La Pluie De Vos Injures N'atteint Point Le Parapluie De Mon Indifférence.

A KNIFE THAT GIVES YOU ALL OF CLARK KENT’S SUPER POWERS!

WHY I ALWAYS FIND THIS AFTER I PLAY DARK SOULS

I'm f@#$ed

The only way to log out is to beat the game. And if you die in the game you die for real.

Six: If you’re looking for Seven, he is at mass.

Noodle: What? Sev’s a Christian?

Six: A pious one.

Noodle: Interesting.

Noodle: Do you know where I can get one of those fancy necklaces with a T on it?

Six: That’s a cross.

Noodle: Across from where?

Dark Souls’ Kings And Lords

Gwyn: I will raise this son as a daughter and in general take a whole diarrhea on him regardless of his merits and accomplishments because he was born aligned to a different aspect than me. I will also disown my other son and erase any records of his identity and history. I embarked on genocide of dragons for possibly very shady reasons, and was fully on board with a dangerous project to recreate that which cannot be replicated, resulting in a catastrophic failure that mutated a wise and peaceful civilization into murderous beast. You are supposed to feel bad about having to kill me, as the sad piano that plays while we duke it out suggests.

King of Oolacile: Dude, what if we totally dabbled in the forbidden arts with our golden sorceries (read: utility spells) as our only back-up and tortured this ancient conglomeration of twisted existences that we revived just to satisfy our sick curiosity? That’d be RAD, I hope nothing about this bites us in the ass down the lane, am I right.

The Four Kings: Man, it was really a challenge, but we finally got this whole New Londo jimjam going strong and steady! *phone rings* GUYS, THIS SNAKE THAT ANTAGONIZES EVERYTHING WE STAND FOR PROMISES TO TEACH US THE 120% ILLEGAL ART OF LIFEDRAIN, LET’S ROLL, I MEAN, WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

King Vendrick: *playing the harmonica off-note in his shitty crypt* I married this really hot chick but she turned out to be, like, a literal aspect of darkness hell-bent on the obliteration of civilization, so, hey, whatevs, man, you gotta compromise in marriage, right? *takes a swig of a black label Johnnie Walker* she then was like “honey, you gotta murderize that entire civilization of peaceful giants”, so we did! It was GREAT, we lost over half of our population, I redefined the concept of “war crime”, it was mad cool, man, well, except for the part where I realized what I had done, engaged full pussy mode, and locked myself in a crypt, where I took to wandering naked and afraid while my bodyguard protects me, despite the fact that I am insanely strong and immortal and wise. WHATCHA GONNA DO *LIFTS ARMS IN MOCK SURRENDER* *LAUGH TRACK PLAYS*

Duke Tseldora: ＳＰＩＤＥＲＳ

The Sunken King: Whew! That took a LOT of time, but we finally did it! We built a whole city around this slumbering dragon, our object of worship! This is, in no way, a dangerous idea at all. You know what is also not dangerous? Why, those famed Dragonslayers coming over by yonder, the Drakeblood Knights, led by Sir Yorgh, famed Dragonslayer! Let’s see what they want!

Old Iron King: LOOK AT ALL THIS METAL, HOMIE. LOOK AT MY COOL ASS SAMURAI MAN TEACHING MY KNIGHTS TO BE SAMURAI, HOMIE. LOOK AT THIS BITCHIN’ FUCKIN’ FORMER DRANGLEIC KNIGHT, RAIME, WHO CAME TO SERVE ME, HOMIE. YEAH BABY, WE GOT IT ALL IN THE IRON KINGDOM, WE GOT THESE CROSS-CULTURAL SAMURAI KNIGHTS PIMPING UP THE PLACE WITH PLATE ARMOR AND IAI, MAN, AND WE– H-hold on, Alonne, baby? Where you going, man? Baby, no, I can change, I swear, please come back, baby, NO, BABY, ALONNE *SHANKS ALONNE* aw fiddlesticks well I guess my kingdom goes to fuck now ‘cause I will throw the biggest, meanest tantrum in the history of big diaper pissbabies LET’S GO

Ivory King: Hello! I love you! Yes, you! Whoever is reading this, I love you! I really do! And while I love you a lot, there’s someone I love even more, and that’s my beautiful wife, Alsanna! God, I love my wife, she’s so beautiful and kind and smart, I just want her to be happy forever. I know, she’s a literal aspect of darkness who came with evil intentions and zealous desire to raze my lands, but, I know that anyone, anyone, is capable of redemption, and my love has confirmed that. I love my wife, and I love my kingdom Eleum Loyce, my capable knights, my beautiful tigers, my kingdom of snow and peace! Wanna know a secret? I built my kingdom right on top of the Old Chaos to contain it, to keep it in check, so it wouldn’t rampage across the world. Ah, I’m really sad to have to cut this short, but my soul, well, it wavers. After so many years of fighting it, my very fabric is yielding to the overwhelming chaos. As an ultimate act of sacrifice, I will give myself to the Flame, contain the whole essence of the Old Chaos within my body, and keep it wrested to the ground, so it can never harm anyone evermore. I am glad to have met you, but I must go now. Please live a wonderful life! Shout out to my beautiful wife!

