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JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES
Thomas Shelby x Reader
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, grieving, a lot of pain, eventual fluff, smut
A/N: thanks for reading guys
Y/N was never a light sleeper, but this particular time waking up felt way more difficult than usual. Her head was hurting from all the crying and the last thing she could remember was Tommy holding her against his chest and the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with his own unique scent before she nodded off, unable to handle the recent events.
âMrs. Shelby, you're awakeâ One of the maids spoke up with a gentle smile, putting a steaming tea on the nightstand by her side.
Sitting up, Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
âI'm not a Shelbyâ She responded with more annoyance than she'd like.
âOhâ The older woman said with a hint of shame. âMy apologies. Mr. Shelby asked to bring you tea and some pain relief tonic,â
Y/N nodded, thanking her quietly before she rose from the bed, looking around. The room looked familiar in a less than pleasurable way, just like the clothes she was wearing. Sighing deeply she walked out of the room, seeing the dark corridor of the places she once called home.
After getting refreshed and dressed, Y/N walked toward the grand staircase. She stopped cold, feeling goosebumps running through her spine in the worst possible way when she saw the monumental portrait of Thomas and her in the stairwell. One she used to see everyday. The eyes on the portrait looked as lively as ever, mocking the pain she held in her chest every time she saw it. There she was, the former lady of the house, laying claim to her domain even from the grave. The longer she stared at her, the more she felt Grace was taunting her. âYou may have been his woman once, but I have his heart and his ring on my finger now.â The words rang in her ears, coming from the depths of her memory, loud as the day she heard them for the first time. Y/N couldn't seem to be able to tear her gaze away, silently battling the ghost that seemed to curse her relationship forever.
She stood there for a long moment, immersed in the painting so much that she didn't realise she was being watched.
Thomas stood in the doorway on the other side of the corridor, watching her silently losing the battle as shame gnawed on his insides. He should have thrown it away long ago, but it was the last thing on his mind as he desperately looked for Y/N everywhere. The dead woman on his wall wasn't a big concern.
âYou're awakeâ He spoke up, unable to handle the silence anymore.
She turned around, almost startled, as he caught her staring at her. The first thing she noticed were the glasses on his nose, and she fought against the little smirk that tried to appear on her lips so badly.
âWhat am I doing here? Where are the boys?â She asked, straight to the point. Thomas shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, knowing she wouldn't be happy with the news.
âBoys are with Frances upstairs, playing.â He responded, looking her in the eyes. âYou're not safe outside of Arrow house. You three need to stay here until the vendetta is over.â
âWhat if you had more men surrounding my flat instead?â Y/N bargained.
âItâs too dangerous and I need my men concentrated not spread out over citiesâ he replied, already prepared for the questions he knew she'd ask.
She wanted to argue so badly. Y/N wanted to be free from him and the reminders of the past that this house held. But she knew that receiving a black hand was a serious threat she didnât have the capacity to handle by herself.
âThe only reason I'm not leaving right now is because I need to keep them safe.â She said, stepping closer. â...and if anything happens to us, I want you to know that it's all your fault.â
Despite knowing and seeing the pure hatred in her eyes, Thomas could never fully brace himself for the impact of her words.
âNothing will happen to any of you. I give you my wordâ He said, quieter this time.
âYour word means nothing to me, Thomas. Just⊠just stay away from us as much as possible.â Y/N added, wanting to walk away.
âYou can't expect me to stay away. They.. are my kids. My sons.â He said suddenly, and the confidence and fierceness of his voice made her stop in her tracks. âI regret losing you every single day. Every day I grieved the loss of my bloody heart, and then I found out there's three I should have been grieving. But you're here, and so are they. So I won't let yoâthem go.â He hissed out, almost frantically and the vulnerability in his eyes made her slightly tremble. It hurt even more, because she waited so long to hear.. anything. Any crumb of reassurance would be enough to keep her here, but he didn't say a fucking word.
Straightening her back, Y/N inhaled a deep breath, looking back at the bloody portrait who was witnessing the whole scene. Seconds later she looked at him again, and the fire in his eyes was more lively, outweighing the dead, judgemental stare.
âThey won't call you their father. If you break this rule, you won't see us again.â
***
The next day Y/N woke up, bracing herself for another battle as she walked down the stairs and to her surprise, the portrait was⊠gone. Her heart thumped wildly at the realisation and she couldn't believe her eyes. Suddenly the tension in the house seemed to have lessened.
Walking to the kitchen, she noticed Thomas sitting by the table with a cup of coffee and a cigarette in his hand, as he read the newspaper. It felt weirdly domesticated and the thought alone made her smirk.
âDid the boys eat?â She asked, not sure what to expect.
âFrances fed them an hour ago. Tommy is napping in the living room, and Nick is picking daisies with Mary in the garden.â He responded in a calm tone, not tearing his gaze away from the newspaper.
Silence hung in the air as they each did their own thing
Finishing up her breakfast, Y/N cleared her throat again as she looked at the wall in front of her.
âThe portrait is goneâ She pointed out in an emotionless voice, not looking at him. A couple longer moments passed before she heard him exhale a cloud of smoke.
âWhat portrait? He responded, and Y/Nâs lips stretched into a subtle smile before she grabbed her plate and walked away.
A couple days later Y/N still avoided him, occasionally getting to talk to John or Arthur, but both of them were distracted by the giant threat hanging over the family. Polly seemed to keep it together the best, coming over whenever she felt like it for some female company.
Y/N said her goodbyes to Polly, going to put the cups into the sink and cleaning the mess after Nick. She wasn't used to having maids doing everything for her, so it was more comfortable to just clean the mess herself. Nick himself was currently spending time with his uncles by the stables, and Tommy was⊠who knows where.
After cleaning, Y/N went looking for the other boy, asking Frances who just directed her to the little room where the toys were stored.
She expected everything, but not the view she saw arriving in the doorway. Little Tommy sat back on his legs, watching with wide eyes and furiously colouring the different shapes Thomas drew for him.
âDat?â Tommy asked suspiciously, pointing towards the crooked flower on the paper and glancing at him with big eyes.
âThis?â He asked with a grin, âthat's a flowerâ he explained, to which the boy nodded, narrowing his eyes lightly.
â...and dat?!â He asked suddenly in a squeaky tone, seeing the car Thomas drew for him.
âThat's a car. Almostâ He chuckled, seeing the crooked shapes as he tried his very best.
Tommy nodded, grinning in the same way as his father before glancing at his mum.
âHi!â He waved, before pointing to the flower again. âfwowa!â he said proudly, pushing his little chest forward.
Thomas just laughed quietly, putting the pencil down.
âGood job, little manâ he said, before slowly rising from the floor with a groan.
âOh God, I'm too old for thisâ He whispered with a chuckle, glancing at Y/N who wasn't able to suppress the smile on her face after she heard Tommy talk. âDon't smile like that, now it's your turn.â Thomas added, passing by her in the doorway, his shoulder brushing against hers.
