Okay So I’m Watching Circle: Two Worlds Connected And Oh My Goodness I Love This Freaking Show. It

Haven’t been able to fall asleep and the amount of work I need to get done feels too much right now. Feels like I’m probably gonna fail, which makes me feel like shit. But even if I do fail

I could always retake the course. I just don’t want to disappoint people. So what happened was I was taking three courses this semester and prioritized one over the other two causing me to fall behind in both. Now it’s finals week and ima till so fucking behind. So I don’t know if I’ll pass them. And I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t. I’ve almost caught up in one of them but still. Feels like I should just cut my losses and focus on which one I’m more likely to pass. But I want to try. And by trying to do both I might just shoot myself in the foot doing this.

But what if I succeed? What if I fail? If I succeed I’d most likely get a c, if I’m lucky a b. If I fail I could retake the course. Don’t know if I’d still qualify for financial assistance though if I fail these two. I mean I’m not on a scholarship so it’s not that big of a deal I suppose but still. You know I never planned to go to college. Like when I was in school it was expected of me. But school really fucked me up. Had to get As all the time that I’d breakdown over get a b or just a fucking 90%. It wouldn’t matter which assignment, or how many points it was. I would stress over everything. Then I failed a few classes (there were extenuating circumstances that added to this), but it was so freeing. I redid the courses over summer and just felt so alive. The world didn’t implode and I was still alive. It had a lot less impact than I expected. I mean I was still pressured to get good grades but it didn’t hurt as much. Now though getting an A doesn’t feel like an achievement or something that I accomplished, it still just feels like an expectation. So it still hurts when I fail to meet it. And so I decided after graduating that there was no way in hell id go to college. But then I took a single course and honestly enjoyed it. It does help that I qualified for some financial things that cover me for a few years (which really was the deciding factor, it only lasts a set amount of years for me so if I don’t take courses now the money assistance would expire so gotta use it while I can). But old mindsets keep creeping back in. Lack of faith in myself, what could very well be executive dysfunction, mental health issues, just piled up again this semester. Keep thinking I overcame it that I’m doing better and it all comes crashing back. It’s hard. And I don’t know how to tell people that. I just accept my actions as they are and continue on. And I fucked up a lot this semester. But I also did try. There’s also the fact that I get sick when I stress out now. Started happening junior year of high school. On the very last day of school I puked due to stress. Ended up not going cause I couldn’t tell if I was sick or not. Since then whenever I stress out or overthink I puke. I’ve gotten better at managing it but I also have started to get nauseous when anxious so I need to do something. I’ve been meaning to meditate consistently but it’s the consistent part I’m having trouble with. Though I do think it would help. So I guess I’m just worried. And I still have all the work I need to do. I know I’m gonna try but if I fail anyway it’s gonna hurt so much. But I’ll be prepared for next time. No matter the outcome I’ll be prepared for next time. Okay, yeah. I’ll be okay. Sorry just needed to vent. Needed a moment to breathe.

I give all my mutuals full access to boop me as many times as you want. I’m a free use boop slut

Do we submit reasons for the poll characters here? If not then sorry for the long character spiel.

I know there’s hardly any time left for this but I just wanted to send this in to protect one of my comfort characters. Guo Changcheng. For the greenest flag category. So he’s basically just a literal puppy. Thrown to the wolves on his first day of work, he tries hard to connect and help out his coworkers. Clumsy and a bit lost most times, he will do his best to cheer anyone up. Constantly taking notes so that he can be of better help and being the one who always comforts others. He tries his absolute hardest to learn so that he can protect his friends, so much so that it can be detrimental to himself. Has literally pushed through death defying experiences and injuries just to give strangers comfort. (Next part could spoil but only if one knows the show. I don’t think it spoils anything with the way it’s written but just want to write this just in case.) He won’t let you die alone, even if it kills him.

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My rambles about Ossan’s Love Thai version.

Honestly I’m loving it. I can handle the comedy and it’s not too hard for me to watch. (Note: I get really bad secondhand embarrassment. I used to have to physically leave the room when watching things cause of how painful it is for me. I’m able to handle more now but still kinda curl into a ball and plug my ears during certain scenes. It hasn’t happened yet for me in this show so I am so happy I can fully handle it. I still enjoy shows I get secondhand embarrassment, such as Bad & Crazy. Amazing but I digress.) Anyway, I absolutely love the comedy and characters. It’s just so fun. I’ve tried to watch the Japanese version but haven’t been able to handle it on my own with the secondhand embarrassment so I’m glad to still be able to experience the story. I’m sure they’re both great. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s just my little pick me up for the week. Okay I’m done rambling. Tiramasee you soon! (<- this is a joke in reference to a musical improv show I saw where this was sang at the end. Let’s just say it was a beautiful in the moment piece).

Random thoughts on 4 minutes the series. Spoilers for episode 6.

