Duke, You Precious Man 😌

name: whatever

age: 25+ y/o

pronouns: he/him (they/them is fine too)

fandom: cod

other interests: gaming, webcomics, manga, anime, conventions, writing, youtube (fooster, insym, gronkh and more), art, music (lots of punk)

my ask is open

my ghoap playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3M4zkvPRnLbgF6sM2nBMka?si=8affbabdc349447f

my cod fanfics:

1. Scared of the Dark [completed]: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48170800/chapters/121474507

2. In my Scope [on going]: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50164864/chapters/132591490

3. One Shot, Letter to Johnny [completed]: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55109887

tiktok for stupid videos:

https://www.tiktok.com/@whatev_i_guess?_t=8m5WNlIhmuf&_r=1

instagram for cosplay photos:

https://www.instagram.com/whatev_i_guess?igsh=MTNtNDdkb2F5bms3

anonymous questions link (answered on ig):

https://ngl.link/whatev_i_guess1

We need more Duke Thomas in our lives ✊😔

duke thomas sighting / batober

Ouch. This hurts a bit 🥲👍

"Why'd the soldier run into the demo site before it went down?"

Soap sighed, throwing a long suffering glance to his Lieutenant. He shifted his grip on his rifle. He could pretend he didn't hear the man but... either morbid curiosity or masochism won out. He wasn't sure which. "Why?"

"To C-4 himself."

"Awful."

"More?"

"As if you'd stop if I said 'no'." Years of practice kept a smile off his face. In all the time Soap had known Ghost, the man's sense of humor had remained steadfastly terrible.

Their unit advanced. Ghost and Soap were in the lead, spread far enough to need comms to talk, but close enough to signal one another if need be. Their men fanned out behind them.

"You hear 'bout the microwave incident on base?" Ghost's voice had taken on an ethereal quality.

Glancing over again, Soap spared a moment to admire the other man's silhouette against the muted orange glow filtering through the trees. He deftly stepped over branches and around trees. Rifle at the ready. Always ready.

Soap had missed this. Missed him. Missed them.

Soap hadn't blown up a microwave for fun in much too long. He hadn't had time, too desperate to fix things. Things were fixed. He'd need to change that when they got back. "Go on."

"Lost two kernels in a popcorn explosion."

"Tragic. Your jokes are painful, Lt."

"I'm just warming up."

Good. "That's a worrying statement."

"'Fraid of a good time, Johnny?"

"Afraid your jokes'll be the death of me."

"You could only hope so."

Trees and branches created illusory enemies as the trudged through the wood, but their trained eyes and steel nerves kept their small platoon from panicking. Sure-footed, they kept searching.

Soap offered one of his own. "What do you call an officer who spends too much time at the head?"

"What?"

"A loo-tenant."

"Not bad." A pause, Soap had just begun to soak in the praise when Ghost continued. "Not good either."

"Fucker. Yours're no better."

"I'm much better."

You are. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Why's there no winning a war with zombies?"

"Ghost." Soap's warning fired off nearly unbidden. He didn't like where this joke was headed. Behind him he heard one of his men misstep, a twig snapping. Perhaps the cause of his warning had been mistaken.

"Cause it's dead even."

"No. Too topical, Ghost. Don't like that one."

Minute crackling from the smoldering world around them filled the uncomfortable silence that followed his outburst.

"Lighten up, Johnny." Easy for him to say.

"I'll try, Sir."

"Heard the Navy is the most religious military branch. 'Parently they love a good warship."

***

Why did they have to use comms? Why did they have to keep that thing around?

The Sergeant was a freak, but at least he was still human. Still alive.

"Hnnnnnnggggrrrrrrraaaaahh." The fucking monster that had once been their Lieutenant moaned, scratchy and split. It traveled through the smoke unnaturally, fraying the nerves of the men it led.

"Go on."

"Rrrrrah arrrrrrrrnnnnnn."

"Tragic. Your jokes are painful, Lt."

It still moved like a man, from a distance you'd never know.

But the sounds. Why did they keep it? It was one of them.

"Eyuhm. Mruuuuaaammm."

"That's a worrying statement."

Why the hell did the fucking thing moan into comms? Why did the Sergeant respond like it was talking? Why did they all have to pretend they weren't being led to their deaths by a fucking Zombie and a mutant who'd lost his mind?

