Also, Something Else That I Think People Who Are Not Phil Watchers Dont Know: Phil Did That Entire Event

okay, I'm gonna ramble a bit about the Fred and Guard visit at Tallulah and Chayanne's house because that moment in Philza's livestream kind of broke me. I felt a lot of emotions at that moment.

First of all, I'd like to remind everyone that Phil literally has only shown them the rooms specifically made for Tallulah and Chayanne. He has not shown them the two above-ground houses, only the underground rooms. Which is insane?? In my opinion??? And just shows how much of q!Phil's life revolves around his children?? He doesn't have a fucking room there. He sleeps on a chair in front of his kid's beds, and it's not as if there isn't anywhere else for him to go - he just doesn't want to.

This part just gives me "like father like son" vibes because q!Wilbur would do the exact same thing. Both men created their lives around these children, to the point they would rather sleep on a chair so they could give their kids comfort. They were both too busy giving their entire lives to these kids, that they have no place for themselves and don't WANT a place for themselves. These mfers are fucking insane, Tallulah had to force q!Wilbur to get a bed, and even then we never saw him use it (Meta wise it makes sense, the players never sleep, but lore wise...)

Either way, back to the visit. So these two fed workers enter the room of two missing children. The room is tiny, obviously built for something much smaller than an adult, and is FILLED with signs, pets, plants, and other little things that at the time those kids were there gave it life and now is just... haunted by those objects. When you see eggs walking around you don't mind the amount of signs covering every millimeter of the ground, but now it feels as if it shrinks the place and forces you to look at those conversations that were made by actual lost fucking children.

And even the more comfortably spaced rooms are literally STACKED with that haunted environment. The biggest room in the house? The floor itself was built by the child with a floatie. The entire room was painted and decorated to have that kid's favorite color EVERYWHERE. And the signs are still there, on the walls, on the floors, on a bag, you literally can't escape those. The kitchen? looks normal, until the man taking you on this tour tells you in his dry, quiet voice that this kitchen was actually built for his son. His son liked cooking. That man never used that kitchen. Luckily they didn't ask about the flowers outside which were planted by the other child.

Downstairs? A literal black concrete shrine-like building sticking in the middle, covered with - here they are again - those colorful pink and yellow signs. Behind the black statue? A garden, one of the children's passion projects.

Then they enter the N.I.N.H.O accidentally and are hit by the personification of Tallulah's personality if it was a hotel room. And when they finally leave, they are once more met with PILES of signs, which are all one long painful conversation that happened one day before those same fucking kids disappeared.

And if somehow they would have tried to ignore all of this, Phil was there to just shove this information back on them. He sounded BROKEN. He sounded as if he's lost in his own fucking house. He explained the meaning of anything they stared at for more than a second, and I could just imagine the sore thumb of a man he was, the embodiment of parental grieving, as he had them follow him around. There was something so heartbreaking with the technical need for him to open the doors for them. He was forced to let them in. They were forced to follow him. Both parties were trapped by this empty house.

So, yeah, that part fucking broke me. It wasn't bittersweet, it was just bitter.

Honestly though like if you're following Philza you should get used to the fact that since the dawn of him streaming RP people have violently disliked his reaction to any angst beats because like, the cc finds angst rp funny and is also a very giggly guy. And if you're here for drama and tragedy it looks like he's not taking the pain seriously, which is obviously going to be something you don't like seeing. Trust me. We have been here before. I have watched DSMP. There were people saying he didn't take Techno's IRL death seriously enough because he was positive on stream. Like, this is top five things people get mad at cc!phil and his characters for, after "breaks the fourth wall" and "is an imperfect person/parent" and "idk his vibes just grate and I read them as Bad y'know".

I personally think that like the fact that he was repeatedly saying to the eggs that they were gonna get Tubbo back, they'll bring him back with the create wrench cause he cares about create, don't worry it'll all be okay; that was all evidence that the character does care about Tubbo and for heaven's sake, if you want angst, read that as denial and you're fully comfortably in one of the recognized stages of grieving. I was making jokes the day people in my life died, this is also one of the ways people deal with loss. But I also see why that's a POV clash if you wanted a more straightforward depiction of grief and angst? Phil was pretty far from being in tears, which is what some people think was warranted. So like, sure, if you've been watching a specific perspective, Phil's reaction was trivializing. I can see that perspective as well.

It is not fun to see someone calling your POV "vile" and "heartless" and "too selfish to consider other people" and the other delightful stuff that I just saw on a scroll through the tag, but like, that's just POV clash, you gotta let people have their own opinions and block the neg tags and maybe block people who are being really loud. Sincerely, it does nobody any good to go beefing about people being mean about your favourite cubito. Post careful lore exploration on your own blog if you want but doing replies, sending anons, all of that is the way down which A Bad Time lies. Sincerely like, this has happened before, this will happen again, just go listen to good music or something and ignore it.

God. I love it when he goes "XD". and also his ">X)" grin. Silly. So silly. The silliest.

