talk about in the tent today, but I think you’ve answered my question.”

Neteyam saw you flinch, and it felt like even that brought your weak frame pain. You were trembling when you looked at him, and your face made his own drop in shock. Your beautiful features, the blush in your cheeks, the glimmer in your eye, the pink of your lips, your animated expressions or raised eyebrows, were all gone. Your eyes looked glossed over and numb, your face looked ghostly and sunken, and Neteyam swore he could trace every blood vessel on your forehead and neck. The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer, Neteyam.”

“tell me it isn’t true. Tell me he’s lying; he’s making it up.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” Neteyam was angry now, trying to contain the temper rising in his chest.

“Tell me you’re not dying.”

“Norm has a big fucking mouth.”

“Can you for once in your fucking life just answer a question? This is fucking serious!”

You winced at his words, then struggled to get up, but did eventually and fully face him. The state of you hit him like bullets, piercing and scraping at his every organ, leaving bleeding wounds behind.

“It’s true”.

Crack, crack, crack. 

“When?”

“The night you gave me the guitar. I was so busy being in love with you I forgot to put the proper protection on, and I smashed a bottle of infected blood. It got in my mouth, in my nose.”

“I thought you were working on a cure.”

“Haven’t found it yet.”

“But you said you have something that kind of works, something to give people more time.”

“I’m human, it doesn’t work that way for us.”

“So, you’ve tried.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, just staring at the ground in front of you, somewhere next to Neteyam’s feet.

“Tell me you have fucking tried.”

It thundered aggressively as Neteyam said that, and he saw you once again tremble at the loud sound. You have never been a jumpy person. You were the bravest person he knew. You were the strongest person he knew. It was unspeakable having to watch you now, sitting meekly in front of him, when just a few days ago you took the Iknimaya, taking the climb to the toughest tests known to the Omatikaya, doing it like it was nothing, just another day for you. To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

“TELL ME YOU HAVE TRIED.”

“NO, OKAY?? NO, I HAVEN’T FUCKING TRIED.” You were sobbing now, your tears washed away by the rain and wind as soon as they fell down your cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I am tired. I want this to end.”

“I thought you were happy. I thought you were better. You seemed better in the Avatar.”

“I was better… in the Avatar. Because that wasn’t my life. That was just a beautiful dream, while my life was the never-ending nightmare. It was easy to pretend in that body. It was easy to be the version of myself everybody wanted me to be. But I have to live with the real me every night. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” The more you cried, the more Neteyam’s blood boiled in his veins.

“That’s such fucking bullshit.”

“You know what I think?”

“I think dying is fucking easy. It’s your easy way out.”

You looked up at his much larger frame incredulously, and he saw how your mood was starting to mirror his own.

“What did you just say? You think this is fucking easy for me?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think all you’ve done since your mum has died is take the easy way out. Put everything and everyone in your little bottom desk drawer, keeping everyone at a distance. Do you know how much mother and father suffered every time you refused to come out, to come to the village? My mother cried herself to sleep at the thought of you alone in that lab, at the thought that you preferred that soulless, empty place to her, to us. Did you know that?

You have not once opened that drawer, not once dealt with anything. All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out.

You have made me feel like the worst person in the world, for leaving, for lying to you. But what the fuck have you done, huh? You lied to me about dying, for weeks! About dying! What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!

I left you for a year because I wanted to protect you, you are leaving permanently because you refuse to fuck deal with the pain and hurt I know you feel deep down inside. You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.

You are a coward.”

Neteyam turned on his heel and walked away, before he got a chance to see you collapse on the ground, giving your last few breaths in the place he used to imagine both of your children laying in his arms peacefully while you sang them to sleep.

Tag list (I hope I didn't miss anyone, thank you so much for asking to be tagged &lt;3): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties

This is basically how the scene went 😂

"From now on, I need you to respect my sister."

Oh this is so cute 😍

Hey there hope i made it here is my Headcannon or it's a story request

Miro x eri's older sister reader you who went the same abuse as eri but harsher because she has the same quirk but she could control it.And then Mirio you saves her and eri, teach them about the outside and Miro couldn't help but fell in love and it up to you

[ Alright, my third request. So I was a little unsure if you meant you wanted headcanons or a story. I was originally going to do headcanons but then I thought...well, I could summarize time in the story and sort of jump to Mirio bringing the reader outside and trying to confess his love. ]

Your heart sped up, this was not right or at least it didn't feel right. The sensation of soft grass underneath you, the kiss of the warm sun on your skin, and the wide open space with the scent of dirt. Yes, you were outside and it was so strange for someone who had spent the majority of their life behind closed doors.

"Mm..." you latched onto your bottom lip, curling your toes into the grass and bringing your legs up to your chest where your arms securely wrapped around them. You laid your chin on the top of your knees, glancing over at Mirio who was currently playing with your little sister, Eri.

