7 Minutes In Heaven Except It’s Just Me Tied Up In The Closet And Everyone Gets To Take Their Turn

Do this to your girl so she remembers her place 💕💕

Trying to fall asleep with a dildo in my pussy if definitely a new experience...i like it

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Pumpkin Pie (u/HellaCutePsycho) - Reddit

u/HellaCutePsycho: •Level 23• •Flirty• •Dirty• •Big Tittied Alt Girl• •Say Hi•

all the photos i cant post here are on my reddit... and they dont get flagged....

A Gentle Reminder

I just got through the month from hell. 

In my type of work, I have to deal with managing “teams” of people who often don’t understand the meaning of the word. Usually it works. This month, it didn’t. The failure of the entire project was spectacular… I’m talking down in flames. Six weeks of working until midnight.. working incredibly hard… down the drain because of people I could not control refusing to meet their deadlines.

I broke down completely. I felt defeated… miserable… like a failure.

Sir knows how I am. How I internalize things like this… convinced I could have done SOMETHING to fix it. Something to save it. That it was all my fault and I am a failure.

Before I met Sir I used to hurt myself when the anger and frustration and pain would become too much. I would gouge trails in my thighs with my fingernails. I would get perverse pleasure out of seeing the tiny trails of blood criss-crossing across my flesh. It was the only way to let the pain that was festering inside of me bubble over to the outside. I turned my anger at myself instead of letting it out into the world. It was self destructive and raw and just awful. 

During the course of our relationship he has reprogrammed me to deal with my inner turmoil constructively, with love and forgiveness, and instead to play with pain in happy contexts. I have grown to love pain… I love the silence and euphoria it brings to me when we play. After three years it has become a toy instead of a crutch. He gave me power over pain, instead of letting pain have power over me. He turned it into something constructive instead of destructive, something we control together, for my pleasure, not the desperate way I used it before.

Today I asked Sir for a spank… a stress relieving spank. Sir will usually indulge me when I ask for something… I’m kind of spoiled. I’m a very obedient sub to him… and extremely loyal… so he is quite indulgent and sweet and pampers me. I was fully expecting to have some flogger time to bring myself a little relief after such a horrible month.

And he said no. That maybe I could tomorrow… but not today.

I was taken by surprise… like I said, I’m pretty spoiled. Of course I accepted it, thinking maybe it was a lesson about not taking his indulgence for granted. I took it that way, and told him so, and thanked him.

But then he corrected me. He told me that he did not want to see me forming a connection between stress and pain.

A gentle reminder.

Maybe it seems silly. Maybe it seems small. But the fact that after all this time he is still thinking that way… protecting me from myself… it meant so much to me. Therapy spankings are not good for me… they send me back down the road to equating pain with negative emotions instead of positive ones. Perhaps I had forgotten after this long… but he had not. 

This time when I thanked him it was far deeper and more emotional. Even now… after three years… with busy lives and growing and changing and becoming the hybrid that I seem to have become… he never forgets where I started. And he protects me from going backwards.

I love him so very much for that. 

I am so needy.

I failed as a sub last night.

This is really hard to write about.

I didn’t break a rule. I didn’t willfully misbehave. I wasn’t inappropriate or bad. But I failed as a sub.

I’m Daddy’s sub and little. That means that he owns me. And that means that my number one job in serving him is to make sure that his property (me) is happy, healthy, well-maintained and well taken care of.

Last night I did not do that.

Daddy and I had a great night. He took me out for hotdogs at my favorite place and then he took me to the Disney Store and Build-A-Bear. We were celebrating that I’d been a good girl and gotten a whole month’s worth of stickers. It was all so great!

Then we went home and Daddy ordered me to get on my knees and take his cock out.

Now normally, that’s my favorite place to be. But I wasn’t in the headspace for sex. Like, I really wasn’t in the headspace for sex. But I’ve been having a weird relationship with sex lately (more on that later) and I thought if I just got down to business that the headspace would come.

It didn’t.

The thing you have to understand is that my slave heart so badly wants to serve and please him. It brings me peace and it brings me joy. But what I did last night was let my desire to please him supersede my duty to serve him. And it created a bit of a mess.

I did not want to have sex. I did not want to do anything sexual. I was not in the headspace for it. I was literally fighting back tears - and still, I didn’t say anything.

He even asked me at one point. Green? he said. And I nodded. Even though my brain was screaming, no, no, no, RED!

Now, because of my past sexual trauma going forward with sex when I was in the headspace I was in could have been incredibly damaging. It could have triggered me really badly - or even retraumatized me. 

But I so badly wanted to please him. I was so afraid of disappointing him. We only get to see each other a couple times per week and I didn’t want to be a downer. I didn’t want to take this away from him.

So you know what I did instead?

I took away the power I’d given him to make decisions for me. By not telling him what was going on, by not communicating to him what I was feeling and where my head was at, I not only silenced my voice but I took away his ability to care for my needs. Without even asking him.

I effectively neutralized our dynamic in that moment. Like I said before, I let my desire to please him supersede my duty to serve him.

I should have spoken up. I should have used my safeword. I should have told him what I was feeling and where my head was at.

But I didn’t.

Thankfully, Daddy knows me and he stopped play and went straight to cuddles and storytime and aftercare instead. But what if he hadn’t? 

Things could have been terrible. I could have harmed myself and that definitely would have harmed him. I wasn’t thinking about my needs or his needs or even his wants. 

He wants me happy. He wants me healthy. He wants me taken care of and safe and protected and in a good headspace. He needs me that way.

His needs and wants supersede my wants. And that means that, yes, his desire to see me happy and healthy and safe and protected come before my desire to please him. 

I failed as a sub last night. By not speaking up, by not openly communicating with my Dom, by holding back when I should have said something, by not using my safeword… I failed.

Now, why am I talking about this when it’s so hard to write?

Because we see so much on here about mistakes Dom(me)s have made and ways they’ve fucked up and I think it’s important to remember that a D/s relationship - like any relationship - is a two-way street and that anybody in the dynamic can make mistakes and do damage.

Luckily, play stopped before damage was done but I need to reflect on myself and my choices and figure out why I didn’t speak up. Why I didn’t safeword. And why I let my prime directive to keep his property healthy, happy, and whole fall by the wayside - and allowed it to, instead, be supplanted by my desire to please him. 

I’ll learn from this. We’ll both learn from this. And I’m sure this post will lead to conversation (as it should). 

But in the meantime, I just need to make sure I’m remembering my prime directive and making that the center of everything I do - even if that means (especially if that means) I need to tap out.

I owe him that.

when you want to hurt but youre not allowed so you pretend to be a whore instead 😊🙃

I need spanking till i bleed, never mind till i cry... any voluteers??

someone come and give me the cock my bf cant ;)