"No. Too topical, Ghost. Don't like that one."

MacTavish's snap quieted the monster for a moment. Holy shit he could breath again.

"Ahhmff. Ohnneeee."

"I'll try, Sir."

The beast began to moan again, it floated back to them, broken bloodied nails against his nerves. It crackled through their comms. It was destroying him. "I can't fucking take this anymore!"

Both freaks rounded on him. He leveled his gun at the former Lieutenant.

"Corporal Evans, what the fuck?" Sergeant MacTavish snarled. Green eyes mutely glowing.

"That fucking thing keeps moaning. He's dead, he's one of them! Why are we pretending he isn't?"

The Sergeant was moving before Evans could even blink. Evans fired off a shot but it went wide, nowhere near his target, as the Sergeant laid hands on him.

Green smoke emanated from the mutant, eyes glowing fiercely as he threw Evans into a tree and held him there. Pain in his collar bone and a loud crack told him it had been broken.

The Sergeant barked something at him, but his ears were ringing too loudly and his mind was clouded. He must've hit his head against the tree.

***

"Heard a shot, boys. Report."

"Evans lost his damn mind and took a shot at Ghost." Soap spat. He was ready to rip the Corporal limb from limb, the traitor would deserve it.

"He hit?"

A hand landed on his shoulder. A bloodied skeleton print glove, missing the ring finger and revealing grayed flesh and blood caked under the nail.

Toxic green met milky white. Ghost's eyes still conveyed such intense emotions. He was worried about the shot and yelling giving away their position. He was feigning indifference to being targeted. He was angry about Soap losing his head.

"Ohnee. Rauhghh."  Ghost's voice echoed within Soaps mind as well. 'Johnny. Cool it.'

"Ghost's fine. Shot missed."

"Hhhnnnnaowww."

Soap rolled his eyes and dutifully translated for the others. "Apparently I just broke Evans's collar bone."

Price grunted before ordering. "Right. Bring him back in one piece, he'll be dealt with later."

Two of the others had stepped up. Zip-cuffs and duct tape in hand. There'd be no more outbursts from Evans, then.

"He probably got heated because you're not translating for us, Soap. I'm missin' his comedy gold." Gaz piped up.

Ghosts exposed mouth was one of the benefits to his condition, he refused to use a different mask since the incident. His slack, broken jaw didn't stop him from smiling.

"Hnnh hnnhh huaaaaaarrrrrnnnnnghuhh."

Soap closed his eyes and centered himself. Things had been so touch and go for so long. Theyd kept Ghost caged because they didn't know they could still trust him. No one could hear him. When The Director had offered to change that, in exchange for Soap participating in a few experiments, he'd jumped on it. Hearing the man in his own mind now, he could never regret it. Even if the damn respirator on his face could never be removed.

" 'Picasso used to drive a tank. Was known for art-illery.' Sure you want me to keep translating?"

"Terrible, Sir."

"Fucking hell, Simon, that was bad."

A few of the men around them laughed or chuckled. None would look either officer in the eye though.

"I was trying to save you all." Soap said before taking his position back up and letting his men handle Evans.

They resumed their advance through the smoldering wood.

Duke comes home one day from school looking down in the dumps and a bunch of paper work.

"Hey Duke, what's all that paper work for?" Dick asks from the couch as Duke sets the foot tall pile of papers on the coffee table.

"Oh you know, just, bullies making me do their work." The whole room freezes.

Bullies?

"Duke, you're being bullied?" Duke seems to realize his mistake of words. Instead of the excuse he made up to tell them about how he missed a lot of work because of Signal work, he said the truth which was the fact that he had bullies.

"Erm-"

"Duke, why didn't you tell us?" Dick nearly whines out, hurt his foster-brother didn't tell him about having bullies.

"No- guys, it's okay. Seriously. You don't have to do anything about it. Seriously." He eyes Bruce from where the man was about to type in *probably* the school's number to complain.

"Why not? We can deal with those punks for you. Are they being racist or some'n?" Jason crosses his arms, standing in front of Duke with a raised brow.

"A little. But seriously, it's nothing I can't handle."

Bruce rubs his temple.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you can handle this?"

"Yes."

