OPINIONS

TW : VIOLENCE AGAINST ANIMALS//DEATH

SPOILER ALERT FOR FLEABAG

I keep thinking about the scene where Fleabag tells Boo about the 11 year old boy who was put in juvie because he inserted the rubber part of the pencil up a hamster's rectum, and instead of making a joke about it or saying something on the lines of how he deserved it, Boo is surprised that they didn't provide him with proper mental health care. She tells Fleabag that he obviously wasn't happy, because "happy" people don't do things like that - he should've been given help instead of a punishment. She says the entire point of pencils having an eraser at the end is cause people make mistakes.

Now flash forward to the future where Fleabag tells people how Boo died - she wanted to make her boyfriend feel guilty for cheating on her by getting admitted to a hospital for light injuries, she did not want die by suicide, but unfortunately that wasn't how it went - and we realise that Boo made a mistake, and it wasn't one that could be corrected using an eraser. That is also when we realise that Boo wasn't a "happy" person either, because "happy" people don't do that.

Instead of demonizing her for emotional manipulation, or blaming her for dying, Fleabag is compassionate and that is one of the million reasons why I love this show.

List of movies I want to watch but cannot find ANYWHERE

Billy Elliott

Vita and Virginia

Looking for Langston

Rafiki

yes, I'm sex and kink positive, and yes I believe that the minimum age for people to start having sex must be atleast 16 - and yes, these can exist together.

I can talk about the problematic aspects of hook up culture and want to have casual sex and support casual sex at the same time. the problematic part (or atleast one of-) of hook up is this belief that sex is purely physical, purely mechanical - like, you follow these steps to reach the orgasm and stage and then you're done and you up and leave. But no, that's not what it is. Sex is so much more than that - sex also involves emotional, psychological attachment, and that has nothing to do with gender. When someone tells you to have sex with people, only whom you trust and that sex is so much more than simply, well, "sex", they're not shaming you (unless they actually are, then fuck them), they're telling you the truth. Sex does affect your psyche, that's why this 'humping and dumping' culture where there's no aftercare or no communication is WRONG - that does impact your emotional health negatively.

What I hate, one thing, about wattpad books is that most of the time, writers write about a player who has sex with girls and leaves before they wake up to show lack of romantic attachment, and later on portray those girls as clingy/whiney people who don't understand the concept behind one night stands. There are SO MANY things wrong with that.

1. Sex takes an emotional toll on the so called player too. There's always a backstory, which is why they're using sex as an escape mechanism. But instead of using that backstory to justify that assholeness, try and talk about mental health properly, urgh.

2. Upping and leaving after having sex doesn't show a lack of romantical connection - you don't have to hump and dump in the fear that you'll form a romantic connection. Staying is important because of the emotional attachment formed when you have sex with someone.

3. Emotional attachment after sex doesn't have a gender. And it's harmful to all genders if you perpetuate this bullshit. Girls can be into one night stands and casual sex without being romantically attracted to the person immediately afterwards and boys can feel romantically attracted to the person right after a one night stand. Fuck these stereotypes/tropes.

Having casual sex or one night stands isn't "cool", it's just a thing. It's not a cool thing, it's not a bad thing, it's just a t h i n g, with absolutely no morality attached to it. And so is not having sex - that's also simply a thing. Waiting for a special person to have sex with isn't "lame", isn't bad and not wanting to have sex at all - whatever the reason - is also VALID. Being sex positive means supporting all of this, not just one night stands and being against slut shaming.

WARNING FOR ACEPHOBIA AND AROPHOBIA

People "pitying" partners of asexual people because they believe their "needs" aren't being met are FUCKING TRASH AND SHOULD GO FUCKING PUNCH THEMSELVES IN THE FACE. Sex is not necessary for a relationship to be meaningful and valid. Sex is only an extra, for some people, it's an extra they need and for some people, it's unnecessary. Sex is not a "need" - nothing will happen to you if you don't get sex (I'm not talking about the influence of mental health on sex rn, that's a different topic altogether), except for the fact that you might remain horny most of the time, which is a YOU thing, not an another person thing. If you can't live without sex, that's on you, keep it to yourself, don't go making other people feel bad just because you want sex.

An asexual person and a sexual person can be in a long lasting, happy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship BECAUSE SEX IS NOT NECESSARY FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO BE THAT. A sexual person and another sexual person who doesn't want to have sex ever because of whatever reasons can be in a long lasting, happy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship because again, I reiterate the same.

And this might be an unpopular opinion, but breaking up with someone whom you've been in a long time relationship with, been in love with each other, like properly - just because the other person is asexual or doesn't want sex is fucked up. It. Is. Fucked. Up. It's shitty, it's mean and it's insensitive.

Yes, yes I know how people do say you deserve to be with someone who understands your kinks and lets you explore them and be comfortable in them, and that you deserve sexual gratification in a relationship - and that's valid too, but not at the expense of people who're sex aversive. And these posts don't even talk about asexual people, they need to be more inclusive. Moreover, being kinky and being asexual can exist together cause asexual people can be into kink. Kink is more than sex, it's about the feeling, so all that matters is communication and understanding between people. Sex isn't everything.

Breaking up with someone because you need sex is a personal choice, personal decision to make - but breaking up with them by making them feel bad for not being able to "fulfill your needs" is shitty and messed up.

Demonizing aromantic people who're allosexual by perpetuating microaggressions such as "oh you can have how much ever sex you want without being attached to the person" is arophobic and insensitive. And so is saying stuff like they're being a predator or objectifying people or sexualising people. Sexual attraction isn't a bad thing. How do you suppose are going to learn the importance of consent, and safe, sane and comfortable sex if you can't make a difference between objectification and thinking that someone is sexy? If you can't make a difference between wanting to have sex with someone and being a predator?

