There’s Nothing Like The Feeling Of Hiding Under Your Covers While Texting Your Roommate About Why

You are not a bad person for having used escapism as a coping mechanism when you were younger. You are not at fault for why you did. You did what you needed to in order to survive. It is not your fault you ended up developing it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. You were a child who needed to survive and cope.

safety thingy

Hey guys i normally don’t post this kind of thing, but as a freshman at a new university and I’ve already experienced and seen some things, I feel the need to say this.

on my campus in the last two weeks we had an unfortunate incident where a physic ward patient broke out of the hospital across from the campus, stole scrubs and snuck into the locked dorm building to commit suicide. The school tried to cover it up by saying that a staff member found the victim when it was actually a second year student.

shortly after this incident, campus security got slightly better. However instead of reassuring the students and staff, they chose to bad mouth the man and his family while also saying that the student deserved to find the man.

then not even a week later a very close friend of mine that lives in the dorm directly above me, had experienced a horrible situation that has left not only our mostly female campus on edge but also my friend as her dorm was broken into and was r@ped very early in the morning. I have gotten her permission to share this as she also wants to warn any new students to university.

college can be fun but there are many things that you should be careful of.

Always lock your door: it doesn’t matter if you’re just going to use the bathroom or to get a water, take your keys with you and lock the door behind you. My roommate and I have club that we place one the door when we’re sleeping to ensure that we feel protected.

dont hold the door open to strangers to the building: if you don’t know that they for sure live in the dorm, don’t hold the door for them

if possible, late at night if you need to go anywhere out of the dorm: bring a buddy and stay with the buddy

be careful about who sleeps over in the dorm: let’s say your roommate has friends over and they are drinking. If you aren’t comfortable with them staying over as they can’t drive home, ask your roommate if it would be possible for them to Uber home. 5. if you live in the first floor of your building: ensure that all windows are locked before you go to sleep

I have a few other tips that I will be including in a separate post as this one is getting quite long, but please please ladies and gentlemen stay safe and if you don’t feel safe walking alone call your campus security as they can walk/drive you back to your dorm. I have used this twice in the last week as my friends and I have not felt safe walking back from the library to our dorms.

stay safe and I wish you all luck on your finals

love,

Daphie :3

hi

I’ve learned 2 things tonight. That I shouldn’t combine four of the things that I combined today, and that I regret my decisions- Sorry make that theee things-

Firstly, I hate the taste of The devils lettuces.

Secondly, under no circumstances do not mix the green leaf, nick, an empty stomach, and no sleep together. It does not ent well at all. Trust me lol.

Thirdly, have you ever done so much of something that when you look back at yourself you don’t even recognize who you used to be? I’m thinking back to how I was not even two years ago, and I now don’t know anything about me. But I’m too far in now so I can’t stop. And I know that most of the people in my friend group think of me as the dummy drug addict, but that’s not what I wanna be. I never wanted to end up like this, and I’m genuinely disappointed at myself. Sorry if this doesn’t really make sense, I am incredibly not well rn, in more ways than one lol. Anyway, I truly hate what I’ve become, and like I know what you’re thinking, ‘ just stop doing them if you don’t like it’. But like it’s really hard to stop and now it’s like the people around me just expect that that’s all I do, they assume that if I’m a little off at school then I’m high. ‘Oh they were quiet today- they’re high’ oh you didn’t answer my text earlier- did you get high?’ Like no aly I didn’t do that, i forgot my adhd meds than got so depressed that I was genuinely contemplating and planning out my suicide bitch. I told someone that I care a lot about that I would try to sleep again, but I’m honestly scared that I wouldn’t wake up because I’m pretty sure that I may have almost over done it but idk, ignore that lol. We’ll find out in the morning if I’m alive lol, if I don’t make an update then y’all know why.

Photo haul of college

I have sooo many photos of my first semester, this isn’t even half of it

Ana Story

about halfway through my first semester of college I had a friend of mine that I spoke to about my ed, he never judged me and while I knew that he was worried he never tried to force me into recovery- at least at that time- sometimes he forgot that there were some things that triggered me. The time that I talking about was when I started bingeing quite a bit due to stress, anyway to see the scene I had a lot of food on my plate and as I sit down he looks over to me and says” are you gonna eat all that? Can you really handle it? If not I’ll finish it for you” I think he saw the look on my face of pure guilt and regret, because as I tried to take another bite I stopped and pushed the plate away and said “nvm I not hungry anymore”. It wasn’t until later that I got a text from him saying that he didn’t realize that what he said caused me to stop eating and that some of the other people at our table told him that what he said probably made me feel like shit- which it did and I ended up going on a 4 day fast that ended with me fainting in class-

I haven’t spoken to him in a while, mostly because of winter break. He’s a good friend but really wants me to recover eventually, he’s got a bit of a hero complex- which I don’t really mind- he’s super easy to talk to and is a safe space for me. There’s been times when we both couldn’t sleep so we go on hour long walks around campus just talking, then we sit somewhere on campus talking more long into the night. There was this one time that we laid on the concrete infront of the chapel just staring at the night sky, it was so peaceful. id like to experience that at least one more time in my life, just to hear him call me is angel again

This is us laying on the floor in one of the dorm halls kitchen while our friends make cookies, it’s sometime around 1 am at this point. We’re all tired but there’s too much on our minds to sleep, it was strangely peaceful and calming even though we all had so much going on.

Welp

After the worst fucking day, I just threw 2 weeks down the drain. I was doing so well, and I went and messed it up. i was clean for two weeks then I went and played fruit ninja on my arms. FUCK. I am quite literally a fuck up

I just can’t do anything right anymore. So here is my current mood. Idk what I’m doing anymore, should prolly just die lol. That sounds like a better idea than anything. My bf could do way better, and be way happier with someone who isn’t a fuck up. With someone that he doesn’t have to worry about hurting themselves. Mom and dad don’t care, they’re too busy arguing to be bothered by me. That deserve a happy, non-messed up child.

so if anyone is wondering, I have playlist for when I fuck up. Idk if anyone else does this lol, but here what I got. Damn this post is a mess lol

That's a fact

When you grow up in an abusive home, you don’t become a people pleaser to please people. You become a people pleaser to keep the potential for more abuse away.

„but you survived“ but i didn’t want to lol. i wasn’t supposed to. i hate that i did. i’m angry that i did. i want the pain to go away so badly.