Everything I Touch, I Burn. I’m So Tired Of Feeling This Way. I Hurt People Then I Hurt Myself. I Don’t

He's not talking to me. If he went to bed, he didn't say goodnight. If he's ignoring me, he's talking to his 'friend' that he's attracted to. He's been avoiding me all day. We haven't spoken much today. 8 messages from him. Usually 50 or more. I'm betting he's talking to 'friend'. I hope their friendship breaks. It can just be me and him again. I want him to be happy, but this guy takes up all of his time. I stay up late worrying about him when he doesn't talk to me and I kinda hope he will come to me at like 3am lol. Then when he does, he tells me off and tells me to go to sleep. Maybe I'd go to sleep earlier if u told me what was going on so I don't wait around for u like some stupid fkn dog.

Why am I so anxious. He called me good boy after I joined him, then I went to go wash up before bed, and every few seconds I got pangs through my body like I could sense he was saying stuff. Obviously he wasn't. But my head kept saying things like "come back, puppy" "You're not making owner very happy" "very disobedient. You don't want me, do you?" and I had to physically hold myself from getting my phone to check if he was messaging me. I got really scared. I don't like being like this.

You sound like such a good dog. Sorry your FP takes so long coming home. Hope they treat you well soon.

Thank u :( barking at u affectionately.

Curling up beside someone who hits me . Wagging my tail as they grip my hair and tell me I'm a useless mutt and that it's a miracle I'm still safe with them.

Work is reallyyyy testing me rn tbh. Supposed to be moving to a different part of the store and I had a major breakdown at the store manager about the state of staffing for my current department today and she tells me "I don't think it's fair that you say we're understaffed when I've fixed all the issues." No, because I wouldn't be upset if the issues had all been fixed. Why doesn't your management call no-shows when they don't show? Why are our schedules only done 3 days in advance when it used to be 3 weeks? Why do we not have managers (or, y'know, ANY senior management) on backshifts?

She also was insinuating she wouldn't move me to the new department because of this one breakdown. Over team issues. When I'm moving into an individual, NON-TEAM based department. No girl, you WILL, and I will be HAPPIER. I get she wasn't feeling great today but girl, pull ur finger out.

That explains why he wasn't talking to me last night. Or sleep call with me. Cuz he was sleep calling with another person. And it wasn't even his weird American friend thing. I'm going to do what he did last night and ignore the message. Purposefully ignore it so he knows I'm not happy. Is it so hard to communicate with me that you're going to be with someone else. Is it so hard to tell me what you're doing and what your plans are. Asshole.

So scared of myself that I've chained myself to the bedpost out of reach of anything that could harm me.

i miss him. he doesnt understand how attached i am to him

ok im really getting sick of my "bestie" leaving me on read !!! why the fuck aren't you talking to me as much as you used to !!! i wish you didn't fucking control everything i do even when you're not fucking doing anything at all to me !!!

I need a haircut. Like desperately need a haircut. But my hair is what makes me feel like me. It reminds me of who I am. It's my closest connection to source. I hope somebody else in this head takes it into their hands cuz as long as I'm here, it's just gonna get more and more out of control.