Beidou: A Woman’s Place Is On The Battlefield

Venti, strumming his lyre:

Paimon: do you take requests?

Venti: sure!

Paimon: please stop

Amber: my mom kept all our baby teeth but she didn’t separate them so there’s just a box she had with like three sets of random teeth mixed around

Bennett: my dad kept the dog’s baby teeth but not mine

Xiangling: okay im so sorry this isn’t actually funny but it’s like really funny im so sorry

Childe: what the fuck dogs lose their teeth? also who the fuck keeps baby teeth thats horrific

Razor: my dad kept my baby teeth. and then my second set fell out so i kept those in a little bag and now we both have have a set of my baby teeth

Albedo: wait what? how many sets of teeth do you have im so confused?

Razor: i had three sets of teeth. the dentist said it was fine cause nothing grew out of place but it was weird cause i had them for a few years then they started all coming out at once

Albedo: im sorry you grew teeth like a shark? what?

Chongyun: when i was younger i watched my babysitter take a plastic bag containing her baby teeth and crush them all into a powder under the leg of a chair cause she was bored

Xingqiu: excuse me?

Traveler: this entire conversation was like getting punched repeatedly, but from a different angle each time

Childe: zhongli and i have been fighting lately

Childe: how do you deal with arguments between you and ningguang?

Beidou: me and my bitch don’t argue

Beidou: she tells me to shut up and i do

tw: clown sex

Fatui gift exchange

Scaramouche: okay so if anyone draws their own name, we’ll all draw again

Dottore: cool

Signora: okay

Childe: what if we draw someone else’s name?

Dottore: that’s fine right? yeah

Scaramouche: that’s good, that’s what we want

Signora: what if we pick someone that we don’t like?

Childe: it’s just the four of us. do you dislike one of the four of us?

Signora: no no no. *nods her head and points to childe*

Childe: …what if we pick someone who we don’t know?

Signora: yeah what if we get a slip and it’s like Albedo Krendinprinz from Mondstat?

Scaramouche: that will not happen

Dottore: how can you be sure though?

Signora: i like Albedo well enough i just would have no idea what to get him for a gift

Scaramouche: okay so there’s only four names and it’s our four names so everyone just pick one and-

Signora: i’m worried that if i get Albedo the wrong thing, he’ll think that i’m a loser

Childe: aw really? you’re worried about that?

Signora: i’m serious i’m nervous about it

Childe: i’m sure you’ll get him the perfect thing

Signora: thanks that means a lot

Childe: i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t mean it

Scaramouche: does everyone have a slip? did anyone pick themself?

Signora: i got Childe

Scaramouche: no don’t-

Childe: i got Dottore

Dottore: guys! it’s suppose to be secret

Scaramouche: thank you!

Dottore: you’re not suppose to look at the name

Childe: ohhh

Scaramouche: well you’re allowed to- you can read your own slip

Dottore: oh. okay i got Scaramouche

Scaramouche: dude

Signora: i wish i would’ve gotten Scaramouche

Childe: what the hell?!

Signora: i don’t know if this is coming together

Dottore: i’m probably just going to get a gift for Albedo Krendinprinz from Mondstat to be safe

Childe: since my slip says Dottore does that mean he’s the one who helps me figure out what to get Albedo Krendinprinz from Mondstat?

Lawrence: Eugene, you’ll be on nightwatch today.

Eugene: Um, I beg to differ.

Lawrence: Then beg.

DEACON AND NICK SHOULDVE BEEN ROMANCEABLE I KNOW ITS BEEN YEARS BUT IM STILL UPSET

the only two ships everyone agrees on

Venti: apparently the “bad vibes” ive been feeling are actually severe psychological distress