***
The next couple weeks were⊠rougher. Changretta was relentless in his search, which turned into a couple of seriously dangerous situations where John got shot in the chest barely coming out alive. Polly didn't agree with a lot of Thomas' actions, despite his inability to back off right now. He stood his ground, no matter how difficult it was sometimes to keep Y/N inside Arrow house whenever worse moments would arrive. And they did, fairly frequently.
The pull he felt became stronger and stronger, no matter how many daggers she kept throwing. Spewing the words she held deep inside, reminding him of the monster he used to be⊠or maybe still was? He couldn't tell. The view in the reflection of his mirror was so blurry, that it didn't matter. As long as she saw him to be fit enough to be around boys.
The house was completely quiet as he made his way through the corridor, lacking the usual sounds of kids playing or Y/N walking from one room to the other. Walking past the library, he caught a glimpse of light coming from the room that made him stop in his tracks.
His hands trembled with anxiety. The fear settled in his ribs over three years ago and hasn't left him once, even though they were here.
Thomas was aware of how powerless he was once the vendetta was over. The thought of them leaving the house and never coming back was making his heart squeeze painfully, reminding him of the privilege he once had, but gave it up willingly. The fear was like a loop, tightening around his throat with each passing day as he grew comfortable coming home and seeing them here.
Walking into the library, Thomas was completely quiet, wanting nothing but to see her if it was all he could count on. He was completely unaware of the fact that she always felt his presence. Sometimes letting him stay, and other times making him leave so desperately that made him wonder whether it was possible to day from a broken heart.
Step after step he tried to control his shallow breathing as he finally saw her. Standing by the big shelf, he traced over the backs of books standing there for so long, it felt like they were always there.
âYou wouldn't like that oneâ He spoke up quietly, noticing how she didn't even budge hearing his voice. It took a longer moment before she replied.
âHow so?â Her voice was calm, light-hearted as she found herself lost in the countless stories filling up the wooden shelves. The nagging thoughts in his mind disappeared the second he heard her voice.
âBecause you don't like uncertainty. It's filled with unanswered questions and has an open ending.â He thought for a moment before replying, well aware of the content of this book, because he read them all. In the moments of despair, trying to hold onto every scrap of feelings in the house so empty, it felt like nobody lived inside.
Sighing deeply, Y/N put the book back in its place, grabbing another one.
âNobody likes uncertainty, Thomas. Holding onto the moment, unsure of what's to come.â She sighed, hearing his slow footsteps approaching. âA book is just a book. You can close it, and move onto another one anytime. If only life was just as easy.â
Silence in the room caused the whole scenery to become more intimate, unexpectedly even for him. Stopping mere inches behind her, he watched the back of her head for a moment, remembering the nightmares he had every night. Ones where he couldn't reach her, no matter how he tried.
His breath caught in his throat as he slowly raised his hand, moving it closer and closer towards her shoulder. Inches away, he noticed the goosebumps covering her skin. Without looking he reached out to the shelf, grasping onto the book he knew by heart, while his arm brushed against her own.
He stood close, too close, and Y/N knew it too well, yet she couldn't bring herself to make him leave or pull away. The way he trembled as his chest pressed lightly against her back made her stand still.
âYou'd love this oneâ He whispered, not feeling brave enough to speak loudly. The uncertainty they talked about he knew better than anything else.
Her breathing became heavier, feeling him so close, the tingling on her skin she hadn't felt for so long almost made her flinch. Slowly, she turned around facing him.
This, Thomas didn't expect as she suddenly looked up, their eyes meeting in a gaze long forgotten, yet still alive and lively as when they looked for the first time.
âI don't read anymoreâ She confessed quietly, and his eyes couldn't help but watch her lips intently. The way they wrapped around the words she spoke.
The urge to grab and hold her closer was strong, almost too strong. Tommy tilted his head to the side, getting a better look at her face in the dim light.
âI can read it to youâ He offered quietly, as it was the closest she allowed him to⊠just be near her.
So he waited, scared of ruining the moment as she moved closer. Their noses brushing against each other.
âI wanted you to speak, not read.â The sound of her voice was like the most beautiful music he ever got to listen to, even though the words were far from it. â...but now it's too late, and you're standing too close.â her breath touched his lips, taunting.
âŠand then she pulled away, leaving him standing there. Slowly making her way out of the library.
âYou're cruelâ He said, loud enough for Y/N to hear.
***
Y/N opened her eyes suddenly, sitting up as she took a deep breath, desperately trying to blink away the nightmare she had. The clock showed three AM in the morning, and her heart was pounding from the fear she felt. One she rarely felt anymore, feeling as Thomas was taking it over day by day, despite her unwillingness to share anything. Even the broken, ugly parts he ruined.
His cold eyes kept looking at her in the dream, so unfazed by the idea of her absence. The humiliation turned into physical tears rolling down her cheeks as the memories clouded her reasoning.
Getting up from her bed, she remembered the way he touched her. Avoiding her eyes, throwing his head back. Not bothering to bare himself, so eager to take but never give. Forcing her to pour from a completely empty cup.
Her bare feet were cold against the floor as she quickly made her way through the corridor, knowing where she'd find him. Swiftly opening the door to his office, Y/N didn't bother to say a word or wipe her tears away as she quickly walked up, not looking him in the eyes.
âY/N?â He asked, taking his glasses off and setting them on his desk while she suddenly pulled him back, creating more space to straddle his lap. Tears kept streaming in a smaller amount, but never ending as she ripped his shirt open, baring his chest.
âWhat are youââ He tried to speak up, but she didn't let him, as she pressed her lips against his so aggressively his breath caught in his throat.
Pulling on his belt she unbuckled it skillfully, a motion she knew too well from all these years ago. The inner pain burned her chest as she kissed and bit him, while pushing his arms away.
âShut upâ She hissed, as the humiliation from the memories took over her mind. The shame of giving and never asking for more. Of being taken and left without any rest. Pulling his pants open she stroked him impatiently, doing just enough to get him going. It wasn't difficult, as he was the only man she ever slept with, knowing his habits and body more than she'd care to admit.
Her nails raked over his throat and chest, ripping a deep groan from his throat.
He didn't dare to ask, feeling and giving everything she wanted to take. Despite the burning, the physical attraction and need she felt was stronger, her arousal glistening and visible as she lined him up with her entrance, not caring enough to be slow or subtle as she sank down on him fully. A subtle moan pushed past her lips as she squeezed her eyes tightly, doing the same thing he used to.
His eyes were wide open, taking the beautiful sight of her on top of him, but the expression on her face made him hurt so badly, he thought he might not survive. He reached out, wanting her to look at him, but she refused, keeping her eyes squeezed tightly as she moved on top of him frantically chasing her release.
âY/Nâ He begged quietly, as her hands wrapped around his throat, squeezing to cause pain.
âI hate you. I hate you so muchâ She whimpered, as his fingers dug into her thighs.
âPleaseâ He whispered, and she let go of his throat, digging her nails into his shoulders.
Thomas wanted to reach out to wipe her tears away, but he knew she wouldn't let him.
So he leaned forward, his forehead pressing against her collarbone when he let out a shaky breath.