There are so many nuances and it's important to acknowledge all of them.

Me : *watching something in peace*

My grandpa : ayyy, what's this ridiculous thing you're watching, change it and watch something else - there are so many good movies blah blah blah

Me : *thinks back to when he was watching a movie where a few misogynistic assholes were talking about a girl as if she was sex object, slut shaming her and literally texting her asking if the b in her name stood for blow job*

Me : I don't know why but I have a feeling your version of "good" and my version of "good" are quite different,,,,,,

reasons to live-

The last few seasons of Grey's Anatomy

The stack of unread books at home

Yet to write love letters to all my best friends

Diana and Kuttus and kitties

Haven't got enough of eating certain food items

People in my life

Boating

Bianelle

Louis releasing COACOAC and Change

Reading COAGDP again

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why is my feed like this 😭💀

Artist: @pinkbits on Instagram. 

I wrote this back when I had this image as my wallpaper -

 How do I make people understand the significance of the image I’ve chosen as my background picture? It definitely isn’t pornographic, which people don’t seem to comprehend because their teeny tiny minds can’t understand that nudity doesn’t inherently mean dirty, neither does is it automatically become sexual.

 The image speaks to me, it means a lot to me because of various reasons; it is body positive. A seemingly short-ish fat girl (I assume, I cannot say for sure) with curly hair just screams MEEE. The girl is throwing her hands up in the air as if she has no care – she’s confident in her body and isn’t shrinking herself for the thin gaze. She openly celebrates her fat body. The image taught me that fat nude bodies needn’t be hidden, fat nude bodies aren’t something to be ashamed of, fat nude bodies can be beautiful and sexy. It taught me to own my body.

The statements ‘More to have’, ‘More to give’ and ‘More to love’ are fat positive, it is accepting of fat bodies, it is celebratory of fat bodies and moreover there is no underlying shame or insecurity.

#FreeTheNipple – there is no reason why breasts should be censored, nipples should be censored, there is no reason why you shouldn’t exhibit your body if you want to. If cis male nipples aren’t censored, why are non-cis male nipples? There is absolutely no valid reason for this. The image is a big, fat (no pun intended) fuck you to the anti-#FreeTheNipple, slut shame-y and nudity=pornography bullshit.

The image is seemingly of a non-cis man and therefore the armpit hair becomes a statement. Body hair is natural, body hair is okay, body hair is normal, body hair is not disgusting, you do not have to shave if you don’t want to, its your choice and only your choice. There is absolutely no shame in showing off your armpit hair.

  This image is a powerful, radical statement; it is a loud, proud message; it is much more than a naked girl – it is of a naked girl, it also is much, much, much more. But even if it wasn’t, the image would still be as powerful since for some, nudity is empowering and confidently owning your naked body is empowerment. Not only does the image remind me of myself, but it also helped me evolve myself. One picture is worth a thousand words, after all.  

 Fin.

Tomorrow's a sunday and I've literally spent my weekend the same way I spend the rest of my days and I feel this chronic boredom and it's choking me and I was so fucking upset and I want to cry because I'm wasting my life and not doing anything worthwhile.

funny (not really) how the same people who find certain professions/occupations "dishonorable" and "degrading" have no issue availing services of the people who do those jobs. If you want to avail someone's services, respect what they do or fuck off.

“Blood may be thicker than water, but shared community and experience are thicker than both” – Alice Austen Lived Here, Alex Gino.

In this world, we keep hearing how important it is to function as a society. We create arbitrary norms about relationships, marriage and gender, and thrust people onto a stage where their true selves can never be exposed - where they have to live a performance. Ironically, it those who perform their lives, their identity, that truly live – queer people, living loudly, who thrive as a community. From lived experience – however short that may be – I have witnessed connections bloom in under seconds between queer people in a way I have never between cishet people; mutual aid, a no-questions-asked kind of support, a sense of belonging, of security, of authenticity pervades queer gatherings and relationships.

As discussions arose about amatonormativity and relationship anarchy, I came to a startling realization that amatonormativity, however ingrained, dominates cishet circles very differently from how it exists in queer spaces. To be queer is to be a part of something much larger than you; it is to find kindred spirits in people ten years younger and twenty-five years older than us; it is to know that I am we, and we are one; it is to be tethered to people who lived a century ago who never used the words we do now, but lived our existences; it is to understand that who we are don’t start or end with us – we are from a long line of survivors who fought to be seen, to be heard, and thus, as a patient tells April Kepner on Grey’s Anatomy, it is our duty to practice ‘tikkun olam’, to endeavor to put together the rest of this broken world for our fellow baby queers. In the end, what it means for individuals is that our community makes us stronger, prouder.

And because of this, while monogamous romantic/+sexual relationships are placed at the top of a hierarchy even amongst queer people, it is not as much a fixed triangle as cishet relationships of the same type are. Because being queer is about finding our non-biological family; and the people we choose on our journey to be our people inspire our identity, shape our life, and establish bonds which cannot be unglued. Friendships between queer people transcend false beliefs about platonic relationships. Because of a long history of disownment, estrangement, and exclusion from biological relations and peers, queer communities are a family in their own right. As we see in Anne With An E, You Me Her, Glee, and so, so many other shows, queer people need other queer people – not just for emotional support, but to know where we come from, to belong, to learn, and to know what could be.

Unfortunately, amatonormativity does persist in monogamous, polyamorous, queer and cishet relationships – and it can only be destroyed with reclaiming our autonomy, destroying long-held beliefs, banning the institution of marriage (just kidding… maybe), and the rise of community. Fortunately, this baby has started walking beautifully (was that an intentional wordplay on ‘baby steps’? Yes, yes it was. Mighty proud of it, I am); all we now need is a village to nurture this baby.

-kpm