😔

Confessions Of Memories. | • 4.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

Mine never wanted me.

My father is something of a dead myth, and my mother was a criminal.

A perfect upbringing for me really.

Li Jing looked to the unfinished diary entry, the words burning through her pupils. Her eyes constricted, as she cradled herself, shoving it away with her foot. She scrunched her raven strands in her fist, as she chewed on her lip.

XXXX

My dream got eaten last night..

But I'm recovering.

"Xiao wasn't responsible, was he?" She sighed, to no-one in particular.

That was the truth. The secret that she so desperately needed to tell him. To at least chip away at his guilt- even slightly - wasn't possible. He would never know, because she would never tell him.

XXXX

I don't want to stay with her.

The page lay unfinished.

The next week after the entry, Li Jing was alone.

Loneliness plagued her life without hesitance. She dragged herself through a path that only led to more loss. Yet if she stopped, she would betray her mother. Being loyal to her mother was the only thing she needed.

She wished.

Li Jing shuffled to the door, quiet as she looked to the dawn that was illuminating him. Xiao was perched there, like his usual self. His breaths paced, body stiffly stuck in one place. She sat beside him, watching the sun glide over the debris of the moon.

"You really need to relax sometimes." She glanced at him.

"Hmph. And where's the time for that? Liyue isn't a place for rest."

"Then where is?"

Xiao hummed, looking to her arms. Her arms, were probably warm. But they had also probably forgotten him.

"Well what about you then?"

"History doesn't rest, so I can't either."

"Promise me you'll rest." His eyes clicked with her own, his tone soft.

"I'll keep the promise if you rest as well."

"Fine."

He leaned forward. He hesitated. With her eyes screwed shut, a soft warmth was pressed to her head, his sleeve dragging across the wood as he retracted. Li Jing's cheeks flushed, as her heart was pierced with ache once more.

"What are you guys doing?" The Traveller looked up to them, sleepy and worn with leftover fatigue. Xiao arched his brow, gracefully landing infront of the Traveller. Li Jing took the stairs down.

She linked arms with the Traveller, leading them away from him.

"The book you picked wasn't easy."

"Why?"

"The memories of the author are dead. None of their memories were clear."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I'll need to meet this village's historian."

She brushed her hair rapidly, taking her two hairpins out of her side pocket.

"Who gave you those hairpins?"

"These? Oh."

"One is from Xiao."

Her face flushed red with fever. Days were blurring together as she looked to the outside, which had a quiet pond. The only thing keeping the days apart was Xiao.

His eyebrows were furrowed. Xiao leaned closer, his lips pressing a soft kiss to her head. Her eyes were heavy with fatigue, the cold cloth on her head slightly aiding her.

"Get well soon, please." He murmured, placing a hairpin in her hand.

She held his hand, a soft smile glazing her face.

"The other is from my best friend."

The summer sun was set on the water, as they padded through the sand, their arms gritty with wet sand. She paused, dirting her dress as she searched for an item.

"Mei your dress!"

" My mom doesn't care. Here! I got us matching hairpins! "

"What'd she look like?"

"I can't remember."

-

"I remember you! You must be the village historian?" Li Jing quipped.

"Yes, it's an honour to meet someone who has been documenting for centuries."

Her chest creaked with unease. She looked at his dark eyes, chuckling lightly.

"You knew the author?"

"Quite well actually. She passed on just a decade ago."

"I hoped she lived well."

"She did, being the great- granddaughter of Honghui. "

"Honghui?"

"I'm going to marry Hui! "

"You're only ten!"

Mei huffed, crossing her arms.

"True love doesn't wait, does it?"

"I can't believe she's dead. She was only 18!"

"Honghui is so distraught, he won't even leave his study."

"Yeah, he's an old name now. His tale is quite sad- moving on, you needed information for the book?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Make yourself at home."

"I'll be leaving in fifteen minutes, it's really not necessary."

She shuffled, tucking her sleeves to her side. The man glanced at her, his eyes lingering on her. Li Jing let her eyes fall to the table.

"No need to rush."

