Staar-fire - Bat Wayne 🦇

"Tell him to get in line"

Steph: I'm ten times funnier and sexier than you

Tim: 10 times 0 is still 0 though

Steph: Jokes on you, I can't do math

Police: Mr. Wayne sir, your child has been kidnapped.

Bruce: Which one?

Police: the kidnapper didn’t say. But witnesses claimed to see someone with black hair and lightish eyes. The kidnapper left a note threatening to orphan them for the second time.

Bruce:

Young Bruce content? Young Bruce content 😌

Bruce absolutely adored babysitting Barbara. He loved every second he spent with her and before he had the courage to ask Jim if Barbara could stay the weekend. . .

Jim: Hey Bruce, I'm here to pick up Barbara.

Bruce, who is currently holding Barbara in his hands: Who?

Jim: . . . Barbara. . . My child-

Bruce: Never heard of her-

Jim: Bruce you're holding her right now-

Bruce: . . .

Jim: . . .

Bruce: *Casually walks over to a lamp and puts the lamp shade over Barbara's head* This is a lamp, Jim-

Nothing stresses Alfred more than the batfam's sleep schedule

tim drake’s snapchat is 90% him making bruce wayne do normal middle-class american things and filming the results. popular youtube compilations include the one where they’re at denny’s at two in the morning and tim keeps trying to get bruce to order a moon over my hammy just so he’ll have to say it, the one where they’re at disneyworld and bruce gets increasingly frazzled culminating in him actually physically picking up gaston for reasons no one can entirely recall, and everyone’s favorite series “bruce wayne doesn’t understand walmart”

Damian: [trying to stab tim]

Tim: [yelling] where did he get a knife?!

Jason: [reading a book] from the kitchen 🙄

the only thing you need to know about the batman movie is that this bruce is dumb enough, emo enough, and guilty enough to adopt an acrobatic orphan and think it’s absolutely the right decision

bruce didn’t actually care if clark got to eat, he just chose violence for the sake of it

Ok ok ok: So when Cass first came to the family their where some problems, like when before going to a gala or anything Cass struggled to make herself presentable she was new to do this and it was stressful, yeah Alfred could help with the dresses and sometimes Barbara could come by but not often. Bruce noticed this and decided to do something, he talked to Diana, to Dinah, to Mari McCabe, to anyone who could help and learned how to do Cass’s make-up and hair. At first it was kinda awkward as Bruce is not a professional stylist and it was weird for Cass to have her dad do her hair, but with time they got used to it. After a couple times it became almost routine not just for Gala’s and fancy events but just for whenever, Bruce sitting on a chair in the bathroom as Cass sits on a little stool, Bruce with bobby pins in his mouth and scrunchies around his wrist, he is actually pretty good at it and sometimes people even asked Cass who did her hair and she never knows what to say. Its not commonly known but its also not a well kept secret, Hal didn’t believe it when Barry told him until Bruce confirmed it. At this point its a tradition and Cass and Bruce almost feel weird when they go to a gala without doing it.