Evening Read... ( And A Little Thought)

Picked from the library since they didn't have what I was looking for i heard its manga classic? but i have 0 idea about plot other that its about a guy with... well death note

@sirafel-blog spotted trousers under skirt queen. Truly every girl in winter can relate 😁

I totally gasped the same thing boy but not with the same emotions...

Ronan mimicking Adam in this scene is such a boyish of him and im so in love how Maggie Stiefvater ads this small things

Feeling sick today, so i can't even finish last 100 pages of an excellent book

Need this running through my veins because YESYESYESYES

if you think about it kavinsky almost definitely thought ronan killed his dad too. that’s gotta be part of the reason he was so obsessive.

k’s got this trauma and secret weighing on him so heavily and isolating him from everyone until he finds out that kid who’s dad was mysteriously murdered is a dreamer too. especially considering ronan was the one who found the body and he immediately shifts to become aggressive, impulsive, and starts avoiding everyone. k mistakes the clear signs of ptsd for signals that they’re the same.

in kavinsky’s mind he’s finally found someone who will understand everything he went through and all of his fucked up coping and communication. he creates this ideal image of ronan as his last chance at a genuine connection with anyone, with no secrets in between them. the ronan in his mind is patient with k’s addictions, trauma, and tendency to push people away because he understands all the reasons behind it.

they’re both dreamers, gay in a small town, labeled as aggressive and outcasted, and in k’s mind, both victims as abuse who managed to outsmart their abusers. ronan’s everything he’d been craving.

when ronan rejects him and essentially calls k delusional for thinking they could ever be the same, k loses not just a boy but the very chance to ever be understood and accepted by anyone. if someone who he thinks went through the same shit as him still thinks he’s too fucked up to care about, then he’s got no chance. he’d rather die and drag everyone down with him than spend the rest of his life isolated and hated by everyone around.

THIS. And im so angry at myself that because of my way of living for this past 3 years i need to learn again how to just... Be ? How to calm down and do some small things if i want

in the meantime: study, journal, read more books, sit in silence, listen to music, take walks, take the stairs, do more things alone, do more things with friends, take notice of the small wonders of the world, create a sacred space in your mind