-

Kayden Break is taking over my simpery list- DJDJD

Look at these screenshots. LOOK AT THEM.

I looked into it this morning and Midnight Blue truly fits Dazai!

When Dazai was in the port mafia ('a limited spectra') he appeared black morally, and in terms of color, a bringer of death and highly intelligent. But when Odasaku displayed a more realistic gaze on him, due to Odasaku being an as-it-is person, we discover he was just trying to get close the the human nature, and see if it would give him a will to live.

Midnight Blue is composed of black and blue, the black gives it it's dark shade. In the eye of "sunlight" otherwise referenced to as the ADA, we can see the brighter aspects of him.

I think that's what Odasaku saw in him too, his blueness.

Bungou Stray Dogs character colors From the 2nd BSD Guidebook

All of their names are on the left side, with their corresponding color on the right side.

Going to read The Poems of Nakahara Chuuya just to understand him, his perception & why he was put with Dazai

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS AND LADIES: if you walk from home, school, office or anywhere and you are alone and you come across a little boy crying holding a piece of paper with an address on it, DO NOT TAKE HIM THERE! take him straight to the police station for this is the new 'gang' way of rape. The incident is getting worse. Warn your families. Reblog this so this message can get accross to everyone.

a friendly reminder that microaggressions against asians can also look like this:

pretending to gag at asian food

pretending to be weirded out by asian customs and cultures

excusing cultural appropriation (often through ignoring the stories of asians who have been mocked for wearing their ethnic dress while praising a white person for doing so)

not trying to learn how to pronounce an asian person's ethnic name correctly, or asking, "can i call you by something else?"

adopting an asian name for the ~aesthetic~

using the words "oriental" and "exotic" to describe asian people, particular asian women

ignoring the experiences and stories of south, southeast, and central asians

making sweeping assumptions about asian countries (including their political, historical and cultural landscape)

treating the entire asian community as a monolith and ignoring the fact that the experiences of asian nationals are remarkably different from the asian diaspora/migrant community

co-opting asian aesthetics into creative media without acknowledging their history

Confessions Of Memories. |• 2.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

The night had drooled over the residue of day, leaving them to head there themselves. Xiao paced ahead, leaving the Traveller and Li Jing in his dust. A dull ache rested in her chest from seeing only the back of him.

The flowers bloomed before them, as she gently clutched his hand. He stood stifly next to her, as she scanned the garden for a specific flower. Her hand slipped out of his own, as she sat amongst them. Her hands fumbled with the flower stems, until she reappeared.

"Kneel."

He didn't need to hesitate. Buckled down to one knee and she rested the flower crown on his head. The white petals frittered amongst his dark hair. She kneeled down to his level, smiling at him. He intertwined their hands, leaning in.

Yet it wasn't summer.

It was the cold of night, and her shoulder was throbbing with the pain of a bag weighed with books and scrolls alike.

Her lips twinged with yearning. Her eyes fell to ground, the small hope she once held diminished with a simple memory that lay in their restless wake.

"How'd you know Xiao?"

She looked over to the curious Traveller, burdened with their own weight. She squeezed a smile on her face, looking at the back of Xiao's head. Li Jing exhaled.

"We've known each other for a while."

The Traveller nodded their head sympathetically.

Xiao looked to the ground, his jaw tensed.

He wanted to stay. Anything to erase the lonely century he had spent. There was something that made her immovable in his memory. The seasons could blur, but he could remember her. How her face curved, how her gums would show when he tried to be humorous.

Only to lose her.

Wangshu Inn stood bright in the fog, as they hurried in.

They dispersed to their rooms, leaving the soft patter of rain to calm the souls that rested inside.

Her head sunk into the pillow, leaving her to sit vacantly.

A small wheezing came from his lungs, resting in her arms. His mellow smile faded with the words she couldn't hear. The suns in his eyes set, as the snow fell on his sorrowful sight.

Another body lay on their stomach, their death quiet. Her hair brown and dampened by the snow. A hand rested on her shoulder, patting her with a lack of affection. She looked to her blank face, her arms muddy with red.