"Thomas, just know, we can step in whenever." Duke turns a smile towards Damian, and places his hand on Cass's when she hugs him from behind.

"Hey- it's the weekend. Let me handle those papers since I've got nothing to do and I'm ban from case work." Tim says, holding his hand out.

"Uh- okay?" Duke hands him the stack, thinking nothing of it, because it's Tim.

Tim takes a look through the papers, scrunching his face a bit before shrugging, a smirk appearing on his face.

"Uh- should I be worried?" Tim looks at him and waves him off. "Nah, don't worry 'bout it. I got this handled."

Uh. Okay?

------------

The following Monday, Duke shows up and puts his stuff in his locker.

Or at least he was until it was slammed shut.

"Hey Thomas. Got our work?" Turning around, Duke faced his three bullies; seniors Clint Rodriguez (the "big dog" as he called himself) and his lackies, Arion Centry and Pete Swinez.

"N-No.."

"No? Where is it, bitch? I told you to have it done by Monday." Rodriguez held him up to the locker. "Oh you mean these papers?"

Turning around, there stood Timothy Drake-Wayne; two three time nepo-baby and the biggest reputation in the school. The real life Regina George and Heather Chandler. He was with his two best friends, also big popular kids and his two Gretchen Wieners, Karen Smith, and Heathers.

"Drake." The mere face of him made the trio seethe. "Hah! You should see your face right now. Anyways, I did your college essays for you, hope you enjoy them. Would be a shame if you had to repurchase the papers for them."

Tim tosses them in the air, and everyone watches as they all fall to the ground.

"What the hell did you do."

"Oh, ya know, the basics of what you should put. Also, this your girl?" A girl, a cheerleader, goes and slides herself under Tim's arm.

"Babe!?"

"Sorry, Clint, but I have a reputation, people can't know we dated. Also, Tim's better looking and a better kisser." Morgan Letto, another popular nepo-baby in Gotham High, turns and kisses Tim right in the hallway, before stalking off.

Tim's trio laughs at their faces.

"Hey! You should probably pick these up, ya know, since they have your names on them. Wouldn't want to get sent to the principles for littering the school. Bad reputation means you can't go to Princeton." Bernard says.

"Or Oxford, or Harvard. See ya losers!" Ives laughs along with Bernard and Tim as they walk through the halls.

As if a bomb dropped, the three seniors scramble to pick up hundreds of papers worth of applications.

" "I'm racist towards black people because they're below white people like me" " Someone reads off of one paper down the hall.

" "I use grades that aren't mine that I bully people into doing for me." " Another person reads nearby.

"Give me those!"

Duke is left standing there, struck by the scene that just unfolded before his eyes.

He didn't know what to say, do, or act.

Should he laugh? Play it off? Call Bruce? Or Tim? Or anyone? Get picked up?

It's fine. It's just one day. Right?

------------

Lunch time rolls around.

Duke is sitting at his table with his friends eating. They were prime targets for Clint and his group.

As if on cue, the three stride up.

"Hey Thomas, got Tim Drake to do your work for you, huh? Well guess what?"

He was spun around and picked up by the collar, his two friends being held back by Arion and Pete.

"You ain't getting away with it here." Clint grits out. Of course he chose the cafeteria, the pretty much only place teachers don't monitor 24/7 and is void of any supervision, even with every grade in there for lunch.

Clint set Duke down and lined his fist up ready to punch him. Duke flinched as the fist came swinging.

"Hey loser!"

Cheers and shocked 'Oooh!'s were heard from around. He squinted one eye open and saw food fall from Clint's red face and a tray in Tim's right hand.

"Woops! Sorry! Guess my hand slipped!" That got a laugh from the crowd. Tim set the tray down and pat Duke's should before stalking towards Clint.

Duke saw behind them at the far wall where everyone could see Ives and Bernard setting three trays of food down (The senior trio's trays).

"You'll pay for that, Drake!" Clint took a swing, which Tim dodged easily and side sweeped him onto his knees.

Ives and Bernard did the same to Arion and Pete.

The three took the seniors by the hair and dragged them to the trays the two laid out previously.

Cameras went up and Duke watched in muted awe and terror at what Tim was doing. Was Tim really like this when he still went to high school? He was a junior now and he dropped out sophomore year? Was he like this as a freshman?