âI love youâ He whispered weakly, holding her tightly as she haven't stopped moving even for a second, brimming on the edge.
âI hate you. I fucking hate youâ She cried out, opening her eyes as she looked down at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes were half lidded but he didn't give up, staring and repeating like mantra.
âI love youâ kept spilling from his lips as she reached her peak, causing him to follow right after as they reached the release.
His head fell forward, tears escaping his tired eyes as she quickly got off of him, leaving him without a word.
***
Y/N was growing increasingly restless inside of the Arrow House. Her days had been filled with reading and finding activities to keep her sons occupied, which took less time than usual, as Thomas took every opportunity to spend time with them. There was one room she had only been in once prior on this visit. She shuddered at the memory of her desperate conflicted intimacy with Thomas. Y/N knew that room would hold a concentrated form of his presence and essence, even more so after that night. She wasnât sure if she felt strong enough to enter his sanctum again, but while Thomas was away on business and her boys were having their afternoon nap, the curiosity overcame her hesitation as she entered his space.
It was incredibly⊠him with deep mahogany furnishings and sumptuous emerald accents. During that night, she had paid no attention to the surroundings in the office - only to him and her inner emotions. Slowly she went deeper into his study, turning on a lamp at his desk. She could picture him here with those round glasses on, absorbed in matters of business both legitimate and less so. To the side of his desk was a small curio cabinet filled with antiquities and presumably family mementos. It hardly garnered a second thought from her until she noticed a figurine on the top shelf next to an old photograph of Thomas and his siblings. It was the figurine.
Before the war, before everything changed, she and Thomas would wander around Birmingham together - young and full of optimism. Both their families were poor and doing their best to survive in the cruel world, but they were the dreamers of their respective clans. He and Y/N often visited a certain shop that sold trinkets and collectables. Y/N yearned to be able to spend money on frivolous little objects like these one day. There was a specific figurine that she longed to own: a porcelain ballerina with graceful fingers and a white and pink lace ruffled skirt. She thought ballerinas were the most fairy-like women that walked the Earth. Of course neither of them could afford such a beautifully crafted figurine, but Y/N swore that one day they would walk in that shop and purchase her ballerina without a second thought to the cost.
That never happened, yet here it was, that same figurine she had seen so many years before sitting in Thomasâ curio cabinet in his most sacred space of his home. She didnât know what it meant, but she felt tears prick her eyes at the reminder of those beautiful days from their youth. If only they could be like that again. If only the war and the turmoil after it hadnât soured the tender young love they had known.
âI see you found your way back to my studyâ Thomasâ deep voice called from the doorway. Y/N was startled. She had been so lost in her memories and feelings that she hadnât noticed his presence. She shifted awkwardly.
âYeah, it seems like it.â She responded, glancing towards the curio cabinet. He slowly came up closer, a small grin on his face.
âWhat did you find?â Thomas asked, tilting his head to the side. Of course he knew what she saw, but wanted to hear it.
âI canât believe you remembered my ballerinaâ Y/N said, not meeting his gaze.
âI went back to the shop to get it, but old Mr. Jones said heâd sold it years before. It took some hunting, but I eventually found her. I was hoping to someday show it to you, but⊠seems like you found her instead.â
âWhy?â she questioned him in a small voice.
âBecause this is how I remember you. You always said the ballerina was like a fairy or goddess come to Earth, but to me⊠when I saw that ballerina figure, I saw you.â Y/Nâs eyes glistened with unshed tears as she glanced back towards the cabinet and then back at the man in front of her. Letting out a deep sigh, she wiped her eyes.
âWhy now? Why did it take you so long to⊠to do this? Anything. I waited so long and⊠and now it's too late, Thomas.â She said, looking at him with an expression that crushed him. Feeling his breath hitch painfully, he felt his throat tightening. He had grieved over losing her and now that Y/N was physically here, she had never felt more far away from him.
After looking into her eyes for a longer moment, Tommy grabbed her hand, slowly straightening it against his palm while the other one reached to his holster, pulling out his gun. Y/Nâs eyes widened, but his gaze remained locked on hers, not faltering.
Finally, he didn't feel the fear. Holding the loaded gun, he slowly shoved it into her smaller hand, aiming it forward before he closed his eyes. Pushing his forehead against the muzzle tightly, keeping her wrist upright.
âThen kill me.â He said out loud, the words hanging in the air for a moment. âBecause otherwise I will never let you go, no matter how hard you try.â
Thanks for reading lol bye
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Are you gay for Murphy?
no not really
JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES
Thomas Shelby x Reader
It's a little addition to the three part fic! A little closure for people who needed it!
Warnings: swearing, fluff, comfort
A/N: that's it guys, they're gonna be happy I promise
~~
If someone asked, Y/N wouldn't be able to pinpoint the moment when she started feeling like home in the Arrow house. The realisation at first made her⊠fearful almost, as she knew how comfortable the boys became with the house. With Tommy. Theyâve spent nearly a year here since the ongoing threats from the Changrettas. Could she take these young boys away from what theyâve known? Before, Y/N was doing her very best to focus on day to day life, back when her relationship with Thomas was very difficult and⊠barely there. Now, on the other hand, things looked different and day by day he kept proving to her that he deserved to be a father to Nick and Tommy.
Functioning around and with Thomas grew on her more than she'd like to admit. Subconsciously, she memorised his work schedule to make sure he had something warm to eat after coming home. Whenever she wouldn't know how to handle an issue, she would come to him instinctually. No matter whether it was a serious matter, or a stubborn lid on a jar she couldn't open.
Basically, they lived like a family. Neither of them expected the shift in the air that would happen after realising that⊠they weren't forced to live together anymore. The threat was gone, and so was the excuse for living together despite their uncertain situation. It was easier to brush it away, having an excuse other than⊠the want to stay. Thomas didn't dare to touch this topic, maybe fearing he'd give her an idea to leave.
So they both pretended like the matter didn't exist.
Y/N thought about it while she scrambled around the room, looking for Nick's pants in the midst of chaos as Tommy ran around fully dressed.
âBloody hellâ She mumbled, moving around in her nightgown, not prepared at all. Guests would start arriving in about forty minutes so she had to be quick.
âThere!â She exclaimed happily, pulling out the small piece of clothing from their wardrobe as she grabbed the boy to put it on. A satisfied smile appeared on her lips as she took in their appearance. Their white shirts contrasted with the dark blue suit pants and suspenders which ensured that, well⊠their pants would stay where they're supposed to.
As she moved towards her vanity, Y/N looked at her face to check whether her makeup that she put on while her boys were taking a nap still looked neat, letting out a sigh of relief as it was all fine. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Tommy wearing only his right shoe, running towards the door while holding the other in his hand.
âThomas!â She yelled after him, using his full name for a better effect, which⊠clearly didn't work, as the boy ran out of the room.
Without a second thought, Y/N rushed after him, immediately fearing that he'd fall down the stairs.
She repeated his name, falling out of the room at high speed, and before she could react, she stumbled upon the one person she didn't expect to stand there, Thomas. He stood there, cocking an eyebrow at the way she looked with her hair up, body covered by the thin fabric.