A big bright smile was on his face and his laughter mixed with Eri's was an almost foreign sound and the sight of the sunlight bathing him in a golden glow was something that you needed to get used to. Of course, that sun made him look like a God and in a way, he was exactly that to you.

In fact, he was the perfect description of the heroes you remember your mother and father telling you about. Although that was before your little sister accidentally used her quirk to well...turn your father to dust and you suddenly found yourself in the care of Kai Chisaki.

He was a cruel man that had no regard for anyone's well-being and only sought to destroy quirks, finding them to be a disease plaguing the human race. Yet, he found interest in Eri's quirk as well as yours. Why? Because they worked in similar ways only you had more control over your quirk, Eri did not.

You still had nightmares of being strapped to an exam table as he cut your body open several times only to regenerate the flesh and do it all over again. Subjecting you to the same pain over and over again, claiming that it would help him better understand your quirk.

You knew this wasn't true, especially given the fact that there were better, more humane ways to study quirks. But everything about your life changed when Lemillion or Mirio Togata as you later got to know him as came.

Although his sacrifice for protecting Eri and yourself was losing his quirk, and even after visiting him in the hospital he seemed awfully cheery about it. Like having the thing he was born with getting ripped away from him in an instant was okay.

"You know, Deku said something similar. If he could give me a quirk, he would but I don't want one. After all, I'm still a hero even without it," he said and you could only frown as you sat on the edge of his hospital bed.

This was also the first instance he introduced you to a gentle touch when he commented "Heh, you have pretty horns!" and lifted his hand to touch them. You ended up flinching and falling off of the bed which caused him to apologize frantically.

Of course, unlike Eri who had one little horn which grew in size and caused her pain when she didn't properly utilize her quirk, you had two fairly large horns on top of your head which relatively remained the same size.

Mirio was aware that you could control your quirk while Eri couldn't and when it came time to address how to revert his quirkless status, all eyes seemed to turn on you. Luckily Mirio spoke up on your behalf. "Don't you think it'd be better if someone else had that privilege?"

You knew he was referring to your sister, Eri. "O-oh...w-well I..." you ended up flushing and running out of the room. You weren't used to having a conversation with anyone other than your sister, let alone be in a room with other heroes discussing the potential of your quirk.

Still, you wanted to try and thank him for his kindness but as your life continued to adjust and your sister and you found homes within the Heights Alliance faculty building, you came to realize that Mirio was adjusting to the new changes as well and thought it fit to watch over you and Eri.

He spent as much time with each of you as he could, while Eri was open to exploring the world outside. You felt safer inside and as time went on you began to miss the way she'd run to you whenever she came back with Mirio slightly frightened by the sights she had seen and the people she had met.

Now she'd just come back with a smile on her face and tell you all about her day and how Lemillion was amazing. Today happened to be a little different though because when Mirio came to pick her up to take her to the park, she grabbed your hand.

"Why don't you come with us, Lemillion promised it'd be fun," she said with a pout. You stiffened and looked at her with the corner of your mouth curled. "Eri...I..." you shifted your eyes back and forth, trying to come up with an excuse.

But Mirio suddenly placed his hand on your shoulder causing you to stumble back in surprise. "Ah!" you cried out and ended up hitting a wall. You slumped to the floor with your hands and legs cradled up to your chest, your eyes wide and your face twisted with fear.

"Oh right, sorry!" he said, trying to smile as he approached and crouched down in front of you. "H-huh?" you blinked when he held out his hand, indicating he wanted you to take it. But, you only stared at it acting as if you were unsure of what he was trying to do.

But when you glanced back at his face, you could see he was beaming just like the day you had first laid your eyes on him. Why was he so happy and could you ever be that happy? He felt kind of bad for having scared you, even though he had been getting to know you these past few months.

It was clear that Eri was more social and part of that could be because she was a child and her curiosity got the best of her while you, well you were practically an adult and everything was still new to you. But he pledged he'd undo everything that Kai put you through and much like Eri, his end goal for you was to see you smile.

But he wanted to be the one to make you smile because lately, he had noticed his stomach filled with butterflies when around you and sometimes he couldn't help but blush. It was clear what was happening, and that was alright even if he didn't want to admit how he felt about you just yet.

"Heh, sorry about that," he said, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand while nervously chuckling. "I guess I gotta remember you're still working on adjusting to everything. Eri's doing a great job though, right?" he said, turning to look at her.

She smiled before nodding and walking over to you, placing her hand on the top of your knee. "You can trust Lemillion," she said, you felt a little pathetic that your younger sister was trying to comfort you. It should be the other way around.

You brought your lower lip into your mouth, chewing on it before looking up at Mirio who continued to wear a smile. You shifted your gaze back to Eri and sighed. "Um, o-okay," you said, slowly placing your hand in Mirio's.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you safe...sunshine," he promised, wrapping his fingers around your hand. "Uh, heh..." you hesitantly chuckled, a little confused and flustered by the name. But regardless, you allowed him to help you back on your feet. It was strange having someone be so gentle with you after everything you had been through.