Yhorm the Giant: *hands you the one thing that can kill him* I AM HONESTLY TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, PLEASE TRUST ME. AND IF I GO COO-COO, USE THAT TO KILL ME, AND ALSO, I AM PUTTING AWAY MY GREATSHIELD SO IT IS EASIER TO HIT ME IN CASE I GO BAD, BUT PLEASE, I AM JUST TRYING TO BE GOOD, BRUSH YOUR SEATBELT AND FASTEN YOUR TEETH.

Oceiros, the Consumed King: *spams your Facebook feed with photos of his invisible baby*

Nameless King: Funny story, but I am actually not a king. Anyways, check out these delayed attacks and these FPS drops.

Prince Lothric: What If Stay Home Instead

Loved me those lov reactions! Could I get one for reactions to a recruit with a snake based quirk (control,naga,etc) that talks in sarcastic haikus? Think zero from borderlands if you've ever played lmao

anon came for my obsession with snakes and love of poetry with this one

I’ve never played borderlands but I hope this is what you’re looking for ;)

Quirk: Snakecharmer - With this quirk, Y/n can summon snakes that live inside of their skin to do her bidding. The only drawback is they have to shed their skin now and then and they have a speech impediment that makes them prolong the ‘s’ sound (like a snake’s hiss”

Shigaraki

giran brought you along with toga and dabi as new recruits for the league

at first glance, he just thought you looked normal, your face wasn’t fucked up like dabi and you didn’t seem to be as batshit crazy as toga

when he asked you to introduce yourself he took back the part about you being normal

“Our eyes meet across

the room. My lips say no, my

eyes say ‘read my lips’ “

bitch what

he doesnt understand this cryptic bullshit

when he starts to realize what you just said, he gets super annoyed

he just wants to disintegrate your flesh but kurogiri won’t let him

poor brat baby

he thinks your quirkless or that you have an weak quirk because you just seem so harmless

But

when the league were out on a mission and you and shigaraki got separated from the rest of the members, he thought shit had completely shit the fan

the heroes were surrounding you two and he was slightly injured

but when 20 fucking snakes jumped out of your body and started swallowing the heroes whole

[surprised pikachu face]

shigaraki literally said “and i OOP?!?”

he was so shocked

he thought it was kinda hot too 👀

shigaraki has a naga kink : exposed

he definitely starts to see you as less annoying and more ‘evil hot snake god(dess)’

the poems still get on his nerves tho

Dabi

he thinks giran is out of his mind to bring an actual knife-wielding child and a weird poetry lady

that is until he sees your quirk

he thinks it’s pretty awesome

one day, Shigiraki tries to grab you when you make a comment about Father and Dabi just sits back and watches these giant pythons come out of your back and bite shigaraki’s wrist before his hand touches you

Dabi is fucking impress

Your dialect does confuse him but if we are going off on the Dabi is a Todoroki Theory, then he’s used to Traditional Japanese Culture and his mother probably read some haikus to his as a child so he finds it endearing

but sometimes he gets triggered of his past and ignores you but if he thinks he can just get rid of you so easily he’s got another thing coming 👏

“A friend’s silence leaves

scars far deeper than the lash

of an enemy”

Dabi doesn’t get emotional very often but when he’s like that and having flashbacks about his past, he’s so soft

you remind him of his mom

or how his mom used to be before she went crazy

you wrap your snakes around him like a tight hug but not enough to hurt him

he actually gives you a genuine smile

uwu

Toga

this girl only speaks in kawaii and yandere

she’s also a middle school dropout so

she stupid

i mean she’s street smart but girl don’t even know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

smh

she first starts taking interest in you after watching your snakes rip through an enemy’s body, splattering blood all over your body

she thinks you’re hella cute with all the blood on your face

she also thinks your pet snakes are adorable and she’s named every single one

lowkey named one izuku and started stabbing it but stopped once you started crying about your baby being hurt

she has a uwu crush on you

but not in the way where she wants to stab you

in the way where she wants to stab people with you

be gay do crime

she gets so confused when you talk tho

she stupid, as i said before

she loves when you make haikus about her tho

or the ones you stay when you’re about to kill someone

“ “women are weaklings!”

I’m strong enough to carry

your corpse to the woods”

she likes that one 🥰

HOLD ME BACK. HOLD ME BACK. I’M PUNCH THIS FAUX-PLAGUE-DOCTOR’S BEAK OFF.

MIRIO-SENPAI KICK THAT MAN IN THE A. On another note, omg I’m happy they’re not related…this child deserves HAPPINESS.

Heh Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

my brain, interrupting my daydream: this is poorly researched and the narrative is not compelling

The “All for One is Izuku’s father” theory is both interesting and hilarious because any time I think about it, I just imagine Toshinori finding out and having a “I love this child with every fiber of my being and he has my complete trust but how the fuck did I manage to choose the one (1) child of my arch-nemesis as a successor” moment.

the best episode of yugioh is when he kills a child