âGot places to be?â He asked with a head tilt and grin on his lips, causing Y/Nâs cheeks to turn bright pink at the way he looked at her.
âNo, IâI was dressing up and he.. bolted out of the room.â Y/N couldn't hold in the giggle, seeing Tommy clutching his father's hand and still holding the other shoe, looking proud of himself as ever.
Thomas watched her carefully, secretly loving the way she scrunched up her nose while laughing.
âDon't look at me like that, Shelby. It's your fault.â She pointed out, raising her eyebrows as she put her hand on her hips, causing him to eye her once again before indulging in the banter.
âHow so?â He chuckled, still standing really close, and without any intention of moving.
âFirst off, you went to get ready first and left me with BOTH of them,â she pointed out, counting on her fingers for a dramatic effect. â...and he's a troublemaker because of you. Like father like son,â She added with mischief, causing him to shake his head with a smile.
âWell,â He started before glancing down, âI am in fact wearing both of my shoes, he probably got it from you.â Thomas pointed towards her bare feet, making her blush more fiercely. âAnd havenât you always bragged to me about how well youâve learned to multitask?â he added.
Y/N rolled her eyes at his words, secretly enjoying the exchange.
âI have,â She responded confidently, taking a step forward to reach for the shoe little Tommy was holding, unconsciously closing up some proximity between them. As she straightened her back, she was mere inches from the man's face, gasping as he leaned closer.
âIs that right?â He said with a cocked eyebrow, seeing the way she reacted to being so close to him..
âMhmâ She nodded, trying to hide away how flustered she suddenly felt. Thomas looked at her lips for a second, before smiling and clearing his throat.
He reached a hand out to her face to lightly brush her hair back into place, causing Y/N to involuntarily let out a quiet sigh.
âIâll have to test it at some point,â He responded in a voice a little too husky to take it as completely innocent, yet nothing bold. It delicately danced on the line she firmly set between them after moving in.
Y/Nâs pupils dilated, playfully scoffing at his words, yet unable to find anything smart as an answer. It wasn't often for her to run out of things to say, but it was one of these rare moments, which clearly amused him.
A peal of laughter interrupted the moment, bursting the bubble of tension which seemed to be surrounding them throughout the whole encounter.
Thomas glanced at the small carbon copy of himself, suddenly remembering they weren't alone.
âWhat's so funny, little man, eh?â He asked in a softer voice, the one he was using purely with their boys.
Without an audible answer, little Tommy's hand shot up, his chubby little finger pointing towards the room.
Looking back, Y/N suddenly froze at the sight in front of them.
The briefly unsupervised Nick had climbed onto the vanity chair and applied a nice thick layer of âcrimson passionâ lipstick to his nose and forehead.
âAs of right now, that's your sonâ Y/N sighed with a glimmer of humour in her eyes.
Even though it was a joke in this instance, hearing her calling the boys theirs or his always melted his heart. Back when he first discovered their existence, he wasnât sure Y/N would ever acknowledge his role in front of them.
With a shake of his head, Thomas took a step forward, to her surprise leaning down as he kissed her temple before moving past them.
âI'll take care of them, you go get dressed. Polly and Ada will arrive in less than half an hour.â
***
The small amount of powder on Y/Nâs face was the only reason why her cheeks weren't pink as she walked downstairs, catching everyone's eye. She looked radiant wearing her blue evening dress combined with the pearls adorning her neck.
Thomas stood back, watching and he couldn't help but feel almost giddy at how pretty she looked. As everyone greeted her, they moved to the dining room, still chatting, as maids slowly brought out the food and drinks. The atmosphere around the house was much lighter since the threat wasn't hanging above them like a dark cloud anymore. Ada took the opportunity to talk to Y/N about the kids, gushing over their resemblance to her brother.
Arthur and Linda arrived a little later, explaining the delay as their kids had been more fussy than usual.
Y/N listened closely as Polly talked away, trying not to get distracted by Tommy's hand on her lower back whenever she was within his reach, which was quite difficult.
Soon enough he asked the maids to look over the children, giving Y/N a wink before he and his brothers moved to the office, having to look over one of the contracts.
The women were sitting in the living room drinking and gossiping when the conversation turned toward the whole Changretta affair.
âY/N, you must give me your new address once you and the boys move out,â Linda said with a knowing smile. âBecause you're planning on moving out, right?â The straightforwardness of her allusions made the chatter die down, stirring up an awkward atmosphere.
Polly and Ada exchanged awkward glances as the entire mood of the room shifted.
âI'm sure Y/N will let you know about any changes should they occurâ Polly replied with a warning tone.
âShould they occur? I don't understand. I thought she only lived here for protection, not to live in sin,â said Linda, glancing around their faces as she raised her eyebrows in surprise. Linda was always bold with her words, but
âI think you've said enough, Lindaâ Ada coldly said as she glared daggers at her sister-in-law. Y/N rubbed her hands against her lap, looking around nervously. Finishing up her tea, she got up from the couch, thanking them for coming.
âIt's about time for my boys to get ready for bed. I think I should go check on them and Frances. Please excuse meâ Y/N said with a growing blush of embarrassment and fury on her face. Polly saw how nervous this exchange made her, so didn't dare to try and stop her, instead glaring eloquently at the blonde woman.
Being just around the corner, Y/N overheard the last few sentences.
âWhat?â Linda asked with a huff, âThese were her words at the beginning, don't you remember? Plus they're not even Shelby's technically.â She offered with annoyance, lighting a cigarette and inhaling the smoke as the older woman got up angrily, pointing towards her face.
Y/N walked away before Polly's heated response came to her ears, scooping up Tommy and grabbing little Nick by the hand, as he rubbed his eyes with his fist.
âLet's get you two to bed, hmm?â She said in her softer voice, feeling Tommy nodding against the crook of her neck.
âNooooâ Nick replied in a sleepy voice, watching his steps intently with half lidded eyes, as to not trip over any stairs. Y/N just smiled under her breath, his stubbornness reminding her so much of his father.
After changing them into pyjamas, she managed to put them both to bed despite some fussing from Nick, as expected. She couldn't help but spend a few minutes watching them sleep so peacefully, feeling relief that they were both happy and content.
Standing up from the bed, Y/N froze for a second, only then noticing Thomas standing in the doorway, watching over them calmly.
âWhat happened?â He asked begrudgingly as soon as the door behind them closed, his eyes scanning her face in search of truth. Y/N didn't meet his gaze, looking ahead as she hugged herself lightly.
âNothing happened, it was a nice eveningâ she replied in a tone that didn't even sound convincing to herself.
âIt's still early, they're all downstairs.â He pointed out, raising his brows, fully knowing she wasn't being truthful.
âBoys were sleepy,â She pointed out, finally looking at him. He blinked a couple times, before narrowing his eyes.
âAlright,â he eventually said, âThey're asleep, so let's join everyone downstairs thenâ his voice suggested a challenge in his tone, as he tried to get her to⊠start talking. Y/N sighed with annoyance at his digging, knowing damn well how stubborn he was.
