Life Update
life update
over the past few weeks a lot has happened that I haven't talked about on here. to sum it up there's this man that's been stalking me since November and my college is doing next to nothing about it.
ive been to a fuck ton of meetings about it and I had one today where someone finally took me seriously about how this guy is not a student but instead a guy that's old enough to be my father. he knows where I live and just stands across the Road or paces by the door waiting.
its creepy as fuck and has left me feeling unsafe and like im being watched all the time. im terrified of walking by myself and im jumpy no matter what.
my friends are mostly being people that I can lean on but just today a close friend of mine has told be to not keep them updated and that they don't care. it might be an extreme reaction, but when things like this happen I block their number for a bit to give people space and to take a step back.
I want to continue being active on Tumblr but everything is getting to me and im honestly this close to deleting all of my socials and not talking to anyone on my campus. this on top of my eating disorder is not going well at all. im In a constant state of binging and then purging it all from worry and then I starve for 3 days and then I repeat the fucking cycle all while going to classes and meetings with the head of our campus security. it wasn't until today that I fully told my boyfriend what's been going on because I didn't want to admit that im being stalked as that would make it seem more real.
this on top of the state of the us is making me really debate why im still here. I might have stopped being super suicidal, but the urge to slit my wrists is coming back super strong. ive even started writing in my old journal about it while also drawing out how I have been feeling in it.
everything is getting to be too much for me and I want it all to end immediately. I NEED it to end before I end it all once and for all guys.
More Posts from Threerats-inatrenchcoat and Others
Hey, reblog this if you’re ok with mutuals messaging you and stuff!
Asking for my sanity :]
hiatus
I’m going to be taking a break from all social media for a bit, I know that this is sudden but I just went through a breakup and need some time to process it all
maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.
kinda wanna scream. kinda wanna cry. kinda wanna sleep. kinda just wanna disappear
I wanna smoke a cigarette. I wanna cut. I wanna kill myself. I wanna starve. Everything I want rn is self destruction.
I got my permit guys!!!!
guys I’m so nervous, I’m about to go and try to get my permit again!
mini mood board 4 inspired bc idk why but i cannot fucking. stop. eating.
all i think about is my weight and the wanting to lose, but i am stuck maintaining and ending up in binges.
i need to be smaller. i have to. i’ve been working so hard why am i messing this up??
Abuse isn't only physical. Sometimes it is...
Shouting at them until they cry/retaliate.
Humiliating them in front of friends and family.
Refusing to let them see friends and family.
Isolating them from what's outside.
Refusing to let them have control over their own finances / keeping it all for yourself.
Belittling their looks, their personality, their thoughts, etc.
Bullying them in any way.
Purposely pushing boundaries.
Threatening them, either physically, verbally or emotionally.
Controlling what and when they eat.
Locking them in rooms so they can't escape.
Refusing to let them use the toilet/eat/sleep/etc. after or before a certain time.
Gaslighting them into questioning their own reality.
Lying to or manipulating the people around them so they look like the abuser.
Purposely breaking their belongings, especially in front of them.
Ignoring safewords/"stop"/anything that indicates they're not okay with what's happening (in general, not just in the bedroom)
Giving them zero privacy. That means going through their diaries, tracking them, attending their therapy/doctors appointments when they don't want you to.
Setting them up to fail for the sole purpose of getting to punish them.
Obvious favoritism of one child over another/the others.
All of these are things that I have personally been through. They contributed heavily to my eating disorder, my BPD, my anxiety and my depression.
there is no more light
there is no more love
and I want to die more and more
I don’t want to go back to uni tomorrow but I have to, I love my roommate but sometimes I feel unwelcome in the dorm.
honestly I’m debating on being up my bpd and depression to my counselor since I think he can understand and not judge me on it, but idk yet. I’m almost done with my freshman year so that’s something I guess
Hiii, I'm Daph, welcome to my blog!She/her, 19yPinterest link: https://pin.it/6pjVXM4tZ
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