November 2020 Illustrations ヽ(• ‿ •)ノ

for the asks: 🍄🍄

🍄 Mushroom: What is a quote you find comfort in?

here’s three omg im too mentally ill for one not gonna lie <3 

“sleep heavily and know that i am here with you. the past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. and while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first, and settles in as the gentle present. this now, this us, we can cope with that. we can do this together you and i.”- cecil baldwin

“she peels an orange, separates it in perfect halves, and gives one of them to me. if i could wear it like a friendship bracelet, i would. instead i swallow it section by section and tell myself it means even more this way. to chew and to swallow in silence with her. to taste the same thing in the same moment.” - nina lacour

“meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” - mary oliver

thank you so much my love :) have a wonderful day/night <33

Imo in order to finish your writing project you need to be unhealthily obsessed with your characters to a point where you question your sanity

that childhood abuse survivor feel when you see a healthy family and part of you is happy that not everyone had to suffer like you did but the rest of you is just in this deep agony looking at what you never got to have

reblog if you’re real tired of getting hurt and would like to file a complaint

as i read somewhere, there is no reason too little if it helps you stay alive. anyone who sees this, maybe go out and watch the sun set today? the sky's softness helps me out a lot, maybe it'll help you too

Nobody would miss me if i were gone and i guess that I just wanted to know your best reasons for living because I’m coming up short.. :(

i really don’t know, i was just thinking this the other day :/ i try to focus on what’s going to get me through today rather than what’s going to get me through my life. i can’t think about my life. mostly i come up with small, basically meaningless reasons like eating my fave food or the sky or the possibility of the world finally cutting me some slack and loosening its grip on me a bit. i try to think about it a lot, how i haven’t met everyone i’m supposed to meet or seen everything i’m supposed to see. a lot of the time it’s not even any of that that keeps me here though, it’s just that dying is too hard. too scary. too inconvenient. too permanent. so look for the minor moments of peace or even just numbness, the lack of pain, that you find on a daily or weekly basis. anything that brings you a semblance of joy, no matter how little. art, music, walking, special interests, books, animals. whatever it may be. the trick of mental illness is that it often makes these things feel dull and insignificant and pointless. yet engaging in them despite that, even for five minutes a day, can be super self soothing even so. when it comes to the bigger reasons, the more existential reasons, i suppose my mind drifts to my family and the people around me. ig on some level we have to recognize that trauma and mental illness often skews our perception so much that we don’t even have an accurate idea of our own existence or what it means to people. you’re probably utterly convinced that nobody would miss you but you’ve been on a diet of self hatred for god knows how long, and so you can’t possibly fathom the way you’ve made a difference in people’s lives - directly and indirectly. after my sister died, i got a lot of anons telling me they had put off their own suicide after seeing how devastated i was, after realizing the absolute irreversible gravity of death and losing someone and how it can wreck the people who know you. and that has a ripple effect, on people who didn’t even know you that well, too. it’s just a spiderweb of hurt that never ends. i’m not saying you have to stay alive purely for others, but i am saying it’s something to consider when looking for reasons to stick around. another thought i often have is that i am going to be dead for all of eternity. it’s coming sooner than i think, and there’s nothing i can do about it. so i might as well ride it out until i get there and observe the brief flash of human consciousness i got. because it took coincidence after coincidence for millenia to get me here in the first place. but honestly, none of this is going to ring true for you if you don’t try to confront the underlying causes for these thoughts and feelings. i know it’s easier said than done, and idk the details of your situation or anything. but if it’s possible, or when it’s possible, i would really recommend reaching out to a professional - a hot line, your doctor, a support group, a therapist - if you can, or even just your friends and family to begin with. mental health issues are just as serious as physical health issues and often need the same level of medical care in order to overcome them. and that’s alright. you don’t have to go into great detail about what’s going on right away, and there’s no rush here. but learning to cope healthily and compartmentalize  by talking through your pain and being truly heard, is not as impossible as it seems at the moment. it is not some far away goal, it can begin by picking up the phone. obviously this is a super daunting prospect, and i understand that, but it’s just something to think about for now. you deserve support, and a future. this current mental anguish is not all there is. anyway sorry my answer is all over the place, none of this is coming out right and it probably wasn’t the best one i could give to be honest, but it’s where i’m at right now too and i just can not focus. sending you a lot of love. you do matter. please take care x

Welcome back space rangers

wish this was how it worked so bad but i read somewhere once "good fanfic is a love/hate letter to canon" and now all my fics are inexorably linked to and cant be read without knowledge of the source material🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ copyright who im referencing exact scenes from the 17th chap of the 6th book rn as a pivotal plot pt

Begging people to stop with the "wow that's so cool you wrote such a long story! Now you just gotta change the names and publish it as an original fiction" do not. That's not how this works.

"Maybe I crave your attention, maybe I just want you to be creepy and weird with me, maybe I want to make you happy and hear you laugh. And maybe, just maybe, there is a part of me that wants to hug you, run my fingers through your hair, read you books so you fall asleep easily, make breakfast and black coffee for you, hold your hand and watch you sleep early in the morning, give you little kisses on tip of your nose because it tickles funny and I'd love to hear you giggle, watch you draw, bring your favourite treats back home, watch you dress up in the morning and put your make up on, and let you sit on my lap while putting on mine, lighting a candle for our TV dinner because it is special when it's with you."

- my diary entry, 11.11.2020

i cant write and its frustrating

if jasmine tea were a person we'd make out