âNo, I justââ she stopped, pulling back âI don't feel goodââ Y/N offered but Tommy cut her off,
âIt's what she said, isn't it?â His voice was rougher, eyes carefully studying her expression, which was enough to know the answer. âPolly told me,â Immediately added to the question she had written all over her face.
Letting out a sigh, Y/N looked towards the stairs, hearing fairly loud voices from downstairs, making it all the difficult to process her feelings. His eyes followed hers, sensing the anxiety she was feeling. He knew her too well.
âLet's not talk about it here, come onâ Thomas said finally, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards his bedroom. Y/N let him lead her, quietly shutting the door behind as he walked further into the room. She crossed her arms, looking in his direction.
âShe's not wrong,â Hardened expression and weak voice were giving away her mixed feelings on the matter, but Tommy let her speak. âI shouldâshould find an apartment somewhere, and go back to work⊠We're not in danger anymore. We should go.â
Her words created some serious chaos in his head, as he watched her face for a longer minute. Eyes frantically grazing over her expression, unsure whether she was serious. Turning around, Thomas let his gaze drop to the floor as he came up to the window, searching for answers to the questions that weren't even asked.
Not directly. Again this fucking uncertainty, he thought, tired of dancing around the situation they didn't address for so long. The realisation dawned on him, as he felt the real threat of losing them. Of losing her again.
Facing her again, Thomas looked her in the eyes boldly, taking a step forward.
âDid I cause that? Have I don't something wrong that makes you want to leave?â His voice steady, demanding a direct answer. âTell me what's missing and I'll fix it.â
Y/N groaned with frustration, stepping closer to the wardrobe, creating some distance between them that she do desperately needed to think clearly.
âNo, Tommy, it's not thatâ fuckâ she cut herself off with a sigh, looking for the right words. âYou didn't do anything wrong, it's just⊠just notââ
âI don't want you to go.â He said suddenly, cutting her off as she fell silent, looking at him with wide eyes. âI can't stand the thought of losing you again, and.. and thisâ He pointed towards the door, referring to the situation that took place downstairs. âShould have never happened in the first place. I can't stand this fucking distance. Knowing I can't touch you, that iâi can't kiss you despite having you right here.â His voice grew rougher with simmering anger, directed to nobody but himself. âHaving you sleep in another room even though your fucking place is by my side.â He took a step forward, looking in her eyes with emotions swirling in his mind. âKnowing that I have no right to keep you here, and.. and after what i did, I will never deserve you.â He said quieter, reaching for her cheek âBut I'm selfish, and I can't let you go when you're standing right here, Y/N. I'm tired of hiding how crazy I am about you.â Tommy's eyes were fixed on her lips, as he licked his own, feeling the sudden dryness in his throat. âBut uncertainty is the worst, so⊠so tell me. I need to knowââ
This time, Y/N pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes. Her hand gripping onto his vest, feeling his heart thumping beneath her hand. Kissing him slowly, without any rush, as his words rang in her ears.
âPleaseâ He said weakly as she finally pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. Y/Nâs hand combed through his hair, enjoying the warmth radiating from his body.
âPlease, don't break my heart, Tommy.â She whispered, feeling the weight easing off of her chest. âBecause I won't survive being punished for loving you again.â
Taggin my people: @iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @honeymoon8 @chaimaarouaine11 @hatethis29 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @preparedfruit @emptyvoidofmine @dornishannie
My little cousin was born blind. As a result, I now donate a considerable sum of money to a charity which gives dogs with eyes to blind Jews. The chairman of the board recommends that those of us who were blessed with the gift of sight, and that we spend, you know, at least half an hour a day with our eyes closed so that we may better understand the...well, the darkness, and um...also to increase our donations and that. What time is it? Twenty-nine minutes past eight. Peaky Blinders | 4x05 The Duel
NEED FEEDBACK GUYS!
TASTE OF SHAME
Thomas Shelby x Reader
Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence
A/N: Sorry it took so long. I'm absolutely the worst. Another part coming in shortly
A/N2: COMMENT AND REBLOG PLEASE!
Y/N woke up feeling different than usual. The deep sense of looking forward to something was exciting. Was.. new. Y/N knew it was perhaps one of Tommy's games and not a gesture of kindness in any way, but the idea of going shopping with Ada was nevertheless exciting.
She woke up early, got appropriately dressed, and secretly hoped she wouldn't see him this day at all. It was supposed to be about her. Just today.
Only a bit before eight she went downstairs, slowly looking around to find out whether Mr. Shelby was still home or not. The Arrow house was awfully quiet, like always when Charlie was still sleeping. He wasn't a loud child, but his precious giggles were warming up the overall cold and soulless building enough to breathe some life into it. He was making it sufferable to live in.
Y/N was quiet, mindful not to wake him up as she smiled at the staff, nodding kindly while passing by. Hearing voices from the living room, she made her way through the doorways only to see Ada along with her husband, Freddie.
âGood morning, Y/Nâ The older woman said with a smile as soon as she saw her. The questioning glance followed after the greeting which made her chuckle. Before she could say something, her man spoke up himself.
âHe would never let the two of you go on your own. It was either me or John and Arthur, so trust me, Lady. It's a better choice as it is!â Freddie spoke with an amusing drama and thick Brummy accent, making his wife swat him in the shoulder jokingly.
âHe's not wrongâ She admitted, sighing, and glancing sideways at her husband.
Y/N nodded lightly, smiling at the genuine contact between the two of them. It was refreshing and.. comforting, to see a glimpse of real love in the hollow walls of the Arrow House.
âIt's okay. I don't mind at allâ She reassured, gratefully. Her cheeks were rosy with excitement. âI really appreciate the two of you taking me to the city. It's been... A while.â
Ada winked at Y/N before coming up closer and grasping her hands.
âLovely then. I'd never say no to shopping with one of the ladies! It's the best time. Especially that we have a set of hands to carry our bags, indeed!â
They chuckled lightheartedly, walking to the corridor to put on their jackets along with the rest of proper clothing. Luckily, the day was nice enough to not need an umbrella.
âLet's get to it thenâ Y/N said as Freddie opened the door, gesturing for them to go first. Leaving the building, Y/N managed to spare one last glance towards the black, wooden door barely visible from the doorway. Mr. Shelby's office.
~~
The day was going well. Genuinely, for the first time in a long time she could honestly say it. Laughing out the tension which has been slowly gathering on her mind felt wonderful and the company of Ada and Freddie just reminded her how much she missed the careless giggles and fast heartbeat she used to feel back then.
Back when she wasn't someone's belonging. A selfish whim.
Buying all the gear was fun, trying it on and posing even more. Especially once they were done, and Ada suggested buying more clothes.
âWe shouldn't,â Y/N said quietly, grabbing Ada's forearm lightly. The older woman rolled her eyes, narrowing them.
âCome on, Y/N. We're spending his money. The least he can do is pay for us!â She let out a laugh which held the mischievous hint, one she shared with all of their brothers. No matter how similar or different Shelby siblings were, they all had it.
