Sad Sad Girl, Smoking To Lana All On Her Lonesome

⋆ Black and Orange Thinking

⋆ Dog

⋆ Untethered

⋆ The Soldier, The Sinner 

⋆  Ballet

written with the panicked cadence of Siken in mind. he gets me.

i’m going to start screaming and crying pretty soon. like i am so SO tired of caring SO much for people who don’t even have the courtesy to officially end things.

i just keep getting abandoned over and over and over again and i will end up in the psych ward oh my god.

i’m splitting on you so hard my sebastian wilder it’s not even funny

better off without you michael- you’re just my eternal sunshine </3

i hate how i am rotten from the inside out as a person. why can’t i get it right? why can’t i figure it out? why can’t i change to be enough?

this study has me all sorts of fucked up. i feel super shitty for a lot of my behavior and my just entire being right now. i’ve always been told since i was younger that i was this unfeeling manipulative monster, what if it’s true? what if all the doctors are lying or just don’t know enough to tell me that i’m horrible? how i endanger people, act shitty, am just wholly the demon my father said i was?

how do you cope? how do you just move on from that self reflection that you possibly aren’t the way close people say you are? how do i know what is real? who to trust?

i need to talk to dez but i don’t even know what i would say-

‘everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it’ is cute and all til u have bpd and go genuinely psychotic when someone abandons you

i’ve literally been lying to everyone and myself for years about how i hate kids, but my therapist told me that the fact that i as a 13 year old child wanting to stop the hypothetical that i have kids and fuck them up like my parents did to me is the most insane sign that i would be a good parent lol

she thinks i’d be a great parent :’) like idk little thirteen year old me is so secretly happy

i stg this shit is just Big Puppy Disorder. like wag wag wag my tail over this new friend, he is so nice and he is so nice to me and i want to be his puppy and make him happy too :3

i’m like some braindead golden retriever wtf is going on.