Well this Great is kinda adorable in his unhinged way. Ah, he’s trying so hard. Now Great had no idea what would happen if he tried to save Nan and Tyme. Like he had no reason to think these random guys with guns would stop for him. Dude’s scared, always has been. This show is so gonna break me by the end of it. Tonkla though, good on him. Doing exactly what he had planned. He got what he wanted but now what? What’s he gonna do now? Dome is still gone and now so are the perpetrators. So now that he’s got nothing left and no goal to go towards, what will he do? Also did Great’s mom do something to Korn’s mom? She mentioned how if she didn’t do what she did they would have had to live in hiding as mistress and son. What did she do? So many questions. I wonder how this is going to go. 2 episodes left.

Ah my mind is too much for me right now so let’s see, what should I ramble about? Ah I can’t think of anything at the moment so this is gonna be one of those existential crises posts. This will include topics that may trigger readers so please do not read if you think this will affect you. This is your final warning, please do not continue reading as this deals with mature topics and sad feelings.

Okay. Here I go. How do people live knowing they will one day die? It took me a while to fully understand that I wanted to live and now I’m scared of death. I really hope there is an afterlife. If there isn’t I guess the point of life is the experience itself. We’re all headed to the same place in the end. I guess one thing that helps is that I won’t be alone in facing it as this is something we all will face. I don’t know how to deal with this viewpoint. When I go out I just see the ending making it hard to enjoy the present. And I guess the ending scares me. But I shouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying myself. Life is beautiful. If there is nothing after the end that would honestly be a damn shame. Experience can be overloading, good, bad, it’s just a whole mess. But I love it, I love being able to feel, to connect, and be with other beings. So I guess I pray to whichever entity I believe in that they do exist. Cause I don’t want this to be the end.

Ah okay I guess this helped me get rid of some thoughts. Have a wonderful day/night.

Random thoughts on 4 minutes the series. Spoilers for episode 5.

Just feeling this overwhelming sadness while watching 4 minutes the series. Cause the happiness feels like it’s gonna break so soon.

Ah, is that the happiness shattering? TvT

Going onto [insert random streaming service] to finish watching a show I started… only to find its no longer there. Removed with no warning, and I now I’m left to grasp at straws. TvT

Alas, why. Oh well, time to search for it on other streaming services I hopefully have

Okay this is just a neat lil vent post. So the rest is just me rambling about random things.

Okay I’ve warned you and you’re still reading for some reason so uh hi. My brain’s just been a little too loud for me recently. Ah I guess I can talk about my blog lore. The reason I created this was when I was going through an existential crisis and just needed an outlet. And rambling about shows helped. So now when my mind is too loud I tuck into this tiny corner and wrap myself up in happiness. It’s sorta comforting. I’ve never been good at writing in a journal but for some reason just typing like this helps. Puts my mind at ease and lets me rant about my interests. It’s calming.

Been listening to the song alive by rose on loop for the past few days cause I need the stimulation and no other noise was working. On a side note I only found the song a few days ago as well. It’s nice. Kinda reminds me of the Christian music I heard as a kid. Side note: I grew up Christian, now though I don’t really believe but still view it as part of me. Even if I can’t believe old habits and mindsets remain. it's a comfort i miss but not one i find myself regaining. not yet anyway

on another note i get sick when im stressed. or overthinking. or both. stress now makes me physically ill so ive been trying to find ways to stop that from happening. the way it makes me ill is typically me vomiting. so now im trying out meditation. it seems to help a bit but maybe i should do it more to decreass my stress sooner then letting it build up. i guess i just need to get more used to it. calming myself. not tensing as much.

ah im compiling a list of dramas i watch with detective in the name. i love my detective dramas so i find it fun. now, not all of these i have watched yet but they match so: (^w^) hehe~ anyway: zombie detective, vampire detective, ghost detective, insect detective. so many with similar titles and i love them. my roommate is a detective is also in the list but i want to do the most similar titles first and then extend it. ah i love zombie detective so much. and vampire detective has a beautiful team who protect each other to hell and back and i am here for it. man i need to finish that show.

ah im feeling better so i shall get going for now. Have a wonderful day/night!

My thoughts on the Me and Who Series Trailer.

Isekai? -slams open door- say no more! I am here. And I am intrigued.

Honestly I think it looks so fun. Fun, silly goofy, and just like a good time. I liked the actors in Monster Next Door ( no I haven’t finished that show yet, shhh, quiet) so I think they’ll be just as good in the new one. But I don’t really follow actors so I’m just there for the story and man does it look fun. Got some isekai, bit of mind reading (makes me wonder if anyone else has powers), magic (I’m assuming the stones are magic, not like an in depth thought of anything. I’m literally just spouted out whatever I feel), ah I can’t wait. Welp that’s all I want to say. Have a marvelous day/night!