She thought for a moment, feeling the unpleasant worry again. Her feelings were raw and visible in her eyes, fully on display as always.
âI don't know,â She said, quietly, stopping in her tracks. Ada picked up on the way her voice broke just a little bit. Moving closer she grasped her shoulders.
âI mean it. Plus, he literally GAVE me money to pay for our stuff.â She was convinced. âTommy is my brother, Y/N. He knows me well enough to know better than assuming I'd buy just the necessities.â Y/N shifted uncomfortably, searching in her gaze for the truthfulness to sooth her own anxiety. Looking in Ada's blood irises, she found it. But she wasn't sure just yet. â...and Thomas loves everything about horses ever since he was a little boy. He's well aware of how much the gear would cost, honey. Yet he gave us way more.â This time her voice carried less humour, wanting to give her the comfort she needed along with reassurance.
Finally, Y/N nodded slowly, looking around and noticing that Freddie gave them some space to talk, stepping aside to smoke a cigarette yet paying attention enough to keep them safe.
Her gaze danced along the shops with bright and bold letters above the entrances, designed to encourage wealthy women to come in and spend their money. Eventually she met her friend's blue eyes again.
âOkayâ She agreed, letting out a chuckle as Ada clapped happily before grabbing her hand and pulling them towards the luxury shop.
âHere we come!â She squealed and Freddie just shook his head with amusement, following them closely.
It took about half an hour to get her going. At first it was the Shelby sister who twirled between the alleys in the fairly big shop, touching and gasping over the beautiful creations. All kinds of materials, hundreds of breathtaking colours with even more breathtaking cash tags attached to them made Y/N feel uneasy, but with time... Ada's enthusiasm infected her too.
So they both giggled like young girls, trying dresses on, making funny gestures and blushing furiously as they saw themselves in the big mirror. So unused to such a luxury, Y/N's eyes shone brightly when she saw the girl in her own reflection. So different from the one she used to see a couple long months ago.
âWe're absolutely getting this one,â Ada said suddenly, ripping her out of the train of thoughts. Slowly gazing over the creation, Y/N let out a sigh, picking on the cuticles of her fingers. Looking down she swayed lightly, biting her lower lip, but before she managed to speak up, Freddie joined his wife.
âI must agree,â He said, keeping his expression serious before Ada elbowed him in the side lightly. âYou look like a real high class lady now,â He added, less formally with a small smirk, grasping Ada's hand.
Y/N blushed, so unused to any kind of male attention.
âThank you. I hope he won't be mad.â The other part of the sentence was said quieter, almost to herself, but unfortunately all of them heard.
Plastering a fake smile onto her lips, she went back to change before they checked out, and got on the way as it was already fairly late. Clouds thinned one the sky, letting everyone see the glimpses of sunset kissing the horizon in a manner so dreamy, Y/N couldnât help the little smile on her lips as she watched the whole scene through the window. Shopping took a bit longer than expected, as Ada planned out the whole day, making them visit all the ladies' favourites in the city centre. After coffee and sweet souvenirs from the local bakery, they took a walk around the better part of Birmingham before heading back. Around fifteen minutes it took, before Freddie was parking the car on the gravelly driveway. Sighing, Y/N looked down at her hands, knowing the great day was pretty much over now that she was here. Slowly, she moved to get out of the car, grabbing a few of the bags as Ada and her husband did the same.Â
The Shelby sister noticed the shift in the air as she moved closer to Y/N rubbing her shoulder with a half smile.
âIt was a wonderful day, wasnât it? We need to do it again soon.â She said, before dramatically lowering her tone. âNext time definitely just us, without any of them,â She gestured towards Freddie with a chuckle, taking the edge off a bit as the tension loosened.
Y/N nodded, agreeing immediately as she loved the idea of having a way out every now and then. Wordlessly they walked up the stairs, greeting one of the maids after making the entrance. She took Y/Nâs coat, hanging it for her once she realized Mr. and Mrs. Thorne werenât staying.Â
âOnce again, thank you for the outing. Iâm looking forward to the next time,â The younger woman said with a genuine honesty in her voice, revealing how much it actually meant to her.
âAnytime,â Freddie responded, winking as he grasped Adaâs hand once she hugged Y/N.
âOf course.â She added, turning around as they started walking away before stopping once again, âOh, and tell Tommy youâre home already, will you?â And with that, they were gone.Â
Y/N considered seeking out Tommy right then, but she was tired from the outing and wanted to change into a more comfortable dress to lounge at home. Once in her room, she was increasingly tempted by her soft inviting bed. As soon as she settled in her soft sheets all her new things still in the shopping bags became distant memories, just like the thought of making her way to Mr. Shelbyâs office. Exhaustion overtook her tired mind and before she knew it, she fell asleep.Â
Hours passed, and on the other side of the house, Thomas was sitting by his desk. A half empty glass of whiskey stood to his left, as he slowly sipped on it with no rush. He lost count of all the paperwork heâd done today and the end was still nowhere to be seen. Taking off his glasses, he rubbed his eyes which became tired from all the reading and writing.Â
Suddenly the silence of the room got interrupted by quiet footsteps right by the door. Tommy glanced at the clock, realizing how late it already was. Without knocking the door knob turned as the wooden door gave way to a familiar silhouette.Â
Y/N rubbed her eyes, as she walked in. Her feet bare against the cold floor which wasnât too pleasant, yet useful in a way to keep her awake.Â
He watched wordlessly, after putting his glasses back on. As she slowly moved from the doorway towards his desk, eventually slumping into the armchair. She avoided his eyes, feeling guilty with the unintentional disobedience.
So the silence stretched into longer seconds as she picked on the hem of her dress.Â
âHad fun?â His voice cut the air eventually, seeing how she struggled with finding anything to say. It was hoarse from the lack of talking for many hours, even lower than usual which she found intimidating.
But on the other hand, was there anything about him which wasnât intimidating to her? The answer was obvious.
âIâm sorry I didn't come right away. We were late, and.. And I was tired. Before I realized it, I was sleeping.â She said quieter, feeling as she was walking on thin ice that might break at any given moment, pulling her into the freezing, cold water. The stillness that never ceased to surround him was terrifying at times. To her, Thomas Shelby was a complete mystery. His way of carrying himself reminded her of a volcano, so still and quiet just to blow up with a never ending stream of force. So the silence was⊠chaos really. âIâm sorry, Mr. Shelbyâ
Her voice, so quiet and submissive, danced around his mind. Mixing with the whiskey he drank, twisting and moving in different directions and causing the weird stirring he felt. Something that started becoming familiar, dangerously enough. His lips stretched into a small grimace, not quite enough to become a proper smile. Another thing that made him, him. All the small things she learned to become aware of, cautious and deliberate while slowly walking between the mines in his head. The boundaries that were constantly in motion for any kind of comfort, making it impossible to learn their placement. So she walked through the dark.
