Make Me Feel Something

yes jeremy

+ bonus

wish i could draw so i could draw butch cat bcus every design ive seen for her so far has been fem (still very cool and awesome) but when i imagined her while reading it was full butchdykeisms occurring.

just musing about how niko was one of edwin's biggest unconditional supporters and gentle guides in his self-discovery of his sexuality, and i think it's so interesting that we still never saw edwin confide in her overtly about his feelings for/attraction to charles, though he easily could have at any time.

before the cat king ever shapeshifts into monty or charles to tempt edwin to realization, niko's there to tell edwin that it's okay for two boys to like each other, to let him know it's okay if he noticed monty when they first met, or if he enjoyed the idea of monty liking him; and she plainly tells him that he's completely allowed to want explicit things with another boy.

they talk about edwin's feelings and desires multiple times - he admits to her he's never kissed anyone, and even that the idea of kissing has become appealing to him. she asks him, does he want to kiss monty? does he want to kiss the cat king? but she never asks him directly, does he want to kiss charles? charles is the elephant in the room of that conversation, so to speak; the only other boy they know, the one she knows edwin is actually closer with than anyone else.

but she doesn't ask edwin about charles.

i think it's actually one way niko shows her love and care for edwin, her perceptive understanding of his boundaries, and her respect for his comfort, that she never pushes him to open up to her about this most vulnerable and newly-developing aspect of his truth—that his feelings are for charles—who is already the most important person in his life, and thus so much more life-alteringly consequential to him. even though she hasn't known edwin a long time she seems to grasp that he needs both the push and the personal space to come to his deepest realizations, even as she opens the door for him to come to them.

(i did consider for a split-second that maybe she never realizes it's charles that edwin's in love with, but i vetoed that thought immediately because... edwin just seems too deeply unsubtle for that to ring true. monty can see he's been passed over for charles. the cat king knows it immediately and asks about their 'special friendship,' and not just because he can literally read edwin's desires. crystal is going through amnesia and an identity crisis, and she still clocks that edwin and charles are like a married couple. so it only makes sense that niko can see it as well.)

plus, niko's got excellent reading comprehension, by her own admission; and she and edwin bond over both being great, astute detectives—getting to the bottom of a case is a love they share. and so i just think it's neat that between niko and edwin, the conversation about charles seems to remain deliberately unspoken even when it could easily become overt.

instead she speaks to edwin about charles in metaphors. she starts their conversation about physical intimacy and romance specifically with drawing edwin's attention to the red and blue starfish. "isn't it romantic? they're in love." they proceed to talk about monty, and about the cat king, but i doubt either she or edwin could fail to notice the color symbolism there. and when edwin tries to get scientific about it, she reminds him, "luckily, love requires no logic." and finally she gives him the red sea glass, for courage. courage to help him come to terms with what—and whom—he really wants, whoever it could be.

and in the end... edwin tells niko, "i did actually tell the boy i like that i like him." this is directly after niko tells edwin she's sorry monty turned out to be an evil spy crow and she and edwin commiserate about how things with monty didn't work out for him. and obviously, it was never the cat king edwin really liked. so, just like that, through process of elimination, edwin can only be talking about charles. and even then, they never say his name. they never have to.

i just think there's something awfully soft about how edwin's feelings for charles are first so deeply ingrained and natural to him as to be something he had to be woken to rather than something that happened to him suddenly. then once he was awake to what he felt and wanted, there's something i find lovely about the deep bond niko has with him, that she understands and honors his need to speak around his feelings for charles while holding space for him to still share them with her in his way. something about how charles is so deeply loved that it is easily understood, that he is there in the conversation without his name ever needing to be spoken.

one of my fave little things charles and edwin do, besides their perfect synchronization, is that charles will tee up something silly ("why don't you fall through the floor?") and edwin will put on this little show of being dry and serious ("because i do not want to! happy?") and they both think this is hilarious

"Remember the Innovators competition?"

"I remember you,"

Hi so what do you mean the innovators competition that au ekko and powder danced and fell in love in is the same one jayce and viktor went to in the canon universe haha what do you mean. haha what do you. what do. you.

tiktok credit to: @naxa._439 (if anyone wants to make a fic based on this PLEASE im begging u)

Them!!

Oh the absolute chokehold this two have over me....

oh oh i can finally post my Doctor Who art i made for the DW zine (it has been waiting in my folder for 6 months!!!) this warm scene with Amy and 11th Doctor is inspired by the whole fifth season

Maybe it's just in my neck of woods (Tumblr) but I'm surprised how it's only "cute Monty" all around and not "poor incomprehensibly brutally abused Monty".

Don't get me wrong, absolutely no judgement, I definitely think he's cute and kind (in his own clueless way) and I love our little crow boy.

BUT I haven't seen anything about the absolutely horrific, stomach-turning, beyond-cruel transformations Esther made him go through both times. She literally butchered him and tore him to pieces alive! Every time I think about it I feel myself shying away from remembering, horror gripping my spine.

I guess that's maybe it? It's so horrific that we all collectively decided not to talk about it? I'm really curious.

portable boyfriend, part two!