This Had Me Rolling For Ten Minutes Straight Lmao. Made My Day

Chat Gpt, you're great, but you failed me

Really, wtf.

HEAR THAT? THATS MY KANEJ HEART!!!!

So, I’m a Writer on Wattpad with a pretty good fan following. I write SoC fanfiction. But the things which get to me and INFURIATES me are the smutty Kaz x Oc fanfictions. Kaz Brekker is a boy who can’t even stand skin to skin. A boy who fainted in a prison cart cuz of PTSD. As a person with touch phobia and PTSD, it's fucking impossible to touch the PPL you love with your trauma. And Like y’all are coming at me with the smutty Kaz x Oc fanfictions, and making me sick. I mean smut is okay, but Kaz Brekker is a boy who fell in love with Inej Ghafa ( his ONE and ONLY true love ) within two fucking years. And if you tell me he's having sex with your fucking Oc who has a friggin flat personality and like SeVeRe (fake) TrAuMa within A DAMN WEEK of knowing eachother I—I, I have no damn words.

Lmao so true—

kaz: i think that i might have some mild trauma.

nina: you THINK?!?

inej: MIGHT have?!?

jesper: MILD?!?!?

Kaz brekker's baby sitting

CONTEXT ; adjala brekker is kazs adopted sister (and shes suli) and elijah rollins is Pekkas illegitamate disowned son (adjalas husband) and kaz has a neice, Jordan and her twin brother is his first nephew Johaness and Kaz fav nephew is Kaz jr. a baby boy who likes kaz alot too.

WARNINGS; Cuteness overload 😭😭

The cozy candlelit restaurant in ketterdam provided the perfect ambiance for Adjala and Elijah's long-overdue date night. They savored each other's company, relishing the rare moments of quietude and connection.

Meanwhile, back at their home, Uncle Kaz was in charge of babysitting duty. With a baby boy, Kaz Jr., a toddler girl, Jordan, and her twin brother, Johannes, it was a formidable task. Kaz watched the twins with a mixture of awe and exhaustion as they energetically tore through the living room, rearranging furniture and creating chaos.

Kaz sighed, his gloved hands buried in his hair as he muttered to himself, "What am I doing with my life? Why did I agree to this? This is madness."

Kaz Jr., seated in his baby bouncer nearby, cooed in apparent agreement, seemingly understanding the gravity of the situation as he watched the twins cause mayhem.

Hours passed, and just when Kaz thought he might lose his mind, he had a brilliant idea. He started constructing one of his infamous "Kaz Bunker" pillow forts. With the speed and precision of a mastermind, he built walls of pillows and blankets, corralling the twins into the makeshift fortress.

As Adjala and Elijah returned home, they were met with a scene of controlled chaos. The living room was a mess, but it was contained within the boundaries of the pillow fort. Kaz lay on the floor, fast asleep, his mouth slightly open, drooling onto the carpet.

Elijah couldn't help but chuckle as he surveyed the scene. "Looks like Uncle Kaz managed to get some sleep."

Adjala nodded, a fond smile on her face. "Maybe all those heists were practice for babysitting. I never expected my brother drooling on my carpet with my son on his chest."

They approached the fort and found Kaz Jr. sleeping soundly on Kaz's chest, while Jordan and Johannes had cuddled up next to him, also fast asleep.

Elijah gently lifted Kaz Jr. and laid him in his crib, while Adjala carefully extricated the twins from the fort. Kaz Jr. seemed to stir for a moment, but he settled back into slumber, content in the knowledge that his uncle had things under control.

As they settled their children into their beds, Adjala and Elijah couldn't help but appreciate the bond between Kaz and their little family. It might be unconventional, and sometimes chaotic, but it was filled with love, laughter, and the occasional pillow fort heist.

Adjala whispered to Elijah, "We're lucky to have him."

Elijah smiled and kissed her forehead. "Yes, we are."

"Kaz." Adjala gently shakes him awake. "Get up. Sleep in the guest room."

And with Kaz groggily left the room, knowing that he had proved himself to be more than just a mastermind—he was a master babysitter, too.

Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r , @cookie-block , @she-posts-nerdy-stuff, @marsconer ,

HAHAHAHAHAHA LMAOOO I LOVE THIS

"Wylan and Jesper making out on the floor"

Matthias passing by: aw, young love. So pure and delicate

"walks until finding Inej and Kaz making intense eye contact"

Matthias: OH DJEL! MY EYES! WHAT KIND OF PORNOGRAPHIC DISPLAY IS THIS?!

This makes ALOT of sense

I like to think that part of the reason Inej is drawn to Kaz is because he's such a damn performer... I feel like it's easy to forget it bc her job in the Dregs is to go unseen, but Inej was raised in the circus. She performed until she was fourteen, and her tell is still squaring her shoulders like she's performing to an audience. I think it's fun to consider that she likes Kaz exactly because he's a bit of a showman, not in spite of it. That even though he's a conman and a thief and coddles his reputation so hard its difficult to tell where the truth even is, there's still something she finds familiar, or even comforting, in his theatricality and weakness for magic tricks.

