I Have Never Written Fanfic In My Life Up Until This Point But About Halfway Through Bg3 I Just Couldn't

Not me scheduling the day I'll finish BG3 because i know the post-game depression is going to wreck me for a good few days

"He is the hero he had been waiting for centuries"

Thanks I'm sobbing now

One thing I absolutely love about Astarion’s redemption arc is the complexity of his relationship with the figure of the hero.

Astarion is a vampire, a monster, and also a victim (as well as, in a way, a perpetrator, due to his forced obedience to Cazador). He is the first person in desperate need of a hero to save him and the last person suited for the role of a hero.

He prayed to every god for salvation, even for death, and even that was denied to him. He resents heroes and the powerful, and when confronted with the idea that both have a duty to protect the weak, he scornfully responds that no, they’ve done a terrible job—that in 200 years, no one saved him from torture, and that it was the mind flayers, other monsters, who finally freed him. And that, in reality, the powerful only use their strength to bend others to their will and serve their own selfish interests. It’s in this same conversation that Astarion declares his desire to be better than Cazador—stronger, more powerful—though the player likely meant kinder, more noble.

Yet, despite everything he says, despite his disapproval of every heroic action taken in Act 1, Astarion is irreversibly drawn to the figure of the hero. First and foremost, he seeks their protection, though still through the warped lens of his past under Cazador’s cruel talons. Secondly, he is extremely sensitive to kindness, understanding, acceptance—to being treated like a person, just as a true hero would treat him.

And then, this is something I particularly noticed while playing as Karlach—Astarion is fascinated by Wyll, who is, in many ways, the quintessential hero of the party. He even admits that if he had to choose one of them to feed on, it would be Wyll, because he is sweet and righteous, just. Which is a contradiction, because the very traits that draw Astarion to him are the same ones that make him want to drain him dry. Love and hate, all in one.

With this in mind, even the conversation after meeting Aurelia and Leon takes on a deeper meaning. The player sees something in Astarion, but he still refuses to recognize it, to admit it, and rightfully says he can’t be what we see in him—a good person, a righteous, understanding, even heroic figure. And yet, the player sees through him…

And it’s breathtaking when, during the ritual, just before stabbing Cazador, Astarion says those very same words: "You're right. I can be better than him." But this time, he doesn’t mean stronger or more powerful. No, this time, he means it exactly as it was first presented to him and so bitterly rejected. And he means it with all his heart.

And in doing so, in freeing all his siblings and all the poor souls imprisoned there, Astarion commits a truly heroic act. He does for others what he once desperately hoped for himself, what he prayed for—becoming the hero he needed. Because at the same time, he is freeing himself—from his chains, from his narrow worldview that saw everything in terms of power and dominance. For the first time, he is free to live outside of the path that someone else forced upon him.

And that’s exactly why, in my opinion, the next morning, it’s right to tell him that yes, we were the heroes who stood by his side, but we only gave him a push. Because, in the end, he saved himself.

He is the hero he had been waiting for centuries!

And that thought makes my heart race! ❤️

Thoughts on the post-Halsin-confession scene (Astarion romance spoilers)

Preface: this is coming from the perspective of my own playthrough wherein I got this scene early act 3. I don't know if it can trigger in act 2 or not, so let me know, as that would change some of the details. Either way, I think the main point still stands. Also this is all just my headcanon but it's based off of canon info)

Unpopular opinion(maybe?) /headcanon but in my opinion, Astarion is not okay during the “fReeDoM oF nAtuRE's gIFts” conversation after Halsin's confession. He’s laughing and acting way too flippant for it to come across like he’s truly okay with what is being proposed. Not to say he’s against a poly relationship in general, but I think that, at point in his relationship with the player character, he’s kind of panicking about being replaced but doesn't know how to say that he’s not comfortable with them spending the night with Halsin. It kind of reminds me of the “I didn't know how to say no” scene (obviously not the same situation or stakes, I'm just saying that there’s a precedent for him lying about his feelings and needs in order to please the player character and not show vulnerability). PLUS, after he asks if the reason you’re interested in someone else is because he set that boundary about intimacy back in Moonrise (and its implied you haven't been intimate since then),  if you respond with “gods, I don't want you to even think that”, he IMMEDIATELY backpedals like: “oh, of course, I knew that. It was a joke. Doesn't matter to me. I’m very chill right now”. 

Given everything we know about him, at this point in the story, he basically feels like he contributes very little to this relationship, and is insecure about the fact that he can't even offer the one thing he feels like he’s good for. Seeing the player seek intimacy somewhere else, even if they say they want to be with him too, probably feels like a knife to the heart (again, even if he’s not opposed to polyamory in general). The bottom line is that regardless of how the relationship turns out, I don't think he is doing okay at all at this point. 

Note: I don't actually know what happens/ if you can get this scene after facing Cazador. I got the scene early in act 3, personally. Spawn Astarion would be in a much better emotional space then, and so I think he might genuinely be comfortable with opening the relationship to Halsin at that point, potentially. Ascended Astarion is another issue entirely.

Love how Neil is hyper-vigilant and exceptionally good at reading people, but doesn't realize that the man he spends 24/7 with is obsessed with him. Truly our autistic demisexual icon

Although to be fair, Andrew's love languages include:

death threats

"I hate you"

swearing a weird oath to protect him from the mafia

causing physical harm

Thinking about narratives where the setting is a mirror of the main character almost as though they're an extension of one another and that sense of connection drives the plot and makes both the place and the character better by the end of the story as though they helped to heal each other

Just a thought on Astarion

Obsessed with how Astarion is "cursed to walk in the shadows forever" but his character has celestial motifs. He notably has very pale skin and silvery white hair, obviously, his name has the word star in it (argue over the linguistic origins of his name all you want, it still has star vibes), and the flowers on his grave look like stars as well. His story is about him saving himself, and the fact that he has iconography representing light in his endless night is beautiful actually.

No longer using the idiom "elephant in the room". From now on it's "let's address the exsanguinated boar in the room"

The idea of Astarion being a magistrate is so funny to me because the Astarion we know today would NOT be professional about it. He'd be scoffing and rolling his eyes at people and making snarky comments about their crimes before sending them to the dungeons every time. The man would not keep his opinions to himself.

imagine ur emotional support morally ambiguous misunderstood full of trauma touch starved yearning for love drenched in blood responsible for numerous atrocities comfort character in a cozy knitted sweater. do u feel better?

Thanks, I hadn't cried yet today

silence