TF2 Headcanons: Game Balance & The Gunslinger

i wish lawyers were real

My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.

https://www.smbplumbing.com/ (Website shown in the Super Mario Bros movie advertisement for Mario Bros Plumbing)

looking through this website is like looking through the ISWM Markiplier website. If you click certain icons an audio plays (slightly distorted) and there’s even an Error404 page too. 

IF YOU CLICK ON THE MANHOLE COVER IT SENDS YOU TO A MOVIE POSTER. (Poster that shows might depend on the region?)

Clicking “Certified Super”, “As seen on TV”, and “24/7 Emergency Services” plays an audio sound.

Clicking the unloaded page icon sends you to an Error404 page with 3 pipes. Each plays an audio sound.

Clicking the Apply Now button leads to a Coming Soon page.

art (first art of the account lets go)

I’m no good with backgrounds

TF2 Headcanons: Pyro (s)

So, the Pyro. A mysterious being that adores fire. People always wonder what’s under that mask, and many people (including me) resort to theories and headcanons.

My headcanon? 

there is nothing under the mask.

Simple as that, no? But of course, there’s more to it. I’ll begin the elaboration segment of this post.

Alrighty. Pyro is just an empty flameproof suit that moves around on its own, like those empty suits of armor in fairytales. And magic clearly exists in the TF2 universe, so what’s stopping the Pyro? But the magic has to come from somewhere, and the only source of it we know so far is Merasmus (or maybe australium but that’s TF2 science for you). 

The Pyro was brought to life by Merasmus and possibly Soldier as well. It was originally intended to be a weapon for whatever mafia Merasmus was being threatened by again, but Soldier interfered and ruined the ritual somehow. So now Pyro is this loveable teddy bear of a pyromaniac that waltzes around with the team bringing chaos everywhere. They act like a child, and like a kid being overprotective of their toys, they protect their team with their life.

Also Pyro is just a pinata of sorts. The suit is just filled completely with candy they collect on Halloween and whenever they get exploded the candy just bursts out everywhere too. This is my favorite part of the headcanon because I just imagine Scout getting hurt somehow and he’s making a big fuss and the Pyro just pulls off their glove and tons of candy flies out. Then Pyro picks up a little lollipop who hands it to the now horrified Scout.

This was the RED Pyro, however. What about the BLU Pyro?

BLU Pyro is just a robot. The first robot to ever be made by Mann Co, in fact. While they were cloning the RED team (see previous post titled TF2. Headcanons: Clones), they found that they couldn’t get any DNA from the RED Pyro and nothing showed up in their background check. After learning what the Pyro really was, they decided to just make a robot instead of finding a literal magician to animate another suit.

And the Pyro has such a simple job, right? Spray fire in the enemy’s direction and there you go. But the RED Pyro is alive, in some sense. They learn and adapt, they spycheck everywhere and airblast teammates in need. They help bodyguard their team and protect them. The BLU Pyro needs to be told what to do by a program, which is updated now and then by the BLU Engineer. At some point, the BLU Pyro would have so many changes to its code that it would act almost exactly like the RED Pyro, minus the liveliness and cheer.

The BLU Pyro is just the BLU Engineer’s pet project of sorts. BLU Engie ain’t helping out the team as much as the RED Engie, so he spends all of his spare time changing and adjusting code in the BLU Pyro. BLU Pyro is easily the greatest robot alive. But the amount of code it would take to make a robot act so similar to a human would easily be enough to crash the robots like Grey Mann’s. Even if his robots are powered by money, they haven’t had a brilliant mind like the Engineer work on it for years, especially on the entire army. *insert cool segue here*

Grey Mann got his idea of a robot takeover from the BLU Pyro. He stole the original blueprints for the Pyro and adapted it to suit the entire robotic army he was making. He did not know about the absurd amount of reprogramming and rebuilding the original BLU Pyro went through. Which really sucked for him, since the blueprints he stole were the for original BLU Pyro model, meaning that it was very clunky and it rattled around a lot. And since Grey Mann used the design of the BLU Pyro for his whole robot army, every single one of those robots ended up clunky and rattling. None of them have any of that extra coding from the Engineer either, so the robots in the army don’t spycheck, don’t airblast teammate, and don’t work togther as a team. 

god that was a lot of writing. thanks for reading it! reblogs mean a lot to me, especially those with nice notes attached to them :D. Please give me tips for writing better too, I’ve never had a beta reader for anything except for myself.

is this. is this not just ace attorney. it’s just ace attorney. the vampire is barok, the faerie is kay, the hag in the lake is probably oldbag-

A day-in-the-life as a lawyer that specializes in the supernatural. Airtight contracts for genie wishes. Unambiguous purchase orders with faerie craftsmen. Divorce court for vampires with centuries-old prenups. The hag-in-the-lake who is claiming squatters rights against the new golf course…

KAY HAS SPOKEN. VOTE THE TURTLE MAN.

ROUND ONE