The three pushed the seniors faces into the trays.

"Since you're the big dog maybe you should eat like a real dog then, bitch. Here's some kibble. Dogs enjoy this one!" Tim poured dog kibble onto Clint's tray, seeing as his face turns redder and shows more humiliation than he's ever seen on anyone.

"Eat it, bitch! Like the dog you are! Or start barking and begging for forgiveness!" Tim says it through his teeth in such a grueling tone it sends shivers down Duke's spine.

"Hey Arion! If you actually did your work, you'd know that your name is a horse in Greek Myth. So maybe you should neigh like one too! Neigh, neigh. Get to eating horsey! You should start prancing for the rodeo. Giddey'yup!" Ives mocks him pushing his head into the tray over and over.

"Swinez? More like Swine-ez! Oink-oink! You stink like a pig. And you're eating like one too! Ewwww! Disgusting. Hahahahhaha!" Bernard's name change made the whole cafeteria roar in laughter.

What made the laughter stronger was when the three brought out collars with leashes and attached them to it.

"Come boys! Start walking like the animals you are!" Tim called, pulling on Clint's leash, dragging him mostly until Clint got up and started crawling in front of him.

Everytime they tried to get up, the three juniors were behind them to push them down to the ground again.

Almost everyone was recording.

"Look everyone! Look at our new pets!" Ives called out.

"If you know any better, you three better keep your collars on. You should better than to make your owners mad!" Bernard barked out a laugh.

"I think, you guys should start speaking in woofs, neighs, and oinks from now on. Especially, when we make you ask forgiveness to those you bullied." Tim said, grabbing the collar and forcing Clint to look at Duke.

The bell rang, lucky for those three.

"Woops! Looks like the fun's over! You better clean up for mess! Wouldn't want to make the janitors work more." Tim walked off. "Or look like complete idiots with all that gunk on your face." Bernard said as he and Ives followed Tim.

------------

Later, when Duke got home, he was silent. Bruce was silent too, despite him being the one Duke expected to ask about the bullies since he slipped up and told them.

"Hey Duke, how was school? Did they mess with you again?" Dick asked.

He looked at him, then at the rest of his siblings, noting Tim wasn't there, swallowed and shook his head.

"N-Not really."

"Not really?" Jason looked confused, as did the rest of them.

Before Duke could explain more, Tim came in laughing, tossing his bag on a couch before hopping on Bruce's arm rest.

"Bruce! You won't believe what I did today." Bruce looked at him and smirked. Smirked.

Tim relayed the entire story of what he, Bernard, and Ives did to Clint, Arion, and Pete. Bruce looked proud and the rest looked shocked.

"My reputation still stands even after I've been gone a year!" Tim seemed very proud of that.

"Atta boy!" Bruce ruffled his hair. "Yes, here's the tray of cookies you were promised all to yourself, master Tim." Alfred handed him a whole plate of cookies. "Thank you!"

"What!?"

"Hold on! He gets a whole plate of cookies for that? Why isn't he in trouble!? When did you enroll back?" Jason was beyond furious.

"Tim had a reputation in school for being like that towards bullies. Which is why no one bullied anyone with him around. Guess they all came back when he was gone. Duke didn't want us doing anything, and he didn't expect Tim to do anything because you all think he's a goody two shoes, so I sent my calvary in." Bruce explained.

Tim laughed at their faces.

"Oh please! I'm just getting started with them! Just wait till the end of the week. Then! I'll be done with them and they won't ever come back to the school."

Stories/Prompts List:

[In General Prompts]: |Moving On (Character moving on and away from the toxic people/places)

[Encanto]: |Everybody (in Town) Loves Mirabel

[Genshin Impact/Encanto prompt]: |Anemo Mirabel idea (Quick idea)