âI asked if you had fun, Dove,âÂ
His voice came out soft, at least softer than expected which almost made her gasp in a way. Her eyes flickered up, meeting his cold gaze. His eyes never seemed to lose the ice, but every now and then the blizzard seemed more gentle. She looked at him for a moment, her eyes wide, moving around his features.
âYes, it was a.. A great day.â
He leaned forward, moving a bit closer with a sigh.Â
âIt makes me sad that you donât listen, Dove.â He started off, making her feel bad. âBut I'm willing to forgive you, yeah? You didnât mean to be bad after all.â His voice was soothing, smooth like butter, to which she nodded eagerly, also leaning forward, subconsciously wanting to please him.
âYes, I didnât mean to. Iâm sorry,â
The corner of his mouth twitched again.
âI know you are,â He sighed, letting his gaze drop onto her body. Slowly moving lower till the desk blocked his view on the rest. âYou will start coming to my office again. Spending time with Mr. Shelby,â The words would suggest it was a suggestion, but his voice absolutely proved to her it wasnât one. He told her what would be happening from now on, and she had to listen. Y/N remained quiet for a bit before clearing her throat.
âOkayâ She mumbled in her typical manner. His gaze was making her feel almost naked despite the appropriate clothing she wore. Instinctively she covered herself a bit more, almost making him groan.
The little things she was doing. The pink blush dusting her cheeks as she squeezed her thighs together, along with the innocent body language caused the familiar stirring in his core again. Thomas sighed, feeling as his manhood grew in his briefs and skin became hot. Breathing a little deeper, he leaned back.Â
Tension in the room thickened as the shame coated her mind at the way he looked at her.Â
Getting up abruptly, she moved behind the armchair.
âI will.. Go to sleep. Iâll come to your office tomorrow, I promise.â Y/N stuttered out as she started walking back towards the door. Thomas tilted his head up, watching as her hips swayed as she walked. Letting out a deep breath he nodded, tutting.
âY/Nâ He stopped her in a raspy voice, but she didnât turn around to meet his gaze. âDonât forget to take your bags from the living room,â Thomas added, picking up the still lit cigarette, as he threw it into the fireplace. She just nodded, twisting the doorknob as she left.
Thomas stared at the dark wood of the door, as his fingers wrapped around the soft material in his pocket. Soft, pink lace.
He could say a lot about Y/N, but he had to admit she had a good taste in the lingerie she bought.Â
@mrsnms @randomcreator-09 @omgsuperstarg @hatethis29 @usaguisenpaisblog @priyajoyy @vanessyyyu @hottestgirlintheworld @iilovedonnatartt @hagarsays
Replying to an the anon in my askbox, I'd love to get a single screenshot where I acted the way you're picturing it. Because it's mad bullshit and I was friendly with mostly everyone, besides grace fans. I'm not gonna be explaining my name, because well... It's a fucking name. Lol. My private life was, is and will be real no matter how you feel about it, dear anon. If as boldly as you jump in the askbox via anon you were able to talk through the DMs, the whole mess wouldn't be a thing.
But none of you is bold enough to actually talk. It only counts when it's ganging up on one person and accusing of shit with no proof.
Thought so. Lol
That was INTENSE! Good job on this one
summary | tommy wakes up from a nightmare and you help him through it. rating | (explicit) tags/warnings | 18+, pre-established relationship, unprotected sex, nightmares, mention of drugs, mention of suicide, mention of childbirth, cigarette smoking, mentions of prejudice against romani people, angst, pinv, creampie, dirty talk, rough sex, doggy style. word count | 2.2k+ a/n | this is the first thing i've ever written for tommy, so i think it's safe to say i'm a little nervous to be posting this. in my mind, this is more geared towards season 1 tommy. also, i wrote this all in one afternoon so go easy on me.
Thomas Shelby is the most handsome augury of death you have ever seen. He has finely carved cheekbones, a glow in his crystalline eyes, lips full and pink and kissed with freckles. His mother walked herself into the cut, and they say there is a madness embedded in them allâhis sister, his brothers, the aunt. You stand at the end of his bed, lips parted, looking at him in all of his haunted beauty, as if to say something, but you decide against it.Â
In the black of night, he is not as he is in the daylight. Thereâs a fresh sheen of sweat on his skin, and a look of fear in his eyes. As you stand at the end of his bed, cold, unsure, you mouth out the words: âAll is well, Thomas, all is fine.â
He is the Romani boy they say speaks in spells, in curses, who has been othered because they think he is half devil. As a child, he clung to the skirts of his beautiful mother, loved her to the point of anguish. She dreamt of him when he was in her stomach, pictured a raven haired boy who spoke her words, who had her eyes. Tommy learned her language far better than the rest of her children did. His mother knew the world would give itself to this child of her. He would be beautiful, he would be ambitious. He would be cunning, too, and devious. She knew that many times in his life, he would have to figure out how far things could bend before they snapped completely. When she had pushed him out in the dark of a tunnel, she feared nothing. She did not need light to know this child of hers, because he had come to her in dreams. âHeâs a boy,â she had told his father, âand his name is Thomas.â He had cried louder than his brother before him, and she knew that in darkness he was born, and that in darkness he would stay. But she laid him upon her bare breast, and promised herself that she would tell him of the light in the world, and she knew that the good in his soul would weed out the bad. This son of hers was not cursed; he was only a child of the night. She would spend the rest of her short life telling him this, and he would never learn it.Â
You reach out and touch his trembling hand. Beneath your touch, he is clammy. You feel his present emotions pulsate beneath your fingertips. He is ashamed, afraid, and angry. Before he can speak, utter something he does not mean but wonât take back, you crawl into his bed, onto his lap.
Your mother was like his in many ways, and in your veins you carry on the tradition of knowing. It is for the same reasons he tells people he can charm animals that you pretend you know nothing: to survive.
