Hola Amigos...

https://rwdriver.medium.com/trumps-cyber-ninjas-audit-arizona-s-carnival-recount-e741730a235d?sk=06af95ab1f58097906c4eae7c3afbaa7

The Death of Body Surfing

I just came across a comment about Body Surfing that I had never really taken into account before...

“The surf leash broke up surfing and bodysurfing, which up to that point had been united since the beginning — wipeout, lose board, bodysurf, repeat…” — Matt Warshaw

As I think about it, this is totally, freakin’ true… The leash did squeezed the life out of bodysurfing! Read More - Da Bob - Medium

https://twitter.com/RustedAloha

The Rusted Wives Club

by Rusty

About every 3 months or so, I undergo a Cardiac Stress Test. It is not by any means a pleasurable medical experience and normally leads me to examine many of my life's questionable decisions. But none the less, this medical inquiry offers my loved ones a measured sense of reassurance that my old, rusted butt is going to keep paddling around this watery planet… just a little bit longer.

The seriousness of this medical procedure really should not be understated. To ensure that my heart - and head - are in the right place before I undergo this test, my wife encourages me to find my “Happy Place” by hanging out at the beach and surfing with the boys. She understands that a good morning in the surf helps relax me, calms me down, puts me into that zen type place, “that only a surfer knows.”

It took me three wives to find the right lady, but #3 totally gets me.

With my toes freshly sanded and hair still salty, I am ready to have all the wires and electrodes attached to my wrinkled body… I have to say, it sucks getting old. With each year the probing and prodding of my anatomy gets deeper and deeper, sometimes reaching soul piercing depths.

So this is how the test normally starts; again, this happens about once every three months... I come home from a sunny surf session and find all three of My wives, in My living room, sipping several bottles of My wine… 2 Former Wives + 1 Current Wife = Spousal Overload... Instant Heart Attack or what my doctor has diagnosed as a Cardiac Stress Test!

If I was actually hooked up to an EKG machine, at that shocking moment, it would fucking blow up!

These “Tres Señoras de Rusty” love to do this to me; they love to see the horror on my face, the fear in my eyes, the sweat build up on my upper lip. They love to redline Rusty’s old ticker!

Once the initial shock wears off, after I gulp down a glass of wine, the inevitable questions of my actual health come up. Because folks, here’s the bottom, without me, this “Rusted Wives Club” would have no financing!

This medical farce is actually a quarterly business meeting, called to order by the three owners’ of “Rusted Beauties.” Each quarter’s agenda consists of only one bullet point and that is simply my health; or rather their complex, non-medical assessment of my well-being and how that could affect their lavish purses. For the three of them, it is a fun afternoon of risk management done over a few bottles of wine. For me, it’s the fuel that will ensure that I outlive them all!

Aloha.

Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne Doctor, my eyes Tell me what is wrong Was I unwise to leave them open for so long

Alabama Fixin To Keep Yoga Ban

by Da Bob In Alabama they don’t… Call you “Pretentious”… They say you’re “too big for your britches.” Don’t say “I’m about to”… They say “I’m fixin to.” Don’t get “Upset”… They “Throw a hissy fit.” Don’t say “It’ll be okay”… They say “God willin’ and the creek don’t rise.” And fervently believe that “Yoga”… Will make their chitlins Hindu! Read More...

I came across a pic of my old girlfriend…

I came across a pic of my old girlfriend… A lovely girl, great personality, beautiful skin, gorgeous curves… A drop dead knockout! But she just couldn’t commit (Honestly, I’ve always been a one woman guy). The summer of ‘67 I made my first pilgrimage to the Islands and she decided to hook up with a writer named Kesey and moved to Frisco… Last time I saw her, she was dealing Orange Sunshine in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert. The real story… Das Burgfräulein von Strechau / The Damsel of Strechau Castle in Styria, 17th century by an unknown artist.

One of the many legends of Burg Strechau in Styria recounts the story of a damsel who waited for her lover to return from the Holy Land to free it from the infidels. When he did not return, she broke her vow and married another man. When the bride appeared for the wedding ceremony her face suddenly changed into that of a skull and devilish creatures dragged her into hell.

Stoked~Till~Death

Tanned & Toned… to Chubby Chaser!

In my tanned and toned Twenties, I was lucky to marry to a young, sexy surf goddess… We shared sandy days and salty nights.

Later, in my mature… middle-age years… I met and wed a romantic lady who loved to stroke my balding dome. Now in my sunset and packing a few more ~ chunks in my trunks ~ I am blessed to have wife #3… and even more blessed that she’s a titillating… “Chubby Chaser”!

Chummy Uncle Hobart

My family’s deadly history with sharks goes way back to this photo taken in 1916. That’s my Great Uncle Hobart, whom I sadly never got a chance to meet. My Grandfather claimed that Hobart was the chummiest, best looking waterman of his generation. A turn of the century bronze god, but cursed with a vain vanity and thirst for fame! He tragically died after this photo was taken - as these fossilized jaws accidentally snapped shut, cutting him into two bloody pieces. 

Please show Uncle Hobart some love and visit Rusted Aloha’s store... linked in my bio… Ohhhh Uncle Hobart… You are forever missed. Love, Rusty!

DjKK Wins Wipeout Of The Year 2020

DJ Keala Kennelly banked this year’s 2020 Red Bull Big Wave Wipeout of the Year.

It was her fin free take-off at Jaws that quickly morphed into an aquatic, cement skipping, triple somersault down the face of Maui’s most notorious north side break that secured Keala this never-sought-after, but seriously revered, surf recognition.

Important to note, Keala has always been a freakin’ charger as well as a force for equal pay for women in surfing — AND the inclusion of more ladies onto the big wave circuit; she successfully pushed for women’s inclusion at the Titans of Mavericks.

Read More - Da Bob - YEW