[DP]: |Rather Not |Middle Name |Entrance and Exists |New Title Idea

[DPxDC]: 2023 Prompt Lists 1 2023 Prompt Lists 2 2023 Prompt Lists 3 |Our Well Deserved Break (Danny decides he and a bunch of stressed out hero teens need a weekend break from…well everything.) |Supersons vs Ghost Gal (It started with Grandma’s Kent Cookies) (Jon is punished for stealing cookies and ropes in Damian to prove he’s innocent by catching the thief… Only there is a certain traveling ghost whose the thief who may or may not wanna troll them now) (read notes) |Uncle Damian Mode ACTIVATE (Twins!Damian and Danny, baby!Danielle, hints of good mom Talia. READ NOTES) (Damian is having a normal patrol… Until Danny shows up with a baby and going to hunt down a fruitloop for trying to clone him… Damian is going to be the best uncle) |Possessed Pearl’s (Danny finds a ghost needing help. Martha has a chance to get herself home to Gotham) |Ghosties and Black Bats (Hinted CassxDanny) (Danny gets a call from Dani and goes to help only to see a rather kick butt lady doing the job, and oh boy Fenton genes are in high gear) |Mystery Spouse (Dannyx???) (Danny and [Any Bat of choosing] get into a whirlwind romance and marry… they just forgot to tell their families though) |Presence Pressure (Twins!Danny and Damian) (Danny figures out how to hid himself from his adopted parents and the GIW radar, only he didnt take into account that they might pick up his twin’s corrupted ectopalsm) |Our Strengths (Danny and his family are taken by the GIW. Sam and Tucker hack and blackmail their way to save their best friend and his family) |Drake Siblings (Tim gets a call from a little Jasmine Fenton and finds out he has a half brother named Danny.) (Danny and Jazz are adopted Fenton. Danny is the son of Jack Drake and Dana Winter-Drake btw) |In Luminous Green Glow (TaliaxDanny) (Danny, CW’s apprentice, is inspecting a Pits, only to meet a blade to his neck) |Bittersweet and Sweetheart Exes (Past TaliaxBrucexDanny) (Talia and Bruce are bittersweet exes to each other but towards Danny he’s their sweetheart ex) |Family Resemblance (Daniel Wayne was kidnapped the night his and Bruce’s parents were killed. Years later Bruce gets a call from Damian about two possible poorly made clones or hidden blood children. Meanwhile Dan and Elle Fenton are calling their dad about a possible Vlad clone surviving) |The Amazing Adventures of Tim Drake and Little Baby Man Danny. AKA two feral raccoons loose on Gotham (Little Tim Drake makes a friend when stalking the Bats… and feral vibes with the baby man Danny) |One in the Same (Tim is tossed in the Pit during his RR run, and wakes his memories of being Danny Fenton/Phantom… and ponders what to do next to mess with the fruitloop Ra’s) |Fenton Coded (Tim discovers he’s not a Drake by blood… and he’s not a Wayne (like he and others suspected) but is a Fenton) (past DannyxJanet) |Ghost With Heartbeats (maybe Dead on Main?) (hinted Deaged Dani) (Jason used to have a penpal, a kid named Danny Fenton. Then he dead, came back and the thought of writing to his friend was forgotten… until he finds all the letter’s Alfred saved. Even letters Danny wrote to Jason after his death) |Invites (Hinted Dani(Ellie)xDamianxJon) (Wrath aka Ellie comes to the Watchtower to complain about a Ball being hosted in the Infinite Realms) |Kidnapped Persephone Style (JasonxDanny. Dead on Main) (Tim witness Jason being taken by a ghostly knight and tells the rest of the Batfam) |Gray and Graysons (Siblings Danny and Dick)(Dick remembers his baby brother before he had been given to the childcare system, so he isn’t ready to see him years later at the Watchtower as one of the new engineer hires) |Siblings Behavior (Ghost King Danny/Dad Danny)(the Ghost King summons the two factions of the DC verse, to talk about his two kids Wrath and Wisp) |Feral Gremlins VS Fruitloops (Deaged Danny and Tim) (Danny and Tim are deaged by their dumb Fruitloops, the two feral things meet and decide to team up and escape) |Mama Bat (Deaged Danny and Mama Cass)(Cass finds a baby in Hong Kong before being yeeted back to Gotham with baby stuff and a glowing sticky note) |The Flow of Time (Deaged Tim) (CW takes matters into his own hands when he spots a deaged Tim timeline where his family fails to save him from Ra’s plans) |Once Upon A Time… (Hinted JasonxDanny. Dead on Main) (Ghost Robin!Jason finds a sleeping Ghost Prince Danny when in the Realms. and a sticky note is hinting something) |That Good Ol’ Fenton Charm (SelinaxDanny) (Deaged Danielle and Dan!) (Danny meets his neighbor Selina when one of her cats gets into his apartment one night!) |Little Danny’s Big Adventure (Mentioned Regent Jazz) (Deaged/King Danny) (Little Danny gets yeeted into the DCverse when he was deaged, stops a villain and goes to a safe house for naptime!) |Always Favors You (Half-Brothers Danny and Jason) (Ghost Prince/King Danny) (Jason is invited to the crowning of the future Ghost King Phantom. Thing is the Ghost Prince is his half-brother he gave away years ago when he was a baby) |Masks and Moonlit Night (Anger Management) (Jason and Jazz meet at a masquerade ball and its a bit of a fairy-tale moment) |“Daddy! Mommy’s is having Ellie!” (Anger Management/Deaged Danny and Dan/Reborn Ellie) (Jason has a lot of secrets, one of them comes to light when one of his son’s call him while he’s Red Hood in a panic about their mom having their sister a bit early.) |Saying Sorry Will Never Be Enough (Dannny/Any of the Bats/Birds) (Danny is happily packing his apartment, about to move in with his partner, when he gets a knock on his door. Its his parents.) |Phantomish Rouges (When Team Phantom gets put into the DCverse, Danny is hurt and needs to be in a cryo sleep to recover. Team Phantom doesn’t have much of a choice and have to turn to some criminal activity to survive) |Dinner? (Spirit Halloween) (College age Danny is surprised when he opens his door and finds a recently dropped out of med school Bruce freaking Wayne at his doorstep and been asked out by the young man) |Striking of the Clock (Future Braindead/Deadtired) (Tim finds a way to get Bruce out of the Time stream, he has to summon the Ancient of Time. However it seems like he can’t so he summons the next best thing, the Ghost King. But… Why is the King flirting with him and why is the Ancient of Time calling him his new apprentice?!) |Disney Style Romance (Death Defying or NightBirds) (Dick is the family member that would have a Disney style romance when his dog Haley plays with a green puppy named Cujo) |Genie Gave Me a Brother AU (Reborn!Danny and Tiny Tim) (Tim figures out a artifact his parents sent home from one of their digs. He makes a wish for someone to be with him at the same time Danny is going on a reincarnation vaycay) |BREAKING NEWS! Youngest Wayne’s Secret Lovechild?! (Maybe Serious Chaos?)(Deaged Danny!) (Due to Vlad, Danny is deaged and a older teenage Ellie runs to Gotham to hide and take care of her template. However she is mistaken for Damian Wayne’s lover/baby mama and Danny is their son by the media due to being saved by the teen outside of costume.) |Her Astrophel and Sterling (Al Ghul Danny/Deaged Dani(Ellie)/ good Mom Talia!) (Instead of the Bats finding Danny (Danyal al Ghul) is alive, Talia discovers her son is alive first, and that she is a grandmother)