Her m-

She gasped awake, clutched her bedsheets as her skin shedded thick bullets of sweat. Her heart throbbed, jolting her ribs.

Is this the curse of being immortal?

To ache?

She gingerly placed her feet down on the carpet, throwing on a robe. She creaked across the hallway, exhaling as she got to the balcony.

The small click of metal startled her.

His eyes clicked with his own. Xiao's eyebrows furrowed. He looked away. Xiao looked out to the town below, the rain twinkled like stars. If she left now, it would only emphasize the damage. If she stayed, she'd have to endure the silence she had placed there.

"Did you cry?" He pondered.

She glanced at him.

"Your eyes - they're puffy."

She hummed softly, barely audible.

"I just had a nightmare, that's all."

They stood quietly, their hands brushing against each others.

He tried. He really did. But, her eyes held a heartbreak that was unfixable. His body was full of ache. He ached before he met her. He used to be the love of her life. It was clear he didn't deserve to be. Thousands of deaths that clinged to him was dragging him with them.

Is this retribution?

"Jiji, you should get some rest."

He looked over to her limp state. He sighed, scooping her up in his arms. He sat by her side, unravelling her bun. Her hair sprawled around the bed, wisps covering her face. The cold air seeped into his lungs, and he couldn't help but sleep.

-

Dawn came and the only evidence of him being there was his soft, mild scent. She stayed there quietly, inhaling her pillow. She separated herself from her bed, and eventually sat with the two. The Traveller tried to read her inscribed scrolls, their face pruning with wrinkles. She chuckled nervously, tapping her cheek.

"It's illegible, isn't it?"

The Traveller quickly dismissed her words, excuses being mounted into a mess. Xiao sighed, drawing them back to silence. His eyes were averted, looking over her sprawled scrolls.

"The book has been around for a long time, and should've probably be burnt by fire." Li Jing pondered, squeezing her notes into a small handheld notebook.

"So the book is protected?"

She nodded, avoiding looking up.

"Luckily I had a lead before we left. An old lady I know has links to a man who has the family archive of these books."

"Is that the Mei you were referring to?"

Li Jing was quiet, the restless noise of other customers filling the void. Her pen harshly drilled through the crisp page.

How could she respond? If she told them now, they wouldn't be able to get the letters, and she'd be a failure and looked down on with disdain. If anyone found out about her she'd be a disappointment to her mother.

She didn't want to disappoint her mother.

"Jiji?"

Her mother trusted her.

"Li Jing."

She trusted her.

Oh, she couldn't. If anyone found out she was cu-

"Li Jing!" Xiao snapped.

She looked at him, quiet with embarrassment. The table sat uncomfortably between them, until she chuckled lightly.

"Sorry, I live in my head too much- anyways, the shortcut will save us some time. We don't have to walk too far at all." She dismissed herself from the table.

The Traveller looked to Xiao, their eyes bleeding with confusion. Xiao looked at him, exhaling softly.

"Mei...That name is important to her. I'd advise you to stop saying it so much."

The Traveller nodded to themself, flustered with the oblivious mistake.

Mei,

Is she dead?

-

“I think Akutagawa is a character who has changed just as much, or even more than Atsushi. Generally, we try not to alter the characters of a series, because there is the risk of misinterpretation of the character and of losing fans. But Akutagawa's change is truly a glorious growth, a great achievement, and could even be called a proof of the power of human beings.” — K a f k a A s a g i r i

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYUUNOSUKE AKUTAGAWA [3.1] ⟡ insp.

What a nice brain you got there!!

I want to pick up that book but it's like 600 pages long and i- I want to see the world I want to explore life, but it's also like, I want to know what that man was up to

There is a film adaptation of the book though, or at least a part of it, on YouTube!! It's very interesting, Genji is 🧍🏾‍♀️ Genji is actually pretty similar to Fyodor and Dazai when I think about it?

I'm calling it right now, the Book is gonna be an ability based off Genji Monogatari by Murasaki Shikibu

Shostakoviches