I LOVE THESE SM

Favourite/Funniest Line's from Crooked Kingdom

"Let's go." "Me?" "No the idiot behind you."

"How is-" "Nina is fine. Jesper is fine. Everyone is fine except for me because I am stuck with a gang of hand-wringing nursemaids."

"Now why can't people be this easily trained?" Kaz murmured as he crouched to oblige the dog with a belly rub.

"Did you know I am next in line for the Fjerdan throne? They call me Princess Ilse of Engelsberg." "There is no princess of Engelsberg. It's a fishing town."

"Has anyone noticed this whole city is looking for us, mad at us, or wants to kill us?" "So?" "Well, usually it's just half the city."

"Big, blond and blind. The Fjerdan way."

"If I live I'll buy you waffles." "You don't have enough money to buy her waffles."

"Do you know what Van Eck's problem is?" "No honor?" "Rotten parenting skills?" "Receding hairline?"

"Isn't that how things are done around here? We all tell Kaz we are fine and the do something stupid?" "Are we that predictable?" "Yes."

"It seems everyone is forming alliances." "They're called friendships Kaz."

"You are very welcome Nina Zenik. You may repay me in the costumary way." "Waffles?" "Lots of them."

"I need to do this. I've never been to my mother's grave. I am not leaving Kerch without saying goodbye." "Trust me, you care more than she does."

"You are stupid about a lot of things Wylan, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I am going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue." "He' ll never believe it." "Then I 'll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue."

"Come on, let's do steal all my dad's money. "Isn't it your money?" "Okay, let's go steal it back."

"I think you 'd flirt with a date palm if it would pay you any attention." "If I flirted with a plant, you can bet it would stand up and take notice."

"Yes, yes, Nina Zenik is hungry. Now, will someone feed me before I am forced to cook one of you?" "Don't be ridiculous. You don't know how to cook."

"On a dare I ate a literal through full of waffles and nearly went back for seconds."

"Pick up the pace." "If I spill a single drop of this it will burn straight through the floor onto my father's dinner guests." "Take your time."

"I am Dunyasha, the White Blade, trained by the Sages of Ahmrat Jen, the greatest assassin of this age." "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Fate brought me here." "And does fate pay your wages?"

"My parents thought I would drown because I crawled into the sea as a baby, laughing." "Perhaps they were worried you would talk yourself to death."

"Kaz. You may not be glad we are alive, but we are glad you are alive."

"You are better than waffles, Matthias Helvar." "Let's not say things we don't mean, my love."

"Are you mad?" "I'd probably be happier if I was."

"You have to be the craziest bastard I ever met." "I'll take that as a compliment."

"My leg! My leg!" "I recommend a cane."

"What is wrong with him?" "Same thing that's always wrong with him. He's Kaz Brekker."

Jesper followed Wylan down the hall. "Hey." Wylan kept going.

"Jes, I 've thought about this-" "Thought of me? Late at night? What was I wearing?"

Wylan ran his tongue over his lips and spat in his father's face.

He was pale, with tufty orange brows and a hunched posture that gave him the look of a giant shrimp.

He felt bad for the guy. Not bad enough to wake him up and untie him, but still.

"I 've been shot!" He had not been shot.

"How about I push you in the canal and we see if you know how to swim?"

"Tell you what. When the day comes, mark it on your calendars. I can think of a lot of people who 'll want to throw a party.

"Wait. Is my tie straight?"

I woke up and chose violence

HOT TAKE

Am I the only one who thinks Avery is a bit boring?

Like her only personality trait is obsessing over the Hawthornes, and being SmArT

Gurl 🙄✋

In my native place we call PPL like her desperate, we call them hens💀—

Sorry someone had to

Literally me trying to find her personality

I'm sorry Avery stans but I had to say it.....

No hate to jlb or Avery

She's just like Bella swan tho 💀

Lowkey think the latter is better

Like Avery is SO dem full of herself

Eg

Extert from the Hawthorne Legacy

“Thea's poker face was good, but mine was better”

Gurl stop.

I know ppl who coul have your eyes out on a platter

And the famous quote of hers is -

“My house my rules.”

My honest opinion -

A) Did she actually say that?

B) You know who else says this? My mom

And after she donates the money she's like

“oH mY gAwD iM sOoO kInD”

*wheeze

I cant—

We KNOW you donated like 94% of the money (which was pretty dumb u could've donated like 50%) [Tobias' ghost is having a seizure]

You don't have to RUB IT IN OUT FACES OMG

At some points in the book I wanted to jump in and beat her up.

Next hot take -

Jameson's mid asf

2) Brekker boi

#2) Kaz

I'm starting a new thread abt the crow's insta stories.

First up, Matty<3

1# MATTHIAS