My Art Tag! (Random things I’ve drawn)

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

Roach my beloved. Our fallen hero 🪳🧎‍♀️

roach is OBJECTIVELY the best cod character. i dont know what about him but like mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. we NEED more roaach content in this world like where is he !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you have any good irondad fics that aren't just fieldtrip to stark tower (I do love them but there is a 99.9 percent chance I will have already read it)

Oh boy do I have any good irondad fics without the field trip trope?? OF COURSE I DO !!!! the field trip trope lowkey isnt that large amount of the irondad fics, and its even less of a big amount of the WELL WRITTEN irondad fics. only a few field trip fics are good. but anwyay. here are my 6 recs (keep in mind some of these might be hella angsty, bc im a BIG ANGST READER): Expirement!Peter Parker & coparenting with May

Shameless Inspired Fic & Bad May Parker

Skip Wescott & Foster Kid! Peter

Emancipated Peter Parker & Chaos

MJ/Peter & Identity Shenanigans

Heroin Addict! Peter & found family

let me know how many of these you've already read <3

Something about this line always hits me.

"Being Robin gives me Magic."

Idk how to explain it but the general gist of a street kid who has seen the worst of humanity,finding magic in fighting crime.

No because like, with Soaps new skin imagine if they pull some Winter Soldier type shit

Ghost: Johnny..?

Soap: Who the hell is Johnny?