You know you will love him, and you know he will betray you. When you press your body into his, wrapping your arms around his sweat drenched skin, you do it because you know in this foreboding future of yours that he never meant to, that he is sorry, that he loves you, too. Some things are fated, prewritten, unavoidable and inevitable; the failure to comfort him wonât change the shape of your lives.Â
He clings to you, perhaps to his own confusion, and a little to your own. You feel beneath you a mass of frustration, of anger, of fear. You expected something dangerous, something explosive, not this. Though you lurched at him to tame it, you werenât sure it was going to work; now that he sits beneath you, holding you in the same manner you hold him, you let out a quiet, relieved sigh.Â
âItâs okay,â you assure him once more, with more conviction. Your voice is less meek, more your own, the fear of his anger ebbing each second he holds his face to your chest. Â
âIâm sorry.â He chokes out, though thereâs no tears that wet the cloth of your gown. His fingers clench around your sides, gripping at the fabric, before he pulls back to look up at you. âThe things in my fuckinâ headââ
âItâs alright.â Your fingers thread through his damp hair, pushing back the strands that have fallen over his forehead. This is no devil beneath you. Just a man. Just a boy. âYou donât have to explain to me.â
He swallows roughly, falling back onto the pillows behind him. Tommy rubs his hand over his face and sighs. As the frustration coils more tightly in his stomach, you feel anxiousâtoo aware of the emotions in his frame. Your hand touches the skin of his stomach. It is scorching beneath your cool touch, alight with fury, with fear. He hardly knows the difference between the two.Â
âTake off your gown,â he says, deep voice still gravelly from sleep. You do, gathering the ends of the fabric up by your waist, then lifting it above your head.Â
He has seen you like this many times before. Youâre no whoreâdonât have the emotional bandwidth to handle itâbut youâre certainly no prude. The first time you locked eyes on Thomas Shelby, something more palpable than the spirits told you what he wanted with you. The light in his eye. The tweak of his lips into a smirk. The attraction you felt, passingly, then fully, as he approached you in the pub. You had known this was him, the boy they said was the devil, could see it in his eyes, but did not mind.Â
He does not fuck as roughly as others, but he also does not fuck as kindly as you know he has the craving for. He explores your goose pimpled flesh, still in the midst of regaining his composure. His fingers tremble, but he pretends they donât. Tommy dances them across your bare chest with calculated ease, tweaking an already pert nipple, cupping the tissue into his too warm palm.Â
Desire grows inside of him, takes the place of anger. You kiss, hard and fast, because his body is hungry for a fixâstronger than tobacco, better than whiskey, safer than illicit drugs. He grows hard beneath you, and it begins to leak out, gone in moments, the things that made him hot to the touch. He takes your head between his hands, and brushes too affectionately over your jaw. Somethings are too instinctual to stop; this is the good his mother saw, her dream manifested. His body molds into your own, craves a thing he canât comprehend just yet, because he is too tired, too young, to know what love might begin as.Â
Tommy asks you to lay flat on your stomach, but he has a way of requesting things that make them seem like callous demands. The gruff of his voice. The anger that wraps around all of his words, that has done since he got back from war, changed. You might be the only person who does not flinch or take offense. You lie on your stomach, hands tucked beneath his pillow, eyes pressed closed. Sometimes, he puts his mouth on you. To ready you, he explained, and you like that. Tonight he doesnât seem to be in the mood. He positions himself between your legs, kisses along the arch of your spine, and whispers against your ear, âAss up, then.âÂ
Thereâs nothing to separate you two: no blankets, no articles of clothing, not even the frigid air of his bedroom, the fire long gone out. You feel the head of his cock at your entrance mere seconds before he plunges inside of you.Â
You muffle your groan in the pillow beneath you, fingers tightening around the cloth of the sheets, holding on. At first the intrusion of him is too much, a burning chafe, but he slows, holding himself mid thrust inside of you. You feel the hair on his stomach prickle against you as he leans over your body, curling around you, lips touching your shoulder. The tenuous string of connection you have with him grows stronger, less blurred around the edges, more in focus. Inside of you, he feels safe. Itâs inexplicable, but you feel it too; comfort even in his roughest touches, knowing he doesnât mean harm, that he thinks of you, that he wants you. Your body catches up, slick gathering between your legs as he slides himself in again, more slowly.Â
His fingers wrap around your neck, cradling your neck more than pressing into your skin. Tommyâs thrusts begin to pick up, and they become more punishing, driving your hips down into the bed. You moan, toes curling, desire pooling in your stomach as your clit rubs passively against the sheets. Itâs not enough friction to do anything but drive you insane.Â
He moves back up, sitting on his knees, the fingers on his free hand finding the curves at your side. He holds you there, pushing himself in, emitting soft grunts into the still of night as he buries himself inside of you. The bed begins to creak beneath you both. Old as it is, it is never quite prepared for the violence of his movements. He doesnât care. Let the whole house hear; God knows theyâve done it to him many times before. He needs to bury himself deeply inside of you, to feel the way you clench around him when he guides your head back to look you in the eye.Â
Your lips part, wrapping around a quiet moan. Tommy drives his hips against your backside in a determined rhythm, trying to find the part of you that cries out obscenely. He likes you best in positions where you arch, submit, take what he gives happily. His cock hits the top of your walls, and he nods when you finally audibly moan for him, smug. It isnât enough that youâve gone slick between your thighs, that his cock is coated in it. More, more, moreâfor he still is the boy who has not quite learned how far things can bend before they break.Â
He rubs his thumb against your bottom lip, and you wrap your warm mouth around it. âYou like that?â he grits out, fucking into you roughly, quickly, determined. Thereâs a new sheen of sweat on his body, mingling with your own in the places you meet. It is better, less acrid than the stuff he was coated in before.Â
âI do,â you pant. You reach out and wrap your hand around the metakl frame of the bed. He laughs, though youâre not sure he finds anything funny.
âI know,â he answers, taking his hand from your face, your neck, gripping instead on your shoulder. He pushes you back onto his cock. âAlways do like it. Always take everything I give you.â
âYes.â Your fingers tighten around the bars. Words escape you, thoughts diminishing into emotion, into sensations. His fingers on your skin. His cock in your cunt, hitting the top of you. The entirety of him behind you, up on bended knees, a supposed half devil. A child of the night. The fury of his passion. The swirl of anger he has pushed away. The fear he doesnât want to come back. He buries it inside of you, these things he cannot say.Â
His hips sputter against yours, and it is over: the warmth of his cum fills you, and he wraps an arm around your stomach, pulling you close to him, kissing along your shoulder.Â
Tommy isnât forgetful; his other hand reaches around and finds your neglected clit. His teeth scrape against your flesh as he circles it with his fingers, drawing out more delicious sounds from you. His cum begins to drip down your legs, but he does not mind. You twitch, jut, fight out of his embrace, but he holds tighter, humming in delight because he knows only he can touch you like this.Â
âShow me,â he demands, voice rough, âShow me how much you like my cum in you.âÂ
You reach behind, grip onto his hip. âTommy,â is all you manage.Â
âShow me.â He rubs your clit faster, pressing down harder. His face tucks into your neck. âYouâre grateful, arenât you? That I fuck you so good?â The desire builds in your stomach. He kisses the side of your mouth. âFuckinâ show me!â
You cum, and it lasts for what feels like an eternity. You register the sensation of his prideful, earnest laughter against your skin, a familiar timbre, an echo that your bones know well. At one moment itâs too much. Then itâs nothing: his hands, his fingers, his cock abandoning you.Â
With all of his troubles still leaking onto your thighs, Tommy reaches over to the nightstand to grab a cigarette. âDo you want one?â he asks. Thereâs no disinterest in his toneâonly the monotonous, somber sound of his voice piercing the air. You lay on your stomach, face pressed against the now cool pillow. âGuess thatâs a no.âÂ
The room smells of sex. Not bad, per se, but potent. His smell and yours, sweet and acidic, and something indistinguishable. His hand rests on your back. âAlright?â he asks.Â
You turn your head in his direction. âAlright,â you confirm. âAnd you?â
The cigarette burns orange, the crackle of his inhale filling the space between you. âAll is well,â he says, repeating the words you gave him.Â
You hum in agreement. Yes, for now, in this moment, in this place, all is well. The darkness cloaks you both, shields you from the future, and nothing can bring you any harm.Â
How fortunate it is to know this much.