Caitblu

I went to the beach today and saw the cutest couple. They were maybe 16, 17. The boy was tall and muscular with dirty blonde/ brown hair. He was very toned and attractive. The girl was shorter than him and thin, with long straight blonde hair. She wore a bikini which looked perfect on her thin frame. The boy scooped her off of her feet easily as if she weighed nothing at all and threw her into the water. They both laughed with their perfect smiles and playfully splashed in the water. They were both so happy. Maybe if you lost the weight, you’d be less self conscious. Maybe you’d be confident enough to have a good time. Maybe you’d get noticed by a cute guy. Maybe you’d be happy too.

I’m lost. 

I want to work full time, but sitting in an office makes me lose my mind.

I want to feel better, but I don’t want to live.

I want to go to therapy, but I hate the way therapy makes me feel.

I want to speak out about mental illness, but I don’t want to talk about it.

I want someone to look after me, but I want to be completely independent.

I want to everyone to think I’m okay, but I want everyone to know how much pain I’m in.

I want to shout and scream from the top of my lungs, but I want to disappear.

I don’t want to be crazy, but I want to be different.

I want everyone to fuck off, but I’m terrified of being alone.

I want to be get good at looking after myself, but I don’t want to take time on it.

I want to stop drinking, but I want a drink.

I can’t.

Meal log: 10 june

Breakfast: nothing

Lunch: nothing

Dinner: chicken and vegetables ( 156 kcal)

DAY 4: your greatest fears about weight loss

Probably that i’ll start binge over again :(

Easy Fasting

My 24 hour fast is almost complete and it was actually easy for me this time!

How did I do it? There were 3 things which helped me a lot while fasting:

Drink Soup throughout the day to keep salty cravings away.

Drink home made iced tea to keep sugary cravings away.

Watch fasting documentaries to discover the science behind it all and all of it’s benefits, it has far more than just weightloss!

How to make iced tea at home, it’s very simple: Fill your bottle with a little bit of warm water and put like 4-5 teabags in. 30 mins are sufficient but the longer you wait, the stronger the flavour. After you put the teabags out, fill your bottle with the amount of icecubes you like. Then fill it up with cold water, try out sparkling water! Add sweetener to your liking. Done. ♥

If i gain one more pound i’m gonna kill my self

haha it’s like when i don’t binge i DonT completely hate myself so weird maybe there’s a correlation

DAY 1= your starts

CW: 138 lbs🤮 (63kg)

DAY 2= my height

5’4 (166cm)

I’d like to be taller but i kinda like my height.