"There, that wasn't so bad was it?" he asked and you felt your throat tighten and forced yourself to swallow hard. Your hand was trembling and this almost made him frown, but maybe once you were outside you'd feel better. After all, there was nothing like some fresh air!

"Mm..." you latched onto your lip and your teeth sunk further into it the nearer you got to the door. You could feel how Eri clasped onto your free hand and saw how her smile grew when Mirio cried "Here we go!" before throwing the door open.

And that's how you found yourself here. A gasp escaped when you suddenly heard a buzzing noise and frantically crawled backward. This immediately got Mirio's attention and both him and Eri ran over to you but your eyes were focused on the small honeybee that landed on a nearby flower.

"What's the matter!?" he exclaimed, his face twisted with concern but he noticed how your eyes were locked on the flower and curiously looked at it. That's when he noticed the bee and placed his hands on his hips with a light chuckle. "Huh?" Eri looked at him confused and he reached over to pluck the flower.

The bee remained on it, still desiring to retrieve its nectar and pollinate it in return. "There's nothing to be afraid of," he insisted before sitting down next to you and Eri next to him. You swallowed, not sure whether you trusted his words or not.

The bee flew away a few moments later, making you flinch again. "See?" he said, smiling as he stared at you. The way your hair fell in your face was similar to Eri's and he had the desire to reach over and brush it away.

"Um, can I..." he lifted his hand but frowned when you flinched in response as if he were going to hurt you. But, he didn't take it personally given the fact that he knew about your past and yeah, it did make him a little angry that Kai Chisaki had created such fear in you.

Yet as soon as he touched your hair and gently brushed a piece of it behind your ear, your shoulders slumped and you turned to him with a look of surprise. He sighed at the sight of those beautiful eyes wide and full of curiosity.

"Here," he said, placing the freshly picked flower behind your ear. "There! You look...gorgeous!" he said, although he couldn't help but give a nervous chuckle which was a little strange considering he wasn't one to let his nerves get in the way of anything.

You looked at him with wide eyes. "I...I w-what?" you replied, feeling an abnormal heat course through your cheeks. "Uh heh well..." he rubbed the back of his head. There was no way he was going to confess to you how he felt, then again it wouldn't be very heroic to run away from your feelings.

"It's just been wonderful getting to know you these past few months! Even if you spend most of your time inside, I..." he paused and you watched as his bright blue eyes scanned over your face and immediately stiffened when he placed his hands on the ground and began to lean forward with the intention of kissing you.

Of course, this was unknown to you and you leaned back, unsure of what was happening. Just as you were about to reach out and push him away, Eri stepped in between the two of you and unintentionally blocked Mirio's kiss. Instead of your lips, he ended up kissing her cheek.

"Huh?" he blinked, pulling back immediately as Eri pressed her hand to the side of her face and looked at Mirio with wide curious eyes. "Oops, heh sorry," he said, laughing nervously, he was not expecting that.

"Uh..." you raised your eyebrow, unsure if Mirio had meant to do that or not. Actually, what was he planning on doing? You latched onto your lip and nervously chuckled before shyly standing up. "Uh...I t-think I'm going to go back inside," you said.

Mirio frowned, jumping to his feet. "Wait, I can walk you back!" he insisted with his hand held out. You jumped at the sound of his voice and turned around, looking at him with wide eyes. "Oh n-no, it's alright!" you insisted before looking at Eri.

"I'm sure Eri wants to...stay out here so...I-I'll be fine," you said, trying to offer him a smile but much like your little sister, you found it somewhat difficult to do. "Heh...bye," you shyly waved before walking away leaving Mirio slightly upset.

He lowered his hand, feeling some regret that he had failed to express his feelings for you. "Mm..." Eri noticed the way he was frowning and placed her hand on his leg. "Hm?" he looked down and knew he couldn't spoil Eri's day even if he wasn't the happiest at the moment.

So he smiled and crouched down. "Heh sorry, we'll have fun now, I promise!" he forced his smile to grow bigger but Eri didn't return the happy expression. Instead, she tilted her head. "Is it my fault she doesn't wanna be outside anymore?" she asked and Mirio immediately shook his head.

"No!" he exclaimed, "Of course not, it's just..." he scratched the side of his cheek. "I was trying to get her to...like me," he admitted and Eri blinked a few times. "But, she does like you," she replied making Mirio chuckle and place his hand on her head.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said, and although he knew that Eri might not understand the way that he wanted you to like him, he'd continue to try. After all, it was only a matter of time before you felt comfortable in your new home but even if you didn't, that wouldn't stop him from telling you how he felt eventually.

Me when people try to take my food

I absolutely ADORE your soft as cloud series!!!! Would you add me to the tag list please?<33

Aww yay I'm so glad you like it! You can definitely be add to the tag list