Full family set is readyXDD

In the story Hunter will be canon age but I couldn't resist imagining this tiny bean clings to the of his big and scary daaaad)))

Okay we're on board that this poster is a combo of stuff from different episodes, yeah? There's artistic lisence in play. Soooo.... At the very LEAST the Morty in the poster is meant to represent both Morty Prime and Evil Morty, because although Morty Prime is the one who actually hugs Rick, Evil Mortys the one who actually gets wounded on his arm there like in the poster. That ain't spaghetti sauce - look at the edge of the wound.

And they made kinda a big deal of both showing it happen the second time he goes after Prime, when Rick's mostly incapacitated but still dragging himself towards him...

And pointing it out again after too.

So what I'm saying is (again lol), I dont think we should underestimate Evil Morty's attachment to C-137, the only one he thinks is a different kind of Rick.

And who he has a lot more in common with than Morty Prime does 😬

PHIL ASKING FOR THE BACKPACK BACK FROM FIT SO SO QUICKLY AND "ZONING OUT" WHEN IT TOOK HIM LONGER TO GIVE IT BSCK. ENDERPOOKIE LET HIM GO. WHAT IS THIS.

Baghera and Cellbit calling Phil DAD

Whatever you do do not think about Philza in those last moments.

Don't think about how much he must have been hurting, how his newly healed wings must have been falling apart, feathers falling, bones broken and aching, everything hurting so much because he pushed himself beyond his limits, how he must have known what it meant, that he had done his last flight.

Don't think about him looking at Tubbo and thinking it was worth it. That he would give his wings over and over again if that meant being able to save his family.

Don't think about him shaking, trying not to think about Chayenne and Tallulah because if he did he would crumble and he couldn't do that when so many were still missing, when everything is so uncertain.

Don't think about him seeing Baghera's last message, breath stuck somewhere in his chest, terrified about what that means, filled with all the memories they built together in those weeks. Understanding her, but filled with dread, with the urge to run to her and help, with the instinct to protect and put her before anything else.

Don't think about Philza suddenly hearing Roier let out a sob looking at his communicator. Don't think about Philza holding him as Roier trashed and trashed trying to jump off the boat, about him holding him for dear life as Roier screamed at him to let go calling him any name under the sun. Don't think about Philza holding Roier because he knew that would be what Cellbit would want.

Don't think about how Philza knew, by Roier's reaction, that Cellbit wasn't going to be on that boat. Don't think about the hole that just kept on growing inside of his chest because Cellbit has always been a person he trusted but in those weeks he became so much more, someone he has come to care for, his second hand man, someone to lean on, but also someone to protect.

Don't think about Philza feeling useless because he did nothing to help his teammates.

Don't think about Philza seeing Etoiles running to the boat, how he was so close, about him begging inside to please, please, not him too, not him too, I can't lose him. About how that pleading meant nothing when the boat started to leave and he had to watch Etoiles, alone on the shore just watching it go without him, Philza unable to do anything to help. Don't think about Philza looking at Etoiles right as explosion consumed the whole Island.

Don't think about Philza looking around and realizing for the first time that Foolish is gone. About him panicking as he searches for him everywhere but he is just gone, about how someone would have to gently tell him that Foolish jumped out to try to help others but never came back. Don't think about Philza leaning against a wall, Foolish's screams for him to help during the earthquake being the only thing he could hear, feeling like a failure of a leader.

Don't think about Slime stumbling to Philza without words, hugging him for dear life, shaking so much he could barely speak. Don't think about Philza leaning into the hug with equal strength because they are everything that is left.

Don't think about Mouse coming upon them, eyes filled with tears because Cellbit was right there, Foolish was right there, and yet they didn't make it but she did, hesitating for a few seconds. About Philza and Slime opening their arms for her because Mouse is one of them too, because now they must cling to one another.

Don't think about Philza in that boat, wishing desperately that none of that is real. Begging it to be a hallucination because the alternative is far too painful.

RED

well idk about yall but i, for one, i am OVERJOYED sunny finds phil scary!

because yeah! children find adults scary all the time, especially adults who seems myseterious and put together. and also no fucking shit is my man fucking scary! the first time sunny EVER saw him was him waking up on the ship and getting to the island, so who knows what kinda aura that shows to a kid.

second of all, you have this guy who cassually talks about horrible things that have happened in the past, who makes no double take at the mention of suffering or death. this guy who lives in the top of a wall that if you fall of you WILL die, and he does so casually, while building on the edge of the same precipiece.

this guy who everyone tells you is so nice, and his kids are sweet and amazing, but the moment that you see them, one of those kids is looking you with distrust in their eyes, and wont approach you much. did they leran that from him? surely they did. every other kid has loved you so far, why wouldnt this kid like you too?

actually every other adult you've met has loved you and talked you with adoration, and bend themselves backwards to you asks, and then there's this guy who, TO YOU, is not folding his every self to your wishes like every other adult is -in fact he made YOU try to fold with offers of things you like instead.

and then aat the same time this guy literally turns to you, and talks and jokes with you like you're the same age as your parent, in the same tone.

that shit is fucking terrifying.